War is Making You Poor

Not to be confused with “War, What is it Good For,” which was Tolstoy’s original title for “War and Peace.”

John Conyers and Alan Grayson are co-sponsoring the “War is Making You Poor Act” (H.R. 5353). This bill would limit defense spending to the exact amount that’s already allotted for the 2011 budget: $548.9 billion.

But the main selling point is: There will be NO federal income tax on the first $35,000 of every American’s annual income. For couples it’ll be the first $70,000.

This tax relief will be made possible by allocating $159.3 billion that was set aside for “discretionary operations abroad.” Alan Grayson said:

“I believe that the thing we need to do is to take that $159 billion that the President has set aside – we’re not saying he has to stop the war, we’re not giving a cut-off date for the war – we’re simply saying you need to fund that out of the base budget of $549 billion. And we take 90 percent of that and give it back to the American people.”

E.D. Kain of the National Review said:

“Each troop we send to Afghanistan costs the public $1 million per year. That’s $1 million siphoned out of the U.S. economy and shipped overseas to the mountains of Afghanistan and the Iraqi deserts…For years many of these costs were hidden, not even included in the Pentagon’s defense budget. This obscures not only the real cost of war, but the costs of all the extraneous programs our tax dollars end up going toward in the name of national defense.”

Grayson adds:

“The costs of the war have been rendered invisible. There's no draft. Instead, we take the most vulnerable elements of our population, and give them a choice between unemployment and missile fodder. Government deficits conceal the need to pay in cash for the war. We put the cost of both guns and butter on our Chinese credit card.”

Here is a petition you can sign if you want Congress to pass the War is Making You Poor Act.

For the 497th Time: End the War on Drugs!

And this time it’s not just a few liberals, libertarians and weirdos saying this. This time it’s, well, everybody else in the world.

There will be an international conference next month in Vienna. This conference will include the International Center for Science in Drug Policy and the International AIDS Society, among other groups. Some of the group leaders issued a statement yesterday:

“The criminalization of illicit drug users is fueling the HIV epidemic and has resulted in overwhelmingly negative health and social consequences. A full policy reorientation is needed.”

They also said there’s no evidence that Draconian prison sentences are having any impact whatsoever on illicit drug use. But on the bright side, there’s a booming job market for prison guards.

Julio Montaner, president of the International AIDS Society, said:

“Many of us in AIDS research and care confront the devastating impacts of misguided drug policies every day. As scientists, we are committed to raising our collective voice to promote evidence-based approaches to illicit drug policy that start by recognizing that addiction is a medical condition, not a crime.”

Evan Wood, founder of the International Center for Science in Drug Policy, said:

“The current approach to drug policy is ineffective because it neglects proven and evidence-based interventions, while pouring a massive amount of public funds and human resources into expensive and futile enforcement measures. It's time to accept the war on drugs has failed and create drug policies that can meaningfully protect community health and safety using evidence, not ideology.”

The rest of the world seems to be moving forward. Which way will America go?

U.S. Should Terminate All of BP’s Leases NOW

The U.S. government can and should do this, according to two people who would know.

Jeanne Pascal was an attorney for eighteen years with the Environmental Protection Agency. She said:

“I have to conclude that there comes a point in time where we say enough is enough. Because BP has definitely turned into a major serial environmental criminal.”

She mentions three other BP disasters over the past ten years, including a 2006 oil spill in Alaska. The company was prosecuted on felony charges, with some of their personnel facing prison time. But the company pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor, and no individuals were charged.

Jeanne Pascal said: “I think the people involved in what's happened in the Gulf need to spend a good time in jail and think about it.”

Scott West is an EPA special agent in charge of the criminal investigation of the BP oil spill in Alaska. He said:

“The people who are making the decisions, playing fast and loose on that Gulf rig — 'hurry up, we are over time, we are over budget, let's take the shortcut' — if they'd seen some of their peers go to jail for those kinds of decisions, maybe they would have said, you know my bonus this year just isn't worth it.”

