Somewhere, in a Parallel Universe...

Karma's a bitch.

cross-posted at Bring It On!

Those Damn Stupid Iraqis!

Condoleezza Rice hit the nail on the head yesterday. It may not be “nice” or politically correct, but she said what needed to be said.

Why does Iraqmire keep getting worse and worse? It’s THEIR fault Goddammit! We did everything right. We brought freedom to those poor oppressed wretches, and how do they repay us? By sitting there festering in their own poverty and pestilence. Ever hear of bootstraps, you lazy bunch of primitive Ay-rabs?? And those hotheaded natives are still running around killing each other, even though we keep telling them to knock it off.

As we've all learned, everything bad that’s happened in America in the past seven years is Bill Clinton’s fault. And by the same token, our 5-year quagmire in Iraq is all Saddam Hussein’s fault. Condi Rice has revealed a shocking insight into the seamy depths of human nature. She said: “Authoritarian regimes are not going to create the condition for the emergence of moderate parties.”

GASP! And here we were all thinking that a dictator “worse than Adolph Hitler” was quietly laying the groundwork for an easy transition to democracy after his overthrow.

Damn You Saddam Hussein!

Another lame-ass excuse reason for our 5-year nightmare is those damn UN sanctions against Iraq. Whose wacky idea was that anyway?

About that “Coalition of the Willing”

The more we learn about our 2003 “Coalition of the Willing” the more they seem to be the Coalition of the Threatened and Blackmailed.

(Lew Scannon already posted about this several days ago.)

The Chilean Ambassador to the United Nations, Heraldo Munoz, has a book coming out next month: “A Solitary War: A Diplomat's Chronicle of the Iraq War and Its Lessons.” The Downing Street Memos, “fixing the intelligence” — these are just the tip of the iceberg.

During the neocon-manufactured hysteria leading up to the March 2003 invasion, our government retaliated against all of our allies who wouldn’t support the invasion. Spying on their governments, trade reprisals, attempting to have their UN envoys recalled — if this is how we treat our friends and allies, no wonder we don’t have any. OK, Israel still likes us, and they promise to be nice to us as long we keep saying “how high sir?” every time they yell “Jump!”

According to Munoz’ book: “In the aftermath of the invasion, allies loyal to the United States were rejected, mocked and even punished” for their refusal to back a U.N. resolution authorizing military action against Iraq.

Prior to the Iraqi invasion, the UN Security Council had six members who were undecided about whether to authorize the attack. The U.S. and Britain were trying to coerce these six members, and the ambassadors from Mexico and Chile were trying to counter the American-British warmongering.

Sorry, but this is simply not done. The spoiled drug-addled Boy King is not used to being treated in this manner by a bunch of swarthy natives. Aguilar Zinser, Mexico’s then-national security advisor, accused the U.S. of treating Mexico like its “back yard.” Well, aren't they?

“Live Within Your Means!”

Talk about mixed signals. This article is basically lecturing people about sticking to a budget. Of course it’s good advice, especially with the housing crisis, credit crisis, the tanking economy…

But a huge percentage of our economy is based on discretionary consumer spending. Where would we be without it?

Every year starting in late November, tens of millions of Americans go into a crazed, foaming-at-the-mouth shopping frenzy. They spend money they don’t have, to buy a bunch of expensive presents nobody needs, just so they can impress people they don’t even like.

And while this mad stampede is going on, millions of business owners are terrified — mortified. They're scared shitless that this year’s shopping stampede might not be quite as frenzied as last year’s.

If everyone started living within a budget and buying only what they could afford, this country would go through cold turkey that no junkie ever imagined. It would’ve been better if this whole credit/debt concept had never been adopted. But now that we’re in this mess, what's the best way to get out?

There was an excellent TV series a few years ago — American Dreams (2002-04). It was about an extended family in Philadelphia during the early 1960s. The father owned a TV store. One day another merchant was telling him about this revolutionary new phenomenon: credit cards. The TV store owner said “What, somebody’s gonna pay more for something just so he can have it now instead of waiting ‘til he can afford it? No way!”

[sigh] if only…

Now that more Americans are being forced to live within their means, maybe the government could try the same thing. Riiight. After all, credit and bankruptcy counselors have to lay out strict merciless budgets for their clients. If any item isn't absolutely crucial — Ixnay! Imagine somebody telling our reckless president:

“I'm sorry George, you just can't afford to invade any more countries. Look at this multi-trillion dollar debt you’ve run up. Look at this shit! What were you thinking??”

