Evolution?

Some species are evolving…and some aren’t.

Enron Scandal: The Gift That Keeps On Giving

Ah yes, Enron. Doesn’t this bring back those halcyon memories of George W. Bush’s earliest days in the White House. Our newly elected “moderate” Republican president sat there giving himself rectal thumb massages while a large portion of the country was having the rug pulled out from under them by one of Bush’s largest contributors.

It all seems so long ago, and yet, the 2006 election campaign will be sharing lots of press coverage with the upcoming trials of Richard Causey, Kenneth Lay and Jeffrey Skilling.

Boy George will be finding out that some things just can’t be swept under the rug. As the Stephen King short story says, “Sometimes they come back.”

Richard Causey, Enron’s former top accountant, has agreed to plead guilty to at least one of the umpteen charges against him. He’ll get five to seven years instead of ten. In return for his lighter sentence, he’ll help the prosecution in their cases against Lay and Skilling.

The original strategy was to have all three defendants being tried together. They’d be able to help each other by presenting a united front. Because of Causey’s deal with the prosecution (no honor among thieves, etc.), Lay and Skilling have another opponent instead of an ally.

As a former prosecutor said, “Less rope is needed for two necks, as the government’s noose tightens. The government always benefits from the addition of high-level insiders who would have been party to conversations with most senior executives.”

In 2001, Bush, and the Republican-appointed members of the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission, refused to do anything about this trumped-up energy crisis. Tens of millions of people were suffering through blackouts and quadrupled utility bills during winter storms and triple-digit summer temperatures, while Bush and the FERC just sat there with their thumbs up their yinyangs.

A popular joke going around Enron at the time was:

Q. What’s the difference between California and the Titanic?
A. When the Titanic went down, the lights were on.

California might get the last laugh. In 2001, at the height of Enron’s fake energy “crisis,” California’s then-Attorney General said he’d like to personally escort Kenneth Lay to his prison cell and introduce him to his 300-pound cellmate. Maybe his wish will be granted soon.

Why We Have A Deficit

OK, this explains it.

Your Christmas Present to America: Please Sign These Petitions

In these troubled times, YOU can give America a memorable Christmas present. Please help your country by making your voice heard on these issues:

John Conyers, Jr. has introduced a resolution creating a committee to investigate Bush’s misconduct in the Iraqi war. This committee will investigate possible impeachable offenses. Conyers is also calling on Congress to censure Bush and Cheney for their powercrazed megalomania.

To be a co-signer of his resolution, click here.

By now we’re all aware of Bush’s continual spying on American citizens since 9/11/01. Bush and Cheney are both defending their “right” to spy on Americans, and are ready to Swiftboat anyone who disagrees. This petition is asking Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Arlen Specter to hold hearings into Bush’s conduct. These hearings should be held BEFORE Supreme Court nominee Alito’s confirmation hearings.

This last petition is more like a Thank You Note. Don’t you always send a thank you note when you’ve received a nice Christmas present? (Say yes.) Senator Maria Cantwell deserves a lot of the credit for saving the Alaska Wildlife Refuge from the oil companies. She’s one of the staunchest environmentalists in the Senate, and has repeatedly defended our national heritage against corporate lust.

She led the filibuster which prevented the ANWR drilling amendment from being attached to a crucial defense bill.

Here is your chance to thank her for saving the Alaskan Wildlife Refuge and tell her to keep up the good work.

Merry Christmas / Happy Holidays/Chanukah/Kwanzaa/Solstice…

Cheney Peeks Out From His Lair

You know it’s a knockdown no-holds-barred fight in Congress when Boo Radley Dick Cheney emerges from his secret hiding place. He actually appeared – in person! – so he could cast a tie-breaking vote.

The party that controls every branch of the government (plus most of the lobbyists and think tanks) still can’t pass a year-end budget bill without disturbing the man behind the curtain. They’re sort of like a 300-pound bully who still has to use a baseball bat when he beats up on his 90-pound victim.

But Cheney came to the rescue. The tough embattled veteran of five draft deferments also came out snarling in favor of torturing POWs and spying on American citizens. War is Hell, and nobody knows this better than someone who had “other priorities” during the Vietnam war.

