John Boehner: Will Work For Booze

House Speaker John Boehner (R—Jack Daniel's) has been echoing the Republican mantra that unemployed people don't really want to work; they just want to sit around all day and get free stuff from the government.

In a speech to the American Enterprise Institute, Boehner said:

“This idea that has been born, maybe out of the economy over the last couple years, that you know, I really don’t have to work. I don’t really want to do this. I think I’d rather just sit around. This is a very sick idea for our country.  If you wanted something you worked for it.  Trust me, I did it all.”

He continued:

“I worked for this, and I'm gonna drink it.  And I'm gonna drink another one, and then another one, and another one...”

John Boehner and Karl Rove: a Tinfoil Hat for Two

Karl Rove has cozied up next to John Boehner so they can share the same tinfoil hat. They're both insisting that Republicans have never ever said anything about impeaching President Obama; the whole thing is just a vicious rumor conjured up by Democrats for a fundraising gimmick.

Or maybe Tinfoil Hat isn't the right term, since that implies seeing and hearing things that aren't there.  What do you call it when somebody flat-out refuses to see and hear something that's right there in front of him/her?  Maybe this is why John Boehner keeps crawling to *** the bottom of a bottle of bargain Scotch *** — so he can drown out the voices of the Teatards.

***Name that tune***

Now — playing Devil's Advocate here — let's pretend that all the impeachment talk is just a rumor being spread by Democrats; that no Republican has ever uttered the I-word.  (Come on, just play along for a minute.)  Is it a smart strategy for Republicans to deny this rumor that they want to impeach Obama?  When you frantically, incessantly deny a rumor — at the top of your lungs — you're digging yourself deeper into the hole you're trying to get out of.  This has long been a staple of fiction and real life.  “You can't prove Senator X is a child molester.”  “We don't have to prove it.  Make him deny it.”

So come on, Republicans one and all.  Take to the airwaves, the rooftops, the Intertubes, and scream long and loud that you never said anything about impeaching President Obama.  That word again is IMPEACHMENT.  IMPEACH.  Keep on saying that you never said it.  Come on, keep at it.  Louder.

And now — playing Devil's Advocate again — let's take the following test.  If You Dare.  Click on the two links below, and find out once and for all who's really wearing a tinfoil hat — Democrats or Republicans.  The two linked articles are lists of Republicans who have been clamoring for years to impeach Obama.  Now, if Republicans are telling the truth about never calling for Obama's impeachment, the two linked articles won't exist and you — you America-hating treehugger you — are the one wearing the tinfoil hat.

However, if the two linked articles really do exist...

Ready?  Click if you dare:

Here and Here.

John Boehner: “I’ve Never Been Sober a Day in My Life, for God’s Sake!”

During an interview last Tuesday, John Boehner (R—Jack Daniels) said:

“But the president has never created a job. He's never even had a real job, for God's sake.  And I can tell you from my dealings with him, he has no idea how the real world, that we actually live in, works.”

In the Real World According to John Boehner, life is an endless flow of booze, bribes from secret donors, booze, placing one’s hands around one’s ankles in order to earn those aforementioned bribes, and booze.

Whatever Boehner’s definition of “a real job” is, it doesn’t apply to Congress’ “work” during this current session.  The House has voted sixty times to name or rename a post office.  How many times has the House voted to rescue the U.S. Postal Service from its financial crisis, which was CREATED by Congress’ Postal Accountability and Enhancement Act of 2006?  ZERO.

And the House has voted thirty-three times — yes that’s thirty-three — to repeal Obama’s Affordable Care Act.

YOUR tax dollars at work.

But to his credit, John Boehner has probably created a few jobs himself.  If he were to suddenly quit drinking, God only knows how many bartenders would be out of work.

Dozens Killed in Ohio Bridge Collapse; John Boehner Among the Dead

Ironically, it’s the same bridge that President Obama used as a photo op several weeks ago, when he was stressing the importance of fixing America’s crumbling infrastructure.

