Earth to Republicans: The Cold War is Over. We Won.

Republicans just have to recite their detailed in-depth philosophy — i.e., “No” — at every opportunity. Obama and Hillary Clinton are both pushing for the Senate to ratify the New START agreement between Russia and the U.S. This will require both countries to reduce their strategic warheads, and it will revive the inspections that used to be conducted under an earlier treaty.

But if you're a paranoid cold warrior, we only have enough nuclear weapons to annihilate every living thing hundreds of times over. We cannot ever reduce our stockpile — our security blanket! — or those evil Russians will attack us. Be very afraid!

Fear, and the burning desire to obstruct anything and everything — those are Republicans' two favorite drugs. And this time, they get to obstruct Obama AND Hillary at the same time. A peak experience! For anyone who’s within earshot of Capitol Hill, that bizarre sound you hear is a chamber full of Republicans having orgasms while shouting “NOOO!!!”

Or, maybe there’s another reason the GOP doesn’t want a treaty with Russia. Senator John Barrasso (R—Senile) has a dire warning for all of us:

“We can never EVER trust the Soviet Union. Nikita Khrushchev says he will bury us! The Soviet Union is evil! The Red Menace! President Eisenhower must NEVER back down! Better Dead than Red!”