Banking Industry Needs Another Huge Handout — So They Can Bribe Congress

There’s enough irony and contradiction here to make the head spin. There’s already been plenty of public outrage about banks spending their humongous welfare checks on luxury resort getaways, Learjets and 8-figure bonus packages for themselves.

But they’ve also been spending tons of this money — YOUR tax money — to bribe Congress (aka “campaign contributions,” “lobbying,” whatever you want to call it.) They’re determined to prevent Congress from helping those lazy stupid homeowners (probably all Democrats) who have nobody but themselves to blame.

“Please help me. Ooooohhhhh, pleeeeeaase! I need a handout. And some nice tender coddling if you would. And not one fuckin’ cent for that other parasite over there!!”

Technically of course, the money they’re using for bribery isn’t the same money that got showered onto them by taxpayers (as conservatives are always pointing out). SO. WHAT.

If you knew that a certain person was on welfare, food stamps, unemployment compensation and government housing vouchers, and you saw him driving a Mercedes — you wouldn’t be too impressed if he said “oh, I bought the car with my own money.”

If you, as an individual, want to apply for welfare or any other government assistance, you have to prove that you’re needy. Your income has to be below a certain level, your car can’t be worth more than a certain amount, you can’t have more than a certain amount in the bank, etc.

Large companies, on the other hand, can shower billions of dollars on their “top” executives (i.e. the ones who dug them into this shithole in the first place), spend billions more on every kind of perk imaginable, and then hold out their tin cup and go “Waaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Marie Antoinette Francis Creighton of the Mortgage Bankers Association said: “We're encouraged that the House is taking some more time to think this through, and we hope that by next week we can see some more changes to further improve the bill.”

Francis the Leech forgot to thank the taxpayers who’ve made his “lobbying” effort possible.

cross-posted at Bring It On!

Bobby Jindal Saves The Day

Like millions of other desperate Americans yearning to be rescued by the government, I got swept up by Obama’s speech last night. Snake oil never sounded so appealing. Those well-intentioned-but-fuzzy-headed Democrats would once again tax and spend their way out of trouble. A big smothering nanny state would step in and save us.

But fortunately — before I completely disappeared into a cloud of euphoria — Bobby Jindal stepped up and brought everything into focus. Never before has such a big complicated issue been so clarified and crystallized by a folksy little anecdote.

In case you missed Bobby’s quaint little fireside chat, here’s the story:

During the post-Katrina flooding in New Orleans, hundreds of volunteers were champing at the bit to get out there in their boats and rescue those victims who were stranded on their rooftops. Ah, a happy ending. But Noooo!!! Some fatass bumbling government bureaucrat came barging in and kyboshed the whole operation. Seems none of these boat-owners would be allowed to go on their rescue mission unless they could show proof-of-insurance papers.

Those Goddamn F$#!%&!$# Meddling Bureaucrats!

And suddenly, I realized. I saw the light. Bobby Jindal spelled it out for me, and I finally got it.

These irresponsible free-spending Democrats won’t solve our problems with more government. Government is the PROBLEM, not the solution. The economy has been strangled by all these cumbersome intrusive government regulations. It’s time for the private sector to step in and take the initiative. And in order for this to happen, those bumbling government meddlers have to get the hell out of the way. NOW! All we need is the invisible hand of the marketplace.

Get the government off our backs. Prosperity is just around the corner.

cross-posted at Bring It On!

Republican Governors with “Principles”

Don’t you just love these people who “take a stand” and show how “uncompromising” they are — without ever making a single sacrifice themselves. Since 2003 we’ve had to listen to thousands of chickenhawks yelling “so many countries to invade, so little time” — as long as somebody else is doing the invading. Sort of like those Three Stooges episodes where Moe points to Larry and Curly and says “and I’ll fight to the last drop of their blood.”

And now we have a few rockribbed “self-reliant” governors who are ready to say “No!” to that commie president and his nanny stimulus package. And what personal sacrifices will these governors be making? They’ll still have their jobs; they’ll keep their salaries, perks, prestige and political clout.

The only sacrifices will come from their lowly constituents who remain — or become — unemployed, and/or get foreclosed out of their homes. But at least these governors can score a few political points by appearing strong-willed and principled.

Arnold Schwarzenegger had some choice words for these phony heroes: “Governor Sanford says that he does not want to take the federal stimulus package money. And I want to say to him: I'll take it. I'm more than happy to take his money or any other governor in this country that doesn't want to take this money, I take it, because we in California need it.”

