You DON’T belong at Applebee’s

I’ve never been to Applebee’s, and now I’ll never darken their doorway.  Anyway, from the beginning:

A party of twenty was served at an Applebee’s.  If it’s a party of 8 or more, an 18% tip is automatically added to the bill.  One of these twenty customers — whose signature included the word “Pastor” — crossed out the $6.29 tip amount that had been automatically calculated for him.  Next to the crossed-out $6.29, he wrote “0” and then added “I give God 10%.  Why do you get 18?”

The waitress posted a copy of the receipt to Reddit.  The Pastor’s signature was totally illegible (other than the word “Pastor”), so she didn’t think she was “outing” anybody.

She added to her Reddit post:  “My mistake sir, I’m sure Jesus will pay for my rent and groceries.”

And now Applebee’s has fired the waitress.  Her Reddit post went viral, and eventually Pastor Douchebag found out about it.  This devout Man of God stormed into the Applebee’s location and demanded that everyone involved — wait staff, managers — be fired.  Yes, that’s exactly what Jesus would do.

The waitress who was fired said:

“When I posted this, I didn’t represent Applebee’s in a bad light.  In fact, I didn’t represent them at all. I did my best to protect the identity of all parties involved. I didn’t break any specific guidelines in the company handbook — I checked.  But because this person got embarrassed that their selfishness was made public, Applebee’s has made it clear that they would rather lose a dedicated employee than lose an angry customer. That’s a policy I can’t understand.”

She added:

“I’ve been stiffed on tips before, but this is the first time I’ve seen the Big Man has been used as reasoning.  If this person wrote the note, obviously they wanted it seen by someone… It’s strange to me that now that the audience is wider than just the server, the person is now ashamed.”

As he should be.

UPDATE:  It’s not a “he” after all.  The Pastor is one Alois Bell of the Truth in the World Deliverance Ministries Church.  And the Applebee’s is located in the St. Louis area.

Pastor Bell sobbed:

“My heart is really broken.  I’ve brought embarrassment to my church and ministry.”

You did that the day you were born, Asshole.

And here's another statement from the waitress who was fired, Chelsea Welch:

“I come home exhausted, sore, burnt, dirty and blistered on a good day. And after all that, I can be fired for ‘embarrassing’ someone who directly insults their server on religious grounds.”

Obama’s Next Evil Scheme: Banning Fox News

The teabaggers were right.  They warned us that President Obama would take away our guns, and we didn’t listen.  Now that our guns have been taken away, Obama is getting ready to proceed to Step Two:  Banning Fox News.

Sean Hannity was the first one to break this story.  On his TV show the other day, he gave this dire warning:

“In other words, forget about that little thing called freedom of speech, differing views.  Instead, he wants any, all opposing voices to be, what, silenced? That includes the opinions that you hear on this program and watch every single night…Fox News is the only media organization on this planet that has delivered fair and balanced coverage of this administration…Sorry Mr. President.  We’re gonna continue on this program to do our part to save America from your radical agenda.  Sorry.  I’m not saying the president’s a dictator.  But wouldn’t that be what we have?”

[swoon]  Such courage.  Speaking Truth to Power.  That poor poooor Sean Hannity.  What will happen to him when Obama’s thugs come and take him away?  The rumor is, they’re planning to use the Chinese Water Torture on him, but first they have to find his forehead.

On this same program, Sean Hannity’s guest was Fox contributor Peter Johnson, Jr., who amplified Hannity’s frightening scenario:

“The president won the election, but he didn’t win America.  Now the president is saying, ‘Listen, do it the way I do it or I’m gonna come down your pipe.’  ‘Do it the way MSNBC does it, do it the way a poodle journalist, do it the way a faux journalist, whose only mission in life is to suck up to the president of the United States, who get their talking points from the White House.’  So, to say, ‘Oh, you know what’s happened here is that we have an institutional barrier, according to the president, that stops the will of the people.’  Sean, you know what the institutional barrier is? The United States Constitution. And so, people at home should be afraid because, they say, ‘Am I not allowed to watch Fox anymore? Am I not allowed to listen to Rush or Sean? Am I doing something that’s un-American?’ You’re not.”

OK, we’ve been warned.  You’d better watch as much Fox News as you possibly can, while you still can.

Pennsylvania Congressman: “Latinos are Unskilled and Dependent on Social Programs”

Plus, all they know how to do is get drunk on Tequila, attack other gang members with their switchblades and then lie down, pull their sombreros down over their faces and sleep it off.

These words of wisdom are from Lou Barletta (R—Inbred).  He wants to make sure immigration reform is not based on “politics,” since Latinos will never vote Republican anyway:

“I hope politics is not at the root of why we’re rushing to pass a bill. Anyone who believes that they’re going to win over the Latino vote is grossly mistaken.  The majority that are here illegally are low-skilled or may not even have a high school diploma. The Republican Party is not going to compete over who can give more social programs out. They will become Democrats because of the social programs they’ll depend on.”