In 2005, a BP refinery in Texas City exploded, killing fifteen people, injuring 170 and devastating the entire community. BP received a $50 million fine and three years probation. West said:

“We kept hearing a phrase called 'operate to failure.' The federal investigators down in Houston were hearing the same sort of thing.” In other words, systems and equipment were operated to the point of failure, instead of being maintained. As this article says, that’s like seeing the red “Check Engine” light flashing on your dashboard, and deciding to just keep driving and driving and driving ‘til your car dies.

West said that in the Texas City case, investigators were “finding the exact same patterns of neglecting worker safety and environmental concerns to save a few dollars. That, of course, indicated to us that it was corporate-wide. It wasn't just isolated to a particular operating unit.”

Jeanne Pascal (now retired) specialized in the process of debarment. It’s a complex time-consuming process where a company can ultimately lose their authority to do business with the U.S. government. BP was debarred in 2008 for their Alaska oil spill, but in that case it only meant they couldn’t get any more federal contracts at Prudhoe Bay. She said that because of the Gulf oil spill, the EPA, Interior Department and Department of Defense should consider a more sweeping debarment for BP.

Well, what are we waiting for???

Arizona Governor: “How Many Meskins Does It Take To…”

On Friday, Arizona Governor Jan Brewer said most illegal immigrants in Arizona are transporting drugs over the border.

She forgot to mention that they all have quick tempers, and each and every one of them is carrying a switch-blade. And lazy! Hell, lazy doesn’t even begin to describe them. All they do is lie around all day with that stupid sombrero pulled down over their faces. And if you ask any of them to get up and do some work, he’ll just peek out from under his sombrero and say “Mañana” and go back to sleep.

T.J. Bonner, president of the union that represents border patrol agents, refuted her, saying most illegal immigrants coming over the border are not carrying drugs. “The majority of people continue to come across in search of work, not to smuggle drugs.”

A history professor at the University of Arizona, Oscar Martinez, said:

“Unless Gov. Brewer can provide hard data to substantiate her claim that most undocumented people crossing into Arizona are 'drug mules,' she must retract such an outrageous statement. If she has no data and is just mouthing off for political reasons, as I believe she is doing, then she must apologize to the people of Arizona for lying to them so blatantly.”

The state attorney general, Terry Goddard, said Jan Brewer “does not understand the difference between illegal immigration and the organized criminals who are members of the violent drug cartels who pose a very a real danger.”

Jan Brewer is up for re-election this November. But don’t worry, she’ll be fine. If she loses, she has another job offer.

The Vatican’s Newest Crusade: Civil Liberties

We’ve heard all of the clichés. “A conservative is a liberal who just got mugged.” “A liberal is a conservative who just got subpoenaed to testify in front of Congress.”

And now: A civil libertarian is a pedophile priest cover-upper who just got searched by the police.

You can’t make this shit up. The Pope will be joining the ACLU any day now. Right???

Yesterday Belgian police raided the home and office of former Archbishop Godfried Danneels. They took his computer and several documents. Police didn’t say whether they suspect Danneels of being a pedophile himself or whether he just has personal records pertaining to a suspected pedophile.

The Vatican is furious about this invasion of civil liberties. Get ready for some strange bedfellows. This has to be a good thing. When the Vatican and the ACLU team up and join forces, they’ll be an unstoppable force.

Three Cheers for the Supreme Court

Well, two anyway. The Supreme Court has done plenty of damage with their retarded “reasoning” that money and speech are the same thing, and corporations are people. And they also just ruled today that fraud — along with bribery — is a cherished Constitutional freedom that our Founding Fathers envisioned.

But back to that silver lining: They ruled today, 8 to 1, that people who sign petitions — for the purpose of getting an initiative or referendum onto the ballot — can NOT run and hide and keep their names secret. If you’re going to take part in the political process, man up. Or else stay on the sidelines and shut the fuck up. One or the other; you can’t cherry-pick the best of both.

This case was scary, mostly because of the slippery greasebag, James Bopp, who brought this case to the Supreme Court. James Bopp has a long range incremental plan. In his twisted little dream world, corporations will not only be free to purchase elections (like they already are), but ALL disclosure laws will be ruled unconstitutional as well.

As corrupt as things already are, diligent voters can follow the money to see who’s bribing which congressman and who’s funding those “grass roots” demonstrators who keep screaming that health care reform equals Nazi Germany. And if you see one of those intelligence-insulting political hit pieces on TV, you can move up really really close to the screen and see the .01 font lettering that says “this crock of shit was paid for by ___________________.”

