Calling all Chickenhawks: Only YOU can Prevent a Draft

The Army’s new Chief of Staff wants to increase the number of active duty soldiers by 65,000. And he wants this done ASAP. If you're part of the Chairborne Division, you’re probably thinking “hey no problem, they can just raise the enlistment age.” OOPS — been done already. 42 and climbing.

Maybe they could lower their standards for education. Or, heck, physical fitness isn't all it’s cracked up to be. How important is it to be able to do a pushup or walk without getting winded? Or, uh, they could be less picky about drug addiction and criminal records. Check. It’s all been done.

Every 300-pound couch potato with a police record, a drug habit and no education who might want to enlist — probably already has. Uh oh. If you're one of those badass keyboard warriors who wants to keep fighting to the last drop of somebody else’s blood: Uncle Sam wants YOU. Step slowly away from your computer and come out blinking into the sunlight.

If thousands of chickenhawks and Yellow Elephants don’t start enlisting SOON — I predict (don’t shoot the messenger) that President Cheney and Vice President Jeb will bring back the draft in January 2009.

Factory Farms

There's a new twist to the pet food scandal. Sure it’s too bad that thousands of dogs and cats are sickened and killed just so a pet food manufacturer can save a few bucks. But get a grip — they're just animals.

But now — gasp! — PEOPLE might also be threatened. Suddenly it’s an important issue. It’s not just for those PETA fanatics and treehuggers any more.

In a large number of factory farms, this contaminated pet food may have been fed to the pigs. And if people start eating the meat from these contaminated pigs…Oh My God, this is SERIOUS.

Other than being contaminated, this pet food probably seemed like caviar compared to the shit (literally) that factory farm animals are usually fed. After a steady diet of feces, chemicals and contaminated meat and blood, a ration of cat food was probably luxurious.

In addition to their tasty diet, factory farm animals spend their entire lives in tiny filthy cages where they don’t even have room to move. Check out some of these sickening photos. Don’t be eating anything while you're looking at these.

Here are some other links you might want to check out.

What kind of mouthbreathing sister-humping Neanderthal could do this? How do these douchebags live with themselves?

It’s inhumane and inexcusable to treat any animal this way. But pigs, of all animals — pigs are smarter than dogs or cats. Can you imagine your own dog or cat being confined to a tiny cage and living on nothing but shit and rotting meat? (I hope not.)

I’m not a vegetarian or anything, so I can't preach or claim any sort of moral high ground. When we buy meat at the supermarket we’re patronizing and enabling these pusbags, whether we like it or not. It’s surprising how many people are appalled by hunting, and yet they seem to think those neat little packages of pork, beef and chicken just appeared on the supermarket shelf by magic.

Factory farming is obviously a human health issue. Factory farms are the cause of unimaginable pollution. And indirectly, what these animals were fed, YOU will be eating. Is there a way to avoid supporting these buttwipes?

Factory farmers have way too much political clout to be regulated. No legislator will touch them. And with the fox-guarding-the-henhouse nature of most regulatory agencies (especially in the past six years), passing laws probably wouldn’t help much anyway.

Consumers can stop patronizing factory farmers, without too much effect on their diets or pocketbooks.

This USDA site offers some good common sense advice on shopping for organic meat. (Here are some other links.) It costs more, but you could make up for that by making meat a smaller portion of your diet. You'll be healthier and your conscience will be clear. You won't be supporting these sickfucks any more.

Dick Cheney: Crawl Back Into Your Hole and Stay There

This past Tuesday must have been Bash Dick Cheney Day. Our illustrious leader probably wishes he had never poked his head out of his cubbyhole. That’s probably what everybody wishes.

During an argument in the Senate about continued funding for Iraqmire, Cheney accused Senator Harry Reid of “defeatism.” Reid fired back with "I'm not going to get into a name-calling match with somebody that has 9 percent approval ratings." Pow! Give ‘em Hell Harry!

On the same day, George McGovern had a column responding to Cheney’s recent attacks on him. Some of the highlights include:

“In the war of my youth, World War II, I volunteered for military service at the age of 19 and flew 35 combat missions, winning the Distinguished Flying Cross as the pilot of a B-24 bomber. By contrast, in the war of his youth, the Vietnam War, Cheney got five deferments and has never seen a day of combat — a record matched by President Bush.”

