Good News from Michelle Malkin

In Michelle Malkin’s world, rabid environmentalists are seizing millions of acres of public lands, keeping them away forever from those poor humble ranchers and mining companies who only wanted to create jobs and help America. And labor unions are the most powerful group in the country, with CEOs and corporate lobbyists cowering in fear of union thugs.

If only.

Her column yesterday was titled May Day: The Wisconsin Witch Hunt Goes National. Let’s hope.

Apparently, gangs of left wing vigilantes will be terrorizing the country tomorrow, May 1st. Scott Walker — and any businessman or politician who dares to support Walker’s brave quest for fiscal integrity — is in mortal danger from these vicious goons. In her own words:

“Big Labor and open-borders forces have scheduled their usual May Day protests this weekend, with a special emphasis on Wisconsin and GOP Gov. Scott Walker.”

Works for me.

She links to a website — Stick It To Walker. Most of that site’s visits are probably from rightwingers who were led to it by their mentors. Google “Stick It To Walker” and you’ll find jillions of rightwing sites all ranting and fuming about (and linking to) “Stick It To Walker.”

Other poor innocent victims — in Michelle Malkin’s universe — are the huge corporate front groups — e.g. the U.S. Chamber of Commerce — who might have to start disclosing which companies their “donations” are coming from.

Earlier this week, Republican senators sent an “open letter” describing the chilling freedom-killing effects of Obama’s possible executive order requiring federal contractors to disclose all of their political contributions:

“Political activity would obviously be chilled if prospective contractors have to fear that their livelihood could be threatened if the causes they support are disfavored by the administration.”

Pretty scary, huh? So this means, if you bribe Congress or purchase an election, you’ll have to slither out from under your rock and show everyone who you are?!?!?!?!?

NOOO!!! That would be the Death of Freedom!!!

Republican Lawmakers Facing (or NOT facing) Their Constituents

In 2009, corporate front groups bused in thousands of their “grass roots” drones so they could attend Democrats’ town hall meetings and get all hysterical about a “Government Takeover!” and “Death Panels!”

Now, Republicans control the House, and millions of people are scared shitless about threats to Social Security and Medicare. The shoe is on the other foot now, and GOP representatives are manning up to face hostile questions from constituents at their own town hall meetings. Right???

Let’s have a look:

Rep. Rick Crawford (R—Shrinking Violet) was getting too many frustrating questions from the audience about his support for Paul Ryan’s budget plan. A constituent asked him if his party was waging class warfare against the poor, and Crawford sputtered “We’re done.”

And off he skulked.

And how about that badass Army veteran, Allen West? Florida’s favorite teabagger must have had scarier experiences during his military career than being asked a pointed question at a public meeting. Surely he’s man enough to stand there and take questions from his taxpaying constituents.

Uhh…Only if the questions are pre-screened. And each question will be read aloud by a staff member; not the constituent whose question it was. Oh well, at least he hasn’t ordered all liberal audience members to be cordoned off in a Free Speech Zone. Not yet anyway.

And saving the best for last: Rep. Lou Barletta (R—Arrogant Fuck). One of his constituents asked him why he supported billions of dollars in tax giveaways to the oil industry. Barletta just shook his head and laughed.

Another audience member called out “You’re our congressman. Don’t laugh at us.”

Barletta continued laughing and shaking his head, and then turned his back on the audience and started looking over some papers in his briefcase. And then he left.

Where’s that famous shoe thrower when we need him? Somebody needs to wipe the smirk off that cocksucker’s face.

Frank Gaffney: the Fred Phelps of Muslims

Frank Gaffney is to Muslims what Fred Phelps is to homosexuals. Or maybe he’s more like Joe McCarthy or the John Birch Society. Everybody is a Communist infiltrator. There’s a Communist under every bed.

In Frank Gaffney’s universe, everybody is a secret Muslim terrorist plotting to destroy America from within. A few months ago, he revealed to a shocked nation that Grover Norquist isn’t really a rightwing anti-tax crusader — he’s a Muslim infiltrator.

And now the latest secret member of the Muslim Brotherhood: General David Petraeus. I knew it!

Three weeks ago, Petraeus condemned the burning of a Quran by an inbred Florida redneck. That well-publicized Quran-burning led to riots that killed more than twenty people. But in Frank Gaffney’s world (and don’t even ask what color the sky is in there), General Petraeus showed “submission to Sharia” when he condemned the Quran-burning.