Not to mention those wicked burrito farts they keep cutting.

If you’re a political junkie like me (get a life), you may remember Lou Barletta for his obnoxious arrogant behavior at a town hall meeting in April 2011.  One of his constituents — i.e. the people whose taxes pay his salary — asked him why he supported huge tax subsidies for the oil industry.  The actual reason is that Lou Barletta is bought and paid for, owned and operated, by the oil industry.  They purchased the congressional election for him, and when Big Oil says “Jump!” Lou Barletta answers “How high, Sir?”

But this wasn’t the answer he gave.  He gave no answer at all.  He just smirked and said nothing.  Another constituent called out “You’re our congressman, don’t laugh at us.”  Barletta continued smirking and saying nothing.  Then he turned his back on the audience and started riffling through some papers in his briefcase.  And then he left.

It’s because of assholes like Lou Barletta that the GOP needs a new set of talking points.  These people are grownups — chronologically anyway — and yet they actually need to be told not to offend the groups they’re trying to suck up to.  DUUUHHH!!!

Republicans have been instructed to use the term “undocumented immigrants” instead of “illegals” or “aliens.”  Also:  Don’t remind Asian voters that they’re good at math but they can’t drive.

Chernobyl Diaries

Has anyone seen Chernobyl Diaries?  It came out last spring; we just watched the DVD last night.  It wasn’t great — Zero character development — but it was entertaining; sort of a Ukrainian version of The Hills Have Eyes.

Basically, six teen/twenty-something tourists are visiting Kiev, and they decide to take an “extreme tourism” trip to the deserted city of Pripyat (Ukraine) where thousands of Chernobyl workers had lived until the 1986 nuclear explosion.  Anyway, we’ve all seen enough sci-fi movies where radiation victims turn into monsters, and then somebody wanders into the wrong place at the wrong time, and…

The movie was condemned by a lot of international relief organizations for using one of the worst tragedies in recent history as fodder for a horror movie.  Here and here are two examples.

One person said:

“Seeing teenagers taking a vacation at Chernobyl, as if they were going to Disney World, shocked me deeply.  Anyone visiting Chernobyl should have the same respect as if they were visiting Auschwitz or the Khmer Rouge Museum in Cambodia…They are making a real horror situation into a joke! This is pure indifference to the reality of the tragedy.”

350,000 people had to evacuate Pripyat immediately when the Chernobyl reactor exploded.  No time to pack any belongings or personal items — nothing.  Leave NOW!  The official death toll was 9,000; a lot of people think the real numbers are much much higher.


In the early scenes, before the action started, the movie did a good job of showing block after block of huge empty Soviet-style apartment buildings.  Buildings, streets, parks, a non-functioning Ferris wheel — all deserted; frozen in time.  The “tour” group also went inside some of the deserted apartments and saw people’s belongings strewn all around, lying exactly where they'd been left 26 years earlier.

For me, the movie actually did personify and humanize something that had been mostly just a news item.  For decades we’ve been bombarded with news of one mass tragedy after another.  Chernobyl was one of many.  We read about it in the papers, we heard graphic descriptions on the evening news, and then soon afterward, the next Earth-shaking news story came along and pushed Chernobyl off the radar.

I’ve been really thinking about Chernobyl Diaries a lot since last night.  Not because it was a great movie, but because the movie inspired me to look for articles describing the humanity, the devastation and heartbreak, that Chernobyl meant to hundreds of thousands of people.  350,000 refugees can never go home again, and a lot of them are still suffering from the radiation effects.

Wanted: Anti-Windmill Protesters. $20 per Hour. No Experience, Skill or Intelligence Needed

If you have absolutely no job skills, and you keep getting lost in your cavernous one-room apartment — there is still a job for YOU.

Next week there will be a spontaneous demonstration against wind power, and at least a hundred protesters will be needed.  Only three people in the world are against wind power — the Koch Brothers and Donald Trump — so this “demonstration” is a perfect job opportunity for an unskilled dolt to just stand there holding a sign.  It pays $20 an hour.  If you can stand, you’re hired.

This information comes from an ad on Craigslist.  The ad was taken down as soon as the media got ahold of it, but a screenshot was captured:

Our firm needs 100 volunteers to attend and participate in a rally in front of the British Consulate/Embassy in Midtown Manhattan on the East Side on Wednesday, January 30, 2013 at 12 noon. The event is being held in order to protest wind turbines that are being built in Scotland and England. Your participation will be to ONLY stand next to or behind the speakers and elected officials/celebrities that will be speaking at the rally.

As you probably know, Donald Trump owns a huge golf course near the Scottish coastline.  There’s also a proposed wind turbine project nearby, and Trump doesn’t want those unsightly turbines wrecking the view from his luxury resort.  Since last spring he’s been frantically manufacturing an Astroturf “groundswell” of “public” opposition to wind power.

And now, for $20 an hour, you can join him.