“We, of course, already know that when Cheney endorses a war, he exempts himself from participation. On second thought, maybe it's wise to keep Cheney off the battlefield — he might end up shooting his comrades rather than the enemy.”

Cheney, McGovern and Reid are scheduled to go quail hunting next (to be continued)

Michael Moore: He's Baaack!

It’s time for the Far Right to start foaming at the mouth again. Michael Moore is coming out with another blockbuster this summer. The Right still hasn’t forgiven him for Fahrenheit 911 and Bowling For Columbine. Now they’ll have to gear up for another mass hissyfit.

Most wingnuts probably aren’t aware of this (or didn’t grasp it), but in Bowling For Columbine, Moore concludes that guns are NOT the root of America’s crime and violence. He decides this after interviewing some Canadians and finding out that Canada has about the same number of guns, per capita, as the U.S. So Michael Moore has pretty much the same stance on guns as the rightwads who hate him. How’s that for irony?

His newest movie — coming out this summer — is called Sicko. It'll be a dark comedy (what else?) about America’s ailing health care system. The film will have a segment about some 9/11 rescue workers who had to go to Cuba to get medical treatments that weren’t available in America. Damn those Commies!

It’s hard to tell which will be funnier — the movie itself or the hysterical splutterings of all the rightwing pundits and bloggers who will be ordered to vilify the movie.

Turning Another Corner in the War on Drugs

Thank God we're cracking down on this latest evil. Heroin? Crack? Meth? Nope, it’s even worse — Khat. What, you haven’t even heard of it? Khat is a dangerous drug used by swarthy immigrants from Somalia.

It’s a plant that’s grown in the mountains of East Africa. The leaves and shoots of this plant are chewed; it’s basically a stimulant. The plant contains cathinone — haven’t heard of that one either, right? — which became a controlled substance in 1993.

Khat is not only legal in Somalia — it’s an accepted drug. It’s almost a ritual among families and friends.

But here it’s a different story. In Seattle a 30-year-old Somali immigrant — Jama Absiya (he's now a U.S. citizen) — was greeted by six DEA agents when he got home from work one day. He was dumbfounded when they told him he was a suspect in a major drug case. He was charged with conspiracy to import and distribute Khat.

Absiya says his father used to give him a Khat stem to chew on when he was studying for an exam. When guests came to the house, Khat was a social ritual that everyone took part in. He said he had been looking forward to the day when he’d be chewing Khat with his own son.

Apparently not. We can't allow that sort of thing here.

Oil Empire

This website is just too chilling and too troubling to ignore. Is it just a bunch of wacky conspiracy nuts, or is there some truth to it? The neocons (PNAC etc.), al Qaeda, the CIA, the oil industry and several Shiite and Sunni governments — are they all just one giant interconnected organization, manipulating the “events” of the world? Are the Terrorists and the War on Terror both on the same team, and just pretending to be at war with each other? A lot of people accuse the Democrats and Republicans of doing this — being the same party and just pretending to argue with each other — but these other accusations are a lot more far-reaching.

Was September 11th America’s version of the Reichstag fire?

Maybe liberals are too carried away with conspiracy theories. That’s what the rightwingers keep saying. And we should listen to them since they're so rational and level-headed, right?

The party that’s out of power is always more prone to farfetched theories and accusations. During Bill Clinton’s presidency we all had a good laugh over those paranoid survivalists and militia groups who kept blubbering about black helicopters and America being invaded by the United Nations. And don’t forget Bill Clinton murdered Vince Foster and then made it look like a suicide.

So is that what the Left is doing now — just making a bunch of sweeping accusations that can't be proven or disproven? We’ll probably never know. But that website sure is thought-provoking. I’d suggest bookmarking it; there's a lot of information there.

Why is the Iraqi Quagmire like Terry Schiavo?

They're both being kept alive by a feeding tube. That’s the comparison being made in this column. At least Terry Schiavo’s feeding tube didn’t kill thousands of American soldiers and cost a trillion dollars.

The columnist says that after we toppled Saddam Hussein and threw Iraqi society into chaos, “our national security physicians inserted a feeding tube into Iraq to restore its health. This treatment was supposed to nourish Iraq while it recovered from its ills, but it has not given the result we wanted. Like Schiavo, our patient has not awakened, Iraqi civil society is in a persistent vegetative state and our own society is fighting about whether to withdraw the feeding tube.”