Give ‘em Hell Ahnuld! And this isn’t just rhetoric. Rep. Anthony Weiner, D-N.Y., has introduced a bill that would reallocate money from those five states — Alaska, Mississippi, Louisiana, South Carolina and Idaho — whose governors are too proud to beg.

Weiner said: “If some governors decide to reject the money, 45 other states should be able to use it to create thousands of jobs. We have plenty of projects across the country that will put people to work and help achieve long term economic growth and stability.”

Maryland Governor Martin O'Malley said: “All of us are committed to working with President Obama to pull our nation's economy out of the ditch that George W. Bush ran it into. If some of the fringe governors don't want to do that, they need to step aside and not stand in the way of the nation's interests.”

cross-posted at Bring It On!

Two Crooked Judges Ruin Thousands of Lives

Thank God for America's judicial branch. Our executive and legislative branches may be more crooked than Lombard Street, but judges are much less prone to bribery and corruption.

The following tragedy could only happen in some Godforsaken Third World shithole. Two judges — or whatever passes for a “judge” in this tinpot dictatorship — sentenced thousands of teenagers to long prison terms for minor offenses. Their motives had nothing to do with “law and order” or being “tough on crime.”

It was bribery, pure and simple. These judges got millions of dollars in kickbacks from the owners of the two private prisons where these “offenders” were sent. Some of these “trials” didn’t last more than a minute or two. It was more like a conveyor belt than a court of law, with thousands of teenage suspects being herded through the courtroom and straight into prison.

The two crooked “judges” — Mark Ciavarella and Michael Conahan — are now facing up to seven years in prison. Seven years, that’s it???

Then again, seven years in one of those backward third world prisons might teach them a lesson. Normally I’d be against prisoners being stomped by other inmates or tortured by guards. But in the case of these two douchebags — go for it. Seven years of brutal gang rapes might still be too good for these two flaming assholes (oops, pun alert).

Again, thank God for our judicial system. A horrifying tragedy like this could never happen here in the land of……..oh, wait…

cross-posted at Bring It On!

If The Pope Really Took The Bible Seriously…

Pope Benedict has lashed out in fury at leaders of the banking industry, and the skanky politicians who keep bending over for them. He made it crystal clear that any politician who is Catholic cannot — absolutely NOT — support those sleazy moneychangers.

“Jesus drove them from the temple, and you sluts keep going down on them!” His Holiness thundered.

The Pope backed up his blistering speech by reciting just one of the many Biblical passages that condemn usury:

“If you lend money to any of My people who are poor among you, you shall not be like a moneylender to him; you shall not charge him interest. If you ever take your neighbor's garment as a pledge, you shall return it to him before the sun goes down. For that is his only covering, it is his garment for his skin. What will he sleep in? And it will be that when he cries to Me, I will hear, for I am gracious.”

Pope Benedict finished his withering criticism by asking: “Are there too many big words in those passages? Or do you think God just wanted to hear the sound of His own voice???”

cross-posted at Bring It On!

Use a Link, Go to Prison

Remember those infamous SLAPP suits (Strategic Lawsuit Against Public Participation) that were popular in the 1990s? They usually involved a developer trying to squash all public opposition to a project. Go to a public meeting and testify against a proposed development — or even write a letter to the editor — and the next thing you know, you’re being hauled into court by the developer.

These SLAPP suits never had any legal standing. They were almost always tossed out by the judge, sometimes with a fine for filing a frivolous lawsuit. But in the meantime, the defendant was facing huge legal expenses — maybe even bankruptcy or foreclosure — just for attending a meeting and speaking out.

And now, you don’t even have to speak out in public or write a letter to a newspaper to get sued by one of these 800-pound gorillas. All you have to do is link to them on your website or blog.

Here’s what happened: A real estate website, BlockShopper, had two different articles about the expensive real estate purchases of two lawyers (from the same law firm). Each article was properly linked to show where the information came from — the law firm’s own company biographies of both lawyers.

The law firm — Jones Day, with over 2,300 lawyers — sued BlockShopper for (better sit down for this) “trademark infringement.” Supposedly the public might mistakenly believe there’s a connection between Jones Day and BlockShopper. WTF???

