America Finally Snaps Out of Its Mass Coma
For the past eight years — up until a few months ago — America seemed to be drowning in a sea of apathy and oblivion. It was scary, seeing an entire country just sitting there in a giant stupor. No matter how shocking the news was, no matter what our government was doing — no reaction.
Invading and occupying another country, killing hundreds of thousands of their citizens and more than 4,000 of our own soldiers — “Huh. Got any more beer?”
Massive spying and surveillance of American citizens — “So what. They can spy on me; I don’t have anything to hide.”
What was happening to us? The country that was founded by a revolution was sinking into quagmire of “DUUUHHH.”
But then last April, something snapped. Finally! I don't know what happened, but millions of couch potatoes suddenly came alive with populist fury. “Let’s see what’s on the tube” quickly gave way to “What??? Raise taxes on the wealthiest one percent of the population? Oh no you don’t!” And they took to the streets with a vengeance.
And the same thing happened again this summer. In early August, millions of jaded TV viewers were jolted out of their stupor, boiling over with furious thoughts of “Government bureaucrats meddling in the insurance industry??? Not on my watch!”
Who’da thunk that inside millions of couch potatoes, a fiery protester was struggling to break free?
And now the cat’s out of the bag. Millions of concerned American citizens are on watch, ready to stop Evil in its tracks. They’re taking their country back. And who do you think their next target will be?
You guessed it: Those ponytailed potsmoking treehuggers with their conservation and solar energy. They’re a threat to the oil and coal industries, and the American citizenry will not stand for this!
Concerned Americans: Grab your sign, a bullhorn and your Talking Points, and hit the streets! Big Oil needs you — Now More Than Ever.