CPAC: “Mardi Gras for the Right”

Only instead of beads, boobs and Hurricanes, we’ll be getting high on Jesus.  And not just any “Jesus,” nosireebob.  It has to be the Supply Side Jesus — the Real Jesus, the Jesus who embraced the moneylenders and drove the beggars from the temple.

(H/T to TomCat at PoliticsPlus, where I first saw the term Supply Side Jesus.)

CPAC — the Conservative Political Action Conference — is the 40th annual gathering of Real Americans.  And if you have to ask, you’re a Real American if you think America used to be a great country but started  deteriorating around 1900.  That’s when Theodore Communist Roosevelt started whining about corporations being too powerful.  And on top of that, Flagburner Roosevelt had this wacky concept of “public” lands.  Public lands???  God created that land so that productive Americans could OWN it.  He put it there for mining, cattle grazing, chopping down trees.  And some of His land was also intended for the luxurious private estates of hardworking billionaires; that was fine with Him.  He DIDN’T create that land so that a bunch of faceless bureaucrats could cordon it off, call it a “national park,” and allow the riffraff to come in and gawk.

Just a minute, I’m getting all riled up.  I need to go thump the Bible for a minute…

OK:  In addition to hearing speeches by Mitt Romney (who invited that moderate jellyfish?), Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum, you can also listen to Paul Ryan telling it like it is:  Social Security and Medicare have created a nation of helpless dependent parasites.

And there’s good news for those of you who hate queers:  That group of Republican homosexuals that calls themselves GOProud will NOT be darkening CPAC’s doorway this year.  As every fetus-worshiping Biblehump knows, you CANNOT be a Republican, a Christian AND a homosexual at the same time.  And because GOProud won’t be here, the Family Research Council — who refuses to be in the same zip code as those simpering GOProud homos — WILL be joining us this year.  Hallelujah!!!

Sarah Palin will also be speaking.  It’ll be her first appearance at a CPAC gathering.  And saving the best for last:  the final night of CPAC will culminate in the annual Reaganpalooza party.  (If you have to ask, you ain’t a Real American.)  The Reaganpalooza will be held at the Teatro Goldoni on K Street.

See ya there.