President Bush’s Iraq Progress Report on September 11th, 2007: A Sneak Preview
The President will be standing in front of a large screen showing a continuous replay of the World Trade Center
“My fellow Americans, the Surge is working. We aren't seeing any positive results yet, but I have received a confidential report which is very encouraging. If we continue to send more and more troops into Iraq, freedom will prevail. It's exactly like Sigmund Freud always said: If you try something and it doesn't work, just keep doing the same thing over and over and over, and eventually you'll get the result you want. With the continuous never-ending sacrifices of your sons and daughters, I will get that result.
“Six years ago on this date, America was attacked. Saddam bin Hussein Laden unleashed his forces of evil on our great nation, and we must continue to wreak vengeance on those Iraqi hijackers who murdered 3,000 Americans that day. Some Americans pussies have begun to question our War on Terror. Traitors. Some have even questioned my motives Guantanamo for liberating Iraq from al Qaeda and bringing freedom to the Middle East. I will not question the patriotism I need a drink of these gutless cowards, but their treasonous actions are endangering our troops. And when the liberal media continues to hammer away with their endless whining, reporting only the bad news from Iraq, they are encouraging the terrorists. In the name of Freedom, I will not tolerate this.”
[NOTE: At this point, a large banner — out of view of the TV cameras — will be unfurled. It will instruct the invitation-only audience to erupt into two minutes of spontaneous cheering and clapping.]
“Thank you. Thank you. Now let me remind you: before we liberated Iraq, those poor people were terrorized by a bloodthirsty dictator who gassed his own people. He had Weapons of Mass Destruction which threatened each and every one of us. And he was the mastermind behind the worst massacre in human history, which, as I've already mentioned, happened six years ago today.
“In the four and a half years since we liberated the Iraqi people, there has not been a single terrorist attack on American soil. And I will do everything in my power — which incidentally has expanded way beyond that of any previous president, heh heh — to keep it that way.
[The giant screen behind the president will now change images. The collapsing World Trade Center will be replaced by a video of Cindy Sheehan, Osama bin Laden and Hillary Clinton setting fire to the American Flag.]
“Fellow Americans, we cannot allow the Terrorists to win. I must have complete total unchecked power to do as I see fit, in order to continue with our success in the Middle East. Thank you.”
Labels: Iraq surge, September 11
posted by Tom Harper @ 12:13 PM
23 Comments:
Tom:
Finally someone is prote4cting our rights:
AP:
A federal judge struck down a key part of the USA Patriot Act on Thursday in a ruling that defended the need for judicial oversight of laws and bashed Congress for passing a law that makes possible "far-reaching invasions of liberty."
U.S. District Judge Victor Marrero immediately stayed the effect of his ruling, allowing the government time to appeal. Justice Department spokesman Dean Boyd said: "We are reviewing the decision and considering our options at this time."
The ruling handed the American Civil Liberties Union a major victory in its challenge of the post-Sept. 11 law that gave broader investigative powers to law enforcement.
The ACLU had challenged the law on behalf of an Internet service provider, complaining that the law allowed the FBI to demand records without the kind of court supervision required for other government searches. Under the law, investigators can issue so-called national security letters to entities like Internet service providers and phone companies and demand customers' phone and Internet records.
In his ruling, Marrero said much more was at stake than questions about the national security letters.
He said Congress, in the original USA Patriot Act and less so in a 2005 revision, had essentially tried to legislate how the judiciary must review challenges to the law. If done to other bills, they ultimately could all "be styled to make the validation of the law foolproof."
Noting that the courthouse where he resides is several blocks from the fallen World Trade Center, the judge said the Constitution was designed so that the dangers of any given moment could never justify discarding fundamental individual liberties.
He said when "the judiciary lowers its guard on the Constitution, it opens the door to far-reaching invasions of liberty."
Regarding the national security letters, he said, Congress crossed its boundaries so dramatically that to let the law stand might turn an innocent legislative step into "the legislative equivalent of breaking and entering, with an ominous free pass to the hijacking of constitutional values."