There have already been some totally retarded lawsuits based on the loosest possible definition of “trademark infringement.” Intel sued a nonprofit organization called Yoga Inside (teaching yoga to prison inmates) because the public might get them mixed up with “Intel Inside.” Granny Goose sued a small second hand furniture store named Grammy Goose with the same “reasoning.” Let’s see, a chair, a potato chip — damn, I keep getting those two things mixed up.

And now this bullshit. Somebody from Public Citizen described Jones Day’s bullying lawsuit as “a new entry in the contest for ‘grossest abuse of trademark law to suppress speech the plaintiff doesn't like.’”

The Electronic Frontier Foundation, Public Citizen, Citizen Media Law Project, and Public Knowledge all tried to get this lawsuit dismissed. But the “judge” — using the term loosely — refused.

So, be careful who you link to.

cross-posted at Bring It On!

Saudi Arabia Takes Cautious Step Into Twenty-First Century

Or maybe just the thirteenth century; but it’s a start anyway. Saudi King Abdullah has shown that Islamic extremists actually do have a few limitations.

On Saturday he had a big shake-up which included firing the chief of the religious police. He also fired a high-ranking sheik who had advocated murdering the owners of TV stations that broadcast “immoral” programs. Sorry, Pat Robertson — looks like your swashbuckling hero went all secular on you.

Saturday’s shake-up also included appointing a woman as a deputy minister — the highest position a woman has ever obtained in Saudi Arabia. He also changed the makeup of a powerful religious organization, giving more representation to moderates.

These changes are significant in and of themselves. But the fact that the king’s shake-up was even possible is even more telling. This indicates that the vast Saudi ruling family and the all-powerful religious establishment might be starting to lighten up just a little. Otherwise King Abdullah — who does not have absolute power — wouldn’t have been able to make these changes.

In a note of irony, Christian Fundamentalists and Dominionists — who would just love to establish a Christian theocracy in America — are probably ecstatic over this little bit of secular freedom in an Islamic theocracy.

It’s that same schizoid mindset that a lot of Americans displayed during the late ‘70s and early ‘80s when Poland was developing a fledgling labor movement. A ray of sunshine! A beacon of freedom behind the Iron Curtain!

Then the same people would read about a labor dispute somewhere in the U.S. and go “those commie labor unions!”

cross-posted at Bring It On!

Meet the New South, Same as the Old South

Come on down, folks. The South has changed. Them Yankees still think we’re just a bunch of crooked sheriffs and ‘bacca-chewin’ rednecks. And that ain’t fair.

There’s a new sheriff in town. And he gonna go after that there Michael Phelps for breakin’ the law. That boy done gone and smoked some of that there maryjew, uhh, marihwaa, err…POT. And Ahm gonna git that sumbitch.

Whether this dumbfuck sheriff likes it or not, Michael Phelps will be a household name decades from now. Can’t say the same for Sheriff Deliverance. Or as somebody said about Martin Luther King, Jr.: “How many streets are named Sheriff Bull Connor Boulevard?”

And speaking of “the more things change the more they remain the same” — Lucy is once again trying to get Charlie Brown to kick the football while she holds it for him. She swears that it’ll be different this time. She’s changed her ways.

Trust me, Charlie Brown. I promise you I won’t yank the football away at the last second and make you fall flat on your back. Come on now, run as fast as you can and give that ball a good hard kick.

And finally, those conservative bloggers and pundits are just going ballistic on Israel because of their election results. “If any Israeli civilians get killed by Palestinian terrorists, it’s their own F%&$%$#! fault! Voting for that rightwing warmonger, what do they expect??” “Israeli voters are just asking for a terrorist attack, veering to the right like that. They’ve made their bed, and now they can lie in it!”

Ouch!

No, of course the Right never said anything like that. But that’s what they’ve been saying about Palestinians every time civilians in Gaza are killed by the Israeli army. “They voted for Hamas, and this is what they’re getting. Serves them right!”

Undoubtedly they’ll be saying the same thing now about civilian casualties in Israel, because of Israeli voters’ sharp turn to the right. Won’t they?

cross-posted at Bring It On!

The Case for Capital Punishment

A premeditated crime that results in somebody’s death is first degree murder. If you rob a bank (and how many bank robberies are spontaneous?) and a bank employee gets killed, you’ve committed first degree murder. For that matter, if your partner gets killed by the police during the robbery, you can be charged with murder one. That’s the theory anyway. I doubt if anyone’s ever been executed under those circumstances.