Earth-Shaking Filibuster Reform

Whoa!  Did Harry Reid kick those filibustering Republicans’ asses or what?!?  Sorry, all you stalling blocking constipating human speedbumps — fun’s over.  From this point on, the United States Senate will once again run smoothly and efficiently.

For openers — brace yourself! — if it’s the fifth Friday of the month and there’s a flood in Death Valley:  No filibustering!  OOOOOOOHHHHHH!!!!

Boy, is he strict!  And you said Harry Reid didn’t have a spine.  Take it back!

And that’s not all.  When the president nominates someone for the position of Assistant to the Assistant Undersecretary of Bureaucratic Affairs, a filibuster can NOT last more than forty days.  And this ball-busting restriction also applies to the nominations of all clerical personnel for the Department of Consumer and Environmental Education.

All Right!  I just KNEW we could count on Harry Reid to clean house, kick ass and take names.

As the linked article sums up:

“The new rules would permit a Senate majority to bypass the filibuster on a motion to proceed to debate with the condition that either a group of senators on each side of the aisle agrees, or the minority is guaranteed the chance to offer amendments.”

Huh?  Oh.  OK, I guess that’s good.

Er, I mean Full Speed Ahead!

GOP Growth and Opportunity Project: We Want YOUR advice

Republican leaders have finally realized they’ve dug themselves into a hole and they’ve decided to stop digging.  They want to adapt to the new and ever-changing demographic and economic realities, and they want YOUR advice.

Please go to the GOP Growth Opportunity Project website and take their survey and/or send them an e-mail with helpful suggestions.

Well, more power to them.  When you have a serious problem, the first step is to ADMIT you have a problem, and Republican leaders are finally admitting:  “None of our tried-and-true scams are working any more.  We need new ones.  Help!”

For example, the GOP admits that minorities, women and working people didn’t vote for them.  There are basically two ways to approach this problem, and this is where YOU come in.  YOU would recommend:

A. More pandering.  Republicans should sprinkle their speeches with a few basic Spanish words, rap lyrics, street slang.  And do a little name-dropping:  famous feminists, labor leaders, civil rights leaders, etc.  And don’t broadcast the fact that you just came from the boardroom or the country club.  Loosen your tie, roll up your sleeves, and drop the “g” at the end of an “ing” verb so those dumb laborers can understand what you’re saying.

B. Fuck those #$%&!#%#!!##%$%!! swarthy Femi-Nazi blue-collar scum!!!  Don’t let them vote!  More Voter suppression laws.  More gerrymandering.  Keep rigging the Electoral College so that no Democrat will EVER carry another state outside of New York and the Left Coast.

OK, you get the idea.  Here’s another example:

When the GOP recaptures the White House after this 8-year interruption, there’ll be oodles of countries for us to invade.  What’s the best way to get the riffraff all whipped up with fear and loathing and nationalistic hatred?  “Weapons of Mass Destruction” probably won’t work any more, so we’ll need some new soundbites for getting the inbreds all riled up.  Your suggestions?

Also:  By January of 2017, we’ll have eight years worth of tree hugging laborer-coddling regulations to get rid of.  We’ll need to keep the billion-dollar “contributions” [wink] flowing in from Exxon and Koch Industries, while simultaneously brainwashing the masses into believing that clean air regulations have made the air dirtier and workers’ safety laws have made the workplace more dangerous than ever.

A bit of a tightrope, no?  And that’s why we need YOU.

Happy Fortieth Birthday Roe vs. Wade

It was forty years ago today…

We’ll be needing a mighty big cake with a lot of candles for Roe vs. Wade — It’s the Big Four Oh.

Whatever anyone thinks about the Supreme Court’s Roe vs. Wade decision — and nobody is neutral — it might be responsible for the crime rate going way down starting in the 1990s.  This is according to the authors of Freakonomics.  Their reasoning?  Unwanted children are the most likely to become criminals.  Fewer unwanted children = fewer criminals.

Ironically, in a lot of states it’s more difficult to obtain an abortion now than it was in 1973.  It depends on which state, whether it’s an urban or rural area and — most importantly — the woman’s income level.

Urban California — no problemo.  Washington DC — abortion is readily available but public funding is prohibited.  If you’re poor and pregnant, just remember:  human life is sacred from the point of conception to the moment of birth.

Anywhere in South Dakota — Fugeddaboudit!  South Dakota has one medical clinic that performs abortions, and it’s only open part time.  On top of that, anyone seeking an abortion has to plow through oceans of delays, stalling tactics and “counseling.”

A spokeswoman for the Guttmacher Institute said:

“There’s very much a class divide.  Women who have money and resources and are used to the health-care system will be able to access abortion.... Women who are poor — these restrictions make it more difficult for them.”

Also, four states have laws already on the books which ban ALL abortions, no exceptions.  These laws will take effect immediately on that magic day when Roe vs. Wade gets overturned.  Thirteen other states still have their pre-Roe v. Wade anti-abortion laws on the books.  These laws aren’t being enforced, but on that aforementioned Magic Day…

Nationwide, there are fewer abortion providers today than there were in 1974.

