Who Hijacked Our Country

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

If We Attack Iran, They Might Retaliate

And now, straight from the cover of DUUUHHH!!!! Magazine — U.S. intelligence experts think Iran would retaliate if we attacked their nuclear sites. Oh my God, what a bunch of savages! They might attack us just because we attacked them? No!!!

If nothing else, our intelligence analysis has made a tiny bit of progress since the last war. So far they haven’t predicted that Iran would be a cakewalk, or that hordes of Iranians would greet American soldiers as liberators and shower them with ice cream and flowers.

But what kind of “reasoning” is this anyway? If we attack them they might counterattack — Duuuhhhh!!!! Who wouldn’t? The fear is that Hezbollah would launch worldwide terrorist attacks if we attack Iran’s nuclear facilities. So don’t attack them. Helllooo!!!!

See that big guy over there? If I walked up to him and punched him in the face, he’d probably beat the shit out of me. That fuckin’ asshole!! I might need to stage a pre-emptive strike — hire some bodyguards to take him out. I just don’t want him around. I’d feel safer if he wasn’t here.

Our pre-emptive attack against Iraq sure has accomplished a lot. We’ve killed over 2,300 American soldiers and tens of thousands of Iraqi civilians, pushed ourselves trillions of dollars into debt and alienated most of the world. What do our “leaders” think would be any different about a pre-emptive strike against Iran?


Blogger Gun-Toting Liberal said...

Great post, Tom. How anybody can envision such a scenario as being "news" is beyond me. Like you said, straight out of the pages of "DUHH!!! Magazine"... couldn't have put it better myself if I had tried. Blog ON, brother...

April 5, 2006 at 3:35 PM  
Blogger J. Marquis said...

Yeah, the other day I heard some nitwit Texas congressman say Hezbollah was probably more dangerous than Al Queda. I guess it just depends on what country you plan on attacking this week...

April 5, 2006 at 4:56 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Gun-Toting Liberal: Thanks. Yeah, it seems pretty obvious to me. If one country attacks another, the other country will counterattack.

J. Marquis: I've heard that too, that Hezbollah is more dangerous than al Qaeda. I guess our leaders are just trying to whip up some anti-Iranian hysteria.

April 5, 2006 at 6:28 PM  
Blogger Snave said...

As news gets progressively more grim week by week for the administration, I am expecting them to keep beating the Iran drum loudly enough that a lot of Americans will start getting all whipped up about it. As Bush is an Armageddonist, does he really care if Iran retaliates or not? I doubt that he does.

April 6, 2006 at 11:37 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Snave: I don't think the Neocons care about whether Iran retaliates, or any other consequences. After all the Rapture will be here soon and all decent folk will be saved.

April 6, 2006 at 1:42 PM  
Blogger L said...

heh heh heh! wow, we have some smart people in this country

April 8, 2006 at 11:56 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

L: Yup, we sure do. Makes you wonder who's in charge, or if anyone is.

April 8, 2006 at 12:36 PM  
Blogger Cerebral cortex said...

Bush is the terriorist!
and some dumb motherfuc...
He's so dumb he probably never thought it out if they attack Iran they would't attack...DUHHH they would!

April 11, 2006 at 12:04 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Marsz: Yeah, I guess Bush's frat brothers never taught him that. Or his drinking buddies, or whatever. Our poor little Bubble Boy just has no grasp of reality or how the world works. And we all have to suffer for his stupidity.

April 11, 2006 at 12:30 AM  

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