Official Green Light: Permission Granted to Build Settlements in East Jerusalem

This announcement was made by the world’s greatest living expert in international relations — Mike Huckabee (R—Out Of His League).

The Old Testament fanatic and 2012 presidential candidate was being hosted by the Jerusalem Reclamation Project, an organization that’s pushing for the maximum number of Jewish settlers per square inch in Arabic regions of Jerusalem. Jon Voight was there also.

What, Jon Voight??? Uh oh, time for the usual conservative pantytwist: Tell them there Hollywood elitists to stay out of politics and stick to movie-makin'.

Huckabee told a group of Jewish settlers:

“I cannot imagine, as an American, being told I could not live in certain places in America because I was Christian, or because I was white, or because I spoke English.”

He also told them East Jerusalem is “Israel’s eternal capital” and said they have a right to build settlements anywhere they want in “the place that God gave them.”

Well, that settles that. Case closed.

In other news, a third grader who flunked arithmetic walked into a meeting of college math professors and told them their calculus equation was wrong.

GOP: “Focus on Jobs? Nah, That Was Just an Election Slogan”

Republican politicians tricked millions of gullible people into voting for them last November, using the promise that they’d “create jobs,” “focus on jobs.”

Now that they’ve gotten elected, their “focus on jobs” has morphed into “Jobs? Huh? Oh, that?”

Now that they’re in control of the House, Republicans can turn their backs on all the moderate, independent and swing voters who put them in office. Once again they can ignore mainstream voters and just pander to their base.

The economy has been moved to the back burner so they can concentrate on the important things: banning abortion, teaching creationism in public schools, expanding school voucher programs, reducing jury awards for medical malpractice claims, and cutting benefits for veterans.

Rep. Jim McGovern (D-Mass.) said:

“It's astonishing to me how tone-deaf the Republicans have been in the first weeks of the session. They've talked about everything but jobs.”

And using that uniquely Republican combination of sleaze and twisted-beyond-recognition “logic,” House Republicans are pretending that everything they’re doing is for the purpose of “creating jobs.” They’ve been instructed by the health insurance industry — which financed their election campaigns — to get rid of those new regulations that prevent sick people from having their coverage dropped. Since they can’t actually word it that way in public, the spin is “We’re going to repeal that job-killing health care reform bill.”

Ditto for financial reform. They can’t publicly say “Our Wall Street Masters have told us to get rid of those banking regulations so they can keep gambling with the public’s money and keep getting bailed out when they lose.” So in public they’re saying “We need to repeal these cumbersome regulations that are strangling the economy and destroying American jobs.”

They haven’t come up with the exact soundbite yet, but banning abortion will create jobs.

WikiLeaks: Making Banks Squirm

Love him or hate him, Julian Assange has accomplished something that legislators and regulators have only pretended to do: making bank executives squirm. He told 60 Minutes:

“I think it's great. We have all these banks squirming, thinking maybe it's them.”

There’s supposed to be an upcoming “megaleak” of a so far unnamed bank. Tens of thousands of documents will be leaked, which will presumably lead to massive investigations of that bank.

These are the sociopathic thieving cocksuckers who almost derailed the entire global economy two and a half years ago. With the help of their congressional prostitutes, they've blocked almost every attempt to prevent a similar meltdown from occurring. So far they’ve been “punished” with record salaries and bonuses. They’ve also gotten the occasional stern lecture from one of their henhouse foxes who's pretending to regulate them.

These thieves have spent jillions of dollars purchasing our entire government, but so far they haven’t been able to purchase WikiLeaks or any of its spinoffs.

Squirm, Motherfuckers.

And WikiLeaks is just the beginning. There’s a ton of new WikiLeaks spinoffs and copycats springing up all over Europe. How is anyone going to crack down on all of them?

Wanna play Whack-A-Mole, anyone?

U.S. Chamber of Commerce Backs Egyptian Dictator

The U.S. Chamber of Commerce has shown its true colors. Again. This shouldn’t be surprising, but with the explosive political turmoil in Egypt, America’s biggest lobbying group for “Freedom!” is quietly working to help the Mubarak regime keep those lowly Egyptian rabble-rousers under its thumb.

What happened to “Freedom!” and “Watering the tree of liberty with the blood of tyrants?” And for two years we’ve been swamped with constant references to the Boston Tea Party. I guess it’s only a “tea party” if the protesters are corporate lobbyists and their useful idiots; it has nothing to do with millions of enraged desperate people rebelling against a dictator.

If the U.S. Chamber of Commerce could be projected back to the 1700s, they’d be helping King George III against those motley protesters in that uppity colony.

Seattle Police Department: Looking For a Few More Dumbfucks

If you weigh 270 pounds, have an IQ lower than your shoe size and a red hot temper: the Seattle Police Department wants YOU. If you slam somebody’s head into a wall so hard that this person will never move or talk again — hey, no biggie. We won’t prosecute you or anything. You can just keep on enjoying life as if nothing happened.

The family of the victim — Christopher Harris — has received a $10 million dollar settlement from King County, WA. The offending thug, Deputy Matthew Paul, wasn’t prosecuted or disciplined in any way. Sounds like some nice cushy working conditions — you can inflict life-ruining injuries on a suspect (who turned out to be the wrong person) and not be held accountable.

I always figured that if I did something to cost my employer $10 million, I’d be out of a job (at the very least).

