Obamacare Death Panels: It’s Even WORSE than You Thought!!!

When Sarah Palin tried to warn us about Barack Hussein Obama’s Death Panels, liberal elitists laughed at her. But Sarah Palin’s dire warning didn’t go far enough. It didn’t even scratch the surface.

Obama’s Death Panels will do a lot more than just killing a few people’s grandmothers. Billions — TRILLIONS — of innocent little lives are about to be snuffed out by Obamacare. How, you ask?

Because Obamacare will provide Free Birth Control! The Horror! Just think of the gazillions of those cute microscopic little creatures, snuffed out before they can create that little Bundle From Heaven. Jillions of cold-blooded murders, just so a bunch of wayward sluts can have sex without having a baby, as God intended.

This isn’t a done deal yet, but liberal pagans are pushing for it. Dr. David Grimes, an OB/GYN and international family planning expert, said:

“There is clear and incontrovertible evidence that family planning saves lives and improves health.”

“Improves health” for who??? For the Already-Born, that’s who! They don’t count!

Fortunately, the Catholic Church is taking a stand for decency. A spokesman from the National Catholic Bioethics Center said:

“Fewer babies means fewer little boys for priests to diddle We don't consider it to be health care, but a lifestyle choice. We think there are other ways to avoid having children than by ingesting chemicals paid for by health insurance.”

Other Godfearing organizations — the Family Research Council, for one — are doing their best to keep these evil forces out of God’s Country. Please pray for their success. If they fail, Jesus will be turning in His grave.

Teabaggers: Send Money NOW to JoinTheTeaParty.us

This country is on a downward spiral because millions of gullible dunces have been conned by Wall Street lobbyists and rightwing demagogues into voting against their own interests.

But there’s an occasional silver lining; or funny lining in this case. JoinTheTeaParty.us collected almost half a million dollars in donations from gullible teabirthers. And what did this organization do with the money?

Nothing. Not one cent went to any rightwing causes or candidates.

The domain is owned by Todd Cefaratti. An unscrupulous businessman and thousands of dimwitted teajobs just waiting to be exploited — a match made in Heaven.

And speaking of gullible teawipes and the millionaires who manipulate them: There’s a new Death Panel in town. Obamacare isn’t the only Socialist Fascist government program that wants to kill your grandmother. The Estate Tax — why do you think they call it the Death Tax?!?!?! — is just about to cause a wave of suicides across the country.

If the Bush tax cuts for millionaires don’t get extended by Congress before the end of the year, thousands of hardworking productive Americans will voluntarily discontinue their medical care and allow themselves to DIE — rather than let some jackbooted socialist bureaucrat take over the family business and redistribute their hard-earned savings to a bunch of potsmoking deadbeats.

This dire warning comes from Congresswoman Cynthia Lummis (R—Tinfoil Hat). She says if the Estate Tax goes back up, some of her constituents will discontinue their dialysis treatments and go gently into the night.

She wasn’t able to name any of these mystery constituents. She said:

“If you have spent your whole life building a ranch, and you wanted to pass your estate on to your children, and you were 88-years-old and on dialysis, and the only thing that was keeping you alive was that dialysis, you might make that same decision.”

R.I.P.

California Chamber of Commerce: Reefer Madness 2.0

Gotta love it when those “Limited Government” Free Enterprisers do a Big 180, and suddenly decide that those Meddling Government Bureaucrats are a GOOD thing. Corporate conglomerates making decisions that affect millions of people — keep those Nanny State Bureaucrats out of this. One person’s private behavior that doesn’t affect anybody else — Bring in the government NOW!

You would’ve thought the California Chamber of Commerce would be in favor of saving hundreds of billions of taxpayer dollars by eliminating a government program that doesn’t work. Nope. They’ve just donated $250,000 to a last-minute series of radio ads, warning of the Earth-shaking disaster that would befall California if Proposition 19 — to legalize marijuana — gets passed by voters.

The voice on the radio says: “Imagine coming out of surgery and the nurse caring for you was high.”

A spokesperson for the California Chamber of Commerce actually said with a straight face: “When people understand what would happen in the workplace when this becomes law, they are inclined to vote no.”

Again, this is happening right now. In California. In 2010. Un-fuckin’-real.

The linked article has an audio link to the “No on Proposition 19” ad. Click on it if you dare. You won’t know whether to laugh, scream or throw your computer out the window.

If these “Keep Up the War on Drugs” imbeciles could dial their IQs up into the double digits, they’d notice a certain irony: They’re on the same side as the drug dealers.

Christine O’Donnell Threatens to “Crush” WDEL-AM with a Lawsuit

Are you sure it was a lawsuit and not a spell? So much for all those Republican slogans about “tort reform” and “too much litigation.”