He said the ruling does not mean the FBI must obtain the approval of a court prior to ordering records be turned over, but rather must justify to a court the need for secrecy if the orders will last longer than a reasonable and brief period of time.
A March government report showed that the FBI issued about 8,500 national security letter, or NSL, requests in 2000, the year prior to passage of the USA Patriot Act. By 2003, the number of requests had risen to 39,000 and to 56,000 in 2004 before falling to 47,000 in 2005. The overwhelming majority of the requests sought telephone billing records information, telephone or e-mail subscriber information or electronic communication transactional records.
The judge said that through the NSLs, the government can unmask the identity of Internet users engaged in anonymous speech in online discussions, can obtain an itemized list of all e-mails sent and received by someone and can then seek information on those communicating with the individual.
"It may even be able to discover the web sites an individual has visited and queries submitted to search engines," the judge said.
Marrero's lengthy judicial opinion, akin to an eighth-grade civics lesson, described why the framers of the Constitution created three separate but equal branches of government and delegated to the judiciary to say what the law is and to protect the Constitution and the rights it gives citizens.
Larry: I read that same story. Excellent news. I just hope the ruling won't be overturned. Judge Victor Marrero, prepare to be Swiftboated.
I am dreading Bush's 9/11 bullshit. It's going to be exactly as you wrote here. 9/11 Iraq 9/11 Iraq 9/11 Saddam over and fucking over.
I am really really fucking depressed about how this has all gone down.
People should be outraged and disgusted that 9/11 has been turned into a date to score political points and catipult propaganda. But they're not. They'll be waiving their flags with a tear in their eye as Bush delivers a big pile of stinking poo.
PoliShifter: Yup, I'm dreading this 9/11 presentation too. Even though my post was satire, it's probably not much different from what we'll actually get next Tuesday. And millions of gullible Americans will get sucked in by it.
Brilliant, Tom! I especially loved the little asides in small type (I need a drink.)
As the day draws near, though, I find very little to even smile about, you know? To talk about Iraq on 9/11 is outrageous. Yet, we'll see a surge in Dumbya's ratings, I'm afraid.
Candace: Thanks. Unfortunately, like you say, the underlying truth isn't funny. They'll use every Rovian Orwellian propaganda device next Tuesday and millions of dummies will fall for it.
Good post Tom and it would be a big shock if the madman didn't say words quite similar.
The "turrists" won about 6 years ago.
Osama (if indeed he masterminded it) scared us into blindly following a coke-addled sadist. And we will ALL pay the price.
Larry: Thanks. Yes, this is probably just what we can expect on this coming 9/11.
Jolly Roger: I got the e-mail notification of your comment but Blogger won't let me publish it. (It also ate several comments I just made at other blogs.) I'll publish yours as soon as the system will let me.
Jolly Roger: I'm pretty suspicious about who masterminded the 9/11 attacks. I don't have any specific theories, but bin Laden seems more and more like the modern-day counterpart of Oceania and Eastasia from 1984. He makes a perfect demon for the neocons to point to whenever they need to delete another part of the Constitution. What would Bush/Cheney do without him?
And of course there is now word that Al Qaeda will release a new Bin Laden video on September 11. We have to know that Al Qaeda wants the Iraq war to continue, as it has probably increased their numbers by hundreds-fold. They realize as well as our administration must that Osama is a perfect bogeyman. If Osama goes away, the power the insurgents and "Al Qaeda In Iraq" have gained might also go away.
As for Dumbya's upcoming messages in the next week or two, they will, as usual, amount to little more than verbal Syrup of Ipecac. As for his ratings, I don't think there is too much he can do about those. He might get back up into the mid-30's, but I doubt it. I think the war is making the War Party look rather silly when it comes down to it.
You nailed it, Tom.
Snave: Yeah, I read about that -- bin Laden releasing a video on 9/11. The neocons and the Islamic terrorists both want us to stay quagmired in Iraq. It's too bad the neocons can't pick up on the irony (unless they're secretly on the same side as the "Islamofascists").
