Who Hijacked Our Country

Monday, January 14, 2008

Be a Real Man — Buy a Ford

The Detroit Dinosaurs are depending on YOUR patriotism for their survival. You're their only hope; their shoddy gasguzzling land yachts certainly aren't gonna put them in the black.

Check out this heartwarming story. Look at Toby Keith standing there saluting next to a Ford F-150. Aren't you moved?

Real American He-Men are sick and tired of these limpwristed treehuggers and their constant “waaaaaaaaahhh global warming.” Just look at what these pansies have done to America.

Would John Wayne be caught dead in one of those squeaky little Japanese contraptions that goes wingdingdingdingdingding and gets fifty miles to the gallon? Hell No Pilgrim! And you won't either if you have any pride in this great nation of ours.

Detroit automakers have spent hundreds of millions of dollars defeating clean air regulations and fuel efficiency standards. And NOW they're supposed to turn around and spend even more money trying to design a car that somebody might actually want to buy??? That’s not faaaaiirr.

Toby Keith, bull rider Justin McBride and NASCAR driver Rick Crawford are urging you to buy a Ford. And there's a posse of bull-whipping cowboys urging you to buy a Dodge Ram. Come on Patriots. America needs you.

cross-posted at Bring It On!

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Blogger Larry said...

Does Toby Keith and his commrades thing the massive wage and benefit cuts, the thousands of U.S workers kicked off their payrolls, and the plans to eliminate thousands more are what makes Ford the model of stability?

January 14, 2008 at 4:43 PM  
Blogger People in the Sun said...

How embarrassing would it be to be caught dead in one of these things...

I hear they come equipped with bull-balls in the back and half a can of Bud in the cup holder.

January 14, 2008 at 5:54 PM  
Blogger J. Marquis said...

Nothing says "end of America" like the Detroit auto show. Their brand of tunnel vision is absolutely amazing.

January 14, 2008 at 5:55 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Larry: That seems to be the American way -- reducing wages and benefits, mass layoffs and increased salaries for CEOs.

People in the Sun: LOL. Bull-balls and half a can of Bud, that does it. I'm gettin' me one of them thangs.

J: Yup, tunnel vision, that's what they've got.

January 14, 2008 at 8:00 PM  
Blogger Randal Graves said...

Dodge-brand beef jerky? Anyone want to hazard a guess as to what's in that?

I sure hope they bring back the Toby Keith commercials where he does that little Muhammad Ali impression. I know I felt all manly and patriotic after those.

January 15, 2008 at 4:48 AM  
Blogger Candace said...

Sigh. Tom, please do try to keep up. Ford isn't in the crapper because of its asinine business decisions; it's in the crapper because of the AFA boycott.

January 15, 2008 at 7:17 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Randal: Yeah, I've gotta try some of that Dodge beef jerky. I hear it goes great with pork rinds.

Candace: I forgot all about that AFA boycott. I used to be on the AFA mailing list but the e-mails stopped a few months ago. Somebody in the group must have noticed how many posts I was doing based on their hysterical e-mails. I get about 15 or 20 visits a day from people searching for a 2006 post I did called "Jesus Was a Homosexual." I don't know who these visitors are, but we all want traffic.

January 15, 2008 at 11:01 AM  
Blogger Miss Kitty said...

Tom, I almost spit Pabst Blue Ribbon all over my monitor. :-) That was a hilarious post.

Though I must admit: I am a Ford Girl. My 1996 Mustang has 245,000 miles on it. (It's on its last leg, and repairs are ungodly expensive.) The little 1991 Ranger I bought from my sister actually gets 28mpg, not too shabby for a 17-year-old "Hmerrcan" truck, and is usually cheap to fix.

And it's paid for. Until I can afford to buy the little Honda I'll then drive for 15+ years. :-)

January 15, 2008 at 7:02 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Miss Kitty: Thanks. I have nothing against American cars; I've owned both Japanese and American. We have a Neon that's almost ten years old and running fine. We had a Mazda pickup with over 200,000 miles, 17 years old; it was stolen a year and a half ago. God we were pissed. That truck would have lasted forever (almost).

January 15, 2008 at 7:15 PM  
Blogger Snave said...

"Ford, for example, unveiled its redesigned F-150 pickup Sunday flanked by all-American cultural icons including country singer Toby Keith, professional bull rider Justin McBride and NASCAR Craftsman Truck Series driver Rick Crawford."

All-American cultural icons? Huh!?? Do we really have such little culture in America that people such as Keith and Crawford are considered icons? I could see how a bull rider might be considered as such because that kind of thing is like an icon of the Old West, but a racecar driver? And a simian purveyor of redneck politics through the guise of "entertainment"? CRAP.

I live in a small-town semi-rural area where not only do lots of the people LOVE Toby Keith, but where the weather can be bad. I live in town, and I do not work outdoors so I have no need for a truck or an SUV. I know people who live and work in the country or in the woods, i.e. ranchers and loggers, who actually need such vehicles to get to and from work and/or for hauling things. People with large families might use vehicles like Suburbans or Expeditions, but many of them who live in town could get by just as easily with mini-vans that don't use so much fuel. When I go to Portland or Seattle I am amazed by how many people there are driving around in SUVs and trucks... Why do they need those types of vehicles?

Miss Kitty, I think you have better Fords than I have had in the past. I bought a used 1984 Ford Bronco II (piece of scheise!) in 1991, and it really blew. It died on the highway the first day after I bought it, and ended up having brake trouble and sliding all over any road that was gravel or icy.

I also once owned a 1969 Ford Maverick, which was pretty much dead by 110K miles in 1981. It had a bunch of busted teeth in the fly wheel, making shifting gears problematic. I was fool enough to take it to San Francisco, and ended up practically stalling on some of those hills. Needless to say, I generated a lot of obscene gestures from San Franciscans.

To my experience, Ford stands for Fix Or Repair Daily, or Found On Road Dead... but there are plenty of Fords out there with lots and lots of miles on them that still run well.

January 15, 2008 at 8:01 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Snave: Isn't it sad when they have to break out bull-whipping cowboys and redneck country singers to sell a car. I seem to remember a day when car ads talked about performance and reliability. Then again, I'm old enough to remember the Hula Hoop, so pay me no mind.

When I was learning to drive, our family car was a '62 Fairlaine. That car was Evil! That sucker stalled at the worst possible moments (it was an automatic); there just had to be an evil intelligence guilding that thing. Since I survived all the close calls that satanic car caused me, I'm gonna be here forever.

I'm not down on Ford or any other make of car. But consumers are gonna try to get the best buy for their money. The car is the second biggest investment a person has, next to their home. Unless a person has money coming out of his/her ears, patriotic slogans aren't gonna mean diddley-shit. There's a solid reason that European and Asian cars are outselling American cars. If the Detroit automakers can't figure this out, it's their problem.

January 15, 2008 at 11:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I heard on the radio Native Son Mitt Romney tell a Michigan crowd that they have lost their Auto jobs due to the recently signed energy bill. They cheered madly.

I never know whom I'm more upset at. The Politicians who evoke fear and emotion and holding the real culprits, the corporate masters blameless.

Who the Idiots who believe them?


January 16, 2008 at 11:34 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Erik: Yup, it's a great team -- gullible idiots and the slick politicians who skillfully manipulate them. If it wasn't for all that government meddling and those treehuggers whining about fuel efficiency, Detroit would still be booming. [sigh]

January 17, 2008 at 12:21 AM  

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