Keeping petition-signers’ names secret was Step One of James Bopp’s master plan. Now that he’s been kidney punched by the Supreme Court, maybe James Bopp will slink back under his rock and go back to pulling the wings off of flies, smelling bicycle seats or whatever his favorite hobbies are.

And yesterday the Supreme Court, in an 8 to 0 ruling, dealt a slight setback to those anal retentive property owners who think they own the beach, the ocean, the view, the air supply…

I realize that access to the beach isn’t exactly up there with the economy or health care. But if you live — or have ever lived — in a coastal community, you know what a contentious issue this is.

More Shit Spewing out of Texas — Just What the Country Needs

They’re already trying to dumb down an already dumber-than-dirt education system with their retarded "history" books. Isn’t that enough?

And now, Texas’ biggest oil companies are trying to insert themselves into the internal politics of another state. A California initiative has already gotten enough signatures to qualify for the November ballot.

If this initiative gets passed in November, it will overturn California’s climate change law. This ballot measure is being pushed by millions of everyday California citizens who are concerned about the economy the oil industry, particularly Valero Energy Inc. and Tesoro Corp., both from Texas.

I thought the Pacific Gas and Electric (PG&E) initiative — defeated by California voters two weeks ago — was the most blatant corporate hijacking of the initiative process I’d ever heard of. (I already posted about that here and here.)

But at least PG&E is a California company. I hope California’s voters will tell these all-hat-and-no-cattle rednecks to get the fuck out of California and go back to Texas with their own kind.

And how’s this for a euphemism: this oil industry power grab is titled “the California Jobs Initiative.”

Governor Schwarzenegger is determined to fight this oil industry takeover. California’s climate change law is part of Schwarzenegger’s legacy. He was the Great White Hope for millions of rightwads when he became governor in 2003, but then he went all RINO and treehugger on them. He said:

“This initiative sponsored by greedy Texas oil companies would cripple California's fastest-growing economic sector, reverse our renewable energy policy and decimate our environmental progress for the benefit of these oil companies' profit margins. I will not allow this to happen on my watch.”

You go Governator.

Another opponent of the Big Oil Giveaway said: “The Texas oil companies think if they can kill their clean energy competition in California, they can do it everywhere.”

eBitch Meg Whitman — running for California governor this November — is in favor of this Texas Oil Takeover of the California legislature. I don’t know anything about political strategy, but I think opponents should be running ads asking Meg Whitman which state she wants to govern — Texas or California.

Bringing Out Obama’s Inner Harry Truman

I don’t know any more about General Stanley McChrystal's comments than what this article describes.

But I do remember, from being in the Navy a long time ago, that military personnel are prohibited from making public statements for or against an ongoing war; or anything else that’s government-related. It’s one of the longstanding ironies of being in the military: The First Amendment doesn’t apply to you; you’re just risking your life so everybody else can have it.

Oh, one other little thing: disrespecting your superior is a huge No-No. And like it or not, Commander-in-Chief Obama is senior to General McChrystal.

And I don’t remember reading any exceptions to the above rules. Nowhere in the UCMJ does it say “These rules no longer apply after you’ve been a member of the service for X years” or “After you’ve reached a certain rank, you can go ahead and disregard all this drivel.”

I hate to make political hay out of a sensitive international situation, especially when I don’t even know all of the details. But this is just Tooo Good.

THIS is President Obama’s chance to dig out from under that Michael Dukakis straitjacket — all intellect, no passion or emotion; all substance and no Elvis — and start acting more like Harry Truman.

Something about General Douglas MacArthur comes to mind…

Obama also came out swinging against the health insurance oligarchs and their skanky congressional prostitutes.

You go guy.

Texas Needs YOUR Help

This is probably the saddest story you’ll ever read. After you’re through reading about it, I just know you’ll delve into your savings account and donate everything you possibly can. Give ‘til it hurts; and then give some more.

As you probably know, the Texas Board of Education has approved some changes to their history textbooks. Finally — Praise The Lord! — Texas’ future students will no longer be brainwashed by those leftwing revisionist anti-American history books that have caused generations of Americans to hate their own country.

