Who Hijacked Our Country

Friday, August 28, 2009

You Voted Republican? That’s a Pre-Existing Condition!

God Damn It, somebody leaked this story to the press. This wasn’t supposed to get out until AFTER Obama’s Socialist Dictatorship was firmly established.

Oh well, now that the cat’s out of the bag — Yes, we ARE going to deny health care to Republicans, Christians and everybody else who doesn’t fit in with Obama’s Master Plan.

Not only will vital medical care be denied to all political opponents, but punitive medical “testing” will be administered to everybody who refuses to conform.

For example — All conservative males will undergo a monthly bladder X-ray, by means of a cystoscope (unofficially known as the Big Blue Donkey). This test will be conducted on the spreadeagled patient with no painkillers, no local anesthesia and no lubricant. The medical technician will make various jarring and wiggling movements with the cystoscope while “re-educating” the patient on his political incorrectness.

“Voted for John McCain, did we?” [jiggle jiggle jiggle]

As we all know, preachers have had an astounding success rate with their conversion therapies. Countless vile homosexuals have been transformed into productive heterosexual citizens. These preachers’ conversion methods — including electric shocks — will be used extensively in Obama’s vast network of political indoctrination camps (formerly known as “hospitals”).

While the conservative nonconformist’s family members are dying excruciating deaths from the medical treatment that Obama is withholding, he/she will be forced to view a series of images. Each image will be accompanied by either a painful shock or a pleasant vibrating sensation.

“In this picture, a cleancut young man is pulling himself up by his bootstraps, going to church and working 18 hours a day to become a pillar of the community.” BZZZZZZZTT!!!!!

“Next, we have a drug-addled welfare recipient, simultaneously smoking pot, setting fire to the American flag and pissing on the Bible.” mmmmmmmmmmmmm

And this is only the beginning. Yes, Socialized Medicine is the perfect carrot and stick approach, for converting America’s hardworking productive citizens into a bunch of passive welfare drones. And then America will be OURS.

cross-posted at Bring It On!


Blogger Holte Ender said...

Tom - Will the lies ever stop. The RNC said: "We are not trying to scare people, just trying get the facts out."

I must go look in my dictionary to see what the word "fact" actually means.

August 28, 2009 at 8:28 PM  
Anonymous S.W. Anderson said...

Splendid, biting sarcasm, Tom.

I especially liked this from the news story on this idiocy.

"The RNC doesn't try to scare people," said Wright. "We're just trying to get the facts out on health care."

Let's see, is she a Republican?


Were her lips moving?


Obvious conclusion: Wright was lying.

August 29, 2009 at 12:01 AM  
Blogger Benjamin Solah said...

Oh, love it! They're arguments are just so so ridiculous.

August 29, 2009 at 3:19 AM  
Anonymous Bee said...

In the article it says Katie Wright, a spokeswoman for the Republican National Committee, said the question was "inartfully worded. But she said people should worry because government officials would have access to personal financial and medical data

Well, CheezWiz, they already have all the financial data they need - they're called tax returns!

Good post, Tom - you made me laugh :)

August 29, 2009 at 5:03 AM  
Blogger Randal Graves said...

Hell with 'bring it on' and 'let's roll.' I can't wait to hear wingnut after wingnut bellowing 'don't tase me, bro' before high-voltage therapy.

Oh, you weren't being serious. Dammit.

August 29, 2009 at 6:39 AM  
Blogger Lew Scannon said...

Every time I think the GOP can't get any lower, there they are, shovel in hand.......

August 29, 2009 at 9:13 AM  
Blogger Demeur said...

But but Tom the republicans are just in the closet.
They're corporate welfare queens and I'll bet they have better drugs than those at the bottom. As for sexual preferences they hide it in the closet while blasting others.
So they just need a little nudge to show their true colors.

August 29, 2009 at 9:36 AM  
Blogger Dave Dubya said...

Sounds suspiciously like compassionate conseratism to me.

It's the least we can do to thank Michael Wiener Savage for diagnosing liberalism as mental illness. I'm so glad to learn it's not MY fault.

August 29, 2009 at 12:13 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Holte: Facts are to the RNC what the cross is to a vampire.

SW: Thanks. Yup, that's the standard test; if a Republican's lips are moving, he/she is lying.

Benjamin: True, and they get more ridiculous all the time.

Bee: Thanks. I guess "inartfully worded" is the closest a Republican can come to saying "OK, I admit it, I'm a lying sack of shit."

Randal: I say go ahead and taze them anyway, just on general principles.

Lew: Don't worry, they'll always sink lower and lower.

Demeur: Good description. They're gay and they hate gays. They're welfare recipients and they hate welfare recipients. They use drugs and they hate drug users.

Dave: Yup, it's those Compassionate Conservatives in action.

August 29, 2009 at 6:04 PM  
Blogger Snave said...

Yes, Barack Obama is the Supreme Eugenicist of the 21st Century. He will stop at nothing. He will not rest until everyone above retirement age is dead, conservatism is outlawed in all its manifestations, th eprivate sector is completely consumed by Big Mother Government, homosexuality and abortions are mandatory by law, all churches are burned, and all our guns are confiscated. Through his social engineering project we will evolve into the Master Race. Randal is right. Bring on the tasers. 8-)>

August 29, 2009 at 6:23 PM  
Blogger Demeur said...

Ahh Jeez! I just looked up what these morons are talking about. I'll try to give you the short version as this involves part of what I do for a living.
After 9-11 police fire and all the other state, local and federal agencies realized that they had a few problems with communications, response, and authority. Under Bush we waited 5 years to get the money for training to deal with a 9-11 event. But that was only a start. There was still no central command even though many towns run emergency drills. We saw the mess after Katrina and not much happened after that until HR 645 was written. It's not law yet but it deals with the problems that emergency responders would deal with in a 9-11 situation. This would be up my alley as I do haz mat emergency reponse.

August 29, 2009 at 8:22 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Snave: "...until everyone above retirement age is dead, conservatism is outlawed in all its manifestations, th eprivate sector is completely consumed by Big Mother Government, homosexuality and abortions are mandatory by law, all churches are burned, and all our guns are confiscated."

Ah, so you got the memo too, Comrade! Our Plan is moving forward on schedule.

August 30, 2009 at 5:37 PM  

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