Christine O’Donnell gave an interview to conservative radio host Rick Jensen of WDEL in Wilmington, DE. Afterward, she was horrified — shocked! — to find out that the station might post a video of her interview on the station’s website.

Apparently Delaware’s favorite teabirther thought an interview on a talk radio program was just going to be a private conversation. And she’s campaigning for the Senate???

O’Donnell pulled a Sarah Palin deer-in-the-headlights panic when Rick Jensen asked her how she would have handled a local county budget differently than her opponent, Chris Coons. After the interview, O’Donnell said she would sue the station if they released a video of the interview. Her campaign manager, Matt Moran, called the station general manager and demanded that the station turn over the video, or he would “crush” the station with a lawsuit.

Before the interview began — while O’Donnell and her staff were already in the studio — a video technician came in to adjust the cameras and microphones. That might have been a tip-off that the interview was going to be videotaped. DUUUHHH!!!

Even though radio host Rick Jensen is a conservative, O’Donnell’s campaign manager said:

“This is another example of the liberal media shamelessly attacking Christine O'Donnell to boost their ratings.”

[sigh]

MoveOn Member Assaulted by Rand Paul Thugs

So far Rand Paul has refused to man up and admit that several of his unidentified inbred supporters tackled and stomped Lauren Valle, a member of MoveOn.org. It happened during a debate in Lexington, KY between Rand Paul and Jack Conway.

After the incident, Rand Paul went on Fox News to downplay the attack and defend his inbreds. He dismissed it as “jockeying back and forth” and “an altercation between supporters of both sides.”

“And there was a bit of a crowd control problem. I don’t want anybody though to be involved in things that aren’t civil. I think this should always be about the issues. And it is an unusual situation to have so many people so passionate on both sides jockeying back and forth. And it wasn’t something that I liked or anybody liked about that situation. So I hope in the future it is going to be better.”

Whoa! Stand back! Have you ever heard such a forceful statement?

Check out this 30-second video. (There’s another article and video at this link.) What do YOU see? A woman being assaulted by several pathetic cowardly cocksuckers, or “people jockeying back and forth?”

UPDATE: The ringleader has been identified. Tim Proffit, a volunteer with Rand Paul's campaign, is the perp shown in the video stepping on Lauren Valle's head and pinning her face to the sidewalk. Proffit blamed police for not intervening, and said the stomping wasn't as bad as it looked in the video.

Vigilante Action in Hydro, Oklahoma

It hasn’t happened yet; nobody has been assassinated or executed or tortured or anything. But it needs to happen. Here’s why:

A poodle owned by 73-year-old Edwin Fry was taken to the local pound, because the dog wasn’t on a leash.

Now I’m not saying this is right (or legal), but you’ve gotta love it: Edwin Fry got on his lawn mower and rode it to the pound. Using a pair of bolt cutters, he broke into the cage where his dog was held, and the two of them rode home on Fry’s lawn mower.

Edwin Fry spent several days in jail for this. OK, he broke the law; that’s what happens.

While Edwin Fry was in jail, his dog was euthanized. And that’s why some serious vengeance needs to be taken. A 73-year-old man is so devoted to his dog that he rides his lawn mower in to the pound and illegally springs his dog loose. And somebody in charge has the dog euthanized.

Whoever gave the order for Edwin Fry’s dog to be euthanized needs to receive a severe excruciating punishment. Citizens of Hydro, Oklahoma — Do The Right Thing.

The Biggest Failures of My Presidency

By George W. Bush

Privatizing Social Security was my biggest priority from the day I got appointed to the White House by the two Supreme Court justices that my daddy had appointed to the Supreme Court. How’s that for a cozy little — uhh, anyway…

Privatizing Social Security was even more important than overthrowing Saddam Hussein like my daddy wasn’t man enough to do, so Mommy would love me again and take me back and Jeb is still jealous ‘cause I got to be president and he didn’t. I wanted so bad to get my hands on those billions of Social Security dollars and yank them away from those worthless peons who earned it, they never donated to my election campaigns, what’d they ever do for me? I wanted to take that Social Security money from them lowly working stiffs and give it to my friends — the Haves and the Have Mores. You know, the one percent of Americans who count for something.

I’m proud of my invasion of Iraq, especially the way Karl and Uncle Dick pulled it off by scaring the shit out of all those gullible voters. Weapons of Mass Destruction, teeheeheeheehee. Those stupid inbred trailer goons fell for that bullshit, hook line and sinker, and I’M the one they call stupid?!?!?!?

I’m proud of leading Murka into the longest war in her history. I AM somebody! But I was kinda hoping for a higher body count. Body counts are just, well, they’re cool, you know? Vietnam, over 40,000 American soldiers and millions of gooks. BAM! POW! Iraq, just over 4,000 American soldiers and maybe 100,000 Iraqi civilians. Close but no cigar, damn it!

