Who Hijacked Our Country

Friday, May 09, 2008

Sometimes It’s Perfectly Legal to be a Douchebag

And here to demonstrate this fact is the winner of our annual Inbred Knuckledragging Lowlife of the Year award. (If the link doesn't work, here are some others.)

This sounds like a sick comedy skit, except that it’s just sick — not funny — and it really did happen. You couldn’t possibly make this up.

Try to imagine this: you’re standing there frantically screaming for your dog to come back as he/she runs out in front of a car and gets hit. Killed. And the next thing you know, the driver is suing YOU because your dead dog damaged his car. WTF???

Jeffery Ely of Cloquet, MN is the winner of the above award. A Miniature Pinscher dashed in front of his car as he was driving by, at the posted speed limit. Accidents happen.

But Ely supposedly discovered some damage to his car afterward, and he filed a lawsuit against the dog’s owners. He said they owed him $1,100 for damage to the front end of his car and for the time he missed from work in order to deal with car repairs.

No doubt he was sorely missed at his place of employment. “Cleanup on Aisle Seven. Damnit, where the hell is that F$%&!# Ely?!?”

Oh, and the dog weighed thirteen pounds. A 13-pound dog caused over a thousand dollars worth of damage to a car? Asshole!

A judge has dismissed the lawsuit. But still…How low can somebody go?

A final sick/funny twist to this story: Jeffery Ely is now claiming that the publicity from this incident has ruined his reputation.

cross-posted at Bring It On!



Blogger Mile High Pixie said...

Wow. I don't even think I have the profanity at my disposal to articulate my disgust and contempt for that idiot. Actually, if I had been the judge, I would have charged him with Contempt For Common Sense and Decency and thrown him in jail long enough for some large angry man to change his name to Bethany.

May 9, 2008 at 6:36 PM  
Blogger Lew Scannon said...

I once unavoidably hit a raccoon that did over $600 damage to my car, so the $1000 doesn't seem too outrageous. However, it does seem a tad insensitive to sue the family of the dog you just killed. The dog had more of a soul than Mr. Ely.

May 9, 2008 at 7:31 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Mile High Pixie: That was my same problem as I was writing this. Every epithet I could think of just seemed trite and overused and didn't even begin to express what I was feeling. I'm sure this #$%^&! didn't break any laws, but how cold and mean could somebody possibly be?

Lew: True. There's a point where dollars and cents leaves off and simple emotion kicks in. Acording to the article, at the trial the dog's owner screamed out "our dog had a soul. Your front bumper doesn't!" or something to that effect.

May 9, 2008 at 7:55 PM  
Blogger rockync said...

So goes the portion of the population that will, sometime in the future, become the Morlocks. (A warmongering, cannibalistic tribe of neanderthals from the 1960 movie "The Time Machine" for all you youngsters who have never had the pleasure...)

May 9, 2008 at 11:25 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Rockync: Sounds like a good analogy. I never did see the movie, but I'm pretty sure I read the Classics Illustrated version of the book. I liked other H.G. Wells books that I've read. And we're definitely heading towards having our own version of the Morlocks.

May 9, 2008 at 11:48 PM  
Blogger Carlos said...

Wow. That guy just needs a good, old fashioned ass whipping! What a fuck!

May 10, 2008 at 4:16 AM  
Blogger rockync said...

Tom, you need to watch it some time. As the years pass, it does feel more and more like humanity is splitting into two camps; one who want peace and harmony and are sick of war and hate and those who will shake their sticks, rattle their sabers and blow things up until they die without any real thought or consideration for the other humans who must inhabit the earth with them.
Is it really too much to ask for a little kindness, a little understanding, a little smile maybe? (Boy, this has really wandered away from the original subject of some asshole who hit a dog and decided to torture the owners with a lawsuit!)

May 10, 2008 at 8:47 AM  
Blogger Ron Nasty said...

A true douchebag worships the mechanical over the living. I bet this guy votes Republican.

May 10, 2008 at 9:06 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Carlos: Yup, sometimes the old fashioned way is the best. A little frontier justice would be perfect for an asshole like that.

Rockync: I'll have to check out the movie. Yes, it does seem like there's a certain element in society that wants to just splinter off and be lowlifes. It's a common theme in science fiction/futuristic novels, and it seems to be happening in the present too.

Ron: Yup, worshipping the mechanical over the living -- a definite trademark of a douchebag.

May 10, 2008 at 10:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well I am waiting for the Right to Start Hollering about the evil Personal Injury Attorneys ruining our nation.


May 12, 2008 at 3:38 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Erik: Good point. Unfortunately the Right is very selective about which lawsuits to scream about. If it's David suing Goliath (a patient suing an HMO or a manufacturer being sued for a dangerous product), then the moral fiber of this great nation has been destroyed and the terrorists have won.

But when a developer sues an individual who spoke out against a proposed development project, that seems to be AOK with the Right.

May 12, 2008 at 6:07 PM  
Anonymous Vice said...

Ruined reputation? This guy really is a piece of work isn't he? Nothing a good swift kick in the junk wouldn't fix!

May 12, 2008 at 8:53 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Vice: Yeah, that cracked me up when that asshole was complaining about his "reputation" being ruined. A swiftkick in the junk is exactly what he deserves.

May 12, 2008 at 9:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's people like this that are make the United States despised by other countries.
What a loser!! He'd have better luck trying to spill coffee on himself at McDonald's... maybe he could use the money to pay for his car.

I hope he never gets laid again!

May 14, 2008 at 4:35 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Anonymous: Good rant. My sentiments exactly.

May 14, 2008 at 8:23 PM  

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