Cheney is in favor of “strong and robust” presidential powers, and he said that domestic spying is “totally appropriate and consistent” with the Constitution. He didn’t say which constitution.

He also clarified a few things with “It’s not an accident that we haven’t been hit (by terrorists) in four years.” Ugghhh…how do you argue with logic like that?

OK, I have a confession to make. Every day since 9/11/01, I’ve been doing handstands in our front yard while yelling out obscene phrases in Urdu and Swahili. (Don’t believe me? Just ask the neighbors.) And it’s working!! That's why we haven’t been attacked by terrorists since 9/11/01.

As of Right Now – and this has changed so many times in the past few months, it’s hardly worth keeping track of – the Wingnuts’ 157th attempt to allow drilling in the Alaska Wildlife Refuge is, at this exact moment, doomed. But this could change, and change, and change again...Permission to drill in ANWR has been on again, off again, on off on off…It’s like they say about the weather in New England. If you don’t like it, just wait a few minutes…

Bolivia and the War On Drugs

Bolivia held an election yesterday. An indigenous former llama farmer with an 8th grade education will be its next president. Not only that, Evo Morales is a Leftist and a close follower of Venezuela’s Hugo Chavez.

Bolivia, along with Venezuela, has been thumbing its nose at the multinational corporations who view Latin America as their own personal fiefdom. In Republicanspeak, that means “they hate freedom.”

A few years ago, Bechtel had a contract to “revitalize” Bolivia. This contract included privatizing Bolivia’s water supply. In other words: one of the world’s wealthiest companies now owned all the drinking water in South America’s poorest country. Prices skyrocketed. People were rioting.

The riots were so huge, the Bolivian government was afraid of being overthrown. Their solution was to cancel their contract with Bechtel and take back their water supply.

And now Evo Morales is talking about nationalizing Bolivia's vast natural gas supplies. No doubt we’ll be hearing dire warnings from Bush and his Harem (formerly known as the “media”) about the Communist Menace threatening Latin America.

Take it with a grain of salt. Too many millions of Latin Americans are forced to choose between following a Leftist/Socialist leader, or being owned lock, stock and barrel by global corporations and the World Bank. It shouldn’t be too surprising when some of them turn to the Left.

Even more alarming: America’s War on Some Drugs will soon have a crack in the wall (the first of many, hopefully). Thousands of indigent coca leaf growers have been forced not to grow their crops. Coca leaves are chewed by millions of Indians throughout the Andes. The coca leaf has had herbal/medicinal uses for generations. But this part of their culture was forced to a grinding halt because too many citizens of the world’s wealthiest countries were addicted to a byproduct of the coca leaf.

Bolivians have finally had enough of this shit. Can you blame ‘em?

All through the Third World, dirt-poor growers of coca and opium have been forced to switch to even less lucrative crops, all because of the War on Drugs. Why is it their problem that millions of Americans and Europeans are addicted to a drug made from their crops?

Hopefully more countries will follow Bolivia’s lead.

Ted Stevens: Douchebag

In a Congress filled with slippery shameless lowlifes, one special pusbucket stands head and shoulders above the rest.

Sen. Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) is determined to open the Alaska National Wildlife Refuge to oil drilling. He’s been wetdreaming about this for decades.

Or to put it another way, the oil industry has been wetdreaming about the ANWR. And Ted Stevens is their favorite prostitute. He’s had a long and sensuous career of getting fisted by his favorite oilmen, and he’s just discovered his kinkiest move yet.

Stevens is planning to hold the Hurricane Katrina victims hostage to his lust for the Alaskan Wildlife Refuge. He doesn’t have the courage or integrity to allow an up or down vote on the ANWR drilling. His only chance is to insert it as an amendment to a larger bill; so far this hasn’t worked either.

But now he’s planning to insert the ANWR drilling amendment into a defense appropriations bill. If that’s not bad enough, this defense bill also has an amendment authorizing aid to Katrina victims.

After he succeeded in getting the oil drilling amendment attached, Stevens gloated that “It’s going to be awfully hard to vote against Katrina. And if it’s in there, maybe disaster-area people will vote with me on ANWR.”