I was hoping to keep Enron going strong for a long time. I was sure sorry they imploded like they did. But that was a damn fine party while it lasted. We sure put one over on those California Yuppies and their rolling blackouts. Hey, get a load of this: What’s the difference between California and the Titanic? When the Titanic went down, the lights were on, heeheeheehee. But the fun didn’t last, and my old buddy Ken Lay had to fake his own death and go running off to their secret villa in the South Pacifi — Fuck, I wasn’t supposed to say anything about that.

But Social Security, that was a damn disappointment. A failure! I let my Wall Street friends down. I feel bad about it, and they were mighty pissed off at me. They still are. I don’t think they even want to be my friends any more. But that’s OK, I’ll always have my REAL friends: Jim Beam, George Dickel, Evan Williams, Jack Daniels, Ezra Brooks, Johnny Walker…

Tea Party Founder: “Oh My God, I’ve Created a Monster”

Karl Denninger, financial writer, former CEO and one of the founders of the Tea Party movement, has lashed out at what the original movement has degenerated into. He says the Tea Party was hijacked by the exact people the movement was protesting against.

I’m glad more people are seeing through this phony “Banks and HMOs disguised as George Washington” version of the Tea Party.

Denninger said he ought to file a defamation suit against these people who’ve stolen the Tea Party name:

“Yeah, that's a joke. But so are you. All of you. Especially Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich, Bob Barr, and douchebag groups such as the ‘Tea Party Patriots.’ Tea Party my ass. This was nothing other than the Republican Party stealing the anger of a population that was fed up with the Republican Party's own theft of their tax money at gunpoint to bail out the robbers of Wall Street and fraudulently redirecting it back toward electing the very people who stole all the ****ing money!”

Here’s the original link at his own site. There are two videos at this site that are well worth watching.

And that’s not all. Some current rightwing heroes are getting some blunt advice from B-1 Bob Dornan. If you’re to the Left of Genghis Khan, you probably won’t agree with Bob Dornan on many issues. But you’ve gotta admire his shoot-from-the-hip what-you-see-is-what-you-get manner; especially since he isn’t in Congress any more. He says:

“I was the first Tea Partier, and I'll lay claim to that to my grave!”

He tells Tea Party demonstrators to “knock off the protest signs that are blatantly racist.” Hmmm, so it’s OK to be racist as long as you’re not too blatant about it? Whatever.

He also says the Tea Party’s economic platform should be “more Milton Friedman, less Ayn Rand.”

He hates Newt Gingrich; didn’t like him even in 1978 when Gingrich first got elected to the House: “It was never the same with that geek haunting the hallways…Gingrich running for president makes me sick.”

Dornan says he might run for president in 2012 as a kamikaze mission to take out Gingrich.

And he describes Dennis Hastert as “"the weakest, non-entity, wet paper bag I'd ever seen in the House.”

Clarence Thomas Apologizes

Finally! Bet you never thought you’d see “Clarence Thomas” and “Apology” in the same story.

But better late than never. After nineteen years of blighting the Supreme Court with some of the most boneheaded twisted “reasoning” imaginable, Justice Clarence Thomas has come clean:

“When the history of this period gets written, my name will probably be synonymous with ‘What Was He Thinking???’ And looking back on these past nineteen years, I admit I haven’t got a fuckin’ clue.

“People must wonder if I have multiple personalities. Let me plead the Fifth on that. An individual has absolutely no rights whatsoever, but corporations are people and they can do whatever they want when they want. And don't forget, money and speech are the exact same thing. Don't ask me how I know; I just know.

“Also, states’ rights are sacred. That big bloated meddling federal government has no business barging into a state’s internal matters. Unless the president — whom I appointed, heeheehee — doesn’t like what that state is doing. In that case, one of my other personalities takes over and I go SQUISH. SQUELCH. End of story. Like that assisted suicide law that was passed overwhelmingly by the voters of Oregon. I ruled against it because, uhh, well, because I can. Unfortunately I was outvoted by those liberal wusses on the Court. So for now, a terminally ill person suffering in agony can still choose to end his/her life even if the Spanish Inquisition doesn’t approve. But I tried.

“I probably caught the most shit for my dissenting opinion about that 13-year-old drug-addicted slut who didn’t want to be strip-searched by the school principal. And not one other Supreme Court Justice backed me up on my decision. Pansies! She was smuggling Ibuprofen into the school with her, and the authorities kept not finding it. I wanted her to be strip-searched. She was one hot babe and I wanted to see…ahem…but I digress…

“And now the liberal media is trying to make some sort of “conflict of interest” out of my wife’s teabagging activities. I can truthfully say to you that there is absolutely no connection between my wife’s teabuggery and my own Far Right decisions on the Supreme Court.