No longer will Joseph McCarthy be portrayed as some sort of “bad guy” for smoking out Communist infiltrators. The Atlantic Triangle Trade won’t be referred to any more with such crude, ugly terms as “the slave trade.” And that God-hating Thomas “separation of church and state” Jefferson will NOT be glorified any longer. In fact, he’ll hardly be mentioned at all. Hallelujah!

BUT — and this is the heart-wrenching part — the State of Texas is facing an $11 billion budget shortfall. Yes, you know what this means. What you feared most has come to pass: Texas schools can’t even afford to buy their own brand new sanitized whitewashed history books.

Please Help.

Let's Have Fun With Numbers

Sorry, I don't have a link for this. It was the daily chalkboard message at Port Book and News, Port Angeles, WA.

Most people are already familiar with this first statistic: America has five percent of the world's population but consumes 25 percent of the world's oil. (Actually, it's up to 26% now.)

But did you also know:

The U.S.A. sells more guns and weapons around the world than every other country put together.

Americans consume sixty-six percent of the world's illegal drugs.

And twenty-three percent of the world's prison inmates are in America. (How's that "limited government" workin' out for ya?)

Comments?

Republicans 1, Americans 0

Americans who work for a living, that is. The National Labor Relations Board consists of five people. In theory. In reality, the Board has had only two people for the past two years. Corporate prostitutes (i.e. Republicans) have been blocking every new nominee to the Board.

And now, to complete the circle, the Supreme Court has thrown out more than five hundred cases that were decided by this two-person board. After all, if a board is supposed to have five members, then a case that was decided by only two members doesn’t have the proper legal authority.

How’s that for circular reasoning? Kind of like stealing somebody’s wallet and then arresting him for vagrancy.

The Board has four members now. Obama used the recess appointment to fill two of its vacancies. So its most recent rulings are still valid.

A newspaper editorial blasted Republican obstructionism in general, saying that it scores points with the Republican base, but harms the country.

There you go. “The Republican base” and “the country” — two separate things.

And the five hundred working people whose cases — you know, livelihoods, ability to pay the rent/mortgage, doctor bills — were sent back to Square One would like to tell their Republican Overlords: “Fuck You Very Much you C$%#S&%!in’ M#!%&$F!#$in’ Sons of #$%&!#$&!%!!”

Flaming Douchebag of the Week: Joe Barton

Rep. Joe Barton (R—Shitbucket) is deeply concerned about the BP oil spill. Wait, no, he’s not concerned about the worst ecological devastation in America’s history. He doesn’t give a fuck about millions of lowly working-class types whose livelihoods are gone.

But he’s having a tantrum because our Kenyan Muslim Socialist president said mean things to BP.

Obama is requiring BP to establish a $20 billion fund to help compensate the people whose careers and lives have been destroyed by BP’s negligence. Barton called it a “$20 billion shakedown” of BP, and said: “I'm ashamed of what happened in the White House.”

For the past year and a half, rightwing bloggers’ favorite soundbite has been “apologizing for America.” That’s exactly what Joe “I bend over for oil companies” Barton has just done. So far there hasn’t been a peep out of the Right, for some odd reason.

Massachusetts Democrat Ed Markey told Barton to bring his knees back together, get up off the floor and quit humping the oil industry (in so many words).

He said the $20 billion compensation fund was “not a slush fund, not a shakedown. ... It was the government of the United States working to protect the most vulnerable citizens that we have in our country right now, the residents of the Gulf. It's BP's spill, but it is America’s ocean, and it is America's citizens who are being harmed. ... No, this is not a shakedown of the company. This is, in my opinion, the American government working at its best.”

“Ambush” Interviews

This article asks: “Have ambush interviews gone too far?”

I say No. The more the merrier. This article is talking about Bob Etheridge’s world-famous tantrum the other day. I never did see the YouTube video, and now I can’t find it anywhere. In any case, if he can’t take the heat he can get the fuck out of the kitchen.

Same with Rand Paul. He’s been taking Sarah Palin lessons and now he wants reporters to submit all of their questions in writing, ahead of time, instead of ambushing him during a press conference.

