Who Hijacked Our Country

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

GOP Growth and Opportunity Project: We Want YOUR advice

Republican leaders have finally realized they’ve dug themselves into a hole and they’ve decided to stop digging.  They want to adapt to the new and ever-changing demographic and economic realities, and they want YOUR advice.

Please go to the GOP Growth Opportunity Project website and take their survey and/or send them an e-mail with helpful suggestions.

Well, more power to them.  When you have a serious problem, the first step is to ADMIT you have a problem, and Republican leaders are finally admitting:  “None of our tried-and-true scams are working any more.  We need new ones.  Help!”

For example, the GOP admits that minorities, women and working people didn’t vote for them.  There are basically two ways to approach this problem, and this is where YOU come in.  YOU would recommend:

A. More pandering.  Republicans should sprinkle their speeches with a few basic Spanish words, rap lyrics, street slang.  And do a little name-dropping:  famous feminists, labor leaders, civil rights leaders, etc.  And don’t broadcast the fact that you just came from the boardroom or the country club.  Loosen your tie, roll up your sleeves, and drop the “g” at the end of an “ing” verb so those dumb laborers can understand what you’re saying.

B. Fuck those #$%&!#%#!!##%$%!! swarthy Femi-Nazi blue-collar scum!!!  Don’t let them vote!  More Voter suppression laws.  More gerrymandering.  Keep rigging the Electoral College so that no Democrat will EVER carry another state outside of New York and the Left Coast.

OK, you get the idea.  Here’s another example:

When the GOP recaptures the White House after this 8-year interruption, there’ll be oodles of countries for us to invade.  What’s the best way to get the riffraff all whipped up with fear and loathing and nationalistic hatred?  “Weapons of Mass Destruction” probably won’t work any more, so we’ll need some new soundbites for getting the inbreds all riled up.  Your suggestions?

Also:  By January of 2017, we’ll have eight years worth of tree hugging laborer-coddling regulations to get rid of.  We’ll need to keep the billion-dollar “contributions” [wink] flowing in from Exxon and Koch Industries, while simultaneously brainwashing the masses into believing that clean air regulations have made the air dirtier and workers’ safety laws have made the workplace more dangerous than ever.

A bit of a tightrope, no?  And that’s why we need YOU.

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4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gee I could've swore that's why they picked Michael Steele a few years ago, what happened to him anyway?


Erik

January 23, 2013 at 10:17 PM  
Blogger harry said...

I see him on Rachel Maddows show on msnbc regularly.

January 24, 2013 at 5:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I tried to take the survey. The need to sprinkle in more "others" and "none of the aboves".

Steele was a token (and an acceptable "hottie" for many southern republican women) and a flaming moderate by current republican standards. They ran him out four years ago. Only regular MSNBC viewers consider him a republican.

January 24, 2013 at 12:58 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Erik: I guess they don't need him any more since they have a token senator in S. Carolina who's even further to the right than Jim DeMint. One token is enough.

Harry: I didn't know that. I never watch MSNBC. I go to their website a lot but I don't bother with political stuff when I watch TV, except for an occasional Daily Show or Colbert Report.

Anon.: Steele made a lot of clueless comments when he was head of the RNC, but he didn't seem that far to the right. Not far enough for the teabaggers anyway.

January 24, 2013 at 2:34 PM  

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