Pretty slick, huh? We can either protect one of North America’s last wildlife refuges, OR we can send aid to the victims of America’s worst natural disaster in history. When this sack of shit looks in the mirror, what does he see?

It’s too bad the oil industry has its prostitutes in Congress, but they should raise their standards a little. They don’t know where he’s been. Skanky Ted – God knows what his oilmen might come down with if they keep doing it with him.

Calling Lee Harvey Oswald: Where are you when we really need you?

America: Seduced By War

Dr. Andrew Bacevich is a graduate of West Point and a Vietnam veteran. He’s currently a Professor of International Relations at Boston University. His newest book is titled “The New American Militarism: How Americans are Seduced by War.”

Bacevich describes himself as conservative, and he says Americans have become seduced by a “military metaphysic.” All international problems are seen as military problems, and inevitably a military solution is always sought. It’s a variation on that old saying: if the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.

According to Bacevich, up through the end of World War II, America’s military needs were always gauged by the current situation. At the end of all of our major wars – including the Civil War, World War I and World War II – the extra troops raised for that war were disbanded when they were no longer needed.

Since the end of the Cold War, America has valued military power for its own sake. It’s now standard policy to maintain military capacity far beyond that of any adversary or any possible combination of adversaries. The defense budget is now 12% larger (adjusted for inflation) than the average defense budget during the Cold War era.

“By some calculations” (sorry, the author doesn’t get more specific than that) the United States now spends more on defense than every other country in the world put together. There’s no historical precedent for anything like this.

There are American bases and forces in dozens of countries. A lot of these countries are perfectly capable of providing their own defense. In every corner of the world, U.S. forces are training, planning, exercising. This has been standard for so long now that practically nobody – liberal or conservative – gives it a second thought. It’s gradually become the norm, sort of like a huge glaring billboard that you’ve gotten used to and now you don’t even notice it any more.

Bacevich says “Whether any correlation exists between this vast panoply of forward-deployed forces on the one hand and antipathy to the United States abroad on the other has remained for the most part a taboo subject.”

I first heard of Andrew Bacevich through this article, written by Pastor Anthony Robinson.

At some point in our recent history, “religious” leaders began promoting a “Crusade theory of warfare.” This has replaced the earlier doctrine of “Just War.” Under the mindset of the Crusade theory, supposedly “preventive” wars – like the Iraqi invasion – are justified.

This is a carryover from the Cold War. Some conservative religious leaders framed the Cold War as a worldwide struggle between Christianity and godless communism. In order to maintain our Crusade mindset, Islam has now been substituted for communism. Franklin Graham (Billy’s offspring) has denounced Islam as “a very evil and wicked religion.”

Other “Christian” leaders just lash out blindly at anyone and everyone who doesn’t meet their approval. Southern Baptist President Jack Graham has said, “Satan is the ultimate terrorist” and “this is a war between Christians and the forces of evil, by whatever name they choose to use.”

Yup, there’s evil everywhere, and it’s our job to stamp it out.

Ironically, during the third century some Christians splintered off into their own branch (called Manichaeism). This school of “Christianity” divided the world into good and evil, and thought it was the duty of all “good” people to stamp out evil. Manichaeism was branded by the Church as heresy from the time it first reared its head. It blinded people to their own capacity for evil, and it made self-delusion too easy.

As we can see, this Manichaeism school of “Christianity” has been alive and well in America for the past few decades.

Under our traditional doctrine of a Just War, war is considered the last option. In order to be “just,” a war has to meet the following requirements: “just cause” (i.e. self-defense); public declaration of war by a lawful authority; and no ulterior motives (vengeance, personal gain, etc.).

Which of these criteria does the Iraqi war meet?

“Christian” leaders who are pushing this modern-day Crusade have betrayed their faith. Andrew Bacevich – a Christian and a soldier – believes Christianity should serve as a check against the excesses of war and an over-reliance on the military. Christians should not be cheerleading for war.

Cross-posted at Bring It On!

Merry Christmas? Happy Holidays?

What the Hell. Whatever you want to call it, let's Get This Party Started!

Richard Pryor

Dead of a heart attack at 65. And he’d been suffering from MS for a long time. But he did more than anyone to influence modern comedians.