Just yesterday, Republicans again defeated a bill that would have provided $60 billion for infrastructure repair and would have put tens of thousands of Americans back to work immediately.  And now the inevitable has happened.

John Boehner’s wife (or was it one of his mistresses?) sobbed:

“He hardly ever used that bridge.  He just assumed that when it collapsed, only the riffraff would get killed.”

Just a split second before John Boehner’s car hit the water, somebody snapped this photo of him.

Was John Boehner crying because of guilt?  Maybe in his final moment, he realized he had been wrong to keep using millions of Americans as hostages solely for the purpose of making Obama look bad for next year’s election.

Or was he crying because he knew he was just seconds away from getting hoisted on his own petard?

Or was he crying just because, well, because John Boehner was always crying?

We’ll never know.

Governor John Kasich: Creating Jobs in Ohio

The liberal media has been portraying John Kasich as a braindead errand boy for the Oligarchy, with absolutely no specific plans other than crippling unions and going down on the Koch brothers.

Nothing could be further from the truth. As the teatards keep reminding us, “the government can’t create jobs.” And John Kasich is proving this talking point by creating a private entity — JobsOhio — which will urge businesses to relocate to Ohio. “No unions! Rock bottom wages! None of them commie safety regulations!”

When you hear that giant sucking sound, it’ll be from thousands of companies moving out of those Nanny Blue States and into Freedom-loving Ohio. (Of course it’ll also include the sound of John Kasich’s above-mentioned threesome with the Koch brothers.)

Being the shrewd free-enterpriser that he is, John Kasich will be the chairman of JobsOhio. Liberals will probably whine about “conflict of interest” or “corporate welfare” or whatever…

Kasich has a foolproof plan for financing JobsOhio. He’ll be leasing the state’s liquor stores to JobsOhio, and the booze revenue will finance their operations. This economic plan is foolproof for two reasons:

1. Buyer’s Remorse. People who are in the throes of buyer’s remorse tend to drink more. And Ohio voters are going through a major big time lollapalooza case of buyer’s remorse.

2. John Boehner.

Now is that teamwork or what? If Boehner satisfies his jones exclusively through Ohio’s liquor stores, Ohio will soon have the lowest unemployment rate in the world.

The American People Do Not Want a Sleazy Two-Timing Speaker of the House

Not just one, but two affairs for Mr. Family Values. John Boehner received a 91% rating from the now-defunct Christian Coalition for his votes on “moral“ issues. He preaches the Gospel; he just doesn’t practice it.

Whatever respect you have or don't have for the National Enquirer and similar tabloids, their celebrity gossip tends to be pretty accurate. With so many prying “reporters” and in-your-face photographers, how could they not be?

Newt Gingrich, Bob Livingston, John Boehner — there seems to be a pattern here. Preach fire and brimstone, then get caught being one of those wicked sinners you were pretending not to hate.

Newt Gingrich resigned his position. Bob Livingston, his would-be replacement, stepped aside after Larry Flynt revealed that Livingston had had numerous affairs. What would Jesus do? What will Weepy the Orange do?

How are the teabaggers and Biblehumpers going to rationalize this?

John Boehner: “The American People Demand an End to All Abortions”

Everything John Boehner says or does is “a mandate” from “The American People.” It probably won’t be any different with his newest fling — Randall Terry, America’s favorite fetus-worshipper and the founder of Operation Rescue.

Randall Terry is now part of Boehner’s Inner Circle, along with banking and insurance lobbyists. So much for that “limited government” that conservatives are always blubbering about.

When Randall Terry met with Boehner and his staff, he demanded that the GOP:

“…hasten the end of legalized child killing in America. Unless the Republicans do something concrete to save babies from murder, then they are collaborators with child killers, and we must treat them as such. We have Pro-Life DEMANDS for Mr. Boehner and the House GOP. We Must Play Hard Ball: They Must Fear Pro-Lifers!”

Or what??? Uh oh, maybe the “Ban All Abortion!” wackjobs will form a third party.

Midterm Debate between Boehner and Obama

YES!

Come on, Weepy the Orange — put down the bottle, step slowly away from the tanning booth and face the voters.