I doubt if Dumbya will go up in the polls much, but you never know. After all, the number of people who believe Iraq was involved in 9/11 is higher now than it was a year ago. PT Barnum was right.
Lizzy: Thanks.
Tom, I do not drink, but I am tempted to make an exception. This man has already said he will leave this war for the next President. He even had the nerve to say that he is going to walk away from it and make millions giving speeches.
This should let all Republicans who's barely making it, understand this man does not care about you. It's as if his Father gave him some play Army Soldiers and he is playing a game. He has no feelings for their death or how much money it takes.
When all is said and done this guy is going to walk away from his office, as a failure, just as he's walked away from all his other failures in life. So, Republicans who are foolish to wave flags and call this big looser something more than what he is, then I say you all be my guest, you big dummies!
First of all, Tom, you're crakcing me up with the asides in the speech. Second, Jolly Roger is cracking me up with "blindly following a coke-addled sadist." Baahaha! It'd be even funnier if it wasn't so frighteningly true. The way I see it, the moment I had to take my damn shoes off at the airport, the turr'ists won. And the ridiculous state we've worked ourselves into makes it so that no terrorist has to do anything for another ten years. We'll do it to ourselves.
Osama's gonna put out another video on 9/11/07? Is it me, or is he starting to look suspiciously like an extra from "The Mummy"? It wouldn't surprise me if they were just paying some tall dark fellow with a full beard to stand in front of a rock wall and make threats in Arabic.
Know what *I'm* doing on 9/11? Going to work, coming home, eating dinner, hugging my husband, and living a normal damn life. Like I hope *everyone* does. Psychologists say that memorializing and singling out a day of death is a bad idea for emotional healing and growth. Hence, I celebrate my dad's birthday but I don't do anything out of the ordinary on the anniversary of his murder. But since my dad was shot a full four years before 9/11, no one's listening to a Shorty.
Let's Talk: Yup, Bush is now gonna leave the Iraq mess to the next president. Even though, in '04, one of his re-election arguments was that we "can't change horses in the middle of a stream." We have to let Bush follow through with his plan for peace in the Middle East. Etc. Oh well, that was yesterday's slogan.
Yes, Bush will walk away from the White House as a disgraced failure, but a wealthy one. And the wealth part is all he cares about.
Mile High Pixie: My plan for 9/11 sounds similar to yours (only substitute "wife" for "husband." We can't forget to live our present lives and not get too carried away mourning. There was a cartoon in today's paper showing a guy who's remembering the tenth anniversary of Princess Diana's death, the 6th anniversary of 9/11, the second anniversary of Katrina -- and it turned out he was forgetting his own marriage anniversary and his wife was walking out the door.
I think that bin Laden putting out a video on 9/11 is the best evidence yet that 9/11 was an "inside job." It's just too suspicious.
Sorry to hear about your father.
Excellent post Tom! ;)
tom,
thank you for this inspirational message, so full of inspiration-y stuff. after reading it, i'm tempted to go down to the marine recruitment office and sign up myself. i might even make it, since they've so dramatically lowered their standards.
anyway, it's the least i can do to take the fight to those horrible iraqis, who would otherwise be massing on our eastern and western borders.
p.s. god bless george cheney bush.
Suzie-Q(S-Q): Thanks.
Spaceneedl: Ah yes, it was a very inspiring speech. We need to kick all them furriners out of the country and make sure the turrists don't follow us home from Iraq.
Great post, and too close to the truth!
Mauigirl: Thanks. And you're right, it's probably pretty close to what Bush will be saying this Tuesday.
9/12. We know now why K. Rove felt comfortable leaving. There was $15m available for advertising (who were the donors?, the ambassador and general were scripted, and like Gov. Swartzenegger says, It's just a matter of doing the reps. I really like your site and your thought. Don't stop.
Son of Sandy: Thanks. Don't worry, I'm not stopping.
You're right about the general and the ambassador being scripted. Good line about Ahnuld.
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