Or, let’s say you’re the owner of a large food processing plant. Three years ago you found out that some of your product was contaminated with salmonella, but you kept it a secret and kept on shipping it out. You don’t need some F$#%&!#$&%! nanny state meddling in the marketplace.

“Six hundred people poisoned, nine people killed? So what’s your point?”

As you’ve probably guessed, the above-mentioned serial killer is Stewart Parnell, owner of Peanut Corp. of America. Since 2006 he’s known that his products were contaminated with salmonella, but he kept ordering his employees to ship them out anyway. He sent e-mails to his employees, complaining that the tests discovering salmonella were “costing us huge $$$$$$.”

The serial killer refused to testify before Congress today. He kept telling the subcommittee: “Mr. Chairman and members of the committee, on advice of my counsel, I respectively decline to answer your questions based on the protections afforded me under the U.S. Constitution.”

And away he went.

The son of one of Parnell’s murder victims said: “Their behavior is criminal, in my opinion. I want to see jail time.”

Fuck jail. I want him to get jumped in a parking lot by several large thugs with baseball bats. Or maybe he could be “rendered” to one of those foreign prisons where we send swarthy people with Arabic names who haven’t yet “confessed” to their terrorist activities.

Whether Stewart Parnell ever gets prosecuted or not, somebody out there knows where he lives. Whoever you are — Do The Right Thing.

cross-posted at Bring It On!

Stimulus Package: Bad News for Conservatives, Great News for Americans

The $838 billion stimulus bill squeaked through the Senate today, 61 to 37.

I actually liked one of the Republicans’ earlier proposals (defeated by Democrats) that would have offered government-backed mortgages with a maximum interest rate of 4.5%. It seemed like a total mindfuck that Republicans actually wanted such a socialistic incentive-sapping program, and Democrats were against it. Maybe the two parties are playing Gaslight with us.

It’s true that Obama is overdoing the “Urgent! Act Now!” rhetoric that was a trademark of the Dumbya years. This should be a bipartisan bill, but Republicans (aside from their idea mentioned above) have offered nothing but their tried-and-failed policies of the last 28 years.

More tax cuts — Riiight. Been there done that. It’s like that “alternate” version of Humpty Dumpty: “More Horses! More Men!”

And some of the Republican rhetoric is straight out of Reagan’s campaign speeches from 1980. The private sector versus those bumbling government bureaucrats. We don’t need a Nanny State; everything will be corrected by the invisible hand of the marketplace.

WTF??? Aw heck, just come out and say it — “It’s Morning In America.”

RNC Chairman Michael Steele gave a hilarious speech the other day. You'd swear he must have taken a nap in 1980 and woken up just a few weeks ago. You can find a video of his speech at this Google News Search site. I couldn't figure out how to link the blog to the video (Duh!).

Twenty-eight years of “getting the government off our backs” has given us a shattered economy and the biggest budget deficit in history. And the most rightwing president ever — as a parting shot — nationalized the banking industry before leaving office. Commie!

It’s time for Republicans to lose their useless outdated slogans and start working on this economic train wreck — which happened on their watch.

What To Do If Your Home Gets Foreclosed? SQUAT

That’s right, be a squatter. In your own home. Best of all — it’s completely legal in a lot of cases.

Amy Goodman writes that a lot of subprime mortgages “were made, then bundled into securities and sold and resold repeatedly…The banks foreclosing on families very often can’t locate the actual loan note that binds the homeowner to the bad loan.”

OOPS!

Ever walk out of a movie theater and then find you can’t get back in because you didn’t save your ticket stub? Ever try to take an item back to the store without producing the sales receipt? That’s the position these banks are in right now. Twist in the wind, Suckers!

Banks of course are not anxious to spread this information, and most people don’t know about it. For all practical purposes, if you have a certain legal right but you aren’t aware of it — you don’t have it.

Congresswoman Marcy Kaptur (D-Ohio) represents one of the hardest-hit regions of the country. Her solution to the foreclosure crisis is: “So I say to the American people, you be squatters in your own homes. Don’t you leave.”

She says people facing foreclosure should tell the bank “Produce the note.”

She continues: “Possession is nine-tenths of the law. Therefore, stay in your property. Get proper legal representation ... if Wall Street cannot produce the deed nor the mortgage audit trail ... you should stay in your home. It is your castle. It’s more than a piece of property. ... Most people don’t even think about getting representation, because they get a piece of paper from the bank, and they go, ‘Oh, it’s the bank,’ and they become fearful, rather than saying: ‘This is contract law. The mortgage is a contract. I am one party. There is another party. What are my legal rights under the law as a property owner?’”