Sarah Palin, as you remember, was constantly getting ambushed by trick questions like “what do you think of the Bush Doctrine?” and “what newspapers do you read?” Don’t answer that! It’s a trap!

With everybody and his brother having a cell phone camera, every politician — everybody who’s famous — is likely to get “ambushed” as soon as they step out in public. Every mis-step, every faux pas, might get recorded, uploaded to the Internet and go viral. That’s the way it is. Get over it.

In 1991, those four L.A. thugs didn’t know anyone was looking (or videotaping) when they beat the shit out of Rodney King. There was a joke going around (or was it?) that L.A. Police Chief Darryl Gates wanted a three day waiting period before anyone could buy a camcorder.

And how much sympathy do you have for rock stars and Hollywood celebrities who keep having run-ins with the Paparazzi? “I want to be famous, I want to be a star, I’m important, get those fuckin’ cameras out of my face, wait, get my good side…”

Politicians are probably longing for those days when they could say one thing to a certain audience, then say the exact opposite to a different audience, and nobody ever found out. Those days aren’t coming back.

So, my take on ambush interviews is: Bring ‘em on! What say you?

Wow! It’s Still 1979

This video is titled “The more oil spills change, the more they stay the same.”

It’s an eight-minute video by Rachel Maddow. Please bookmark it for later if you don’t have eight minutes to spare right now. It’ll be well worth it.

There was an oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico in the summer of 1979. You won’t believe the parallels between that spill and our current BP fiasco. The same negligence and equipment malfunctions that caused the spill, and — you won’t believe this — the exact fuckin’ SAME methods for TRYING to contain the oil spill.

Watch and seethe.

A New Bulletin Board for Conservative Complaints: We Want to Hear From YOU

This particular post will be a message board — a forum — for conservatives to voice their complaints. The media has a liberal bias? Barack Hussein Obama is taking over your health care, your bank account? All you need to do is go to the Comments section, type in your complaint, and:

Your comment will be forwarded to the right person; somebody who can help YOU. Tell us what you think. We Care.

BP has set up a bunch of call centers to handle questions and complaints about the massive oil spill. Trouble is, the call centers are fake. I mean, somebody will answer the phone if you call. But that’s as far as it goes.

A BP call center employee in West Houston said:

“We’re a diversion to stop them from really getting to the corporate office, to the big people.”

She said these operators are “just warm bodies on the other end of the phone,” and most of them don’t even bother writing down what you tell them, knowing the calls aren’t going anywhere anyway.

Oh well, no problem. If you need to find out something, you can always do a Google search for “BP oil spill” and get the real —

Oh. Nevermind.

Brave Republicans Attacking a Dangerous Target

Nothing rivals the unimaginable courage — the unblinking fearlessness — of Republican politicians when they set their sights on a new enemy.

Jobless workers whose unemployment benefits have expired, the bereaved mother of a soldier killed in Iraq, a terminally ill patient whose health insurance just got canceled by their HMO — a lesser person would cower and run from such a vicious opponent.

But for a Republican, cowardice is not an option. And just wait ‘til you see who Republicans are facing up to next. It’s enough to make you cringe and get butterflies just thinking about it. More frightening than a terminal cancer patient, more dangerous than Cindy Sheehan. Are you ready??? Republicans are about to march headlong into a brutal no-holds-barred confrontation with the children of illegal immigrants.

OOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!!!!! Are you trembling yet?

The newest rightwing buzzword is — Anchor Babies. That’s the name for children born to those swarthy lowly peons who snuck into the country illegally. Republicans are gonna git ‘em!

But first, there’s a little speed bump — the Fourteenth Amendment to the Constitution. The Far Right probably thinks the Constitution was written exclusively for the benefit of multi-millionaires who want to purchase Congressional elections, developers who want to pave over everything that doesn’t move, and gun manufacturers who want every man, woman and child to own an AK-47. Or two or three or twenty-seven.

The Fourteenth Amendment reads:

“All persons, born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States. No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States.”

Apparently the Fourteenth Amendment has too many big words for state senator Russell Pearce (R—Inbred). He’s the architect of Arizona’s “Zee Papersss Pleasss” law, and the ringleader of Arizona’s new plan to get those filthy icky Anchor Babies out of here.