Jonathan Alter says:

“As long as he's venturing onto would-be House Speaker John Boehner's turf, Obama might as well challenge him to debates this fall on the future of the country.”

He also suggests the possibility of debates between Boehner and Nancy Pelosi; or Obama and Joe Biden debating Boehner and Mitch McConnell. In that match-up, the president and vice president would be grossly outnumbered. If you counted all of McConnell’s chins, it would be fifty-three against two.

Can you imagine Obama and/or Biden in a face to face discussion with either of those two pitiful Wall Street puppets? Those two buttwipes can barely recite what their corporate owners have instructed them to say.

A debate would show the public once and for all that the Republicans have absolutely nothing to offer except legislative holds, filibusters and “NO.” And for that reason, this debate will never happen. Why face your opponent one on one, in front of God and everybody, when you can just hide behind a billion dollars worth of attack ads and hit pieces.

In any case, Obama should challenge Boehner to a debate. When the sobbin’ sot says no, use it as a campaign issue. As Alter says, this debate would:

“…allow the president a chance to do what he has done poorly so far, which is to frame the choice. To me, it's a simple one: rebuild America (with public-private infrastructure projects to put the middle class back to work) versus more tax cuts for those making over $1 million.”

Beware of Hatriots

Very descriptive term. That’s what this article calls them.

Bill Clinton gave a speech yesterday on the Oklahoma City bombing. The fifteenth anniversary will be the day after tomorrow. (Here’s another link to Clinton’s speech.)

Clinton said:

“One of the things that the conservatives have always brought to the table in America is a reminder that no law can replace personal responsibility. And the more power you have and the more influence you have, the more responsibility you have…I'm glad they're fighting over health care and everything else. Let them have at it. But I think that all you have to do is read the paper every day to see how many people there are who are deeply, deeply troubled.”

For a perfect example of power without responsibility, take John Boehner (please!). On the news the other night, he was giving a speech about all the recent threats and violence. He went on and on and on about how “the American people” are furious about Obamacare and “big government,” and then he finally got around to saying “well, I mean, ahem, of course we don’t condone that sort of thing, but…”

Clinton also fired back (figuratively) at Michele Bachmann for her constant references to “gangster government.”

“They are not gangsters. They were elected. They are not doing anything they were not elected to do.”

He specifically mentioned the Oath Keepers and the Three Percenters in his speech.

“Ninety-nine percent of them will never do anything they shouldn’t do, but there are people who advocate violence and anticipate violence.”

He also pointed out the obvious — or at least it should be — differences between the original Tea Party and its current namesake:

“It was about no taxation without representation. It was not about representation by people you didn’t vote for and didn’t agree with, but can vote out in the next election.”

“Repeal and Replace”

Fifty years ago, southern rednecks shouted “Segregation Today, Segregation Tomorrow, Segregation Forever!” Twenty-five years before that, their counterparts probably had slogans and dire warnings against public works projects, Social Security and other socialist threats to America. Today nobody even remembers those soundbites and warnings.

And years from now, nobody will remember the Republicans’ current mass tantrum of “Repeal and replace!”

This is the best they can do? Well, at least their new slogan has more syllables than their previous slogan, “No.” Maybe they’ve gotten a tiny bit smarter. Riiight.

Mitch McConnell said: “I have more chins than the Hong Kong phonebook Repeal and replace will be the slogan for the fall.”

Good luck with that. He should’ve just cut to the chase: “We have absolutely nothing to offer. We haven’t had an original idea in decades. All we can do is cross our arms, stamp our feet and say NO.”

I have no idea whether the new health care bill is popular with the public or not. Poll results are all over the map. The rightwads will claim that 99.9% of the public is furious over this government takeover. I doubt it. My guess is, a lot of people are relieved that a decision finally got reached after a full year of hysteria, threats and namecalling. In general, the public likes and respects people who move forward and take decisive action. People who try to turn back the clock, or who stand on the shore and scream for the tide to stop coming in — not so much.