Frank Gaffney’s list of secret Muslim agents also includes:

(to be continued)

And Don’t Forget the “OTHER” Royal Wedding

The world will be glued to the Royal Wedding tonight and tomorrow. Less well known — but with far greater consequences — is the Other Royal Wedding. That would be, of course, the R-OIL wedding — the marriage of the Republican Party and the Oil Industry.

Here’s the invitation:

“You are cordially invited to the R-OIL Wedding. Please join Special Guest Speaker John Boehner in celebrating the sacred and lasting union between the Republican Party and Big Oil. In lieu of gifts, please send corporate tax breaks at the expense of middle class Americans.”

Tens of billions of dollars in tax subsidies to the oil industry, oil speculators driving up the price of gasoline — Big Oil and the GOP get married and America gets fucked.

U.S. Chamber of Commerce Declares War on White House

It’s bad enough that millions of inbreds think President Obama was born in Kenya. (And if you think the Stupids will be satisfied now that Obama has released his birth certificate, I can get you a fantastic deal on some oceanfront property in Nebraska.)

And now, the U.S. Chamber of Commerce is comparing Obama to Muammar Qaddafi. Well, which African country was Obama born in? Kenya or Libya?

And why does the U.S. Chamber of Commerce have its panties in a bunch? Because Obama has said he MIGHT issue an executive order requiring companies — if they’re seeking a government contract — to disclose all contributions to groups that produce political ads.

This has nothing to do with limiting contributions or stifling corporate free speech. It just means if you’re going to purchase an election, you’ll have to slither out from under your rock and show us who you are.

Obama’s vague suggestion, which probably won’t even be carried out, has created a major pantytwist for Bruce Josten, one of the U.S. Chamber’s top thugs. Josten told the New York Times that the Chamber is “not going to tolerate a backdoor attempt” by the White House to destroy Freedom.

“We will fight it through all available means. To quote what they say every day on Libya, all options are on the table.”

In case that sounds like just an idle threat — the U.S. Chamber of Commerce is the same cartel that tried to hire military contractors to go after liberal organizations. (Google it.)

It’s clear why the U.S. Chamber of Commerce is so paranoid about this possible new rule. The Chamber’s entire purpose — their reason for existence — is money-laundering (which used to be illegal). A corporations can “donate” jillions of dollars to the U.S. Chamber of Commerce — to be used for political ad campaigns — and the lowly public has no idea which company is paying for these ads.

If there was a truth-in-labeling law for political organizations, the U.S. Chamber of Commerce would have to drop the word “Commerce” from its name. Unlike your local chamber of commerce, the U.S. Chamber of Commerce hasn’t had anything to do with “commerce” since sometime in the 1900s.

California’s Proposition 8 Overturned: Judge Who Initially Upheld It is Heterosexual

California’s Proposition 8, banning gay marriage (often referred to as Proposition Hate), has been overturned. Apparently there was a conflict of interest because the judge who initially upheld the law is a heterosexual. Therefore the judge is not capable of making an unbiased ruling.

OOPS. My Bad.

Sorry, I had it turned around. OK: the backers of Proposition Hate are trying to invalidate last year’s ruling that Proposition Hate is unconstitutional, on the grounds that the judge who issued the ruling — former Chief U.S. District Judge Vaughn Walker — is gay.

Oooookay.

Dodd Frank Exposed

Now don’t get all excited. It’s not the title of a gay porn movie or anything.

Dodd Frank Exposed is the newest Wall Street front group posing as just plain ol’ regular folks who don’t want that there government snooping around in people’s bank accounts.

At a recent gathering, Dodd Frank Exposed staffers had a video playing repeatedly — scary soundtrack and all. The narrating voice was saying:

“From the same people who brought you Obamacare comes a controversial sequel: Dodd Frank. Last year, President Obama and the Democrat-run Congress rushed through the sweeping overhaul of healthcare amounting to the unconstitutional power grab followed quickly by Dodd Frank Wall Street Reform And Consumer Protection Act. Just like Obamacare it created a massive, unconstitutional regulatory bureaucracy. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau is a runaway regulatory machine completely unaccountable to the president, the Congress, and the courts.”

The two main “everyday citizens” in charge of Dodd Frank Exposed are Gary Marx — vice president of Ralph Reed’s lobbying firm, Century Strategies — and Robert Bork, Jr. (no comment).

The above-mentioned apple that didn’t fall far from the tree has made a career out of coordinating front groups on behalf of corporate conglomerates. And his favorite clients are corporations that are responsible for huge environmental or financial disasters. Bork comes up with a folksy spin, portraying the corporation as a “good citizen” who wants to do the right thing, and/or a “victim.”