The popular southern expression “Thank God for Mississippi” will probably be replaced soon with “Thank God for Arizona.”

Congratulations Iran — You’re Just Like Us

Why do American conservatives hate Iran? Are they unaware of the similarities between us? Or maybe they’re seeing their own reflection and hating what they see.

Both countries are full of bone-stupid religious fanatics who want to bring their countries back to the twelfth century. Aha — jealousy. After all, the Koran-thumpers have achieved this more successfully than the Bible-thumpers. (So far…)

And now for our quiz:

Person A wants America to get out of the United Nations.

Person B says a recent United Nations resolution is “a worthless piece of paper.”

Can you tell which is which?

American rightwads are so worked up and paranoid about one of the above-mentioned mystery people, they want to invade his country. Well, not they themselves, of course; they want somebody else to actually do the invading. You know conservatives — they love war, as long as they don’t have to do the “warring” themselves.

[Not to be confused with “You know spies; a bunch of bitchy little girls.” (Name that quote.)]

Anyway, the other mystery person, instead of generating fury and hatred on the Right — conservatives want to put this person in the U.S. Senate.

Can you say schizophrenia?

And speaking of conservatives and schizophrenia — maybe their affliction has a different technical term; who knows — what is it with rightwingers and minorities? They love ‘em; they hate ‘em. Can’t live with ‘em; can’t live without ‘em. Those funny-talking darkies come in handy once in awhile, when you need a token minority to “prove” you aren’t a racist.

But there’s a certain degree of “minority-ness” that’s acceptable, and that’s as far as it goes. One teensy micro-iota beyond that point, and it’s (insert ethnic slur here)!!!!!! I have no idea where they draw that line, but they sure know. Right down to the minutest detail. They have it down to an exact science. For instance:

Promising up-and-coming politician whose parents came over from India.

versus:

Raghead.

How do they know???

Emergency Relief Drive for BP Shareholders

Enough already with these bloody oil-spill unpleasantries. Cleanup costs are running into millions of Pounds Sterling for British Petroleum; perhaps billions even. And this tragedy is utterly devastating for the company's shareholders.

One can only imagine the utter devastation being suffered by these tragedy-stricken shareholders. Please take a moment to view the heartbreaking losses suffered by this poor stockholder — oops, wrong picture.

Oh bloody hell, what did I do with it??? Try this one.

F$#&!#$#!!! Well anyway, here’s a very moving, tragic article about the utter despair and hopelessness of British Petroleum and its stockholders.

Damn it, that’s not it.

OK, I found it. This picture will tear your heart out, but please don’t look away. You can make a contribution to these poor devastated BP stockholders — or you can turn the page.

Please help! They would like their lives back.

Pacific Gas & Electric — Nice Try, Cocksuckers

Of all the political races that captured the public’s attention yesterday, an initiative in California could have been the most disastrous. And it almost passed.

Corrupt politicians come and go. Bone-stupid simpleminded ballot measures last forever.

Pacific Gas & Electric (PG&E) is a huge utility monopoly with millions of California hostages customers. PG&E spent $46 million promoting Proposition 16 — the Taxpayers’ Right To Vote Act.

(Here are some more links.)

What a sweet innocent-sounding name. What could be more American than taxpayers having the right to vote? Oh wait, they already do.

If Proposition 16 had passed — and it only lost by five percentage points — it would have required a two-thirds vote before a municipality could switch from a private utility company (like, for instance, PG&E) to a city-operated utility.

If this corporate power grab had passed, it might have started a nationwide trend, like everything else that starts in California. Hopefully this twisted idea has been nipped in the bud by California’s voters.

PG&E has already defeated almost every California city’s attempt to operate their own utilities. They’ve got it down to a science: Spend millions of dollars on an advertising blitzkrieg extolling the virtues of the private sector — free enterprise! — versus those lazy inept nine-to-five government bureaucrats. Works every time. Or almost every time.

But apparently the playing field just wasn’t quite tilted and unlevel enough.

$46 million down the tubes. But that’s no problem; PG&E has millions of captive “customers” throughout California. Guess whose utility rates are about to go up and up and up.