The public also hates spineless wimpy politicians, which is why it was so important for the Democrats to finally score a legislative victory after a year of getting sand kicked in their faces by Republicans.

And this public disdain and disrespect for wusses should be a warning to Republican legislators. Marching in lockstep, doing and saying everything in unison — Congressional Republicans look like a bunch of automatons. Simpletons. Bots.

When Mitch McConnell and John Boehner yell “Shit,” their terrified minions yell “What Color Sir?!?!?”

Is this the kind of “representation” their constituents want? The political process is supposed to be messy, chaotic, full of disagreement, shouting, bargaining. Republican politicians have about as much individuality as a bunch of military recruits executing “To The Rear, March!” with perfect precision because they’re scared shitless of their drill instructor.

Is that what the public wants?

John Boehner: “It’s Too Long!” “It’s Too Short!”

Now get your mind out of the gutter. Boehner was talking about the health care reform bill.

Last October John Boehner said: “All you need to know is there are 1,990 pages. That should tell you everything.”

Now that the White House has come up with a much shorter, streamlined version, Boehner is crying that:

“The White House’s ‘plan’ consists of an 11-page outline, which has not been scored by the Congressional Budget Office or posted online as legislative text. So they want to reorganize one-sixth of the United States’ economy with a document shorter than a comic book.”

Or they could “reorganize one sixth of the United States’ economy” with a 1,990-page document. Make up your mind, Asshole.

Basically, whatever Obama does, he should’ve done the opposite. If Obama tries to compromise by doing the opposite, he should’ve stuck to his first plan. OK???

Boehner uses this type of “reasoning” frequently.

On February 8th, he said: “If the President intends to present any kind of legislative proposal at this discussion, will he make it available to members of Congress and the American people at least 72 hours beforehand?”

Obama has done exactly that. Boehner’s grateful response was:

“A productive bipartisan discussion should begin with a clean sheet of paper.”

[sigh]

Headline of the Day: America Bulldozes Itself to Avoid Chinese Creditors.

A Rare Sighting in Congress: Vertebrae

No you aren't hallucinating. “Congress” and “vertebrae” in the same sentence — for this brief moment anyway — is not an oxymoron.

There have actually been two — TWO! — spinal sightings in Congress in the past two days. Enjoy the moment. The one that’s really gotten the wingnuts’ panties in a bunch is Pete Stark’s comment:

“I’m just amazed that the Republicans are worried that we can’t pay for insuring an additional 10 million children. They sure don’t care about finding $200 billion to fight the illegal war in Iraq. Where are you going to get that money? You are going to tell us lies like you’re telling us today? Is that how you’re going to fund the war? You don’t have money to fund the war or children, but you’re going to spend it to blow up innocent people if we can get enough kids to grow old enough for you to send to Iraq to get their heads blown off for the President’s amusement.”

Pow!! You Go Pete! And that’s not all:

“I have nothing but respect for our brave men and women in uniform and wish them the very best. But I respect neither the commander-in-chief who keeps them in harms way nor the chicken-hawks in Congress who vote to deny children health care.”

John Boehner whined: “I’m just a pitiful chickenhawk but I’m supposed to sound manly and come up with a soundbite about ‘our troops’ and ‘al Qaeda’ Our troops in Iraq are fighting against Al Qaeda and other radical jihadists hell-bent on killing the people we are sent here to represent.”

Technically, Boehner isn't a chickenhawk. He spent eight weeks in Navy boot camp and then got released for a “bad back.” How conveeeenient. Pete Stark served in the Air Force from 1955-57.

Mother Superior Nancy Pelosi had to spoil the fun by reprimanding Stark for his outburst. But Stark so far hasn’t apologized, and according to an online poll (not scientific), 88% say he should stand his ground and not apologize.

And now, the other spinal sighting: Sen. Chris Dodd has put a hold on that Godawful bill that pretty much says large telecom companies are above the law. The bill seemed like an unstoppable force plowing through a sea of invertebrates until Dodd put a hold on it. He says he's prepared to filibuster the bill if his hold is not honored.