In a memo to a group of corporate attorneys, Little Bork wrote:

“A carefully designed communication strategy that includes third parties has the potential to persuade key audiences. It gives you credibility and increases your chances of success.”

OK teabaggers — gather up your misspelled signs and get ready for some more of them spontaneous demonstrations.

Senator Jon Kyl Watches Child Pornography While Ejaculating on the Bible

NOTE: The above sentence was not intended to be a factual statement.

Last week Senator Jon Kyl announced that abortion is “over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does.” After a huge outcry, Jon Kyl’s spokesperson came back and said Kyl’s statement was not intended as a factual statement.

At the time I couldn’t think of anything to write about it, but Stephen Colbert spent several minutes making up one outrageous twisted statement after another, each one followed by a giant cue card saying “not intended to be a factual statement.”

Check it out.

Financial Martial Law Coming to Wisconsin?

There’s a vicious rumor that Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker is planning to import Michigan’s “financial martial law” to Wisconsin.

Walker is denying this. But this is the same lying sack of shit who kept insisting his union-crippling agenda was strictly because of Wisconsin’s budget crisis. He kept repeating this over and over, but then it turned out…

As you probably know, Michigan’s new financial martial law gives Governor Rick Snyder “emergency” powers to single-handedly nullify and rewrite city contracts, and fire city employees — in any city or town where the governor declares an “emergency.”

And now Scott Walker wants to copy this brilliant idea in Wisconsin. The only difference is, Walker wants to do this to counties instead of cities. He denies this. But in a speech two years ago, Walker said:

“For us, we’ve been looking for almost two years at an alternative for county government. Here’s the tease. We’ve looked extensively. I know many others have looked at this. We believe if they don’t — they being the county board, the state legislature, the governor — give us the tools to act on those major reforms, it’s probably time for us to seriously consider looking at the possibility of eliminating county government, and replacing it with something better. That’s a combination of moving assets to the state, moving to municipal governments, doing it other way, that’s totally different.”

But don’t worry. That quote was probably taken out of context by the liberal media.

Citizens’ Recall Drive Against Michigan Governor Rick Snyder

Scott Walker is probably the most famous of the Kochstains who got swept into state legislatures and governors’ offices last November. But Michigan Governor Rick Snyder is even more power-crazed.

If you read political blogs and “alternative” news sites, you probably know about this already. You won’t learn about it from the mainstream corporate-owned “media.” Along with destroying unions and raising taxes on working people and retirees — like the rest of the Kochsuckers — the state of Michigan passed a “financial martial law” bill last month.

This law means Governor Rick Snyder can appoint an “emergency financial manager” to take over the day-to-day governing functions of any city or town in Michigan, if the governor decides it’s an “emergency.” Among other things, local union contracts can be invalidated and rewritten, employees can be fired — all according to the whims of Rick Snyder

Whatever happened to those “local autonomy” and “limited government“ soundbites that conservatives were always spewing out? And shouldn’t the Tenthers have something to say about this?

Who knows what Michigan voters were thinking last November. But now a group called Michigan Citizens United has started a petition drive to get that shitstain out of the governor’s mansion. They’ll need lots and lots of soap, cleanser, disinfectant, bleach…

July 1st is the earliest date that a recall election can be held. Godspeed.

You can visit Michigan Citizens United at their website, FireRickSnyder.org.

And now, on this one year anniversary of the BP oil spill, there’s some good news and bad news. Some folks are making out like bandits.

Others — not so much.

Republicans: Yearning for a Pothole Nation

After Standard & Poor’s warning about America’s debt crisis, both parties will probably dig their heels in deeper than ever. Republican demagogues and their useful idiots will continue to insist that we need to keep cutting taxes for the wealthiest corporations. If we will just quit strangling these companies with job-killing taxes and cumbersome regulations, they’ll spring back to life and start creating bazillions of new jobs so fast, our heads will be spinning.

Trust them. Come on, Charlie Brown — this time Lucy promises that when you come running in for the kick, she won’t yank the football away.

Over the past ten years, America’s wealthiest corporations have eliminated almost three million jobs. Apparently the Bush tax cuts just didn’t cut deep enough. Republicans want to keep doing the same thing over and over — this time it’ll be different! — and keep rewarding these same companies with more subsidies, lower taxes and fewer regulations. Think of all the new jobs this will create. “Oh boy, there’s gotta be a pony in here somewhere!”