Money equals Speech — Part XXXVII

The Corporate Supreme Court has derailed yet another one of them commie campaign finance laws.

Until today, the State of Arizona provided public financing for political candidates. A candidate who opted for public financing would receive matching funds if he/she was outspent by a wealthier opponent and/or if he/she was being targeted by an “independent” organization.

Opponents of Arizona’s law have appealed to the Supreme Court, which has agreed to hear the case. They won’t be ruling on the case until this Fall at the earliest, and the law has been suspended in the meantime.

Opponents of Arizona’s campaign finance law are using the “reasoning” — using that term very loosely — that a candidate’s free speech is being “chilled” if his/her opponent gets to spend the same amount of money for political ads. WTF???

Now, let’s just play Devil’s Advocate for a minute here, and pretend to actually agree with that simple-minded short-bus “reasoning” that money equals speech. Political speech and money are the same thing. [shudder] I feel stupid even typing out that sentence. I feel like I should be chewin’ on some tobacca and listenin’ to some of that there country and western music.

Anyway, if money equals speech, then:

“If my opponent gets to spend the same amount of money that I’m spending, then MY free speech is being chilled” —

is the same as:

“If my opponent is allowed to speak, then MY free speech is being chilled.”

Right??? What’s the difference?

Of course we all know that Money and Speech are NOT the same thing; they’re two totally different animals. After all, if money was speech, people would call out “hey, keep your voice down” when you’re reaching into your wallet.

If money was speech, you could get a traffic ticket and say “I don’t have any money, so I’ll just talk at you instead. Let me know when I’ve done $500 worth of yakking, and I’ll be on my way.”

But with this “money is speech” logic, America’s oligarchs — and their inbred enablers — might be painting themselves into a corner.

“The Art of War” by Eric Cantor

That quaint old book by Sun Tzu was entertaining, but it’s hopelessly passé nowadays. Fighting? “Know Your Enemy?” Get with it.

Eric Cantor (R—Inbred) knows how to conquer a country: Send some volunteer aid workers over to help the refugees inside an enemy country, allow this enemy country to kill those aid workers (i.e. your own citizens) and — Presto! — you have now destroyed your enemy.

This is how Turkey conquered Israel. As you probably know by now, Israel is toast! They’ve been destroyed by Turkey.

Eric Cantor — and the bone-stupid rednecks that elected him — probably doesn’t know this, but Turkey is a member of NATO. And NATO is kind of like a biker gang — all on one, one on all. If a NATO member is attacked by another country, every other NATO member is obligated to attack that country.

Israel’s murder of those Turkish aid workers (and one American citizen of Turkish descent) probably isn’t an act of war — technically anyway. Just imagine, the United States having to declare war on Israel for attacking another NATO country.

What would we do? Withdraw from NATO, or attack the only country in the world that doesn’t hate us?

Meanwhile, Egypt will be keeping the border open “indefinitely” between Egypt and the Palestinian Territory. That’s good news for the one and a half million Palestinians who’ve been isolated in Gaza for the past three years.

Those swarthy peasants needed to be severely punished, of course. They voted for Hamas. No Democracy For You!

Make BP Pay Royalty Fees on Spilled Oil

Finally, a plan. Hit ‘em where they live! Fuck ‘em where they breathe!

We’ve got all these layers and layers of regulatory bureaucracy, fines that are too small to have any deterrent effect and/or get overturned on appeal, and what have we got to show for it? Instead, let’s use a clear cut, black and white, no ifs ands or buts approach: You leak oil, you pay royalty fees on it. You break it, you’ve bought it.

Rep. Nick Rahall (D—W. Virginia) has asked Eric Holder to force BP to pay oil drilling royalties on the oil that’s leaked into the Gulf. BP’s lease with the government stipulates an 18.75% royalty.

As the linked article says: “The royalty is on the oil extracted, what you do with it afterwards is really not the problem of the United States.”

Works for me.

Exclusive Preview of Arizona’s Future Textbooks

Forget Texas. Texas looks downright progressive next to Arizona’s new “Zee Papersss Pleassse!” law, their multi-million dollar fence that’ll soon surround the whole state, their banning of ethnic studies...