“And if you believe that, I’ve got a bridge to sell you.”

Sheriff Tom Dart — Working Class Hero

Cook County (Illinois) Sheriff Tom Dart has ordered his deputies to stop all mortgage foreclosure evictions. He gave this order today, after so much publicity about mortgage fraud and robo-signed foreclosure documents.

Referring to Mortgagegate, Sheriff Dart said:

“This is so outrageous and these poor families are being put through this day in and day out by people that don't do their jobs. It's so hard for me to stomach these people because this isn't just their bike we're taking away or their car. It's their house.”

There’s speculation that Sheriff Dart will be running for Mayor of Chicago, one of several candidates competing against Rahm Emanuel.

In other Mortgagegate news: The Obama Administration is vowing to hold investigations of banks engaging in foreclosure fraud. White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said:

“As institutions are determining their next steps in addressing these issues, we remain committed to holding accountable any bank that has violated the law.” A few frog marches and perp walks would be nice, but don’t hold your breath.

Three Cheers for Congress — YAAAYY!!!

When you think of this current session of Congress, you probably imagine a group of passive Democrats sitting there helpless — paralyzed with terror — while a small group of corporate prostitutes (formerly known as Republicans) blocks their every move.

Would you believe, this 111th Congress has been the most productive congress since the mid-1960s.

Congress passed Medicare and some major civil rights legislation in the mid-’60s. Just like today, there was a huge backlash against “Socialism!” In the ensuing midterm elections (1966), Republicans gained 48 seats in the House and four in the Senate.

If Republicans gain 48 seats this coming November they’ll capture the House. In 1966 the Democrats had a larger majority before the election so they kept control of the House.

This 1966 parallel doesn’t bode well for this year, does it. We’ll have to hope that the trouncing in two weeks will be just a temporary setback and not a permanent shift to the Right, like the teawads are predicting.

Also in the mid-’60s, America was getting more and more quagmired in Vietnam. Democrats caught most of the backlash, being the party in power, even though the Vietnam War had been inherited from previous administrations. Hmmm, does that have some sort of eerie parallel with…oh, nevermind…

According to Norman Ornstein of the American Enterprise Institute, the 111th Congress is:

“At least on a par with the 89th Congress” of 1965-1966. “A world dominated by bickering and epithet-throwing and bomb tossing in Washington obscures accomplishments.”

This article mentions three landmark bills passed by Congress: the $814 billion stimulus package, which prevented us from repeating the Great Depression of the 1930s; health care reform; and legislation to rein in Wall Street.

Other “smaller” accomplishments include: Cash for Clunkers, federal hate crimes legislation, more consumer protections for credit card users, curbing some of the worst interest rates for college loans, and tax credits for first time homeowners.

Just imagine how much more could have been accomplished if Congressional Republicans cared as much about people as they do about banks and insurance companies.

Spanish Inquisition: “Can I Have My Thumbscrews Back?”

This week’s Chutzpah of the Year Award goes to the FBI.

A motorist took his car in for an oil change, and the mechanic noticed a mysterious wire that was hooked to a magnetic device. Neither the mechanic nor the car owner knew what it was, so they detached it. The car owner — Yasir Afifi of Santa Clara, CA — took it home.

He did an online image search to try and find out what this contraption was. Two days later, FBI agents came to his house, demanding that “their” property be returned: the GPS tracking device that they’d planted on his car without his knowledge.

At least they didn’t make him pay rent on it, or charge him by the mile.

When teabaggers blather on and on about “Government Takeover!” and “the Nanny State,” this must be the kind of thing they’re talking about. Right???

Teabaggers and their Corporate Puppets

Sometimes you need a David Horsey cartoon to highlight the absurdity of anonymous corporate donors and their useful teabagger idiots.

David J. Stern: Cocksucker of the Year

The housing crisis is such a huge convoluted mess — with everyone blaming somebody else — it’s been impossible to find a single villain. Until now.

David J. Stern is an attorney who runs one of the biggest Foreclosure Mills in the country. These are “law offices” (using the term loosely) that process foreclosure cases on behalf of banks.

The legal process, the rights of homeowners — those little niceties are pushed aside to make way for Maximum Foreclosures ASAP. Robo-signing is the most efficient method for producing the largest number of foreclosures in the shortest period of time. Employees process thousands of court documents without even looking at them.

As this article (by Zachary Roth) says: “The faster a foreclosure moves, the less time a struggling borrower has to fight it.”

During 2009, David J. Stern’s foreclosure mill processed more than 70,000 foreclosures. One of Stern’s former employees gave a deposition describing how the foreclosure mill achieved such a high quota.