Robin Williams, Eddie Murphy and Chris Rock -- what would they be doing if they hadn't heard Richard Pryor? Same with Sam Kinison, my personal favorite all-time comedian (killed in a car accident in 1992) – whether or not either one of them would admit it. He made the absolute sickest jokes, usually punctuated by yelling FUCK at the top of his lungs every other sentence. It’s hard to imagine being doubled over laughing at jokes about Chernobyl victims or starving Ethiopians, but with Sam Kinison’s twisted jokes you had no choice. Come on, admit it, you callus heartless villain – you laughed.

Eddie Murphy and Chris Rock are great too – their Saturday Night Live skits, movies and live performances. Robin Williams' stage act was a total mindfuck. You'd think there were at least five comedians up there on stage, bouncing one-liners off each other.

But Richard Pryor paved the way. I never knew much about his personal life; and most of that I didn't know until I read about his death.

His raunchy jokes paved the way for everyone who followed him. But I always thought he was funniest when he was imitating White people. No doubt every ethnic group mimics the speech and movements of every other ethnic group. But Richard Pryor’s stage act was the only time I ever heard a Black person imitating that sterile metronomic speech pattern of White people. To hear him saying “hey, cut the shit” or "excuse me, can I have a Scotch and water please" in that White cadence – you just had to bust a gut laughing.

RIP.

Biblehumpers, Snakehandlers and Bookburners (continued)

These Rightwing religious fanatics have way too much time on their hands. That’s the only possible explanation for shit like this.

As you’ve probably heard and read, Christmas is more of a political football than ever this year. Is this what Jesus wanted? Certain “Christian” groups are boycotting some of the largest retail chains for the wicked blasphemy of not using the word “Christmas” often enough in their ads and promotions. Get a life! Get a job!

Target and Sears are the biggest targets of these Crusaders. If they continue to use generic terms like “Holiday” instead of “Christmas,” no snakehandlers will darken their doorway. One of the boycott leaders is a group called (this isn’t a joke) the Committee To Save Merry Christmas. What are these assholes gonna do the rest of the year?

A recent survey indicates that one out of seven shoppers has walked out of a department store when employees didn’t say “Merry Christmas.” One out of seven?!?!? Where are these imbeciles coming from??? That does it – What we need is a major birth control program for Biblehumpers. Ordinarily I’d be against forced sterilization, but…

The American Girl doll company is also being boycotted by the Self-Righteous Brigade. American Girl makes a wholesome, clean-cut alternative to Barbie dolls. Their dolls are dressed in elaborate costumes from various periods of American history, and each doll comes with a booklet describing that period. Not good enough! Some busybody discovered that the American Girl company has donated money to a girls’ support group which supports, among other things, Roe vs. Wade and a tolerant view toward gays. Blasphemy! Boycott!

No Sanctimonious Christian story would be complete without James Dobson and Focus on the Family. Their latest stunt? They’re dumping their bank, Wells Fargo, because of Wells Fargo’s “gay agenda.” Wells Fargo is headquartered in San Francisco. In the course of trying to be a good corporate citizen, they’ve apparently supported too many “gay” causes. Maybe White Aryan Federated would be more suitable for Dobson and his clan.

There was a Garfield strip a long time ago, where Garfield was thinking “my life is so boring. Nobody else’s life could possibly be as boring and meaningless as mine.” Then John walks in and announces “Today’s the day! This is it! This is the day I’m going to trim my nose hairs.” And Garfield is thinking “I stand corrected.”

The total boredom and uselessness of Biblehumpers’ lives always reminds me of that Garfield strip.

America’s Wackiest Death Cult

Yes, there are some perverted sickfuck Death Cults out there. No, these aren’t wild teenagers listening to Rap and Heavy Metal.

These Death groups have happy-sounding Christian names: Family Research Council; National Abstinence Clearinghouse; and the Christian Medical and Dental Association. But these groups are fixated on death, make no mistake about it.

OK, backing up a little – cervical cancer strikes 10,000 American women each year. 4,000 of them die. Cervical cancer is almost always caused by a virus. And now scientists have developed a vaccine that kills this virus.

