Blackwater Evicted From Iraq
This is an urgent request for assistance from Blackwater:
Hi. We are a large group of stupid quick-tempered poorly-trained security guards. And we need a home. Will you take us in? Pleeease??? Check out some some of the pictures from our warm and fuzzy photo album: here, here and here.
If you let us move in with you, we’ll take care of all of your security needs. If anybody gives you a bad time — protestors or any other riffraff — we’ll fuck ‘em up! We shoot first and ask questions later.
Our boss is a born-again Christian who worships fetuses. But once you're born we get to shoot you. You got a problem with that?!?!?!
We just got evicted from our home in Iraq. Iraq!?!?!?!?!! Who’da thunk some war-torn disease-infested Third World country would be worried about some riffraff’s “civil rights” or whatever? Some robe-wearing falafel-guzzling sheik thinks he's too good for us??? Goddamnit we oughtta strap that son of a bitch down and stick a cattle prod up his —
[take a deep breath…count to ten…eeeasy...]
Uh, where was I? Ah, right, we’re looking for a home; somebody who’ll take us in. Will you be our friend? Come on, there can't be too many countries that have “standards” or whatever it was that got us kicked out of Iraq.
Oh well, if nobody else will have us, we’ll always have a home in the good ol’ USA. That’s the place where we get to do anything we want, whenever and wherever we want, and we’re never held accountable to anyone. Yes!!!!