For one thing, the process-serving part of this — informing the homeowner that his/her bank is opening foreclosure proceedings — was skipped. Stern’s ex-employee said:

“People were not served. Some of them would go to do modifications on loans, or go to take out other things, and it would come up that they were in foreclosure. And they would end up finding out that way that there was no actual service on them.... Service was a complete mess.”

The same ex-employee also testified that once a bank had referred a foreclosure case to Stern’s office, any subsequent payments by the homeowner were ignored. She also said that whenever she tried to give any kind of help or advice over the phone to a homeowner, she’d get yelled at or threatened by a supervisor. As in, get off the phone and start rubber-stamping some more documents.

But on the bright side, these thousands of ruined homeowners have provided unimaginable wealth and splendor for David J. Stern: A $15 million mansion, a yacht, four Porsches, four Ferraris and a $1 million Bugati. These things don’t come cheap, so God Damn It, get moving on those foreclosure documents. Faster!

John Raese: West Virginia’s Next Senator?

How come Christine O’Donnell and Sharron Angle are getting all the publicity? They’re stealing valuable media coverage from some of the other wackjobs running for the Senate.

Take John Raese (please!) Robert Byrd will be spinning in his grave if this dildo takes his place in the U.S. Senate. True, he isn’t a witch like O’Donnell, and unlike Sharron Angle he hasn’t urged people to take “Second Amendment Remedies” against Democrats.

But he wants to abolish the minimum wage. And he recently bragged on a radio talk show that “I made my money the old fashioned way. I inherited it.”

And now he wants to take Ronald Reagan’s delusional “Star Wars” defense to a whole new level. He says we need a thousand lasers in the sky (not to be confused with “a thousand points of light”) to protect us from Communists, terrorists, homosexuals, government bureaucrats, or whatever it is he’s so terrified of.

“If there is a rogue missile aimed at our country, we have 33 minutes to figure out what we're going to do. We are sitting with the only technology in the world that works and it's laser technology. We need 1,000 laser systems put in the sky and we need it right now. That is of paramount importance.”

“Paramount importance” — are you sure you don’t mean Paranoid? Twitchy little bugger, isn’t he. If you snuck up behind him and yelled “Boo!” how high do you think he’d jump?

In the same speech where he talked about protecting our families with lasers, he also said:

“Weak people breed weak nations. If we are going to be weak, we are going to lose the nation, aren't we. Are we going to be weak? I don't think so ... We're not going to be weak and we're not going to lose our nation. We have two election cycles. We have got to git-r-dun.”

Believe it or not, Laser Boy is actually running ahead of his opponent, West Virginia Governor Joe Manchin.

America: “The Crookedest Place on Earth”

That’s the verdict from Gore Vidal. I’ve never read any of his books, but I’ve always liked his interviews and quotations.

He says he was optimistic when Obama got elected, but quickly became disappointed.

“He's incompetent. He will be defeated for re-election. It’s a pity because he’s the first intellectual president we’ve had in many years, but he can’t hack it. He’s not up to it. He’s overwhelmed.”

A year ago Vidal told an interviewer that the United States was “rotting away.” He said America has:

“…no intellectual class” and is “rotting away at a funereal pace. We’ll have a military dictatorship fairly soon, on the basis that nobody else can hold everything together. Obama would have been better off focusing on educating the American people. His problem is being over-educated. He doesn’t realize how dim-witted and ignorant his audience is.”

In his newest interview, he said:

“Anybody who tries to hang on to America's coat-tails is going to find himself up to his eyeballs in, well, deceit and corruption. This is the crookedest place on earth — and I never thought I would go that far.”

Regarding Republicans, he said:

“They just dislike everyone. They couldn't come out and say ‘We don't want a black president’ — we've finally got past that roadblock. So what they did was set out to slaughter the opposition party, the Democrats.”

U.S. Chamber of Commerce: Taking Bribes from Iran, al Qaeda and North Korea

Nah. Probably not.

But the accusations and rumors are flying, and it couldn’t happen to a nicer bunch of assholes. If these slippery money-launderers are going to throw hundreds of millions of dollars into political races, without telling anyone where this money came from, people will assume the worst. Assume away! Disclose where the money came from or the rumors will keep flying.

Whatever anyone thinks about political bribery, er, “campaign contributions,” most Americans want to know who is doing the bribing. Whatever your political viewpoint, if your favorite candidate is being attacked with a multi-million dollar ad campaign, you’re gonna be thinking “Who the fuck is behind this?!?!?!?!”

If the U.S. Chamber of Commerce gets tired of accusations and rumors about where their funding is coming from, there’s a simple solution right at their fingertips:

Tell us where you got the money, Asshole!

