Republicans Can’t Hide Behind Grover Norquist Any More

Republicans who signed Grover Norquist’s “No New Taxes” pledge — and that’s most of them — thought they had a nice safe shield to hide behind. “I can’t let the Bush tax cuts expire. Grover Norquist said so. My hands are tied. There’s nothing I can do.”

And now their protective shield has been yanked away. Grover Norquist has told the Washington Post that letting a temporary tax cut expire is not the same as a tax increase. He’s not in favor of letting the Bush tax cuts expire, obviously. But letting them expire would NOT be a violation of his No New Taxes pledge. His Republican minions are off the hook.

The Bush tax cuts are scheduled to expire in 2012. Allowing them to expire will save $4 trillion over the next decade. And now Republicans are no longer “required” to maintain these tax cuts.

A little awkward, no? If Republicans want to drain $4 trillion from the Treasury by making the tax cuts permanent, they’ll have to grow a pair, stand up and face the music and explain their “reasoning.” They won’t be able to keep saying “Grover Norquist made me do it.”

Sort of like a wannabe tough kid saying “I’d kick your ass, except my big brother is with me and he won’t let me get in fights.”

“Aw, that’s OK little bro, go ahead, you can fight him.”

Teabaggers and “Limited Government”

Most Republican politicians have already signed Grover Norquist’s No-New-Taxes pledge. And now two GOP presidential candidates — Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum — have also signed the Family Leader’s pledge to bring back the Salem Witch Trials and the Spanish Inquisition.

This pledge to the Family Leader promises to ban gay marriage and to ban ALL abortion, prostitution and pornography, among other things.

Uh, isn’t this going to cost money? As in — Taxes??? Whatever happened to “Taxed Enough Already,” “Government Takeover,” “shrink the government down to the size of a bathtub and then drown it,” and all the rest of their phony soundbites?

For candidates who are simultaneously pledging allegiance to Grover Norquist AND the “Christian” Ayatollahs — Awkward.

And speaking of “Limited Government” — since Congressional Republicans are so eager to de-fund Planned Parenthood, “Obamacare,” banking regulations and other Big Government evils, why don’t they live up to their “Freedom!” rhetoric and de-fund the Drug Enforcement Administration?

In their latest (out of many) example of circular reasoning, the DEA has refused to reclassify marijuana, i.e. remove it from the Schedule I classification which puts marijuana and heroin in the same category. Their “reasoning” — not enough studies have been done.

And the REASON not enough studies have been done: The DEA has repeatedly PROHIBITED any clinical studies from being conducted. And since no studies have been done (because they weren't permitted) — “we can’t reclassify marijuana because we don’t know enough about it.” DUUUHHH!!!

Come on, “Conservatives” — eliminate these assholes’ funding already.

And finally: This dire warning probably sounds familiar, but this time it’s a different context — Don’t Touch That!!! You’ll Go Blind!!!

Frank Gaffney: the Fred Phelps of Muslims

Frank Gaffney is to Muslims what Fred Phelps is to homosexuals. Or maybe he’s more like Joe McCarthy or the John Birch Society. Everybody is a Communist infiltrator. There’s a Communist under every bed.

In Frank Gaffney’s universe, everybody is a secret Muslim terrorist plotting to destroy America from within. A few months ago, he revealed to a shocked nation that Grover Norquist isn’t really a rightwing anti-tax crusader — he’s a Muslim infiltrator.

And now the latest secret member of the Muslim Brotherhood: General David Petraeus. I knew it!

Three weeks ago, Petraeus condemned the burning of a Quran by an inbred Florida redneck. That well-publicized Quran-burning led to riots that killed more than twenty people. But in Frank Gaffney’s world (and don’t even ask what color the sky is in there), General Petraeus showed “submission to Sharia” when he condemned the Quran-burning.

Frank Gaffney’s list of secret Muslim agents also includes:

(to be continued)

Orange Alert! Grover Norquist is a Muslim Terrorist!

Nah, probably not. But this latest outburst of Extreme Rightwing paranoia is just too twisted for words.

This article sounds more like “Who’s On First” or that Spy vs. Spy comic from Mad Magazine.

