Glenn Beck Shrugged

Glenn Beck is planning to create a real life utopia patterned after the one Ayn Rand wrote about in Atlas Shrugged.  As you know, the heroes of Atlas Shrugged were devout Christians.  The top priorities of Hank Reardon, John Galt, and Dagney Taggart were banning abortion, stopping the Homosexual Agenda and bringing God back into our daily — oh wait, that’s Paul Ryan’s version.

Anyway, Glenn Beck’s community of like-minded individuals will be named Independence, USA.  The main entrance to Independence will be through Ellis Island, since that’s how most of our ancestors arrived here.

Independence will have a marketplace, but:

“There's not going to be a Gap here. There's no Ann Taylor. You want an Ann Taylor, go someplace else.”

In his promotion video, Glenn Beck says:

“Before you send your kids to college, you come to us. And you spend a week with us. We're gonna tell them exactly, we will show them the truth, we will tell them what they're going to try to do, and we will deprogram them every summer, if you care.”

Bring your own chalkboard.  And crying is mandatory.

Who Cares About Those Swarthy Icky Egyptians?? What Does This Uprising Mean for AMERICA???

Sick jokes aside, that’s exactly the “thinking” (using the term loosely) of millions of tiny-minded, self-absorbed bigoted Americans. “How does this affect ME?” “What about America’s future influence in the Middle East?” “Who lost Egypt?!?!?”

According to Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity and the dumbfucks who listen to them, Egypt is setting itself on fire just to piss off Americans. Damn it, our economy is just starting to improve, and now those lowly peasants over there have to start carrying on about something. What the fuck is their problem anyway??? OUR way of life is in jeopardy!

Nicholas Burns, one of Dumbya’s former henchmen, said:

“The consequences of instability in Egypt to the United States are really important. The strategic interests of the United States are on the line.”

Damn right. First things first. Who cares about millions of pissed off desperate people living on top of a powder keg? What about US???

It’s ironic that the same rightwing teabagfucks who are always shouting about “Freedom!” are now scared shitless that some of that freedom might actually be achieved by millions of lowly Third World peasants. “Are those people ready for democracy?” “Mubarak has been our staunch ally. We need him.” “What if their government becomes a Muslim police state?” “The Muslim Brotherhood!”

Part of the Right’s justification for invading Iraq — not that they actually meant any of it — was that we were sowing the seeds of democracy. The Iraqi war would be a cakewalk, and after that, little democracies would spring up all over the Middle East like flowers blooming on a dewy meadow.

And now, some of those democracies actually are blooming (not because we invaded and occupied Iraq). Only instead of delicate flowers, it’s millions of people marching and shouting and throwing rocks and Molotov cocktails at each other. WTF???

Democracy is supposed to be all neat and tidy and come wrapped in a pretty little ribbon. And most important of all, it has to meet Wall Street’s approval.

A Teabagger AND a 9/11 Truther

A longshot rightwing candidate for governor of Texas has alienated her fellow extremists. Debra “Funky Cold” Medina is a strong believer in the Teabagging philosophy. You know: Spending trillions of dollars on wars, prisons, corporate welfare — GOOD. Spending one billionth of that amount on job creation or the infrastructure — EVIL.

But she combines her teabagging with that wacky America-hating tinfoil-hat-wearing blasphemy that the Reichstag Fire, er, ahem, I mean the 9/11 terrorist attacks, might have been a little more complicated than we were led to believe. The “official story” just might possibly have, uhh, omitted a few things. And she even alluded to this theory on the Glenn Beck Program.

OOOPS!!! This is one of those volatile subjects that you probably shouldn’t mention in front of young children, the elderly, Republicans and other groups that get confused easily.

Needless to say, the Beckerheads had a mass tantrum. That loud rumbling sound you heard was millions of simple-minded Foxsuckers all going “UUGGHH!!!” at the same time.

On his TV show, Glenn Beck asked her: “Then let me be more frank and ask you the question. Do you believe the government was in any way involved with the bringing down of the World Trade Center on 9/11?”

Debra Medina responded: “I don’t have all of the evidence there, Glenn, so I’m not in a place — I have not been out publicly questioning that. I think some very good questions have been raised in that regard, there are some very good arguments and I think the American people have not seen all the evidence there, so I have not taken a position on that.”

Aside from using too many big words, she raised questions — insinuations — that you simply do NOT raise against the President of the United States; unless he’s black, a Democrat, was born in Kenya…

Prior to her appearance on the Glenn Beck Program, Debra Medina seemed to be going places in her campaign to be governor of Texas. She had been gaining ground on Rick Perry and Kay Bailey Hutchison in recent polls. But she went Off Message, thereby causing millions of Texas Teabirthers to get all confused and riled up. And now her political career is toast.