And while we’re at it, can we afford to keep spending billions of dollars on some asshole’s “Family Values” agenda?

“War on Drugs? Are you crazy? You’ve spent yourself into bankruptcy trying to enforce your “values” onto everybody else. Not one more cent for your Morality Industrial Complex. Nope, I don’t want to hear it.”

cross-posted at Bring It On!

Stand Up To Telecom Lobby, Get Swiftboated

It had to happen. When Boozo the Clown doesn’t get his way, tantrums will follow. He wants retroactive immunity for telecom executives and he wants it now. He said NOW!! He's gonna thrust out his lower lip, stamp his foot and hold his breath until Congress bends over for him. Or until a group of rightwing millionaires steps in to purchase the democratic process (I thought they already did).

A group of his fellow wingtards calling themselves Defense of Democracies has sprung to the rescue. They’ve raised $2 million (so far) for the defeat of fifteen Democrats who had this wacky idea about telecom VIPs being subject to the same laws as the rest of us.

Here is a YouTube video of one of their ads. It’s hilarious. If it was a skit on Saturday Night Live or the Daily Show, it would have you in stitches. But it becomes less funny when you realize: there are millions of cerebrally-challenged knuckledraggers out there who actually believe this shit.

Here is some more information about this illustrious group, including their membership. If you're at all familiar with the Project For A New American Century (PNAC), the personnel from Defense of Democracies will be “déjà vu all over again.”

Pay no attention to the same fifteen wingnuts behind every curtain.

cross-posted at Bring It On!

The Cakewalk: Year Six

And the party just never ends. How could we leave? Soldiers being greeted as liberators. Throngs of grateful Iraqis showering their conquering heroes with ice cream and flowers. The entire world cheering wildly as we overthrew a dictator who was “worse than Hitler” and brought democracy and tranquility to the Middle East.

(BTW, how come Godwin's Law never got invoked when drooling warmongers kept comparing Saddam Hussein to Adolph Hitler? Just wondering.)

And just think, if John McCain gets elected we might continue this crazy funfest for ninety-five more years (or was that 995?).

Not to quibble, but, uhh…this party is getting just a bit, well, expensive. How will we continue to pay for it? Ah Hell, let the moonbats whine about trivia like that.

A People’s History of the United States

This book by Howard Zinn is packed with fascinating information. If you want to know what really happened — blemishes and all — this book offers an unabridged no-holds-barred history of our country, starting in 1492.

The only reason I even know about the book is because of a column by neocon spewbag Dennis Prager. He was ranting and foaming at the mouth about it in this column which appeared in our local paper. Anyone who reads this evil book will be “manipulated into believing that America is a bad country, certainly no better than others.” He describes the book as “essentially a proctologist's view of American history.”

I assume the website doesn’t contain the entire book, but there are some huge excerpts here. Columbus’ first encounter with Native Americans (it wasn’t pretty); a chilling description of the first slave ship unloading its cargo at Jamestown in 1619; the “other civil war” in the early 1800s; new insights into our Vietnam invasion. There are 24 chapters in all.

If you don’t purchase the book, bookmarking the website is the next best thing.

I already knew a lot of this information from reading Lies My Teacher Told Me by James Loewen. This is an excellent world history book. It’s probably less detailed about American history than the Howard Zinn book since it’s more of a world overview. Both books are excellent antidotes to the whitewashed sanitized “history” we've all been taught.

I've never understood why it’s supposed to be “negative” or “anti-American” to teach history the way it really happened, warts and all. Every country — including this one — has a history of violence, war and unimaginable cruelty. What's the purpose of suppressing this information? It seems pointless to take a vibrant living multi-layered history and condense it into a squeaky-clean feelgood Leave It To Beaver episode.

These two books are a big 180 from the condensed simplified “America to the rescue!” tripe we all studied in school. And we have the same contrast with today’s current news coverage. Listen to a scripted sanitized story on the evening news. Then check out the same story on one of the “alternative” news websites, or a foreign news source. Even in Canada and Europe, their coverage of American issues is much more complete and objective than anything you'll get from our own mainstream “media.”

Generations from now when historians are writing about this era, what will they write? The bland sterile news we're getting today from the mainstream media is probably what future generations will read in their "official" history textbooks. Hopefully there will also be a few authors like Howard Zinn and James Loewen who will tell what really happened.

cross-posted at Bring It On!