Meanwhile, John Boehner (R—Jack Daniels) seems to be misreading those ubiquitous “American People” he keeps talking about. Polls are showing that most Americans either support gay marriage and/or think that banning gay marriage should be a low priority, considering the real problems facing the country.

But according to Jim Beam, Jr., “The American People” want to spend $500,000 of THEIR tax dollars to defend the Defense of Marriage Act.

With priorities like this, no wonder America is turning into a pothole nation.

Ronald Reagan: Guilty of Socialism, Class Warfare

The concept of irony is way beyond the grasp of most teabaggers. But for the rest of the population — i.e. people whose IQs are HIGHER than their shoe sizes — this is just too much.

Ronald Reagan — God of the Far Right, Guiding Light of the Teatards — raised corporate taxes and closed corporate tax loopholes. These two actions together (part of the 1986 Tax Reform Act) brought in an additional $420 billion over the next five years.

When President Reagan learned that General Electric was slithering out of paying any taxes whatsoever, he said to his Treasury Secretary, “I didn’t realize things had gotten that far out of line.”

During the signing ceremony for his 1986 Tax Reform Act, Reagan said:

“We’re going to make it economical to raise children again. Flatter rates will mean more reward for that extra effort, and vanishing loopholes and a minimum tax will mean that everybody and every corporation pay their fair share.”

Commie! If the teawipes found out their swashbuckling hero was actually a wealth-redistributing socialist, they’d have a mass heart attack. Hmmm…come to think of it — spread the word!

With today being Tax Day and all that, MoveOn.org is organizing 300 Tax Day: Make Them Pay events across the country. It’s gotta be done.

Finally — Obama Hits Back

So THAT’S what it takes to get Obama to strike back: make him think his comments are off the record. Now that the cat’s out of the bag, let’s hope he keeps on swinging. No more college professor giving an erudite speech at a faculty meeting.

Obama was at a private meeting (or so he thought) with about fifty donors at a restaurant. A live audio feed piped his comments back to the press briefing room, where reporters were still working.

(Links here and here.)

Among other candid comments were:

“I said, 'You wanna repeal health care? Go at it. We'll have that debate. But you're not going to be able to do it by nickel and diming me in the budget. You think we're stupid?’”

Obama slammed the GOP’s repeated backdoor attempts to defund Planned Parenthood by attaching the defunding to a budget bill:

“Put it in a separate bill. We'll call it up. And if you think you can overturn my veto, try it. But don't try to sneak this through.”

Aw come on, sneaking is the only thing the rightwads know how to do.

He also had some choice words for Paul Ryan (R—PeeWee Herman):

“When Paul Ryan says his priority is to make sure...he's just being America's accountant and trying to be responsible — This is the same guy who voted for two wars that were unpaid for, voted for the Bush tax cuts that were unpaid for, voted for the prescription drug bill that cost as much as my health care bill but wasn't paid for.”

After a year and a half of being poked and prodded and needled and shat on by Republicans and their useful idiots, Obama has finally had enough.

You Go Mr. President.

Tar Sands, Copper Mining vs. The Environment

Isn’t this great, having so many millions of unemployed Americans? No, not for us, of course. But for the Oligarchy, the one percent of the population that owns and controls virtually everything, unemployed desperate people are a gold mine.

If you’re a one-percenter and you have a new profit-making venture that threatens public safety or the environment, all you have to do is yell out “This Will Create Jobs! JOBS!!!”

Immediately, millions of frantic out-of-work people will be clamoring to get those commie treehugging safety regulations out of your way, so you can get right out there and start wrecking the environment and “creating jobs.”

One current example is the tar sands project in Utah. There’s a sticky tar-like substance under the soil of eastern Utah, in the Uinta Basin. This tar could provide a huge new source of petroleum. And we just happen to be in the middle of an energy crisis (as usual) and a shitty economy. How conveeenient.

Unfortunately a bunch of bears, elk and bison have the nerve to be living above this tar, and they’re in the way. In case there’s any question of priorities, the answer is in the Bible. Who could ever forget that stirring passage where Jesus said “Get those fuckin’ filthy animals out of there and start digging for tar. NOW, Asshole!”

In Minnesota, increased copper mining is a threat to the local water quality, and this could jeopardize the state’s famous wild rice farms. The threatened land — and wild rice too, for that matter — is sacred to local Indian tribes. The water projects coordinator for the Fond du Lac Band of Lake Superior Chippewa said:

“It is sacred. It is a gift from the Creator. It is central to Ojibwe cultural identity. The cultural significance can't be overstated.”