But cheer up.  Did you know:  George W. Bush thought Roe vs. Wade referred to George Washington deciding how to cross the Delaware River.

(This was originally a Dan Quayle joke, but it got modified after the 2000 election.)

Excerpts from President Obama’s Inauguration Speech

(Here’s the full text of the president’s speech.)

It sounds like there won’t be any more bipartisanship and “reaching across the aisle” to the teabaggers and wingtards, since they were so cooperative during Obama’s first four years.  Fuck ‘em.  Now that he doesn’t have to worry about being re-elected, let’s get on with it.

In the spirit of unity and bipartisanship, Obama did say:  “My fellow Americans, we are made for this moment, and we will seize it — so long as we seize it together.”  That’s nice, but don’t hold your breath waiting for the Republican Fever to break.

He also said pretending climate change doesn’t exist “would betray our children and future generations.”  Let’s hope he puts that sentence into action by vetoing the Keystone Pipeline, stomping on it and driving a stake through its heart.

Other favorite lines include:

“We are true to our creed when a little girl born into the bleakest poverty knows that she has the same chance to succeed as anybody else, because she is an American, she is free, and she is equal, not just in the eyes of God but also in our own.”

“We recognize that no matter how responsibly we live our lives, any one of us, at any time, may face a job loss, or a sudden illness, or a home swept away in a terrible storm.  The commitments we make to each other — through Medicare, and Medicaid, and Social Security — these things do not sap our initiative; they strengthen us. They do not make us a nation of takers; they free us to take the risks that make this country great.”

“Our country cannot succeed when a shrinking few do very well and a growing many barely make it.”

And referring to the red states’ — and some swing states’ — voter suppression attempts, President Obama said:

“Our journey is not complete until no citizen is forced to wait for hours to exercise the right to vote.”

And for what it’s worth, the Human Rights Campaign, Jesse Jackson and the League of Conservation Voters all praised President Obama’s speech.

West Point Issues Terrorist Warning

This warning comes from West Point’s Combating Terrorism Center (CTC).  When America’s top military academy issues a terrorist warning, you’d expect conservatives to snap to attention and get right on it.  However:

The Far Right is not only unconcerned with this terrorist warning — they’re actually hostile to it.  And why would that be?  Because the potential terrorists are not swarthy foreigners named Hassan Abdul al Osama el-Habib.  The West Point report is warning us about America’s own homegrown crop of racist inbred gun-toting hate-spewing wackjobs.  In other words:  “The dramatic rise in the number of attacks and violent plots originating from individuals and groups who self-identify with the far-right of American politics.”

Aw come on, these aren’t terrorists.  They’re Patriots.

The report is titled “Challengers from the Sidelines: Understanding America's Violent Far-Right.”  And the report specifically mentions Christian Fundamentalists, Neo-Nazis, violent anti-abortionists and militia movements.

Again, this warning comes from West Point, and not some gang of tree-hugging flag-burners who hate America.

But this hasn’t stopped the Far Right mouthbreathing community from lashing out at West Point’s warning.  Neo-Nazi blogger Pamela Geller wrote:

“This is another appalling attempt to demonize loyal Americans and whitewash the Islamic threat.  West Point probably is working on orders from higher ups. Or else it has bought into the dominant PC culture.”

A Republican congressional staffer wrote:

“If the Defense Department is looking for places to cut spending, this junk study is ground zero. Shouldn’t the Combating Terrorism Center be combating radical Islam around the globe instead of perpetuating the left’s myth that right-wingers are terrorists?”

And from the National Review:

“The world is beset by terrorists—witness the American hostages taken in Algeria this week—but portions of our federal government continue to obsess about alleged home-grown threats from the ‘far right.’”

[sigh]

EXCLUSIVE: Inside Report from Republican Leaders’ Retreat

As you probably know, the Republican leadership has gathered at a weekend retreat to lick their wounds, grumble about the Liberal Media and try to figure out how to reach out to women, minorities and those worthless losers who earn less than $800,000 a year.

And what would be the ideal place to talk about the womenfolk and the Nigra problem?  Why, on the grounds of  a former plantation in southern Virginia, of course — the Kingsmill Resort in Williamsburg.  Ah, the good old days when them colored folks knew their place.

A seminar titled “Successful communication with minorities and women” was held in the Burwell Plantation Room.

In other topics, the GOP leadership all agreed that teachers should be armed.  Now keep in mind, teachers are just a bunch of lazy overpaid bureaucrats who are trying to undermine the role of God and the family — and they need to be armed to the teeth.

But enough with the political drivel.  It’s time to kick back and enjoy some exclusive photos from inside the Republicans’ retreat.

The hired help put on a little show to entertain the GOP leaders.  John Boehner was so deeply moved, he spilled whiskey all over the buffet table.  Or maybe it was tears of nostalgia.

James Dobson gave a live demonstration of his new plan for restoring family values and bringing God back into our daily lives.

Each and every Republican at the retreat was required to get down on his/her knees and, uh, pay their respects to their sugar daddies.