When it was first suggested that Terry Schiavo’s feeding tube should be removed, her parents were horrified. In addition to the tragedy, this would mean that keeping her on a feeding tube for fifteen years had been all for nothing.

Likewise, Iraqmire’s “parents” are determined to keep their feeding tube in place. They just can't — won't — admit that they’ve accomplished absolutely nothing with the deaths of hundreds of thousands of people and the alienation of America from the rest of the world.

The feeding tube will stay. Forever.

Government Funding For Millionaires

Seattle is undergoing the same dilemma right now that’s already taken place (or will soon be taking place) in most large American cities. These cities all have at least one large stadium for their home team(s).

The owners of this athletic franchise are incredibly wealthy. “Not that there's anything wrong with that.” But in spite of their wealth, their business ventures were probably financed with taxpayers’ money. A millionaire was able to siphon off millions of tax dollars to pay for his latest business venture — the stadium — which in turn made him even more wealthy.

Then at some point, more often than not, these team owners will decide that their taxpayer-financed stadium isn't big enough. Or it’s not flashy enough. Or the location is too windy, too cold, too rainy; or it’s in a bad neighborhood.

The owner wants a newer/bigger/better stadium. The taxpayers are expected to cough up even more money for the proper care and feeding of their spoiled club owner. If they don’t, the owner will take his ball (the home team) and go someplace else.

And on top of that, other cities are clamoring and groveling for this team to come to their city. “We’ll build you a stadium! How much do you want? Pleeease??”

Is this right?

Here's Seattle’s version of the story: the Seattle Sonics are leaving Seattle because Key Arena is “inadequate.” Nearby Renton is begging the Sonics to relocate there. They're scrambling to arrange taxpayer funding for a new arena for the Sonics. Right now it’s uncertain whether government funding will go through or not. If Renton doesn’t build a new arena, the Sonics’ owners are threatening to take their team out of state. (The Sonics’ owners are based in Oklahoma City.)

A state senator said “This is so insane. I cannot see how we in the Legislature can subsidize (star player) Ray Allen for $16 million a year when we cannot pay a starting wage for a teacher of $34,000. ... We talk about state-of-the-art facilities, but when it comes to education, we have 2,000 portables in this state. We have schools where you can't drink the water.”

It’s true that these stadiums and arenas are beneficial. Ball games, concerts and other events bring in thousands of customers and pump lots of money back into the community. But the financial benefits might be exaggerated; there are conflicting reports. Some people think the benefits are outweighed by the expenses and the strain on the infrastructure — traffic jams, huge overtime for the police and fire departments, etc.

But any way you look at it, should a wealthy businessperson be able to force taxpayers to underwrite his/her latest venture? I think this issue cuts across party lines. Some liberals are probably anxious to pay for these stadiums just because they bring money into the community. And some conservatives — if they're consistent with their endless slogans against “government giveaways” — might oppose public funding for stadiums.

What do you think?

Washington State Enters the 21st Century

Washington may be a liberal state, but it still has its share of mouthbreathing dimwits. You know the type — they think a vegetarian who works at Burger King should be allowed to refuse to serve hamburgers. I think that was it. Oh, I remember now: a pharmacist who doesn’t believe in birth control should be able to refuse to fill a birth control prescription.

This seems like the no-brainer of the week, but the Washington State Board of Pharmacy has ruled unanimously that drug stores have a duty to fill all lawful prescriptions. Period. This includes Plan B, the emergency contraception pill. Any individual pharmacists or drug stores that violate these rules could have their licenses revoked.

A woman from Planned Parenthood said the ruling “ensures that men and women will have access to their health care.”

And now, equal time for the bookburning crowd: A spokesman for Human Life Washington said “I don’t think pharmacists who adhere to traditional moral precepts are going to allow their conscience to be overrun by the Board of Pharmacy.” Or maybe these “moral” pharmacists could find another job that doesn’t clash with their religious beliefs.

“Human Life Washington” — LOL. If there was a truth-in-labeling law for political groups, they'd have to call themselves Human Fetus Washington or Unborn Life Washington. If you're in the mood for a good laugh, check out their website.

George W. Bush: “Won't Somebody Please Come Out and Play with Me??”