Maybe someday, the U.S. Chamber of Commerce — and their cowering anonymous donors — will decide to man up and come crawling out from under their rock. Until then:

Here is an exclusive report listing just a few of the hideous organizations that are donating money to the U.S. Chamber of Commerce —

NAMBLA, American Nazi Party, the Army of God…

Pass it on.

YOU can Influence the November Election

Yes, by voting of course. But there’s more. The Google Bomb is back and better than ever.

You probably remember when you could type the word “failure” into the Google search menu, and the first link to come up was George W. Bush’s biography. And now we need to do it again. So many close congressional races, so little time.

Daily Kos is coordinating this search engine optimization campaign for the ninety-eight closest House races. Basically, you do a search for one of the Republican candidates, find the most negative stories about this person, and click frequently on these negative links. If enough people do this, the unflattering articles will move to the top of the search results.

This could make a difference when an undecided voter Googles one of these candidates. “Hmmm, Dave Reichert seems to be flipflopping on just about every issue.” “What, Dan ‘law and order’ Lungren had a run-in with the police??”

This Daily Kos article goes into exact detail about how to do this.

Chris Bowers, author of the Daily Kos article, said:

“When we did a grassroots SEO campaign in 2006, we reached over 700,000 voters in 50 key congressional campaigns in the final two weeks of that midterm election.”

The steps outlined in the Daily Kos article are a little tedious and time-consuming. But if you need more motivation:

Speaker of the House John Boehner.

Sleazy Bankers’ Protection Act

Technically, this bill is the Interstate Recognition of Notarizations Act. It was passed by the House last Spring, and after months of inactivity, it zoomed (quietly!) through the Senate in late September, just one day before the Senate started its recess. Who ever suspected the Senate could move with such blinding speed? Sort of like seeing a lame elderly person who’s always hobbling along on a walker, and this person suddenly throws the walker aside and runs the 100-yard dash in 13 seconds.

Why was this bill so urgent?

The Interstate Recognition of Notarizations Act is related to the millions of foreclosures devastating the country. This is the exact kind of volatile emotional issue that usually keeps the Senate gridlocked and paralyzed for months. What was different this time?

One of the few bright spots of the Wall Street meltdown and the housing crisis is the fact that banks are frequently unable to prove that they’re the original lender when a homeowner defaults on his mortgage. And this is the banking industry’s own doing. It’s an unintended consequence of the incredibly intricate labyrinthine financial maneuverings (totally beyond my comprehension I’ll admit) that banks have devised, so they could keep one step ahead of the regulators. Can’t regulate something we don’t understand now, can we?

Trouble is, in this one specific area, slippery banks and realtors got hoisted on their own petard. When a homeowner defaults, sometimes the original loan document has been transferred from one bank to another bank to another. The original bank might have gone under or merged with another bank. Sometimes this scenario has happened multiple times. Which bank owns the loan? Who has the original loan document? Find Waldo.

Can’t get your shirt back from the drycleaner without your receipt; can’t push that lowly parasite out of his home without the proper documentation. And when a bunch of shady operators want to evict NOW, Congress feels their pain. “I ripped off that gullible homeowner fair and square, and now I can’t yank his house out from under him because of some #$%&!#!&%$# technicality?!?! HELP!”

Thankfully, Obama has vetoed the bill. And our illustrious senators have shown us their true colors. (Like we didn’t already know.) Millions of desperate Americans facing bankruptcy and homelessness? [yawn] Thousands of slippery bankers begging to have a technicality removed so they can evict more people, faster — “I’m on it!”

Newest Threat to Christianity: Yoga

Homosexuals and Muslim terrorists aren’t the only threats to America’s Christian values.

People who practice Yoga are spitting on Jesus and destroying America from within. And there are millions of them.

Fortunately, Southern Baptist Seminary President Albert Mohler has alerted us to the danger. We need to take pre-emptive action NOW — before it’s too late!

As of 2008, there were almost 16 million Americans practicing Yoga. The true number is probably much scarier. That 16 million doesn’t include the millions of people who practice those generic aerobic/fitness workouts. All of those innocent-seeming bending and twisting movements are taken from — Yoga! Every time you twist sideways or bend forward to touch your toes, you’re channeling SATAN. Stop it!

Not only that, but some of the most badass strength workouts use the handstand and the bridge — among other Yoga postures — as the starting-off point for some kick-ass strength exercises.

So, how many tens of millions of Americans does this add up to? Whether it’s intentional or not, all of these Yoga infidels are Satan’s Useful Idiots!

Albert Mohler is appalled at “the idea that the body is a vehicle for reaching consciousness with the divine.”

The Divine??? Oh you silly boy. That’s not “the Divine.” You’re channeling Cthulhu.

MWAAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAA.

South Fulton, Tennessee: The World’s Most Backward Hellhole

Welcome to South Fulton, Obion County, Tennessee. Please turn your clocks back to the early 1800s, when self-reliant people put out their own fires and didn’t need to be coddled by some newfangled socialist fire department.

Gene Cranick lives just outside the city limits of South Fulton. People who live outside the city have to pay a $75 fee to the city fire department. Gene Cranick hadn’t paid his fee, so when his house caught fire and he called 911, firefighters didn’t put out the fire. They came out and stood there watching, just to make sure the flames didn’t spread to the home of Cranick’s neighbor, who had already paid his protection money.

The Cranicks lost everything, including their three dogs and a cat.

Local fire chief David Wilds gave the order to his crew not to put out the fire. South Fulton mayor David Crocker defended the fire department’s “action.”

Now let’s just speculate for a minute. Suppose David Wilds and David Crocker were abducted by furious townspeople, beaten to a pulp and then set on fire. What should the vigilante heroes do with the charred remains of these two dead scumbags? Think of it as sort of a Zen parable.

Now of course I’m not advocating anything like that, but shit happens. Karma’s a bitch.

And every one of those pathetic excuses for “firefighters” who stood there watching while the Cranicks’ house burned should receive an Adolph Eichmann “I Vass Only Following Ordersss” award. And come to think of it, what ever happened to Eichmann?

Needless to say, Glenn Beck and his inbreds have jumped into the fray, using the Cranick family as a punching bag and calling them a bunch of sponging parasites. The article and video can be found here.

And speaking of Glenn Beck and Karma…

Capitalism: A Love Story

This movie isn’t exactly new (came out in 2009), but it finally moved up to the front of our Netflix queue. I think it’s Michael Moore’s most powerful movie yet. Here are some links.

It wasn’t as much of an emotional roller coaster as Sicko. But that’s only because the personal tragedies — and the corporate gaming that caused them — just kept coming, one after another after another, until you’re just numb. After endless scenes of families losing their homes because of the fine print on page 87 of their contract; of financial executives high fiving each other after they’ve made a few more million dollars from other people’s tragedies — all you can do is sit there in a thousand yard stare and go “Huh.”

Here’s just one example: If you aren’t familiar with the term “dead peasants insurance,” Google it. And then imagine a two-hour movie where one wretched horrifying fact like this after another comes flying at you, nonstop.

In Sicko, a former HMO employee told Michael Moore that “People don’t fall through the cracks. It was our job to push them through the cracks.” And in the larger picture, that’s exactly what’s been happening to millions of Americans over the past few decades. Every time another person gets laid off, goes bankrupt, gets dumped by his/her health insurance company, loses his/her home — chalk up another one for the Oligarchy. People are being PUSHED through the cracks; they’re not just “falling.”

After seeing so many families being driven out of their homes, union members fired with Zero notice and not even getting a final paycheck, and on and on and on, all I could think of was — why aren’t THESE people out there protesting and shouting? We get millions of teabaggers out there, mostly middle class and comfortable, all getting their panties in a twist because their taxes might go up or because some lazy parasite might get something for nothing.

Our current administration is trying to make a few tiny inroads against our thirty-year slide into feudalism, and suddenly millions of gullible inbred teapukes are out there screaming that Obama is a Communist Muslim who was born in Kenya and is going to ruin this great nation.

One elderly man who had just lost his home that had been in his family for generations, told Michael Moore: “I’m not gonna get a gun and go around shooting people. But I understand why some people are doing that.”

I understood it too, as I was watching the movie. For a few minutes I could actually relate to those news stories from the 1960s, where Communist insurgents would take over a country (usually Southeast Asia, if those stories were even true) and round up all the rich people and have them executed. Watching the endless parade of desperate Americans who had just had their world yanked away from them, I understood the hopelessness and fury that would motivate suicide bombers. People can really become so desperate, so despondent, that they’re willing to take their own lives if they can take a few of “the enemy” with them. And I couldn’t help wonder — why isn’t this happening here??? The oligarchs may be surrounded by bodyguards, armored vehicles, gated communities, “secure” office buildings — but that doesn’t guarantee anything. What if somebody placed an explosive device inside his briefcase, put on a $4,000 suit and sauntered all business-like into one of those Wall Street offices? Outsiders can’t drive into a gated community, but they can fly over it in a private plane or an ultra-light. They might accidentally crash into — or drop something onto — a private party full of Wall Street VIPs. For that matter, if the Mafia (or any other underworld group) has their sights on you, you’re toast, no matter how many armored vehicles or bodyguards you have. It’s just a matter of when, not if. I’m surprised there hasn’t been enough white-hot fury out there for some sort of organized highly-trained group to zero in on some of these…

[takes a deep breath] Well, that was a bit of a rant, wasn’t it. Time to do a little proofreading, make sure I didn’t…….ooooookay, that last paragraph needs a little rewriting. Wouldn’t want to put something like that out there on the Internet. I’ll look over this later and maybe dial it down a bit.