This last photo was a little awkward to arrange.  After all, the only reason Republicans keep getting elected is by conning millions of gullible non-wealthy Americans into voting against their own interests.  And most of these gullible voters are not, shall we say, worthy, of being admitted to such an exclusive gathering.  But after some delicate negotiations, it was finally agreed that a few members of the party base could come inside for a photo op.

Without Gerrymandering, Republicans Would Have Lost their Congressional Majority

Republicans aren’t even trying to deny this.  It was all spelled out in a memo from the Republican State Leadership Committee.  The GOP took control of a lot of state legislatures and governorships in the 2010 election, and this enabled them to gerrymander most of those states’ Democratic representatives into just a few districts.

So now these states have more Republican districts than Democratic, even
though Republican voters are outnumbered by Democrats.  For example, nine of Michigan’s fourteen congressional districts went Republican last November, even though Michigan’s Democratic candidates got 240,000 more votes than Republican candidates.

The RSLC memo was titled “How a Strategy of Targeting State Legislative Races in 2010 Led to a Republican U.S. House Majority in 2013.”  The memo brags about spending most of their campaign money on ensuring statehouse victors in swing states like Ohio, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania and Michigan.

From the memo:

“The rationale was straightforward.  Controlling the redistricting process in these states would have the greatest impact on determining how both state legislative and congressional district boundaries would be drawn. Drawing new district lines in states with the most redistricting activity presented the opportunity to solidify conservative policymaking at the state level and maintain a Republican stronghold in the U.S. House of Representatives for the next decade.”

And there you have it.  Not a word about connecting with voters, staying up-to-date on the issues or modifying some of their medieval rhetoric.  Nope, it all boils down to “how can we keep winning elections even though everybody hates us.”

And this isn’t the end of it.  As you know from earlier posts on this blog — and numerous other news sites — some swing state legislatures are planning to rig the Electoral College so that electoral votes are handed out by congressional district instead of statewide.  A Republican candidate could get trounced in a state’s popular vote but still win that state’s electoral votes by winning more congressional districts.

How conveeenient.

Senile Ed Meese Says to Impeach Obama

Ed Meese?  I thought he was dead already.  Apparently he’s alive and well, or alive anyway, and working at the Heritage Foundation, where senile rightwads go and wait to die.

Anyway, Ed Meese — Ronald Reagan’s disgraced attorney general — has called for the impeachment of President Obama if Obama signs any executive order cracking down on guns.

When he was Attorney General, Meese’s most famous quote was “You don't have many suspects who are innocent of a crime. That's contradictory. If a person is innocent of a crime, then he is not a suspect.”

Simultaneously, Meese — who was involved in numerous scandals — complained about being tried and convicted by the press.  Non-conservatives will see a certain irony in these two statements.  Conservatives on the other hand — uhh..sorry, somebody else will have to walk you through it.

And now President Obama has announced that he will sign twenty-three executive orders regarding gun control.  (Quick, before you get impeached!)

The linked article goes into a lot more detail, but highlights include:  mandatory background checks for ALL gun buyers, the outlawing of cop-killer (armor-piercing) bullets and providing an additional $4 billion in funding for law enforcement.

[gasp]  Victoria Jackson was right — America has died!

Personally I’m neutral about the whole gun controversy.  I don’t have a problem with any of Obama’s gun proposals, but how much difference will they make?  I hope they’ll help.

But damn it, seeing these rabid gangs of rightwing sickfucks going into mass orgasms of fury and hatred — it’s just too entertaining.  (And what does that say about me?)

Glenn Beck Shrugged

Glenn Beck is planning to create a real life utopia patterned after the one Ayn Rand wrote about in Atlas Shrugged.  As you know, the heroes of Atlas Shrugged were devout Christians.  The top priorities of Hank Reardon, John Galt, and Dagney Taggart were banning abortion, stopping the Homosexual Agenda and bringing God back into our daily — oh wait, that’s Paul Ryan’s version.

Anyway, Glenn Beck’s community of like-minded individuals will be named Independence, USA.  The main entrance to Independence will be through Ellis Island, since that’s how most of our ancestors arrived here.

Independence will have a marketplace, but:

“There's not going to be a Gap here. There's no Ann Taylor. You want an Ann Taylor, go someplace else.”

In his promotion video, Glenn Beck says:

“Before you send your kids to college, you come to us. And you spend a week with us. We're gonna tell them exactly, we will show them the truth, we will tell them what they're going to try to do, and we will deprogram them every summer, if you care.”

Bring your own chalkboard.  And crying is mandatory.

That Does It! It’s Time to Abolish the Electoral College

Nobody likes the Electoral College, but there’s never been any sort of public groundswell to abolish it.  But now there needs to be.

It was bad enough when a few slippery red state legislators tried to sneak in a midnight drive-by rule change that would rig their states’ electoral votes in favor of the Republican candidate.