Wanted: We are now accepting applicants for the exciting new position of War Czar. Just think of the opportunity — YOU could be in charge of our ongoing military adventures in Iraq and Afghanistan. Come on, there's light at the end of the tunnel. The insurgency is on its last legs.

The Bush Administration created this position several weeks ago, with no publicity. They were hoping they could quietly fill the position and then Bush could hold a big ceremony where he would announce the new position and who would be filling it. The best laid plans…

So far, three retired generals have been offered this position — and they’ve turned it down. These generals include retired Marine General John J. Sheehan, a former NATO commander. He said "The very fundamental issue is, they don't know where the hell they're going." He said that pragmatists who want to find a way out of Iraq are overpowered in the White House by the Cheney philosophy of stay and stay and stay until either we win or Hell freezes over. "So rather than go over there, develop an ulcer and eventually leave, I said, 'No, thanks.' "

Who could possibly turn down an opportunity like this? What kind of job could be more challenging? Let’s see: how about being the last-minute replacement skipper on the Titanic. Or Tom DeLay might be looking for a new Public Relations manager.

Nancy Pelosi: Jeopardizing the Peace Process?

Nancy Pelosi sure did push some buttons with her famous trip to Syria. Bush doesn’t want ANY outside interference in his plan (whatever the Hell that is) for the Middle East. Hey, things are going great over there; let’s not jeopardize anything.

Now if any Republicans want to go to Syria, that’s cool. But Democrats — stay the F%$#!#$!! out! And this includes any Democratic ex-president who might have an excellent track record for peace agreements.

Jimmy Carter was ordered by Bush not to go to Syria. He said: “I have known President Bashar al-Assad since he was a college student, and I thought it might be helpful if I went and urged him to support the peace process in the Middle East. But for the only time in my life as a former president, I was ordered by the White House not to go.”

That’s sort of like Barry Bonds offering to help a Little League player with his batting stance — and getting told to F%$#!##!! off.

Now, thousands of rightwing bloggers have dutifully followed their Master’s Orders to display that picture of Nancy Pelosi wearing a head scarf when she was in Syria. For them, here's a little primer from the “DUUUHHH!!!” category:

Most Moslems are offended by the sight of any exposed body part, including long hair. Most women have their hair covered. Pelosi was just following the motto of “when you're in Rome…” More American travelers should be this perceptive about following local customs.

Wearing a head scarf in Syria is no different than being in Japan and taking your shoes off before entering someone’s house. You don’t wear revealing clothing when you're in church, and you don’t walk around most Moslem countries with your long hair flowing.

Understand now?

Even Lowlier Than a Chicken Hawk

Everyone has names for those people who sit at their keyboards and push for war and aggression. “We need to get in there and fight and keep on fighting.” “We can't back down.” “We have to stay there until the job is done, no matter how long it takes.” They say “we,” but “we” always means somebody else.

These people are known by lots of familiar names: chickenhawks, keyboard warriors, the Chairborne Division. But there's another group of people that’s even more shameless and despicable.

In January 2006 Jill Carroll — a reporter from the Christian Science Monitor — was captured in Iraq and taken hostage. After she was released, some rightwing bloggers and pundits went Medieval on her. She cooperated with the enemy. She was a traitor. She was a wuss; she couldn’t take it.

And now that these British sailors have been released by the Iranian government, they too are being crucified. WTF??? Most of these keyboard badasses would probably turn to jelly and start quaking and blubbering incoherently if somebody even gave them a menacing look in a bar or on the street. But get this same pusbag behind a computer console and he turns into Rocky Balboa. Un-fuckin’-believable.

I don’t know of any names for these people. Certainly nothing that would be printable in a family blog such as this one.

Will Bush Really Veto the Iraq Accountability Act?

Bush says he’ll veto the Iraq Accountability Act because it contains a timetable for withdrawal. If this law is passed, American troops will have to be out of Iraq by August 2008.

But will Bush really veto this bill? This is where the War on Terror clashes with Bush’s true goal: the Quest For Oil. Buried deeply in this bill is another item which might be even more important to Bush/Cheney than their rhetorical “War On Terror.” This other item mandates the sharing of oil revenues among all Iraqis. Well, that sounds nice. That’s the large print.

