September 11th, 2001 — The Republican Rewrite

Here is what really happened that day:

On the morning of September 11th, 2001, the World Trade Center was attacked by waves of health reform socialists. Thousands of these pestilent liberals swarmed all over the Twin Towers, annihilating free enterprise and liberty everywhere they went.

In their wake, they left a heartbreaking trail of redistributed wealth and health insurance coverage for millions of previously uninsured Americans. The agony! America still hasn’t recovered from this Day of Infamy.

The Far Right has a new Official Demon™. When the Cold War ended, they needed a replacement for **Communism** and they came up with **The Homosexual Agenda**. Ever since September 11, 2001 **The Terrorists** (i.e. anyone with a dark complexion and a Middle Eastern name) has been their favorite code word.

And now those swarthy Arabs have been replaced. According to Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-Inbred), **Socialized Medicine** has replaced the darkskinned furriner as the thing Americans should fear most. Today on the House floor, she said:

“I believe the greatest fear that we all should have to our freedom comes from this room — this very room — and what may happen later this week in terms of a tax increase bill masquerading as a health care bill. I believe we have more to fear from the potential of that bill passing than we do from any terrorist right now in any country.”

Coming soon: Another one of those spontaneous demonstrations in Washington, DC. Michele Bachmann has summoned her gang of vacant-stare gullible dimwits to gather next week in D.C. They’ve been instructed to show their patriotic love for America and their visceral hatred of inept faceless bureaucrats meddling in their health care. They will carry out their marching orders as directed.

The next moderate pussy to be kicked out of the Republican Big Tent: George H.W. Bush.

In 1987, when he was still Reagan’s vice president, Bush told Mikhail Gorbachev: “Reagan is a conservative. An extreme conservative. All the blockheads and dummies are for him, and when he says that something is necessary, they trust him.”

OOOPS.

Gorbachev Bitch-Slaps Bush

Things have come full circle. The Red Menace that we were afraid would “bury us” — the Evil Empire — is now warning the President of the United States about his dangerous and reckless behavior.

Mikhail Gorbachev, who presided over the breakup of the Soviet Union in 1989, accused Bush of “sowing disorder across the world by seeking to build an empire.”

He said that after the Cold War ended, “The Americans then gave birth to the idea of a new empire, world leadership by a single power, and what followed? What has followed are unilateral actions, what has followed are wars, what has followed is ignoring the U.N. Security Council, ignoring international law and ignoring the will of the people, even the American people.”

He continued: “When I look at today’s world I have a worrying feeling about the growth of world disorder. I don’t think the current President of the United States and his administration will be able to change the situation as it is developing now — it is very dangerous…It is a massive strategic mistake: no single center can command the entire world, no one.”

Gorbachev knows first hand what he's talking about. When the Soviet Union collapsed on his watch, the Soviet military was hopelessly quagmired in Afghanistan, which was supposed to be a “slam dunk” nine years earlier. The war in Afghanistan, together with the out-of-control military spending which pushed the Soviet government into bankruptcy, was the death knell for the Soviet Union.

On the other hand, Iraqmire, together with America’s trillion dollar deficit — oops, don’t even go there…