Who Hijacked Our Country

Monday, March 04, 2013

Bicycles Cause More Pollution Than Cars

We all have so much to learn from Republicans.  Rape doesn’t cause pregnancy if it was a legitimate rape.  The fetus is the largest organ in the body.  And now:  bicycles cause more pollution than cars.

This scientific breakthrough comes to us from state Rep. Ed Orcutt (R—Washington).  Yes, even liberal Washington has its share of wingtards.  Actually, his arguments make a certain amount of sense, IF you put on your Republican Goggles and tighten them to the max:

“If I am not mistaken, a cyclists [sic] has an increased heart rate and respiration. That means that the act of riding a bike results in greater emissions of carbon dioxide from the rider. Since CO2 is deemed to be a greenhouse gas and a pollutant, bicyclists are actually polluting when they ride.”

Oh My God.  Do you realize what this means???  Exercise — in any form — is ruining our atmosphere.  We’ve been so misguided all along, blaming fossil fuels for air pollution and climate change.  The real problem is those damn bicyclists, joggers, skateboarders, power walkers — and anybody who plays sports or works out.

The best way to protect the atmosphere is to stay firmly rooted to the couch.  And drink lots of cold beer so you won’t sweat.  And lose the organic fibrous foods.  If you’re all bloated and constipated from eating nothing but meat and starch, you won’t be cutting any of those ozone-depleting farts.

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Blogger Mr. Charleston said...

I was certain their line of reasoning was going to pursue bicyclists' farting and the emission of methane, but thank goodness it's only sweat.

March 4, 2013 at 2:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have we forgotten the rationale of the Republican mind? Where do you think he got it from?


If Bicycles do have to pay for Road taxes, let them get more bike lanes out of it


March 4, 2013 at 4:22 PM  
Blogger Karlo said...

Great stuff! This stuff's so idiotic that I end up checking the sources over and over. Surely this is the Onion getting another one over on us.

March 4, 2013 at 5:50 PM  
Blogger S.W. Anderson said...

The folks who elected Orcutt must be so proud, after this contribution to the political discourse on air pollution. Or, if they have any sense at all, they must be wondering what they were thinking when they voted for him.

BTW, beer drinking can cause unhelpful emissions. :)

March 5, 2013 at 11:50 AM  
Blogger okjimm said...

ya....and what about all that methane produced by beer drinkers??? Farting can screw up the ozone layer!

March 5, 2013 at 12:41 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Mr. C: That rightwing congressman probably just made a careless omission. Sweat, farts -- they're all ruining the ozone layer. We all need to drive more.

Erik: Good old Reagan and his tree pollution. Some of those other quotes at that link are hilarious and alarming at the same time.

Karlo: You're right, it does sound like something out of the Onion.

SW: I hope Orcutt will be a one-term representative.

okjimm: You're right, all beer drinkers will have to switch to whiskey or vodka.

March 5, 2013 at 2:16 PM  

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