But now Mince Krautus or whatever his name is, is openly calling on all swing states — i.e. Republican-controlled states that went for Obama — to make this change.  Here’s how it works:

A presidential candidate would get one electoral vote for each congressional district that he/she wins.  Most of these states have gerrymandered their Democratic representatives into a few congressional districts, so there are more Republican districts than Democratic, even if Democratic voters outnumber Republicans.  A Republican candidate could win more districts than the Democrat (and win most of the state‘s electoral votes), even if the Democrat was way ahead in that state’s popular vote.

If all of the swing states had had this system in place last November, Mitt Romney would have defeated President Obama, 280 electoral votes to 258; even while getting trounced in the popular vote.

The RNC Chairman said red states “ought to be looking at” the above-described method of rigging the electoral votes:

“I think it’s something that a lot of states that have been consistently blue that are fully controlled red ought to be looking at.”

Translation:  “We can’t win if it’s a fair fight.  Even our dirty tricks don’t work any more.  Spewing out one vicious lie after another about Obama; billions of dollars worth of slanderous TV ads, financed by secret donors — and he STILL got re-elected!  Rigging the Electoral College is our last chance, our only hope!”

Milwaukee Mayor Tom Barrett said:

“The Republicans want to rig the game.  They know what they’re doing and we need to stop them.”

Wisconsin state rep. Jon Richards said:

“Once again they’re changing the rules because they lost the game — that’s what this boils down to.”

The time has come: Abolish the Electoral College.

Legal Pot, Anti-Pot Landlord, Property Rights, Tenants’ Privacy…

Talk about a tangled web.  Possession of small amounts of marijuana is legal in Washington as a result of last November’s ballot initiative.  Medical marijuana was already legal.  And of course both of these state laws are trumped by the federal government.

And the plot thickens. Abode Management has sent a letter to all 171 of its Mercer Island (WA) tenants.  Possession of marijuana — in any form, any amount — would be grounds for eviction.  In addition, all tenants are hereby required to report any other tenants whom they suspect might be using marijuana.  And all tenants were required to sign an amendment to their current leases stating that they understood the new rule and would comply with it.

After some protests, Abode Management walked back some of their earlier statements:  Tenants would not be required to sign the new amended lease until their current lease had expired.

One of the tenants — Alex Aversano — is an Iraqi war veteran who uses medical marijuana for PTSD and chronic pain.  (I wonder how many Abode Management executives have served in Iraq.)  He uses a marijuana tincture; no smoking is involved.

Abode Management prohibits ALL smoking on its property — pot, tobacco, you name it.  As far as liquid or edible pot is concerned, an Abode Management spokeswoman “left the matter of liquid or edible marijuana cloudy” (from the linked article).

Doug Hiatt, a criminal defense lawyer and medical marijuana advocate, said he didn’t think landlords could ban edible/liquid marijuana from their premises:

“What would they do, search everybody's chocolate-chip cookies? It's reefer madness all over.”

Then again, landlords — depending on what level of douchebaggery they want to stoop to — can always fall back on federal anti-marijuana laws.  Nobody has done this yet, but Washington’s largest association of landlords has reminded all of their property managers that they have the option of squealing to the feds if any pothead tenants start getting uppity.

Landlords’ property rights, strict federal laws against pot, a person’s right to partake in a legal drug in their own home — the whole thing will just get more tangled before it gets resolved.

On the upside, Doug Hiatt speculated that some landlords might start renting and advertising pot-friendly apartment buildings:

“This is America. If there's a way to make money, I think they'll do it.”

Idle No More

Idle No More is a movement organized by Canada’s indigenous people (i.e. First Nation).  This movement is strongly opposed to pending federal legislation.

The proposed legislation — omnibus budget bill C-45 — has some hidden features which would weaken tribal sovereignty and eliminate environmental protection for over a million lakes and rivers.  The underlying purpose of this legislation — or at least one purpose — is to allow tar sands oil to be moved through pipelines across tribal lands, whether the First Nation people like it or not.

Attawapiskat Chief Theresa Spence has been on a hunger strike for 32 days in order to bring attention to their cause and to persuade Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper (no relation) to cancel the legislation.  Stephen Harper actually attended a meeting today to discuss this with tribal leaders, but some leaders boycotted the meeting because Harper could only spare half an hour.

Like the Arab Spring and the Occupy movement,  Idle No More has no leaders and its growth has been driven mostly by social media.  And Idle No More has been spreading way beyond Canada’s borders.

Along with today’s half-hour meeting with Stephen Harper, Idle No More held gatherings today in cities all over Canada, the U.S. and Latin America.  The movement has struck a chord with Latinos and indigenous people on both continents.

In Toronto a group of Latino protesters chanted “El pueblo unido jamás será vencido” — “The people united will never be defeated.”  The protest was organized by two Chilean women who said the plight of Canada’s First Nation reminded them of the battles between Chile’s government and its indigenous people.

And so on.

Arab Spring toppled a few dictators.  As Idle No More gathers momentum, let’s hope the movement can hold its own against Canada’s government and fossil fuel industry (same thing).

