Bicycles Cause More Pollution Than Cars
We all have so much to learn from Republicans. Rape doesn’t cause pregnancy if it was a legitimate rape. The fetus is the largest organ in the body. And now: bicycles cause more pollution than cars.
This scientific breakthrough comes to us from state Rep. Ed Orcutt (R—Washington). Yes, even liberal Washington has its share of wingtards. Actually, his arguments make a certain amount of sense, IF you put on your Republican Goggles and tighten them to the max:
“If I am not mistaken, a cyclists [sic] has an increased heart rate and respiration. That means that the act of riding a bike results in greater emissions of carbon dioxide from the rider. Since CO2 is deemed to be a greenhouse gas and a pollutant, bicyclists are actually polluting when they ride.”
Oh My God. Do you realize what this means??? Exercise — in any form — is ruining our atmosphere. We’ve been so misguided all along, blaming fossil fuels for air pollution and climate change. The real problem is those damn bicyclists, joggers, skateboarders, power walkers — and anybody who plays sports or works out.
The best way to protect the atmosphere is to stay firmly rooted to the couch. And drink lots of cold beer so you won’t sweat. And lose the organic fibrous foods. If you’re all bloated and constipated from eating nothing but meat and starch, you won’t be cutting any of those ozone-depleting farts.
posted by Tom Harper @ 2:13 PM
6 Comments:
I was certain their line of reasoning was going to pursue bicyclists' farting and the emission of methane, but thank goodness it's only sweat.
Have we forgotten the rationale of the Republican mind? Where do you think he got it from?
http://www.allhatnocattle.net/reagan%20quotes.htm
If Bicycles do have to pay for Road taxes, let them get more bike lanes out of it
Erik
Great stuff! This stuff's so idiotic that I end up checking the sources over and over. Surely this is the Onion getting another one over on us.
The folks who elected Orcutt must be so proud, after this contribution to the political discourse on air pollution. Or, if they have any sense at all, they must be wondering what they were thinking when they voted for him.
BTW, beer drinking can cause unhelpful emissions. :)
ya....and what about all that methane produced by beer drinkers??? Farting can screw up the ozone layer!
Mr. C: That rightwing congressman probably just made a careless omission. Sweat, farts -- they're all ruining the ozone layer. We all need to drive more.
Erik: Good old Reagan and his tree pollution. Some of those other quotes at that link are hilarious and alarming at the same time.
Karlo: You're right, it does sound like something out of the Onion.
SW: I hope Orcutt will be a one-term representative.
okjimm: You're right, all beer drinkers will have to switch to whiskey or vodka.
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