China: Unable to Sweep Tibet Under the Rug

China’s “leaders” must be wondering if it was worth squashing and stomping that Tibetan uprising 49 years ago. If they had it to do over again…

The Soviet Union was derailed when it tried to conquer Afghanistan. The United States has the twin albatrosses of Vietnam and Iraq to wear around its neck. Maybe Tibet will be China’s unraveling. If nothing else, they’ll probably have to loosen their iron grip on their one billion plus citizens. Either that or try to un-invent the computer, the internet and the cell phone.

Right now the Chinese government is kind of like that Dutch boy with his finger in the dike. Only, there are too many holes and not enough fingers.

China claims Tibet has “always been part of China” and Tibetans say they were independent before Chinese troops first entered the region in 1950. In any case the two peoples and cultures are as different as night and day.

This conflict sure is making some strange bedfellows. You wouldn’t expect conservatives to have much sympathy for either side: A swarthy ethnic group who practices the “wrong” religion versus an evil communist dictator.

Then again, China is one of our biggest trading partners. And they're our landlords. We can't afford to piss them off.

The ultra rightwing Jesse Helms (R-Jesus) used to make occasional noises about aiding the Tibetans against their Chinese oppressors. I never could tell whether he actually had an affinity with Tibetan Buddhists or whether it was just another excuse to bash Communist China.

With the upcoming Olympics, China is determined to have everything seamlessly choreographed while they're in the world spotlight. How will they react when thousands of long-oppressed Tibetans rear their heads and make an embarrassing scene right in front of God and everybody?

Here is a link to current news updates on the Tibet-China standoff.

The House That Wouldn’t Bend Over

You Go Democrats! For the next two weeks at least, America’s telecom executives will be just as accountable to the law as the other 300 million of us. What a concept! Why should a few VIPs have a law that specifically prevents them from ever being sued? I don’t know anybody who has that kind of permanent protective cocoon wrapped around them. Do you? We’re a nation of laws; well, for two more weeks anyway.

It didn’t exactly take an act of blind courage for Congress to stand up to a cerebrally-challenged alcoholic president with single-digit approval ratings. But still, with all the bending and gyrating this Congress has been doing, it’s a huge relief that, for one fleeting moment, they actually stood up and said “No!”

Savor the moment. There's no doubt, our petulant child king will be bringing this subject back for another vote, and another vote, again and again and again until he gets his way. You can't say “No” to a scion of the Bush Crime Family. It’s just not done.

I forget where I read this, but somebody was making an excellent point: there's something huge going on behind the scenes that’s making these Conservatards keep pushing and pushing and pushing and grandstanding and pleading and shouting for retroactive telecom immunity. Our bribery system doesn’t usually work like this. Generally, a congressperson gets a bribe from a certain industry, and he/she is instructed to vote accordingly. And that’s all.

Getting bribed isn't supposed to require months and months of pleading and threatening and foaming at the mouth every time a TV camera appears. WTF is going on here? Probably a lot more than we’ll ever know.

This other story is sort of along those same lines — government secrecy, things we’re not supposed to know, etc. The Pentagon has completed a study which shows there was no connection whatsoever between Saddam Hussein and al Qaeda. Uh, that was one of our main reasons for invading Iraq five years ago (along with those non-existent Weapons of Mass Destruction). For a full year before the invasion we heard nothing but “Saddam al Qaeda Hussein bin Laden 9/11 Iraq Saddam bin Laden Iraq al Qaeda…”

And now that there’s a Pentagon report showing that there was no connection between Saddam Hussein and the Reichstag Fire September 11th attacks, we the lowly peons — whose tax dollars paid for this invasion — are not entitled to know about it. The Pentagon has been instructed not to release this report, and the report is not available online.

Move along. Nothing to see here.

cross-posted at Bring It On!

An Urgent New Drug Problem!

For those of us whose purpose in life is to guard America’s morals — our work is never done. We already have our hands full fighting off the Homosexual Agenda and the Devil’s Music. And now there's a dangerous new drug from Mexico, just waiting to seduce our youth and sap their moral fiber.

Salvia Divinorum is a hallucinogenic plant that grows in Mexico. And now Americans are starting to use it. Don’t you understand what this means???

A Mexican drug coming into the United States — symbolically, this represents gangs of swarthy Meskins invading our decent Godfearing nation. These lazy hopheads will destroy everything America stands for.

Most of our politicians are unaware of this serious problem. They're too busy whining about the war in Iraq and our crumbling economy. But fortunately, a Florida state representative is coming to our rescue. Mary Brandenburg has introduced a bill to make possession of Salvia a felony — five years for any dope fiend caught with this drug.