Now now, before you start getting all warm and fuzzy about Indians and rice paddies, remember: “JOBS!”

Someday, we might actually learn something from the people of Bolivia and Ecuador about protecting nature.

Nah. It can’t happen here.

Scott Walker Admits: “I Just Wanted to Crush Unions. The Budget Deficit Had Nothing to Do With It.”

Everyone has been saying this for months. But this time it’s straight out of Governor Scott Walker’s Koch-cum-infested mouth.

Scott Walker testified today before the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform. Dennis Kucinich (D—Ohio) asked Walker some pointed questions about his Stomp-The-Unions agenda. Part of Wisconsin’s anti-union law requires union members to vote every year on whether the union should continue to exist. Kucinich asked Walker how much taxpayer money would be saved by this provision. Walker squirmed and twisted and spluttered and finally admitted — None.

Next, Walker was asked how much tax money would be saved by preventing union dues from being taken out of employees’ paychecks (another provision in Walker’s law). Walker said it would save money for the union members — aww, shucks, how nice of him to care — but he couldn’t say how it would save any taxpayers’ money.

Next, Kucinich produced a document from the Wisconsin Legislative Fiscal Bureau which stated that Walker’s anti-union laws were non-fiscal — no impact on the budget one way or the other. Kucinich requested that this official document be included in the public record, but his request was denied by Chairman Darrell Issa (R—Car Thief).

So much for Walker calling his union-busting law a “budget repair bill,” and his constant rhetoric about “we have a budget crisis!” “Wisconsin is broke!”

Lying sack of pus.

Higher Gas Prices and Koch Industries

Once again, gasoline prices are going through the roof. And once again, you’ll hear vague rumblings about “oil speculators” being responsible.

If you’re like me, you probably have no idea who these oil speculators are, what they’re doing to make such huge profits from higher oil prices (without producing anything themselves), and why they keep getting away with it. (As well as “Hey, how can I get in on this?”)

Would you believe, Koch Industries is one of the largest oil speculators. Why is this not surprising?

Needless to say Koch Industries doesn’t extract any oil. But they’re major players in shipping crude oil, refining and distributing it. With such control over every stage of the market, they have excellent information for speculating on the future price.

When it comes to parlaying their insider knowledge into complicated convoluted financial schemes, Koch Industries has picked up where Enron left off.

In 2008, Koch Industries practiced “contango” market manipulation. That’s the practice of buying and storing huge quantities of a commodity in order to create a fake “shortage.” In 2008 Koch Industries leased four supertankers for holding/hording oil off the U.S. Gulf coast, in anticipation of higher prices.

As far as why they’re able to keep getting away with this: the Koch Brothers have stacked Congress with their own private army of prostitutes (formerly known as Republicans) to make sure Koch Industries can keep doing what it wants when it wants.

The Commodity Futures Trading Commission (CFTC) says oil speculation is at a record high level right now; and this speculation is the cause of these skyrocketing gas prices you’re seeing. And by a sheer coincidence, Congressional Republicans keep trying to eliminate funding for the CFTC in order to protect their pimps.

In another wacky coincidence, Koch Industries lobbied frantically against last year’s financial reform bill because of certain provisions regarding transparency in the energy trading market.

If gas prices keep going up and up this summer, don’t blame it on them treehuggers. Blame it on the Kochsuckers.

Wisconsin Senator Ron Johnson: “Thank God We Rigged the State Supreme Court Election”

Ron Johnson (R—Befuddled) is Wisconsin’s newest senator. Wisconsin voters actually chose this pathetic excuse for a retard over Russ Feingold last November?!?!?!?!?!

Johnson spoke to a Heritage Foundation audience yesterday (talk about birds of a feather). He told them that when he thought JoAnne Kloppenburg had defeated David Prosser — i.e. before they found those 14,000 “missing” Republican votes:

“I was pretty depressed. That was depressing. The signal that that would have sent, the amount of energy that would have provided to public sector unions, the bosses and just to the electorate in general I think would have been terrible for the nation, truthfully.”

The vote count hasn’t been completed yet, and there’s an investigation underway (supposedly). But that didn’t stop Johnson from spewing out:

“It was a squeaker but we won and the polling results I'd seen didn't indicate that we were going to win. So from my standpoint that was a huge victory and it has far greater implications beyond the state of Wisconsin.”