The fine print goes into much more detail. When this law takes effect, about 80% of Iraq’s oil reserves will be controlled by British and American oil companies. These oil reserves are currently controlled by the Iraq government.

THIS is why we invaded Iraq and why we’re still quagmired there four years later. “Support Our Troops!” and “fight them over there so we don’t have to fight them over here” — it’s all window dressing. Control of Iraq’s oil is the underlying purpose of this war, and this control is written into the Iraq Accountability Act.

Bush doesn’t have the stones to veto it.

Jesus Camp

There have already been quite a few posts about this. But now this horrifying movie is out on DVD. Everyone who hasn’t yet seen this movie should rent it. We all need to be informed, be aware that millions of zombied-out robotic Evangelical drones are out there, and they're champing at the bit to “reclaim America for Jesus.”

The movie is pretty grim, although some of it looks more like a bad Saturday Night Live skit. (Here are a few links.) Whatever your favorite drug is, this flick will probably drive you to it — so maybe watching this movie will end up being enjoyable after all.

The movie centers around a summer “Jesus Camp” in North Dakota. (“How I spent my summer vacation...”) It seems to be mostly for children ten and under. Like child molesters, gung ho Evangelists are anxious to zero in on impressionable young children and take full advantage of them.

We've all seen those 1950s documentaries that show Chinese and Russian children being indoctrinated by the Communists. They look like a bunch of miniature robots, reciting phrases in unison. Some of the scenes from Jesus Camp are like that, and some are even worse. Instead of just standing there parroting their lines, these Christian kids are really into it. They're jumping up and down, dancing, sobbing, shouting and speaking in tongues. Creepy isn't the word.

If you’ve seen Syriana, Jesus Camp might remind you of that Islamic school where children were being indoctrinated and programmed and trained to become future terrorists and suicide bombers.

The woman in charge of Jesus Camp seemed to be really caught up in all the shouting and tongue-speaking and fire and brimstone. But she was also very candid about purposely seeking out young children for early indoctrination. She said that by the time they're 7, 8 or 9 their learning patterns are set. I half expected her to say “eight is too late.”

She was talking about the growing power of this movement, and she said “extreme liberals will be shaken right down to their foundations when they hear about this.” She also said “animal rights activists, eat your hearts out,” whatever that’s supposed to mean. I can't remember which line in the Bible says to abuse animals, or that God doesn’t want humans to have compassion for animals.

Whenever global warming got mentioned, it was with a roll of the eyes and a tone of “what are those wacky liberals gonna dream up next?” The biggest problems facing America are homosexuals, abortion, extreme liberals (those 2 words are usually spoken together) and the fact that God has been kicked out of our schools. Nobody in the movie ever mentioned anything about forgiveness, compassion or helping others, and I seem to remember the Bible mentioning those things from time to time.

On a lighter note: Jesus Camp was filmed before Ted Haggard got busted and outed. There he is, preaching his fiery sermons. There are some other scenes where he's talking with some of the Jesus Camp children. Kinda makes you wonder what Haggard is really thinking and fantasizing while he's kneeling down in front of these kids, gazing into their eyes and preaching the Gospel.

Whether you like it (or know about it) or not, the Army of God is out there. (That’s how they actually refer to themselves in the movie.) They're out there, they're expanding and they want to take over YOUR life. Check out the movie. Forewarned is fore-armed.

Real Estate Slump

Yes, this is terrible news indeed. These plummeting home prices are going to ruin the economy. What can we do?

Sure it’s nice that first-time home buyers are getting such a steal. Some of them are actually getting a one-room condo for only $750,000 instead of $895,000. But let’s not be so short-sighted. What will this do to the housing industry? What about those poor real estate agents with their shrinking commissions?

An economist said “Things seem to be snowballing very quickly. It’s going to be a weak spring” (for home sales). And it gets even worse. A Yale economics professor said “This isn’t going to be over in a year. Housing prices could be declining for years and years.”

NOOOO!!!!! If this awful trend continues, people earning entry-level wages might be able to share their one-room apartment with only five or six roommates instead of ten. Some boomerang children might actually be able to move out of their parents’ house and get their own place — before their 35th birthday! What?!?!?!?

Laura Bush Admits to Torrid Affair With Condoleezza Rice. Alberto Gonzales Killed In Knife Fight.

Happy April Fools Day.