Rightwing activist Frank “Guided By Voices” Gaffney claims that some members of the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) are Muslim secret agents. Gaffney told WorldNet Daily (who else?) that the CPAC:

“…is involved in a stealthy effort to bring Shariah to the United States. This is a ticking time bomb for the conservative community. An influence operation is contributing materially to the defeat of our country.”

Gaffney is directing his witch hunt at two high-ranking members of CPAC. One of them is Suhail Khan. Well, [splutter] [sheesh] with a name like that, of COURSE he’s a Muslim terrorist. How the hell did that falafel-guzzling towel-head ever get into this country in the first place?!?!?

And the other suspect is Grover Norquist. Hmmm…the name doesn’t sound like he’s from one of them Ay-rab countries. But wait — Grover Norquist is the one who’s always talking about shrinking the government down to the size of a bathtub and then drowning it. He’s been claiming he wants a smaller government so that productive Americans can keep their hard-earned money instead of giving it away to a bunch of lazy parasites. But apparently, all along [gasp] Everything is suddenly so clear now. That whole “limited government” “self-reliance” thingy was just a ruse.

Their REAL motive is: a bathtub-size government won’t have the resources to spy on Americans and root out those Muslim subversives who would destroy America from within!

Suhail Khan and Grover Norquist: Yer Busted! Off to Gitmo with the both of you!

Rightwing extremists have been turning on each other for generations. No matter how far to the right you are, there’ll always be somebody else who’s further right than you and thinks you’re nothing but a no-good limp-wristed socialist. But Frank Gaffney’s latest tinfoil-hattery is one for the books.

It’s straight out of Bob Dylan’s “John Birch Society Blues.” I don’t remember the exact lyrics, but to paraphrase the last few sentences:

“Now that I’ve found out everyone else around me is a Communist, there’s nothing left to do but start investigating myself…Oh My God!”

Conservatives: “We’ve Gotten It Wrong Every Time, But This Time We’re Right”

President Obama compared the approaching health care showdown to earlier battles, before Social Security and Medicare were enacted. He said:

“These retarded knuckledraggers who are shrieking against health care reform are the twisted offspring of the same redneck mouthbreathers who were shrieking against Social Security and Medicare.” (I’m paraphrasing.)

Last summer when Rep. Anthony Weiner proposed abolishing Medicare — to give those “Socialized Medicine!” screamers a chance to put their money where their mouths are — there were no takers. Gee, what happened?

Iraqmire is another example of this “I’m always wrong, but trust me anyway” Syndrome.

Oh, and speaking of Iraqmire — brief digression here — our Cakewalk is seven years old today.

Anyway, you remember 2002 and early 2003, when Bush-Cheney were busy manufacturing fear and paranoia and hysteria over Iraq. Weapons of Mass Destruction! Saddam Hussein is Worse Than Hitler! Saddam is a close ally of Osama bin Laden! Etc.

During this period of Operation Whip Up The Inbreds, expressing any disagreement or skepticism was Verboten! It was the verbal equivalent of burning the American Flag or taking a shit on the Bible.

Now, fast-forward seven years.

During a panel discussion yesterday, Rep. Dana Rohrabacher (R—Calif.) said he was in favor of the Iraqi invasion at the time, but in retrospect he thinks it was a mistake. Moderator Grover Norquist asked him how many Republicans in Congress agreed with him, that Iraqmire was a mistake.

Rohrabacher: "Well, now that we know that it cost a trillion dollars and all of these years and all of these lives and all of this blood, uh, I don’t know many…I, I can’t. All I can say is the people, everybody I know thinks it was a mistake to go in now.”

Norquist asked Tom McClintock (R—CA) the same question.

McClintock: “I think everyone would agree Iraq was a mistake.”

Norquist then asked Rep. John J. Duncan, Jr. (R—TN) the same question. Duncan didn’t give any numbers but said Iraqmire is very unpopular in his conservative pro-military district.

Those traitors! What a bunch of flag-burning Jesus-hating terrorist sympathizers! I’ll bet they weren’t even born in this country. Where are their birth certificates?!?!?

The Mount Vernon Statement

Don’t these rightwing dickwads have anything else to do? They’re already rewriting the Bible to get rid of all that whiny liberal bias. No, Jesus wasn’t some long-haired hippie with delicate facial features, and no he didn’t drive the moneylenders from the temple. He had short hair, steely eyes, wore a Brooks Brothers suit and had regular business conferences with the aforementioned financial consultants.