He also talked about the “new class warfare” of “public sector vs. private sector.”

And he wins this year’s Unclear on the Concept Award for pointing out that government employees outnumber manufacturing employees by almost two to one.

[sigh]

Earth to Stupid: Maybe that’s because YOUR party sabotaged the economy and destroyed millions of jobs. DUUUHHH!!!

He also trotted out the Right’s favorite urban legends about death threats against Wisconsin Republicans, and pro-union demonstrations being full of SEIU thugs who intimidated everybody. And — of course! — these threats and assaults are not being reported by the liberal media.

Riiight. Union thugs are wreaking havoc in Wisconsin and the corporate-owned media isn’t reporting it.

Asshole!

Paul Ryan’s Budget Plan: “Unrealistic,” “Off the Deep End”

That description didn’t come from some bleeding heart liberal who wants to take America down the slippery slope to socialism. It’s from David Stockman, the chief architect of Reagonomics thirty years ago.

If David Stockman says you’re unrealistic and too far to the right — as Seth Meyers once said, “That’s like the president of the chess club calling YOU a nerd.”

Stockman said:

“It doesn't address in any serious or courageous way the issue of the near and medium-term deficit. I think the biggest problem is revenues. It is simply unrealistic to say that raising revenue isn't part of the solution. It's a measure of how far off the deep end Republicans have gone with this religious catechism about taxes.”

He added:

“It's kind of a pitiful commentary on our state of fiscal malgovernance when you consider the two leaders that we have that are trying to face down this issue. One of them is so ready to compromise that he folds faster than a lawnchair (that's Obama). And the other is ready to sob at the drop of a hat.”

Two other conservative economists — Doug Holtz-Eakin and Tyler Cowen — have also lashed out at Paul Ryan’s budget “plan” (using the term loosely).

Meanwhile, we really do have a huge budget deficit that’s getting worse and worse. Isn’t there someplace where we could cut spending? Hmmm…Let’s see…

Something’s Rotten in Wisconsin

There are some interesting parallels between Prossergate and Watergate. The more things change...Remember when Richard Nixon’s secretary, Rose Mary Woods, accidentally erased eighteen incriminating minutes from one of the Watergate tapes?

It was the weirdest thing. She was sitting at her desk, typing while practicing Yoga, as always. Without realizing it, she got into some sort of bizarre Yoga posture that only a few advanced Yogis in India are capable of doing. She straightened out one leg and reached her foot way waaaayy out there, much further than the length of her leg. Her toe accidentally pushed against the Erase button on the tape recorder that contained one of Nixon’s tapes that he didn’t want released.

She continued typing away blissfully in that same position. Eighteen minutes later she decided to change positions. And that was when she discovered — to her utter horror! — that her toe had been resting on the Erase button for that entire eighteen minutes. “Oh!” she gasped. “What ever have I done??!?!?!?”

Now, fast forward 38 years, and see Rose Mary Woods morph into Waukesha County Clerk Kathy Nickolaus.

As you know, Wisconsin Supreme Court Justice David Prosser — one of Scott Walker’s fellow Kochsuckers — was up for re-election. It was supposed to be a shoe-in, since nobody had even heard of his opponent, JoAnne Kloppenburg. And these state court re-elections are usually routine and uneventful. The public yawns and the incumbent wins.

But because of the huge backlash against Wisconsin’s Republican prostitutes for destroying labor unions — as they were ordered to do by their pimps, the Koch Brothers — the vote was a tie. Kloppenburg was several hundred votes ahead, and a recount would be necessary.

And then — funny story — Waukesha County Clerk Kathy Nickolaus said to herself: “Hey, what’s that big box under the table? I never noticed it before. I’d better have a look. Why, raise my rent! There are 14,000 ballots that haven’t been counted yet. OOPS!”

And by a sheer coincidence, Waukesha County just happens to be the most conservative county in Wisconsin. Most of these uncounted votes are certain to be for David Prosser. We don’t even need a recount. Case closed. Next.

Other coincidences include:

Kathy Nickolaus worked for David Prosser when he was in the Wisconsin State Assembly.

In 2001 Kathy Nickolaus received immunity for testifying about her own role in a campaign scandal.

Kathy Nickolaus has already been audited for removing official election data from the county computer network and installing it on her personal computer.

Sometimes, when a country is notorious for its festering corruption, a UN-sponsored human rights group will monitor the elections in that country. When the upcoming recall elections are held in Wisconsin — and Ohio and Indiana and Florida and Michigan — we need the United Nations to watch very very closely.

