Republicans Must Reach Out to that Freeloading 47%
by Ted Cruz
Mitt Romney was right. Forty-seven percent of the American population is just a bunch of freeloading bums who lie around all day smoking pot and taking handouts. But Romney blew the election when he said “it’s not my job to worry about those people.”
Unfortunately, those parasites vote. And they DIDN’T vote for Mitt Romney. So like it or not, we DO have to worry about these no-good layabouts, or else the GOP will go down in flames in the next election.
When we start the 2014 election campaign, we need to tailor our message to each specific group that makes up the Freeloading 47%. Drug addicts, for example. When we have a TV commercial that’s directed towards dopers and hopheads, we could have music in the background that’s, you know, that psychedelic music that people listen to when they’re on drugs. Or jazz, if the ad is being targeted towards hopheads who are colored.
The inner cities have been ignored by Republicans, and consequently most of those people voted for Obama. When we target our ads toward the ghettos, we should have hip-hop music in the background. And if we really want to connect with these people, the wording of our message should make heavy use of current ghetto slang, like “Ho!” and “Beotch!”
Now, most of my fellow Republicans don’t know this, but a lot of these 47-percenters actually DO work. They just don’t earn much money, so they’re not required to pay any federal income taxes. (Christ, what a bunch of losers!)
But we need to grit our teeth and reach out to these people too. When we tailor our ads to this group, the most important thing is for the announcer to use small words and talk very slowly. I mean come on, these people’s annual incomes are somewhere down in the five-figure zone, so they’re obviously not too bright. But they vote, and we need to communicate with them.
Anyway, you get the idea. This country is full of parasites and leeches, but if we want to win any more elections, we need to reach out to these bums and connect with them.
Labels: Ted Cruz forty-seven percent