Here are some exclusive photos from Arizona’s soon-to-be-unveiled history textbooks:

Chief Sitting Bull

Martin Luther King

Caesar Chavez

Rosa Parks

In Prescott, AZ, a school principal ordered a public mural to be “edited” so that all swarthy icky furrin-looking’ children would be white, as God intended.

The mural was titled “Go on Green” and it was designed to promote environmentally-friendly transportation. It showed four children, and the most prominent one was Hispanic in appearance. Unacceptable!

This little problem has been corrected. The mural has been sanitized and sterilized, and now each of the four children looks like this.

Drown Haley Barbour in a Vat of Toothpaste

Remember now, this inbred douchebag is a moderate Republican and White House hopeful for 2012. He’s the “good cop” to the Sarah Palin/Rand Paul/Newt Gingrich “bad cop.”

Governor Asswipe was starting to get concerned about the BP oil spill when it looked like Mississippi’s Gulf Coast would get swamped with oil. But most of the oil got washed away by storms, so Barbour went back to downplaying the problem and dismissing those whiny treehuggers and their concern about wildlife.

Barbour described the oil as “weathered, emulsified, caramel-colored mousse, like the food mousse.” He also said:

“Once it gets to this stage, it’s not poisonous. But if a small animal got coated enough with it, it could smother it. But if you got enough toothpaste on you, you couldn’t breathe.”

Maybe this could be arranged for Haley Barbour.

The 9/11 story has been rewritten so many times, it’s getting hard to keep track. First we had Rudy Giuliani telling us that there were no domestic terrorist attacks during George W. Bush’s presidency. And now, apparently — according to Bill O’Reilly — the attacks occurred when several planeloads of homosexuals crashed into the World Trade Center.

Can’t wait to hear the next historical revision.

Warning: Coming to a Voting Booth Near You…

In a survey of one thousand American adults (chronologically at least), two thirds of them could not name one single U.S. Supreme Court justice.

But on the bright side, they were able to name three countries.

And in our “Small World” department — these same respondents also took part in another survey.

God is Angry at America’s Judicial System

And He has spoken to Craig Candelore and told him to get those sinners and heathens out of His Chosen Country.

Craig Candelore has been instructed by the voices in his head — er, ahem, “God” — to become a judicial candidate for the San Diego Superior Court.

Candelore is a family law attorney and is one of four conservative Christian candidates for San Diego Superior Court this June 8th. He said:

“We believe our country is under assault and needs Christian values. Unfortunately, God has called upon us to do this only with the judiciary.”

Candelore and the other three candidates want to be “God’s ambassadors on the bench.”

School boards across the country have already been swamped with conservative Christians. Now it seems their next targets are the nation’s courtrooms. This campaign is financed by the usual coalition of NRA-types, homophobes and fetus worshippers.

San Diego’s District Attorney is alarmed at this campaign. She said:

“Any organization that wants judges to subscribe to a certain political party or certain value system or certain way of ruling to me threatens the independence of the judiciary. Judges should be evaluated based on their qualifications and their duty to follow the law.”

And there’s a well-grounded fear that America’s judiciary could become just as corrupt and for-sale-to-the-highest-bidder as Congress and state legislatures already are. Just what we need.

According to the Brennan Center for Justice, the “Christian” Right has been making larger and larger donations to judicial campaigns in the past few years. A spokesman for the Brennan Center said:

“An effective way in driving policy is to try to influence who is on the courts in a state, particularly the highest court, the supreme court. It's cause for concern because Americans expect courts to be places where people get a fair trial.”

Gee, there’s a concept.

This “Christian” campaign to bring God back into the courtroom is called “Better Courts Now.” How’s that for a euphemism. Better Courts Now was largely founded by the late (good riddance Asshole!) Don Hamer, San Diego County's Zion Christian Fellowship pastor.

You’ve gotta give these Biblehumpers credit — they always vote, and they’re experts at zeroing in on local “snooze button” races that most voters don’t bother with.

It all comes back to “All Politics Is Local.” If you don’t want your own city council, school board, district courts and county offices to be infiltrated by a bunch of snake-handling whackjobs — follow all of these local races, learn who the candidates are, and Vote!