Top Eleven Reasons the Teabaggers Want a Government Shutdown

What’s so good about a government shutdown? Let the Teatards count the ways:

Slower Economic Growth: According to analysts at Goldman Sachs, a shutdown could take 0.2% off the growth of the Gross Domestic Product for every week it continued.

Housing Market Jeopardized: During a shutdown, the Federal Housing Administration would cease operations, blocking home loan and insurance applications.

Tax Refunds Blocked: A shutdown would delay $42.1 billion in refunds to 14 million taxpayers. That’s $42.1 billion that WON’T be pumped into the economy.

Deficit Increased: By increasing the costs of funding the debt, a shutdown would actually increase the federal deficit.

No More Small Business Loans: During the shutdown, the Small Business Administration will halt the processing of all loan applications. The SBA approves about $50 million worth of small business loans per day (when the government is operating).

No More Insider Trading Investigations: At the Securities and Exchange Commission, the shutdown would stop most investigations and most work on in-progress enforcement cases.

Social Security Enrollments Delayed: While Social Security checks still go out during a shutdown, applications for new enrollment will be processed more slowly. A huge backlog of applications for Social Security disability benefits would grow even larger.

Workplace Safety Inspections Halted: At the Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA), which polices workplace safety regulations, 95% of workplace complaints will go unanswered.

National Park Tourism Jeopardized: National parks close during a government shutdown. National park visitors spend about $32 million a day. Unfortunately, this is only when the parks are OPEN.

800,000 Federal Workers Furloughed: A shutdown would force the furlough of about 800,000 federal employees. The Treasury would owe them $174 million a day in back wages.

State Budget Problems Even Worse: If a shutdown occurs, there’ll be no federal money to help states pay the administrative costs of their unemployment programs. States will have to borrow more money to keep the programs running.


Way to go, Teajobs. We had to destroy the country in order to save it.

Wisconsin Kochsuckers: The First Crack in the Wall

Buyer’s Remorse has reared its head. It’s time for the Koch Brothers’ union-busting operation to start suffering the Death of a Thousand Cuts. So far — one cut, and possibly two.

State Rep. Jeff Stone was the Republican candidate for Milwaukee County Executive, Scott Walker’s position before he became governor. Stone was a strong supporter of Walker’s union-crippling agenda, and he got squashed by the Democratic candidate, Chris Abele.

Wisconsin’s most closely watched election, for State Supreme Court Justice, is too close to call. The Democratic challenger, JoAnne Kloppenburg, has a 200-and-something vote lead. She’s declared victory but there’ll undoubtedly be a recount.

These state court election campaigns are usually a snoozer; hardly more than a formality. The incumbent, Justice David Prosser, has been a longtime close ally of Walker. Instead of a routine re-confirmation, he’s fighting for (and will probably lose) his political life.

Wisconsin Democratic Party chairman Mike Tate said:

“This continues to add fuel to the tremendous fire of enthusiasm and passion to recall the Republican senators that support Scott Walker's backwards priorities for the state.”

Scott Walker’s attorney sent an e-mail to his fellow Koch boytoys, explaining why it was so crucial for David Prosser to be re-elected to the Wisconsin Supreme Court. If Prosser gets defeated:

“The Supreme Court will shift from a 4-3 conservative majority to a 4-3 liberal majority.

Governor Walker’s agenda could be stopped in its tracks by this new activist majority.

Union bosses and their allies will be emboldened and further push to recall the brave Senators who voted for Governor Walker’s budget repair bill.

Chief Justice Shirley Abrahamson and her allies will continue to drag down the reputation of the Court, with an additional vote to further push through their radical agenda.”


There you have it, straight from the Kochsucker’s mouth. That’s four reasons to hope Walker’s fellow corporate prostitute gets booted off the Wisconsin Supreme Court.

And yesterday’s vote looks encouraging for the upcoming recall votes in Wisconsin, Indiana, Ohio, Florida, Michigan…

Paul Ryan — An Adult Conversation with Wall Street

Oh well, it’s too late for an April Fool’s post, so the above title would have to be filed under Fiction or Fantasy.

America’s favorite Deficit Chickenhawk is champing at the bit to balance the budget on the backs of everybody. Everybody, that is, except the corporate donors who financed his re-election.

And this pathetic little buttwipe has the nerve to talk about having an “adult conversation” with people who work for a living, people who are on Social Security and/or Medicare — about the need to cut spending by $5 trillion (and the number keeps climbing) because our budget deficit is so urgent.

