Rep. Steve King Dies, Comes Back as a Factory Farm Animal

Republican Congressman Steve King — self-righteous Biblehumper and the factory farming industry's biggest prostitute — is spewing fire and brimstone again.  This time his hatred is directed at gays, “cohabiters” and divorced people.  He said:

“I’ll just say that what was a sin 2,000 years ago is a sin today, and people that were condemned to hell 2,000 years ago, I don’t expect to meet them should I make it to heaven. So let’s stick with that principle.”

Aside from regurgitating the Old Testament, Steve King's other mission in life is to derail every legislative attempt to protect animals' rights.  Regulations to protect factory farm livestock against crowded filthy conditions, laws against dog fighting and cockfighting — you name it, Steve King is against it.  His most recent blowjob for the factory farm industry was an amendment to the Farm Bill which would have overturned practically every state and local ordinance against animal cruelty.  The Steve King Amendment failed, but he'll keep trying.

Steve King going to Heaven?!?  He'll be reincarnated.  See below for an exclusive glimpse into Steve King's next incarnation.  (That's him on the right, third row.)

Put Rep. Steve King in a Tiny Gestation Crate. And Leave Him There.

Factory farms, and Big Ag in general, have thousands of their prostitutes corrupting every branch of government.  But one of these prostitutes is sleazier and skankier than all the rest, and that would be Steve King (R—Hands Around His Ankles).  He added an amendment to the 2012 Farm Bill, H.R. 6083.

This amendment — euphemistically named the Protect Interstate Commerce Act — will eliminate every state, county and local law that protects animals’ rights.  The amendment is supposedly directed only at local rules that affect agriculture — health and safety standards for farm animals, bans on tiny gestation crates, workers’ safety and environmental protections.  That’s bad enough.

But the way the amendment is worded, it could overturn ANY local ordinance concerning animals’ rights.  Laws regulating puppy mills, laws against dog fighting and cockfighting — POOF!  Gone.

A spokesman for the Environmental Working Group said:

“This is exactly the sort of thing that’s done at midnight on a Wednesday night.  We’ve never seen anything that would so profoundly threaten the ability of states to protect consumers, farmers and the environment.”

Someone from the Humane Society said:

“The scope of this amendment is so absurdly far-reaching that it’s even difficult to talk about.”

If you’d like to see Steve King’s own personal spin on the Protect Interstate Commerce Act, here’s his website.  You can even contact him and tell him what you think of him.

Not many people know this, but Rep. Steve King is anorexic and only weighs 94 pounds.  He only looks big and pudgy because of the gallons of Big Ag jizm sloshing around inside him at any given moment.

Rep. Steve King: Out of the Closet

If you’re a teabagger, make sure you’re sitting down before you read any further.  Your idol, your raison d’etre — Rep. Steve King — has been outed.  He’s a Metrosexual.

He was seen getting a manicure and pedicure at a trendy salon in Washington DC.  Not that there’s anything wrong with it.  But how will his fellow “We’re Taking Our Country Back to 1859” teabirthers handle this?

And what will he wear to his next teatard gathering?  He’ll have to make sure his George Washington costume doesn’t clash with his nail polish.

Does the Fourteenth Amendment Protect the Unborn?

Don’t laugh. This Earth-shaking topic was actually discussed by several Republican presidential candidates at the APP Palmetto Freedom Forum in Columbia, South Carolina. Yup, we keep going further back in time and the bar keeps getting set lower and lower.

APP stands for American Principles Project. The author of this article, Maggie Gallagher, is the founder of the National Organization for Marriage. The panelists included professor Robert George (who’s also a member of the National Organization for Marriage), Senator Jim DeMint (R—Inbred) and Rep. Steve King (R—Ku Klux Klan).

GOP presidential candidates included: Mitt Romney, Ron Paul, Michele Bachmann and Herman Cain. They were asked if the Equal Protection clause of the Fourteenth Amendment applies to unborn human beings and, if so, does Congress have the constitutional authority to enforce this guarantee?

Michele Bachmann gave an unqualified “Yes!” (What’d you expect?)

Mitt Romney hedged and waffled. Damn it, I knew he wasn’t a true Biblehumper. He said he didn’t want a constitutional crisis, but he pledged to appoint justices who would interpret the Constitution “correctly.”

Ron Paul said it’s a “states’ rights” issue. The article doesn’t give Herman Cain’s response; only that he was “surprised” by the question.

And there’s still more good news from this article (if you’re a fetus-worshiper): Every GOP presidential candidate — with the exception of Rick Perry — has pledged to select a vice presidential running mate who supports life and marriage; i.e. fetuses are sacred and God Hates Fags.

Ready now — set your time machines. Twelfth century here we come!

Now Entering Steve-Kingistan

We don’t know yet what this new country will be called. Rep. Steve King (R—GuidedByVoices) wants to form his own country. And he wants it to be full of teabaggers, birthers, tenthers, racists and all the rest of the winners who’ve been shouting and screeching against health care reform.

What to name the baby — Teabagistan, Birtherville, Racistan, Steve King’s Padded Room? How about a contest?

Last night, right after Freedom Died — tortured and murdered by the United States House of Representatives — Steve King and Rep. Pete Hoekstra (R—Tinfoil) went outside to console the mourning teabirthers. King said:

“I just came down here so I could say to you, God bless you … You are the awesome American people…If I could start a country with a bunch of people, they’d be the folks who were standing with us the last few days.”

I wonder where this new paradise will be. I don’t know about you, but I’m already making my vacation plans.