Isn’t this great news?!? That is, unless you’re a member of one of the above-mentioned Death Cults.

You see, this virus is spread through sexual contact. And if you’re a member of a Godfearing Death Cult, then of course you believe that dying a slow death by cancer is better than having pre-marital sex.

While 99.9% of America was grateful for the news of this vaccine, the Death Cults were less than thrilled. Someone from the National Abstinence Clearinghouse said “I personally object to vaccinating children against a disease that is 100 percent preventable with proper sexual behavior.”

A spokesman for the Christian Medical and Dental Association said “this is going to sabotage our abstinence message.”

Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council said he wouldn’t allow his own daughter to receive the vaccine. “It sends the wrong message. Our concern is that this vaccine will be marketed to a segment of the population that should be getting a message about abstinence.”

Uh, OK. Or, if she doesn’t get the message, maybe she can die of cervical cancer, and while she’s flailing on her deathbed she’ll realize the sin she committed. Lesson learned.

This virus has been a favorite scare tactic for abstinence-only textbooks and lectures. “If you commit that sin, you might get cancer.” And now because of this newfangled vaccine, they don’t have the spectre of cervical cancer to wave in anyone’s face any more. What’s a Deathmeister to do?

Destroy Their Habitat, Then Kill Them

The purpose of the Endangered Species Act (and other similar environmental laws) is to protect wildlife habitat. This seems pretty obvious, but unfortunately some people don't get it.

Too many housing developments are being built right on the edge of a forest. And there are too many dunces moving into these new houses who think they’re still in midtown Manhattan or downtown San Francisco.

They have a hissyfit when deer come into their yards and eat their gardens. They go out jogging or bicycling in the twilight, right when the largest predators are out stalking their prey. Duuuhhhhh!!! Occasionally, one of these urban transplants simultaneously becomes 1. Prey, and 2. a candidate for the Darwin Awards.

Sometimes – due to general incompetence and the right hand not knowing what the left hand is doing – the wildlife has to be hunted and killed.

In Northwestern New Jersey, the Black Bear has been brought back from the edge of extinction. They’re thriving now. Unfortunately most of their habitat has been destroyed, making the black bears appear “too numerous.” Because of their disappearing habitat, they’ve started encroaching into some of the new housing developments (the nerve of them!) and they need to be “thinned out.” The Great Bear Hunt is on!

Some people might think there should be a thinning out of the Yuppies who move out to the country and insist on bringing all their city comforts with them.

Cheney vs. Cheney

It was so sad. Such a waste. Before Dick Cheney was kidnapped and reprogrammed by the Project for a New American Century (and other Neocon global domination groups), he actually had a mind of his own.

He once had a brilliant career in the administrations of Ronald Reagan and George Bush Senior. He rose to the top of Halliburton and made millions.

But after the brain implant…well, it was just pitiful.

These days, you probably know Dick Cheney as the torture fiend who demands the right to spreadeagle Iraqi prisoners. Or you’ve seen the lopsided snarl that spews venom at everyone who questions the war in Iraq.

How things have changed. For example, in 1992, after the first Gulf War, Cheney was asked why the U.S. didn’t stay in Iraq and “finish the job.” His response was:

“I would guess if we had gone in there, I would still have forces in Baghdad today. We’d be running the country. We would not have been able to get everybody out and bring everybody home. And the final point that I think needs to be made is this question of casualties. I don't think you could have done all that without significant additional U.S. casualties. And while everybody was tremendously impressed with the low cost of the (1991) conflict, for the 146 Americans who were killed in action and for their families, it wasn't a cheap war. And the question in my mind is how many additional American casualties is Saddam (Hussein) worth? The answer is not that damned many. So, I think we got it right, both when we decided to expel him from Kuwait, but also when the president made the decision that we’d achieved our objectives and we were not going to get bogged down in the problem of trying to take over and govern Iraq.”

Well, that was then. It’s just scary, what a small mysterious cult group can do when they brainwash somebody.

Major Pornography Kingpin Busted!

We’ve turned the corner in the War on Pornography. A Florida kingpin has been arrested and his computer was seized by the government.

