Who Hijacked Our Country

Tuesday, March 05, 2013

Urgent! DEA must Crack Down Immediately on States That Have Legalized Marijuana!

Quick, before it’s too late!

Eight retired Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) chiefs simultaneously woke up from their afternoon naps, poked their heads out of their assisted living facilities and did their best Rip Van Winkle impressions:

“Oh my God!  It’s 2013!  That there Killer Weed is LEGAL in two states, decriminalized in several other states, and some states even allow people to smoke marijuana for ‘medicinal’ purposes.  NOOO!!!”

One of the retired DEA chiefs, Peter Bensinger, came out of his Thorazine stupor long enough to start blubbering about a “domino effect” if the federal government doesn’t crack down IMMEDIATELY — before it’s too late! — on these offending states:

“My fear is that the Justice Department will do what they are doing now:  do nothing and say nothing.  If they don’t act now, these laws will be fully implemented in a matter of months.”


And here I was, worrying over trivia like the economy and environmental destruction.  Well, I stand corrected.  We need to crack down NOW on this Reefer Madness, this, this Assassin of Youth!

And for the first time Ever, Rightwingers are looking to the United Nations for support.  What???  Those globalist thugs who are planning to invade America, ram their environmental agenda down her throat and steal her property rights?!?

According to these eight DEA has-beens, the International Narcotics Control Board — a U.N. agency — has the U.S. Justice Department in a straitjacket because of international drug treaties.

Well, that settles that.  When the U.N. tells America to do something, America obeys.  Or Else!  That’s why we didn’t invade Iraq — or overthrow the governments of Iran and countless Latin American countries — and that’s why we’ve signed all these international treaties to fight climate change.

And we’re all familiar with the absolute power of the U..N.  If it weren’t for the United Nations, North Korea would be threatening the world with nuclear missile attacks; al Qaeda thugs would be terrorizing the citizens of Mali; Israel would be smothering the Palestinians with thousands of new Israeli settlements…

Well, I can’t take any more of those horrifying fantasies.  Unthinkable!  Thank God for the protective arm of the United Nations.

I guess we’ll have to do what they tell us.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

If we are really violating UN treaties then how to the Dutch and others get away with it? I have to believe Holder and Justice don't want to face the prospect of cramming the jails with tens of thousands of minor drug offenders!

Let them work on getting the fluoridation out of our water instead!


March 6, 2013 at 12:48 AM  
Blogger Randal Graves said...

Oh great. Next thing, the kids are gonna be listening to the jazz music.

March 6, 2013 at 5:54 AM  
Anonymous Jess said...

whew, guess all the worlds major problems have all been taken care of. I am glad for that, no really I am. WTF, it is a plant. Hmmm, strange thing is, a few other former DEA people have been out and interviewed about weed in the last couple days. Wonder what big money is behind this coordination, could it be big pharma. What, ME cynical. Me, myself and I don't care legal or not I will still partake of nature's bounty when I feel like it. In fact, I am getting a feeling right now.

March 6, 2013 at 11:41 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Erik: It's my understanding that Portugal legalized or decriminalized all drugs about ten years ago. There's no increased drug addiction, crime has gone down, and I haven't heard about any U.N. black helicopters swooping into Portugal. And for conservatives to be pointing to the U.N. as an ally -- the irony is too much.

Randal: OMG, I forgot about jazz, the evil music of hepcats and hopheads.

Jess: I meant to put this in the post -- there's a lobbying group called Save Our Society from Drugs, and they're backing up these DEA has-beens. They're undoubtedly a front group for the private prison industry, which would go belly up if too many states ease up on their drug laws.

March 6, 2013 at 1:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I forgot to mention, I wonder if one of the retired DEA heads is the one that resigned after accusing the CIA of being drug runners?


March 6, 2013 at 4:40 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Erik: I wouldn't doubt it.

March 6, 2013 at 4:46 PM  

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