How about having an “adult conversation” with the Wall Street tycoons who CAUSED the 2008 Depression and then got bailed out by taxpayers?!?!?!?!

How about an “adult conversation” with the wealthy chickenhawks who cream in their pants at the thought of sending more American soldiers to get killed or maimed ten thousand miles away? Or the multi-billion-dollar corporations who are paying ZERO income taxes?!?!?

Paul Ryan can either have his heralded “adult conversation” with the three above-mentioned groups, or he can Shut the Fuck Up and Die already.

Pastor Terry Jones — Guilty of War Crimes?

As you probably know, last week Pastor Terry Jones put the Quran on “trial” and found it “guilty.” After promising General David Petraeus and Defense Secretary Robert Gates that he wouldn’t burn it — which would risk a bloodbath in the Muslim world — he went ahead and burned a Quran.

And the previously peaceful city of Mazar-i-Sharif, Afghanistan, erupted into violent protests which killed twelve people at the United Nations headquarters located there.

Pastor Terry Jones is clearly guilty of moral and ethical crimes. Did he do anything illegal? What sort of punishment — legal, vigilante, whatever — should Pastor Terry Jones receive?

Edward Bernays

“Who???”

You’ve heard of Joseph Goebbels, Germany’s infamous propaganda minister who enabled Hitler’s rise to power. Goebbels also provided the inspiration and the methodology for America's Far Right resurgence of the last few decades.

Would you believe, Goebbels learned everything he knew from an American (born in Austria, nephew of Sigmund Freud) — Edward Bernays.

Edward Bernays is considered the father of public relations. The PR industry idolizes him; nobody else has even heard of him. His first major assignment was with President Woodrow Wilson’s administration — drumming up support for American participation in World War I. Bernays’ other claims to fame include:

Working with the American Tobacco Company in the 1920s to make smoking acceptable, even glamorous, for women;

Helping the Aluminum Company of America (ALCOA) get rid of a bunch of industrial waste products by convincing the American public that water fluoridation was not only safe, but absolutely necessary for everyone’s health;

In the 1930s he helped to sell jillions of Dixie Cups by convincing the public that it’s dangerous and unsanitary to wash and re-use the same cup. The only way to be completely safe is to use disposable cups;

Bernays’ most disgraceful PR campaign was for United Fruit Company (now Chiquita Brands International). He spun out a massive propaganda campaign to convince the public that Guatemala’s elected president, Jacobo Arbenz Guzman, was a dangerous communist who needed to be overthrown. We all know how that worked out.

So, the next time you see one of Goebbels’ famous quotes —

“If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it,”

“The most brilliant propagandist technique will yield no success unless one fundamental principle is borne in mind constantly — it must confine itself to a few points and repeat them over and over” —

Remember where he learned his PR skills.

I got all of the above information from a letter to the editor in our local paper a few days ago. I Googled it; you can find lots of information here and here.

Governor Scott Walker Commits Suicide

A copy of his suicide note was leaked to the press. It reads in part:

“…I can’t go on any more. This is not how I wanted my life to turn out. For the last few months I’ve been absolutely mesmerized — intoxicated! — with feelings of power and invincibility. But lately I can't shake off this nagging horrifying realization that I’m just a stooge for the moneybags who purchased my political career for me. And I can't get rid of this sickening sense of self-loathing, self-hatred.

“I keep thinking to myself ‘I’m the Governor God Damn It!’ but when I look in the mirror, all I see is an errand boy. A gofer. A puppet. A prostitute!!! I’m owned, lock stock and barrel. I’m a kept man. I can’t scratch my nose or take a shit without getting permission from one of my owners. I’m just a skanky street-walking five-dollar-a-night hooker, except her pimp is probably nicer to her than my pimp is to me. When my bosses give me an assignment and I can’t carry it out because of some judge or the liberal media, they — they — they make me take off my — I can’t talk about it.

“What kind of example am I setting? I can’t let my wife find out what a pitiful cowering sissy I am. And someday she’ll probably see that photo of me with my hands around my ankles while Dick Armey and David Koch — I can’t even say it. I can’t go there. And I hope to God my children don’t turn out like me.

“I thought I’d get used to all the posters and billboards and bumper stickers, but it just gets worse every time I see one. Every time I look out my limousine window and see 'Scott Walker Sucks Koch' for the umpteen hundredth time, I just want to curl up and die.

“I’ve had enough. Buh Bye.”




And a Happy April Fool's Day to you too.