What did this wicked person do? Well – if you’re squeamish, read no further: guys were sending him naked pictures of their wives or girlfriends, and he published them on the Internet. Isn’t that just the most shocking, terrible thing you’ve ever heard of???

After you’ve recovered from the shock and regained your composure, you’ll be relieved to know that Chris Wilson, the evil pornographer, is facing life imprisonment if he’s convicted.

And of course there aren’t any other factors involved here. It’s perfectly normal for someone to get life imprisonment for publishing naked pictures on the Internet. Well, actually there is something else involved here, but I’m sure it doesn’t mean anything.

Chris Wilson’s website, nowthatsfuckedup.com, in addition to naked pictures, also featured pictures – sent by American soldiers – of dead Iraqi and Afghani soldiers. Graphic, sickening, horrifying pictures. After all, that's what war is. Why should we pretend it's clean and sterile like a TV show?

The Pentagon is furious about these war pictures being published, but they can’t do anything about it because Wilson is a civilian. So instead, they notified local authorities in Lakeland, Florida of Chris Wilson’s website and “suggested” he be arrested on pornography charges.

After all, the Bush Administration is desperate to control coverage of the war in Iraq. The “media” gives nothing but sterile, squeaky-clean reports and meaningless platitudes about how things are getting better and better in Iraq. Then along comes some renegade website that shows these gruesome, horrifying pictures the “media” won’t show.

You remember how the Bush Administration reacted to the pictures of flag-draped coffins of American soldiers. Now along comes this website showing horrifying, sickening pictures that completely derail the government’s effort to sanitize the Iraqi war coverage. Between the "feelthy peectures" and the war photos, Wilson's site gets 130,000 visits a day. That's a lot of viewers getting a peek at what Bush and Cheney don't want them to see.

Having seized Wilson’s computer, the government may be able to track down and prosecute the soldiers who sent in the war pictures. Great new Orwellian use for our pornography laws.

Also, if this comes to trial, Internet content will be judged according to the “community standards” of a conservative Florida town. Is this what the Global Village was supposed to be?

Let the Patriot Act Die

There’s no hope that our invertebrate Congress will stand up and actually vote against the Patriot Act. But the good news is, many portions of the Spanish Inquisition Revival Patriot Act will automatically expire if Congress doesn’t vote to extend them.

So, if Congress does nothing (and that’s about the only talent they have), some of the worst aspects of the Patriot Act will sunset automatically.

Fortunately, Bush’s “political capital” that he was bragging about has pretty much dried up. If anything, he’s in debt up to his eyeballs. Some of the worst parts of his agenda are twisting in the wind. Let’s keep them there.

Dismantling Social Security, passing the Bigger and Better Patriot Act – let them die on the vine.

Please click here to encourage Congress to do that thing they do so well: Nothing. If Congress does nothing, does not allow a vote on the Patriot Act, the worst parts of the Act will expire. Ask your representative to oppose a vote on the Patriot Act, and if the vote does come up – to please vote No.

Protect your freedom. Send this message now.

Samuel Alito: Outed!

Samuel Alito has been masquerading as an impartial jurist who respects precedent and has no desire to overturn Roe vs. Wade. And now the cat’s out of the bag.

An early memo from Alito, just released by the National Archives, contains these quotations from our would-be Grand Inquisitor:

“No one seriously believes that the Court is about to overrule Roe v. Wade... But the Court's decision to review these cases nevertheless may be a positive sign.”

“What can be made of this opportunity to advance the goals of bringing about the eventual overruling of Roe v. Wade and, in the meantime, of mitigating its effects?”

“I find this approach preferable to a frontal assault on Roe v. Wade. It has most of the advantages of a brief devoted to the overruling of Roe v. Wade... At the same time, it is free of many of the disadvantages that would accompany a major effort to overturn Roe.”

Crafty little shit, isn’t he? This sure explains the low profile he’s maintaining, and his pretense at having no pre-conceived agenda. Don’t fall for it!

Now you can help stop this charade. Please click here to send a message to your senators. Ask them to vote against Alito as a Supreme Court justice. He lacks the necessary honesty and integrity.

He can’t be trusted, and he isn’t fit to serve on the highest court in the land. We need to stop him.