For people facing foreclosure, Kaptur recommends contacting the local Legal Aid Society or bar association, or dialing (888) 995-HOPE.

cross-posted at Bring It On!

Dick Cheney: “I’m Never Ever EVER Gonna Die! MWAAAHAAHAAHAAA”

Will somebody somewhere please drive a stake through his pacemaker. For eight years we’ve had to listen to this asshole’s paranoid psychotic retchings, and he still won’t leave.

The most corrupt, inept, unpopular administration EVER has finally left office, and the accidental president’s chief puppetmaster wants to keep hanging around so he can shit and vomit all over the new administration. Shut The Fuck Up! Go! Retire! Die! Whatever, just fuckin’ LEAVE!

Dickwad told an interviewer that there’s “a high probability” of a terrorist attack in the next few years, and it’ll be all because of that wimpy bleeding heart commie in the White House.

“When we get people who are more concerned about reading the rights to an Al Qaeda terrorist than they are with protecting the United States against people who are absolutely committed to do anything they can to kill Americans, then I worry.”

Tell you what, Buttwipe, why don’t you slink back into your secret cubbyhole and do your worrying there, M’Kay?

He also regurgitated the Right’s favorite talking point of the week — that a certain percentage of terrorists released from Gitmo have gone back to their terrorist ways. In other words we should’ve executed them, or just thrown the key away and let ‘em all rot for eternity. What’s this “due process” you speak of???

Come to think of it, a lot of common criminals go back to robbing and pillaging after they’ve been released from prison. That does it — Trial Schmial! Kill ‘em all and let God sort ‘em out!

WaterboardMan also said: “The United States needs to be not so much loved as it needs to be respected. Sometimes, that requires us to take actions that generate controversy.”

Yes, you could take foreign policy advice from the same douchebag who drove the country into bankruptcy, murdered 4,000 American soldiers and turned America into the most hated country in the world.

And you could take driving lessons from somebody who’s had thirty-seven car accidents and hundreds of traffic tickets.

There’s one thing that Cheney and his braindead supporters haven’t figured out: If Obama ever receives a memo titled “Osama bin Laden Determined To Strike In U.S.” — he’ll probably take the time to Fuckin’ READ IT! (Unlike his retarded predecessor.)

Now Go! Go gently into the night. And don’t let the crypt door hit you in the ass on your way back in.

The Giant Parasite That Ate America

I keep thinking I’ve done my last post on the giant economy-sucking parasites of the banking industry. But these infuriating sick revolting stories just keep surfacing. Every day another modern day Marie Antoinette rears its head.

Wells Fargo was planning to use YOUR tax dollars to pay for twelve days and nights in Las Vegas for a thousand of their top employees. YOU would be paying for everything from helicopter rides to evenings at the city’s top nightclubs.

Now, after tons of media coverage (that whiny liberal media again), the company has had “second thoughts” and decided to cancel this year’s extravagance. But until earlier today, Wells Fargo was planning to go ahead with their taxpayer-financed party, in spite of all the negative publicity that AIG and General Motors got for pulling similar stunts.

Wells Fargo has received $25 billion in handouts — so far. Nice of them to be so generous with your tax money. The alleged purpose of this annual party is “recognition” of their top employees. Morale boosting.

Just this afternoon, before the company withered under all the public ridicule, their spokeswoman, Melissa Murray, said: “Recognition events are still part of our culture. It’s really important that our team members are still valued and recognized.” Pay for it yourself, Asshole!

Soon afterward, the company came out with a revised public statement: “DUUUUHHHH!!!! In light of the current environment, we have now decided to cancel this event.”

This other story combines two things the Far Right hates the most: welfare recipients, and foreigners who steal jobs from American workers.

Twelve banks — who have received more than $150 Billion in handouts — tried to get visas for 22,000 foreign workers. Did these companies have thousands of jobs they were unable to fill? Fuck no — these banks were laying off their longtime employees during this same period.

So far, not a peep out of the wingtard community.

There are several rightwing blogs that I glimpse at periodically. They’re entertaining in some sick sort of way (OMG, what does that say about me??), and like the saying goes, “keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” And there’s one advantage to the fact that conservatives are always marching in lockstep: All you have to do is take a quick look at two or three rightwing sites, and you know the day’s Talking Points.

cross-posted at Bring It On!