Osama bin Laden: Chickenhawk

This news item is probably the umpteenth story we've all seen about bin Laden — or one of those other interchangeable Mullahwipes — urging all “true believers” to join The Cause and become martyrs. Uh, “martyr” in this case means, of course, suicide bomber.

And yet all of these Koran-humpers are still alive. They themselves aren't willing to die — or take any risks at all for that matter — for their cause. They're just looking for a bunch of down-on-their-luck low-income flunkies to die for “the cause.” (Oh, and don’t forget about those Seventy-two Virginians they’ll meet in that special Martyrs’ Heaven.)

Why aren't tens of millions of Moslems — whether they're militant or moderate, whatever their beliefs are — just furious, ready to kick the shit out of these Islamic chickenhawks? Nobody has an ounce of respect for someone who's ready and anxious to fight to the last drop of somebody else’s blood.

As a veteran, I have nothing but contempt for the millions of keyboard warriors and Yellow Elephants who are so gung ho about the Iraqi invasion and are champing at the bit to invade Iran. Most of these sheltered little dainty pukes would turn into a quivering mass of jelly if somebody gave them a dirty look in a bar (let alone pointed a gun at them in a battlefield). And yet here they are, waving their flags, sporting their yellow ribbons, urging our demented fratboy “president” to keep “fighting,” and slandering everyone who disagrees with our warmongering “leaders.”

So, what does the average Moslem on the street think of bin Laden and all of his wannabes? It’s their sons and daughters who are being “recruited” for these suicide missions. Is there an Arabic word for chickenhawk? How about shitstain?

I say we start arranging some No Holds Barred Ultimate Fighting matches between prominent chickenhawks. Dick Cheney vs. Osama bin Laden — only on Pay Per View.