Cal Thomas ADMITS to Siring His Own Granddaughters!!!

Check it out.  I’m NOT making this up.  From his column titled Female vs. Male Senators:

“As the son of a woman, the husband of a woman and the father of daughters and granddaughters…”

[shock]  [vacant stare]

Oh.  My.  GOD!!!!

Why is the Newtown School Massacre like the 1969 Moon Landing?

Because neither one of them ever happened.  They’re both phony simulated productions — a hoax! — foisted on the American People by Hollywood and the Liberal Media.

James Tracy — communications professor at Florida Atlantic University — has alerted us to this media hoax, this diabolical conspiracy.  (Now admit it — you thought he’d be a Baptist preacher or a talk radio host.)

He wrote last month that it was “not unreasonable to suggest the Obama administration had complicity or direct oversight of an incident that has in very short order sparked a national debate.  While it sounds like an outrageous claim, one is left to inquire whether the Sandy Hook shooting ever took place—at least in the way law enforcement authorities and the nation’s news media have described.”

Oh My God.  We’ve been had!!!

Well, at this point there’s nothing else we can do.  It’s no longer a question of If, only When, our guns will be taken away from us.  Who will be the first to disarm the American People — Obama’s henchmen, or global thugs from the United Nations?

Driver plus Corporation Papers = Carpool

Well, why not?  If corporations are people, then having your corporation papers with you in the car should qualify you to drive in the carpool lane.

Jonathan Frieman of San Rafael, CA is testing this theory in court as we speak.  He was pulled over for driving by himself in the carpool lane.  He showed the police officer his corporation papers and said they should qualify as a passenger since, you know, corporations are people.

Needless to say, the officer was not impressed.

As you’ve probably guessed, Jonathan Frieman does NOT think corporations are people.  He’s been trying for ten years to get pulled over for driving alone — except for his corporation papers — in the carpool lane, just so he could take the issue to court and see if corporations really are people.

Right now he’s facing a $481 fine for driving solo in the carpool lane; he has an upcoming court hearing.  He told NBC News:

“I’m just arresting their power and using it for my service to drive in the carpool lane.”

Makes sense to me.  Either corporations are people are they aren’t.  Which is it?  This upcoming court hearing might settle the issue once and for all.

If corporations are people and money is speech, then we should all be able to take advantage of this.  The next time I get pulled over for a traffic violation, maybe I’ll say:

“Hmm, $300 speeding ticket?  I don’t have the money, so I’ll just sit here and talk at you.  When I’ve done $300 worth of chitchatting, let me know and I’ll be on my way.”

Come to think of it, I’m behind on the rent, and I can be very talkative, so perhaps the landlord...

Republicans: “Natural Disaster Aid for MY state, but NONE for Hurricane Sandy Victims”

When President Obama first unveiled the federal stimulus package a few years ago, there were jillions of Republican politicians who trashed the stimulus; said it was socialism and would be the ruin of this great nation.  Later, each one of these same bootstraps Free Marketeers were photographed taking part in a groundbreaking ceremony for a project that was made POSSIBLE by the stimulus.

And now the same assholes have mutated into a new subspecies.  Thirty-seven House Republicans who voted against federal aid for Hurricane Sandy victims have previously voted in favor of federal aid for their own state, following a natural disaster.

The usual suspects are on the list:  Louie Gohmert (R—Inbred), Mike Pompeo (R—Koch Brothers boy toy), Paul Ryan (R—Peewee Herman), James Sensenbrenner (R—“Hitler Didn’t Go Far Enough“), and so many more.

The linked article has a complete list of the Infamous 37.

 No wonder Congress is more hated than cockroaches, lice, Donald Trump, telemarketers and root canals.

Chuck Hagel Would be a Horrible — Atrocious! — Secretary of Defense

by Lindsey Graham


Oh!  I just don’t know what gets INTO these people!  Chuck Hagel, Secretary of Defense???  Oh please!  Awful awful awful!!  Hate it!

And why, you ask, would Chuck Hagel be such a dreadful choice for defense secretary?

Well, first of all, he doesn’t worship Israel’s God-given right to build condos and strip malls on every last inch of Palestinian territory.  Even worse, he isn’t champing at the bit to invade Iran.

And do you know why?  It’s because Chuck Hagel was a war hero during the Vietnam War.  He knows first hand the horrors of war.  And that’s why he’d make a terrible defense secretary.

The secretary of defense should be a chicken hawk — somebody like me.  I turn into aspic at the mere thought of physical violence being visited upon me.  But I LOVE war!  And I’m the exact type of person we need running the Pentagon.

We need to keep invading other countries in order to keep providing lucrative defense contracts for our biggest corporate donors.  If we weren’t hopelessly quagmired somewhere in the world, Halliburton would — ooohh, it’s unthinkable!

And the unthinkable would happen if Chuck Hagel were in charge of the Pentagon — somebody who doesn’t want to start wars because he knows personally what war is like.