But this isn't enough. Prison sentences need to be longer than that. And the American people need to be made aware of the hideous effects of this drug. This new menace will destroy anybody who uses it. An ordinary decent American who uses this drug will turn into a pervert; a monster!

We need to spread the word. Perhaps we could make a documentary: Salvia: Assassin of Youth.

cross-posted at Bring It On!

We Don’t Need No Steenkeeng Record Companies

First Radiohead; now Nine Inch Nails. This makes two popular bands whose latest CDs were released online. They’ve completely bypassed the recording industry. There's nowhere else for this trend to go but UP.

Another dinosaur is slooowly losing its grip. And it couldn’t happen to a nicer bunch of douchebags. The world is full of meanspirited amoral industries, but when it comes to taking a shit on the general public, the Recording Industry Association of America stands head and shoulders above the rest.

As you know, the RIAA has sued thousands of individuals. For the heinous crime of downloading music for free, they're often sued for hundreds of thousands of dollars each. OK, so it’s wrong. But a $200,000 fine?

On top of that, the RIAA has virtually strangled Internet radio. Sky-high royalty fees — for which the RIAA is responsible — have forced a lot of webcasters to close down. Their new fees (retroactive to 2006) are proportionally much higher than those paid by large commercial broadcasters. It was nice while it lasted.

Record companies have also been catching it from Big Box retailers. Because CD sales have gone way down lately, Target and WalMart (among others) are setting aside less shelf space for CDs. And as fewer CDs are available in stores, the public will buy fewer CDs, stores will set aside even less space for CDs, and the cycle continues…

Personally, I probably won't make use of these online CDs. I've never downloaded anything (but I listen to music on YouTube a lot). I’m one of those Luddites who has to have a solid physical record reel-to-reel tape eight-track cassette CD right in front of me, with a label that says “Name of Song” by “Performer.” (But I still tape music off the radio, which supposedly brought the recording industry to its knees in the 1970s.)

But as people buy fewer CDs and get more music online, the RIAA will ultimately go the way of the covered wagon repairman. It can't happen soon enough.

cross-posted at Bring It On!

Iraqmire: Five Glorious Years

Where did the time go? It’s been almost five years since we liberated the Iraqi people. And what a cakewalk it was. Our soldiers were greeted as liberators. They were showered with candy and ice cream by throngs of grateful Iraqis. Democracy and prosperity have been blossoming throughout the Middle East ever since then. And best of all, it didn’t cost us a cent. The entire operation was paid for by Iraqi oil revenues.

The scary part is, nearly 20 percent of Americans still believe the bullshit in the above paragraph. (That’s about the same as the percentage who believe the sun revolves around the Earth.) If you're not part of that knuckledragging 19%, please be aware of Winter Soldier: (H/T to KWW at The Dishpan Chronicles for posting about this.)

From March 13th through 16th, U.S. veterans who have served in Iraq and Afghanistan will be testifying about what's really happening there. Please check this site for information, events, media outlets and a very grim video.

Groups taking part in Winter Soldier include: Iraq Veterans Against The War, Veterans For Peace, Vietnam Veterans Against The War, Military Families Speak Out and Gold Star Families Speak Out.

Again, everyone involved in this 4-day event is a veteran. Anyone who is still in favor of the madness in Iraq — you are hereby summoned.

cross-posted at Bring It On!

“Let the Buyer Beware”

Predatory lenders have caused a record number of home mortgage foreclosures. Credit card firms are extorting millions of dollars in “penalties” from customers who have never made a late payment or gone over their credit limit. Insurance companies are weaseling out of billions of dollars' worth of claims, using the zaniest excuses imaginable. And you're paying hidden fees and surcharges every time you rent a car, stay in a hotel, go to the bank, sign up for a new phone service (or cable TV or Internet service), deposit money in your retirement account…

And yet Libertarians and rightwing Republicans keep insisting that there's no problem here. This is capitalism, Buddy; the free market. Caveat Emptor. That stupid mouthbreathing retard should've read the fine print.

Riiight.

What the fuck are we devolving into? A company can hide a booby trap on page 37 of a contract — written in legalese in a size .01 font — and it’s up to the customer to spend several hours poring over the contract with a magnifying glass.

How far does this “logic” go? Is it legal to sell fake Rolexes on the street for $200 apiece? After all, if some dumbfuck is gullible enough to buy one — cool!

Auto repair shops should be allowed to use the cheapest shoddiest parts they can find and then tell you they used the highest quality components money can buy (and charge you accordingly). Hell, why even make them work on your car at all? They can just tell you they did it and then charge you $1,200 for the work they didn’t do. Hey, if you're suspicious, just look under the hood and check it out for yourself. What, you want some big fluffy drooling Nanny State hovering over you??

