George W. Bush: “I Haven’t Learned a F#$%%#! Thing in the Past Five Years!”

When laboratory rats are led to a tunnel that contains cheese, these rats will continue to go back to that same tunnel expecting to find more cheese. But they’ll only do this for awhile. After a point, if they no longer find cheese in the tunnel, the rats will get the drift and they’ll stop going into that tunnel to look for cheese.

If only the President of the United States could be a rat. This Presidential Rat would be a whole lot smarter than the F#!$%#&*&%#$#!! who currently occupies the White House.

It’s bad enough that Bush and his puppetmasters deceived us into the Iraqi invasion 4-½ years ago. But it’s even scarier that almost five years later, the White House Puppet still believes his own phony rhetoric. Most of the 9/11 hijackers were from Eye-Rack, and Saddam bin Hussein Laden was their leader. We've gotta fight them over there so we don’t have to fight them over here. And now that we've killed almost 4,000 American soldiers and hundreds of thousands of Iraqi civilians, America is safer than she’s ever been.

AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!! Don’t you just want to grab that stupid dense obtuse little F#!$%&*!#$#!! by the lapels and shake and shake and shake some sense into that thick skull?!?!?!?!?

Barely 25% of the American population still believes Bush’s non-stop drivel. That’s about the same as the percentage that believes the sun revolves around the Earth. Coincidence?

The entire White House needs a colonoscopy. And this time, get every last one of those polyps outta there.

The World Through Neocon Lenses

Happy Anniversary, fellow Americans. And what a glorious four years it’s been — the proudest 4-year period in our nation’s history. Just think, four years ago the world was threatened by the most bloodthirsty dictator since Adolph Hitler. He had Weapons of Mass Destruction which he might unleash at any moment if we didn’t act instantly.

Not only that, but he had close ties with al Qaeda and every other Islamic terrorist group in the world. They were all watching us, just waiting to see if we’d have the nerve to fight the Evil Dictator. If we didn’t, the terrorists would know we were just a bunch of Surrender Monkeys. Our failure to act would encourage them to attack us any time they felt like it. Well, we showed ‘em. When we toppled Saddam Hussein, those Islamic terrorist groups just collapsed. POOF! We haven’t seen a trace of them for four years now.

When we invaded Iraq, our soldiers were greeted as liberators. Our Mission was Accomplished and within just a few days our troops were all brought home safely. Since that time, Iraq has been a prosperous democracy; the Jewel of the Middle East. Everything happened exactly as Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld had said it would. Oh, and the revenue from Iraq’s oil industry has more than paid for all of our military expenditures.

It was all so neat — let’s do it again.