As I was saying, I wet my pants in utter terror if somebody even gives me a dirty look, or honks at me on the freeway.

But I LOVE war.  Big strapping macho men, fighting!  Ugh!  Men, manly MEN, hitting each other, hurting each other, making each other scream and — oh God oh God, oh oh — oops, I think I just — excuse me a minute while I go clean myself off…

“If you want to have a sport, you need to have a ball”

That’s the opinion of Larry Winget, author of the books “Your Kids Are Your Own Fault” and the not-yet-published “Grow a Pair.”

His main rant is the “wussification of America” as he puts it.  He makes some valid points about the lack of physical fitness in this country and its effect on everything from health care costs to people’s overall quality of life.

But Larry Winget is having a tantrum over an ABC News report that said yoga is “the fastest growing sport in America.”  He told his hosts on Fox News:

“I think Yoga’s amazing, I think it’s wonderful.  I’m going to say that because I don’t want all those yoga Nazis coming after me on this thing. Listen, I think it’s a great supplement to a real sport, but it’s certainly not a sport.  Listen, if nobody’s keeping score, it ain’t a sport…Sports teach us winning and losing, and life is about winning and losing. It’s competitive. And we need to teach those things at a very young age with a real sport. And a sport usually involves a ball of some type.  I think it is a trend that is the wussification of America.”

One of the Fox hosts summarized Winget’s rant with:

“If you want to have a sport, you need to have a ball.”

Winget replied:

“I think it helps to have a ball, I think you have to keep score, I think you have to play with others.”

OK, all you pansies who practice boxing, wrestling, martial arts, running, gymnastics, skiing, snowboarding, cycling, Olympic lifting, power lifting:  Where’s your ball, Pussy?

And don’t forget water sports ([ahem] I’m talking about surfing, swimming, water skiing; get that smirk off your face).

All of the above-mentioned wimps need to get a ball and learn how to work and play well with others.

America in 2060: Christians to the Back of the Bus; Separate Drinking Fountains for Christians

The American Family Association has seen the future, and it’s not pretty.

The AFA sent out a mass mailing titled “What will religion look like in the year 2060?”  The e-mail warned that by the year 2060, Christians will be in the same marginalized position as blacks were during the Jim Crow era.

Here’s the letter:

What will religion look like in the year 2060?

Conservative Christians will be treated as second class citizens, much like African Americans were prior to civil rights legislation in the 1960s.  Family as we know it will be drastically changed with the state taking charge of the children beginning at birth.

Marriage will include two, three, four or any number of participants. Marriage will not be important, with individuals moving in and out of a “family” group at will.

Church buildings will be little used, with many sold to secular buyers and the money received going to the government.  Churches will not be allowed to discuss any political issues, even if it affects the church directly.

Tax credit given to churches and non-profit organizations will cease.  Christian broadcasting will be declared illegal based on the separation of church and state. The airwaves belong to the government, therefore they cannot be used for any religious purpose.

We will have, or have had, a Muslim president.  Cities with a name from the Bible such as St. Petersburg, Bethlehem, etc. will be forced to change their name due to separation of church and state.

Groups connected to any religious affiliation will be forced out of health care.   Health centers get tax money from the state, making it a violation of church and state.

Get involved! Sign THE STATEMENT.

Sincerely,

Donald E. Wildmon

We “will have had” a Muslim president???  But Obama IS a Muslim.  What will the Birthers have to say about this?  And Donald Wildmon forgot to mention Agenda 21 and the Black Helicopters.

America Jumps Off Fiscal Cliff, Then Rescues Itself Mid-Air

This story will probably be reversed and updated a few more times, but as of this exact moment there IS a fiscal cliff deal.  [yawn]  I was pretty much hoping we’d take the plunge off the fiscal cliff, then start from scratch with a new tax cut for everyone EXCEPT those earning over $250,000.

But this deal — if it even still exists by the time you read this post — is better than nothing.  There’ll be higher taxes on individuals earning more than $400,000 and households earning more than $450,000.  And there will be new limits on the exemptions and deductions currently being used by the wealthiest Americans.  (The linked article doesn’t give any specifics.)

The estate tax — if you’re a Republican, it’s that there death tax — will go up from 35% to 40% on estates worth over $5 million.  Unemployment benefits will be extended for one more year.  And doctors who treat Medicare patients will NOT have their payments reduced.

This deal was reached only because moderate House Republicans — I thought they’d all gone the way of running boards and hip flasks — outvoted the teabaggers.  Or as Democratic Representative Alcee Hastings put it:

“They’re crazy, but they’re not that batshit crazy.”

Moderate and teatard Republicans were tearing each other apart.  As the linked article said:

“In a sign of deep GOP unease over the legislation, Republican leaders Boehner, Cantor, and McCarthy did not speak during the debate. Democratic leaders Nancy Pelosi, Steny Hoyer, and James Clyburn all did.”

Will John Boehner still be Speaker of the House after showing himself to be a weak-kneed RINO?  If not, who do you think will take his place?