And why is it against the law to assault or mug someone? When you're walking down the street, it’s up to you to be aware of your surroundings and be ready and able to fend off any would-be attacker. If a person is oblivious or preoccupied, and/or too feeble to defend him/herself — hey, easy pickings!

People get thrown in jail when they try anything mentioned in the previous three paragraphs. And when slippery businesspeople mug their customers with deceptive practices and fine print, they belong in jail too. And throw the key away.

cross-posted at Bring It On!

Christians: a Bunch of Spaced-Out Potheads

Whoa! A certain Israeli researcher had better watch his back. Let’s just say that what Salman Rushdie is to millions of enraged Moslems, Benny Shanon is to their Christian counterparts.

Nobody likes to have the rug pulled out from under them. And for millions of gung ho Christians — especially the ones who use the Bible as an excuse for the War on Drugs — the proverbial rug has been yanked. Wheee! Going Down!

If you're a devout Christian AND you think that people who use illegal drugs should be locked up and thrown away — sit down and take a deep breath before reading any further. Would you believe …[drumroll]…Moses was high on psychedelic drugs when he heard God deliver the Ten Commandments. Fuckin’ Hippie!!!

Benny Shanon is a professor of cognitive psychology at Hebrew University of Jerusalem. He writes:

“As far Moses on Mount Sinai is concerned, it was either a supernatural cosmic event, which I don't believe, or a legend, which I don't believe either, or finally, and this is very probable, an event that joined Moses and the people of Israel under the effect of narcotics.”

Shanon thinks Moses was also high on psychedelics when he saw the burning bush.

OUCH!

In the Amazon rainforest, people use psychedelic drugs (i.e. Ayahuasca) in their religious ceremonies; and these drugs can induce people to “see” music. Shanon says: “The Bible says people see sounds, and that is a clasic phenomenon.”

In the Middle East, acacia bark has these same psychedelic qualities. And acacia is frequently mentioned in the Bible.

Oh. My. God.

The above information is not true. It CANNOT be true. NOOO!!!!! I’m going to bury my head in the sand until it goes away.

Then I'm going to go to church and pray and pray and pray. And when I come home I'm gonna write to my congressman and tell him we need a big crackdown on DRUGS!

cross-posted at Bring It On!

Attending a Wingtard Convention: Inside the Belly of the Beast

You’ve gotta check out this article. It’s long, but it’s an excellent read: appalling, hilarious, infuriating, absurd...

The author, Leonard Pierce, infiltrated the annual meeting of the Conservative Political Action Committee (CPAC). He got in by posing as a lobbyist for the American Milk Solids Council. We know that two percent of America has gotten rich beyond belief in the past 7 years, and that 19% still think George W. Bush is doing a heckuva job.

Knowing those statistics is one thing, but just imagine being surrounded by thousands of these people. As Pierce describes it, “Here's a description of Hell: a huge room full of all the people you hate most, and they're all having a wonderful time.”

There's a speech by Dick Cheney (of course). During his speech, the crowd starts cheering and yelling “Four More Years!” Cheney gives the usual soundbites about 9/11, telecom immunity and the wonders of torture. But the most telling thing about Cheney’s speech was the observation that: “His defense of torture gets a standing ovation, but his praising of our fighting men in uniform does not. It takes a man to fight, but it takes a train to waterboard.”

Next comes Mitt Romney’s famous speech where he says he entered the race because he loves his country and now he's leaving (the race, not the country) for the same reason.

And there has to be a speech by Dumbya. Before Boozo the Clown even begins his speech, the crowd starts chanting “Four More Years!”

Bush’s speech itself had the predictable Bushisms: “Dick Cheney is the greatest vice president in the history of the United States.” The Bush Administration “didn't seek the approval of editorialists…and we darned sure didn't seek permission from groups like Code Pink and MoveOn before taking action.”

But check out Pierce’s description of Bush:

“In person, he looks a little haggard and tired: no legacy to speak of, no friends overseas (whither Pooty-Poot? a nation turns its starving eyes to you), and another boatload of corpses to go and frown at later today. He won't last as long as his old man once he's out of office: With no one to stand in the way of, with no one to infuriate, with no press hanging over his shoulder for him to mutter ‘fuck off’ at, he'll wither away and disappear, just another burnout boomer with prostate cancer and no hobbies.”

cross-posted at Bring It On!