Who Hijacked Our Country

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Eric Cantor Goes Down on Oil Speculators

Everyone has suspected this for a long time, but now it’s official. Yesterday Eric Cantor spoke at a meeting of the CME Group, “the world’s largest owner and operator of exchanges and clearinghouses for financial derivatives.” (You can find more information about CME Group here.)

Cantor promised his audience — comprised mostly of oil speculators — that he would block those commie financial reforms that are part of last year’s Dodd-Frank law. And he took special aim at the Commodity Futures Trading Commission, which regulates derivatives and energy speculation. The highly-paid call girl said to his johns:

“We want to help you continue to lead for America, that means we gotta do our part when you see the implementation of Dodd-Frank coming at you like a barreling train. We want to help control that so that we can get some sensible, sensible follow up to that legislation…Whether it’s the EPA, the FDA, the FCC, the SEC, the CFTC, you name it, there is an acronym for a federal agency causing harm right now. We’re trying to pull that in.”

Next there was a giant sucking sound as Eric Cantor got down on his knees and started to xxxxx xxx xxxxxxxxxxx xx xxxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Well, you can see why an oil speculator would vote for Eric Cantor. But how do you explain the millions of other Virginia voters who elected this cocksucker?

And now, a message to all patriotic Americans: Don’t say anything negative about any U.S. Supreme Court decisions; not even the teensiest little criticism. If you do, Clarence Thomas says you’re “lazy, illiterate.” The only people who criticize the Supreme Court are “cynics who are drunk on their own opinions.”

So there. Just be a good little cog and nobody gets hurt.


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8 Comments:

Anonymous Jolly Roger said...

Like the rest of the Rushpubliscum tokens, Cantor is an idiot. We often wonder how people as stupid as Cantor managed to make it to adulthood, but it is clear now that they must farm them somewhere, which probably means they live in padded areas and aren't allowed to use glasses or knives. When they get old enough, the Rushpubliscum Party of Jonestown introduces them as "values" candidates, gets the inbreds to buy off on them, and installs them in GUBMINT.

May 18, 2011 at 12:27 PM  
Blogger Mauigirl said...

They are all so hypocritical. I dread what the next election will dredge up on the GOP side.

May 18, 2011 at 2:21 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

What's the matter nothing good to say about Dear Leader?

May 18, 2011 at 7:44 PM  
Blogger Snave said...

Everything has to be earned, of course. And money is the most important thing. Thus, those who earn the most money or who have the most money are the most important, and because the GOP is the party of wealth and its preservation, GOP members of Congress suck up to (or, just plain suck) the ultra-wealthy. Those who earn the most, or who have earned the most, are the ones they serve. Or maybe, rather... service... Heh...

May 18, 2011 at 9:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Leave it to Clarence to come up with another wishy-washy statement to match his the towering legal intellect he has shown so far in all his years on court.

Is he referring to both the left and right wing cynics? I doubt it!

Erik

May 18, 2011 at 10:29 PM  
Anonymous Carlos said...

"We want you to continue to lead..."

What in the ever-livin' fuck did that mean anyway?

Cantor's an idiot.

May 19, 2011 at 2:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cantor gives idiots a bad name.

May 19, 2011 at 8:40 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

JR: That sounds like a plausible theory -- a wingtard farm. The products are groomed by Wall Street and/or the Religious Right, and the spin masters sell them to the inbreds. Unfortunately, it worked like a charm last November.

Mauigirl: I dread it too.

Snave: That's about it. If you haven't made a huge campaign contribution to a Republican, what good are you?

Erik: I suspect he's referring only to leftwing critics.

Carlos: Who knows what he means; Cantor probably doesn't know.

Anonymous: Agreed.

May 19, 2011 at 1:40 PM  

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