Please Help Jon Kyl Go Home for Christmas

The War on Christmas is getting more brutal than ever this season. This time it isn’t just pagan cashiers saying “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas.” Those devious liberals are finding more and more subtle, insidious ways to piss on Jesus.

As you’ve probably been reading, Senate Republicans are doing their usual stalling tactics against the New START agreement, the omnibus appropriations bill to keep the government running; you name it. Time is running out. And now Harry Reid — did somebody give him a spine for Christmas? — has announced that the Senate will work through the Holidays, if that’s what it takes to get their work done.

And this threat, this sacrilege — the Persecution of Christians! — is not sitting well with Senator Jon Kyl:

“It is impossible to do all of the things that the majority leader laid out without doing — frankly, without disrespecting the institution and without disrespecting one of the two holiest of holidays for Christians and the families of all of the Senate, not just the senators themselves but all of the staff.”

Of course, if the Senate would just VOTE on these bills — instead of filibustering and delaying and putting holds on everything — they’d probably finish their work in time to go home tomorrow. But try explaining that to a Republican.

Meanwhile, Jon Kyl might not get to go home and open Christmas presents with his family. To borrow a phrase from one of his biggest idols — Jon Kyl would like his life back.

Jon Kyl: “I’d Burn the American Flag Just to Humiliate Obama”

Senator Jon Kyl (R—Treason) would rather jeopardize national and global security than vote to ratify a nuclear arms treaty that Obama is pushing for. According to one analysis, Iran and North Korea are the only two countries in the world that would NOT benefit from the New START agreement. Maybe Jon Kyl should buy a one-way ticket to one of those countries.

If the United States wants to put international pressure on Iran, we need Russia’s cooperation. Only a rightwing Republican could simultaneously: A) be scared shitless of Iran, and B) aid and abet Iran by rejecting the New START agreement.

In addition to Obama, this agreement is backed by James A. Baker, Colin Powell, William Perry, Madeleine Albright, Bill Cohen and Henry Kissinger, among others.

It’s also backed by Secretary of Defense Robert Gates. Gates lashed out at the retarded inbred Neanderthals (not his exact wording) who are blocking the treaty. Cooperation from Russia on international issues, funding for modernizing America’s nuclear weapons, the ability to inspect Russia’s nuclear programs — all up in smoke if this treaty isn’t ratified.

But that’s OK. Republicans will just say it was Obama’s fault, and millions of gullible voters will believe them.