And now — the Mount Vernon Statement. Come on now, click on the link. It’s futile to resist. If it doesn’t destroy you it’ll make you stronger. You won’t know whether to laugh, cry, swear at the top of your lungs, hit the computer — or all of the above.

Basically, the Mount Vernon Statement says America is being attacked from within by godless liberals who want to destroy our values, and our Founding Fathers are spinning in their graves.

Judging by the wording of the document and who signed it, they should have just called it Son of Project For A New American Century.

Signers include Grover Norquist, Tony Perkins (of Family Research Council infamy) and Edwin Meese. Who even knew Edwin Meese was still alive? If you’re under 45 you’re probably thinking “Who??!?!?!?”

He was Ronald Reagan’s attorney general. He shared Reagan’s schizophrenic political viewpoint — massive crackdowns on drugs, dirty magazines and other victimless crimes, and “limited government.”

One of his most famous quotes was: “You don't have many suspects who are innocent of a crime. That's contradictory. If a person is innocent of a crime, then he is not a suspect.”

He also — remember now, schizophrenics don’t know they’re schizophrenic — complained repeatedly about being “tried and convicted by the press” (he was up to his eyeballs in the Iran-Contra scandal).

Here’s a link to the Mount Vernon Statement itself and everyone who signed it.

American Conservative Union — The World’s Most Expensive Hooker

No more calls, we have a winner. The American Conservative Union wanted $3 million for its, uh, “services” to FedEx.

FedEx and UPS were in a legislative dispute, and the American Conservative Union offered to support FedEx for a nominal fee of $3 million. This support would include articles and editorials written by ACU Chairman David Keene, who writes a weekly column.

FedEx refused the offer, so the prostitute threw the john out of her room the ACU retaliated by supporting UPS instead.

The dispute between UPS and FedEx is over a labor bill working its way through Congress. Right now, there are certain union protections that apply to UPS but not to FedEx. This bill would apply the same union protections to FedEx as well. FedEx, needless to say, is against the bill.

And the American Conservative Union promised, for this special one-time offer of only $3.4 million — Call Today! — to run “an aggressive grass-roots campaign to stop the legislation in the Senate.”

“Grass-roots?????” ROTFLMAO! Calling all rightwing millionaires — there’ll be a spontaneous hootin’ and hollerin’ rally at the yacht club.

Dennis Whitfield, the ACU's executive vice president, was a deputy secretary of labor in Ronald Reagan’s administration. You can imagine the empathy this wingtard must have had for those lowly peons who work for a living. Talk about the fox guarding the henhouse.

Other winners on the ACU board include Grover Norquist. Birds of a feather…

cross-posted at Bring It On!

More Bush Assaults on the Environment

George W. Bush is already known for having more contempt for the environment than any previous president. He makes Ronald Reagan look like a starry-eyed hippie gazing at a redwood forest. It’s probably redundant to even talk about his latest assaults on wildlife. It’s like saying David Duke is a racist, or Grover Norquist hates people who work for a living.

But every time you think Bush couldn’t possibly do anything else to the environment — couldn’t possibly become any more of a douchebag — he does.

Bush has singlehandedly overturned a federal court ruling. I didn’t know he was a judge. Did you? A federal court had ruled that the U.S. Navy has to follow certain precautions so that their high-power sonar equipment doesn’t damage marine life. Bush said Nuh Uh.

We’re fighting a War on Tur; we don’t have time to get all touchy-feely about whales and porpoises. An al Qaeda submarine might sneak past the U.S. Navy and stage another 9/11 attack. Uh, that word again was: 9/11.

Also, Bush’s Interior Department has abandoned efforts to save the few remaining Jaguars in southern New Mexico and Arizona. If any of these areas near the U.S.-Mexican border were designated as critical habitat for Jaguars, it might jeopardize our brand spankin’ new border fence. And we need that border fence. We've got hordes of dark-skinned savages pouring into our country from Mexico and you're getting all maudlin over a few Jaguars?

We have 367 more days of this asshole stenching up the White House. (Or if you're in the military, that’s 366 and a wakeup.) Whoever takes his place has to be an improvement.

cross-posted at Bring It On!