OK, I’ll click on “Save As Draft” instead of “Publish.” Let’s see, it’s this button over — OOPS.

Obama in Debate over Tax Cuts

Obama attended a meeting today of the President’s Economic Recovery Advisory Board. He was planning to talk about “Skills for America’s Future,” an initiative to expand partnerships between American companies and community colleges. This plan is backed by McDonald’s, Accenture, and Gap Inc. among others.

But most of the meeting ended up being an argument over taxes. SEC Chairman William Donaldson and Harvard economist Martin Feldstein both argued for making the tax cuts permanent for all income brackets. They both used the tired cliché about consumer confidence and certainty.

Obama said that if the tax cuts were extended for everyone except the top 2%, “You'd think that would provide some level of certainty.”

He said the wealthiest Americans can already afford luxury items and aren’t holding off on purchases until they get their tax cut. Making the tax cuts permanent for millionaires would cost the treasury an additional $700 billion. “If we were going to spend $700 billion, it seems it would be wiser having that $700 billion going to folks who would spend that money right away.”

He included himself in the category of “well off,” and said the well off would not simply “take our ball and go home” if their tax cuts aren’t made permanent.

Former Federal Reserve Chairman Paul Volcker agreed, saying, “I want to assure you that my psychology will not be affected.”

Obama had opened the meeting by criticizing Republicans who want to cut the deficit by cutting education funding. But doesn’t he understand? The less we spend on education, the more dummies — i.e. Republicans — will be churned out by our crumbling schools system.

Afghanistan to Close Private “Security” Firms

Everyone describes Afghanistan as primitive, savage, war-torn. But the country is taking one significant step forward: The Afghan government will be closing most of the private security firms in the country, including Blackwater.

Calling these trigger-happy dunces-on-steroids a “security firm” is like calling a Mafia hit man a liaison officer.

Considering that Afghanistan has long been considered one of the world’s wildest, most lawless countries, this is a great leap forward. Who knows, maybe someday a certain other, even more primitive country will take a similar step.

It doesn’t seem likely though. The above-mentioned unnamed backward country has an incredibly huge and ever-growing gap between its richest and poorest citizens. And that’s always the hallmark of a hopelessly decaying crumbling third world country.

Think this unnamed country will ever evolve?

Five Traits Shared by Every Teabagger

This is taken from Matt Taibbi’s article, “Tea and Crackers: How Corporate Interests and Republican Insiders Built the Tea Party Monster” in the current Rolling Stone.

It’s an excellent article. (The same issue of RS also has an interview with Obama.) If you’ve been following the news closely, the teabagger article probably won’t tell you anything you didn’t already know. Hopefully this article will reach the jillions of Rolling Stone readers who don’t surf leftwing websites.

Taibbi says:

“So how does a group of billionaire businessmen and corporations get a bunch of broke Middle American white people to lobby for lower taxes for the rich and deregulation of Wall Street?” And:

“A loose definition of the Tea Party might be millions of pissed-off white people sent chasing after Mexicans on Medicaid by the handful of banks and investment firms who advertise on Fox and CNBC.”

My favorite part is the author’s personal observations about teabaggers, based on conversations and interviews during the past year. Most of them share these five traits:

I. You probably think most teabaggers were happily oblivious during the GW Bush years, and they suddenly developed a pulse when that Kenyan Muslim hijacked the White House. Nope. You’re Wrong! Each and every teabagger has been out there for the past ten years, protesting against Big Government and High Taxes. Funny how we didn’t start seeing them until a year and a half ago, but by golly, they’ve been out there all along, yessireebob!

II. They all know the Constitution inside and out, and each one of them thinks they’re the only person in America with this unique qualification.

III. They all play the “Race Card” card. They insist that poor homeowners (mostly minorities) caused the trillion-dollar meltdown (enabled by that socialist Community Reinvestment Act of the late ‘70s); they’re obsessed with “news” stories about ACORN and the New Black Panthers; and they claim Obama is a Muslim who was born in Africa. And then they’re just shocked — shocked! — that people accuse them of being racists.

IV. Some of their best friends are black.

V. They think anyone who disagrees with them is an America-hating leftist. This attitude is nurtured by their mentor, Dick Armey, who regularly tells his inbreds that their opponents are “people who do not cherish America the way we do.”

If you’ve done much arguing with teabaggers — in person or online — you’re probably familiar with these Big Five talking points; especially the first one.