In May 2009, Christopher Harris was shopping in a convenience store in downtown Seattle. Police had been called because of a fight nearby — which Harris was NOT involved in. Several blood-spattered men ran into the convenience store around the same time that the deputies arrived. A witness mistakenly told them that Harris was the person they were looking for. Harris panicked and ran.

After running a block or two, he stopped and stood there with his arms outstretched, saying “I don’t have anything. I didn’t steal anything.” The giant inbred, Matthew Paul, pushed Christopher Harris — who was half his size — hard enough to send him flying eight feet and into a wall head first.

Now with all due respect to our newfound civility and dialed-down rhetoric after the Tucson Massacre — why is Deputy Matthew Paul still walking?

2011 State of the Union Speech

Well, it was a pretty bland evening. And that’s a good thing, what with the Tucson Massacre and all, which came on the heels of ten years of mutual hatred bordering on open warfare in this country.

Obama did a good job of speaking in generalities that most of us can agree on. He referred to our global competitive disadvantage as a “Sputnik moment” (which somebody else already used a month or two ago). My personal favorite phrase of Obama’s, referring to two years of shouting over “Obamacare,” was “Let’s fix what needs fixing, and move forward.”

In the few moments between Obama’s SOTU speech and Paul Ryan’s rebuttal, I remembered why I hardly ever listen to news “analysis” on TV. I forget who the blubbering heads were, but their consensus was that Obama “forgot” to mention gun control. This was his brief window — a golden opportunity — to captivate the nation with an impassioned plea for gun control. And that was when I turned off the TV, thinking “oooookey, well I guess I forgot too.”

And then came Paul Ryan. He seemed almost likeable, in that class nerd/Howdy Doody sort of way. (He and Bobby Jindal must have had the same public speaking instructor.) I was prepared to hate him, based on his most famous quote: “We need a better senate, and we need Obama out of the White House.” But, as the Biblethumping community always says (as if they actually meant it), “hate the sin, love the sinner.”

He was nowhere near as combative or obnoxious as I expected, but of course he had to trot out the Far Right’s done-to-death “failed stimulus” soundbite. Maybe some of the thousands of people whose jobs were SAVED by that “failed stimulus” would have a different description, and/or a few colorful expletives for Paul Ryan.

And since the Teabag Nation is so far to the right they make most Republicans (i.e. RINOs) look like Communists, tonight’s format was changed from good cop / bad cop to good cop, bad cop and badass rogue motherfucker you don’t EVEN want to fuck with.

Enter Michele Bachmann. Paul Ryan’s wimpy milquetoast response was the exact kind of spineless “apologizing for America” wussery that our Founding Fathers warned us about.

If you do a search, you’ll probably find a video of Michele Bachman’s “He-Man Rebuttal to the Pussy Rebuttal” speech. But be warned: Do NOT look into those eyes, or — or…you…will…become…one…of…THEM…Yes Master, I am ready. We must get on with Our Mission…

Recall Vote Against Sheriff Clarence Dupnik

Problem: Arizona still has one elected official who can think rationally, speak articulately, and isn’t trying to turn the clock back to the twelfth century.

Solution: git that there librul eleetist outta here. The local teabagging inbreds are mounting a recall drive against Sheriff Dupnik. The Pima County Teawipes are getting ready for a “Dump Dupnik” rally outside Dupnik’s office.

During their rally, they plan to “indict” the sheriff for “politicizing the shootings, blaming free speech for the crime without evidence, failing to protect Giffords, failing to recuse himself from the investigation, and embarrassing the community in front of the nation.”

“Embarrassing” the community??? If Arizona’s rightwing dildos were remotely capable of embarrassment, they’d cringe and hide every time their governor and senators open their mouths and let spew.

A local weapons dealer (that figures) — Tom Rompel, co-owner of Black Weapons Armory in Tucson — said:

“I haven’t been a fan of Dupnik’s for a long time, but this really was the straw that broke the camel’s back. He’s law enforcement. We expect ‘the facts, ma’am,’ not his opinion. He leans far left, always has, and frankly, people have had enough.”

Earth to the redneck: These people who “have had enough” have elected and re-elected Sheriff Dupnik eight times. But you guys go ahead and have a good time with your little recall fantasy. It’s fun to keep doing the same thing over and over and over and then be dumbfounded that the same result keeps happening. Or maybe — as the Teajobs like to say — “ninth time’s the charm.”

Australia’s Most Wanted: Sarah Palin, Mike Huckabee, Bill O’Reilly…

Australia has strictly-enforced laws against inciting violence. Julian Assange — that infamous WikiLeaks subversive who’s trying to bring the Free World to its knees — is an Australian citizen.

Certain American politicians and shouting heads have talked about kidnapping/executing/assassinating Julian Assange. The offending blowhards include Sarah Palin, Mike Huckabee and Bill O’Reilly, among others.

Mike Huckabee has said Assange should be executed. Bill O’Reilly has urged the execution of the person who leaked the files, but so far not Assange himself. Sarah Palin said Assange should be “pursued with the same urgency we pursue al Qaeda and Taliban leaders.”

Dialing down the hate rhetoric just a notch, Peter King (R—Teabag) said the Secretary of State should officially designate WikiLeaks a “foreign terrorist organization.” Mitch McConnell (R—More Chins than the Hong Kong phone book) said the same thing, adding that if Assange hasn’t violated any U.S. laws, we need to change the law.

Assange’s lawyer — Robert Stary, based in Melbourne — said:

“Our main concern is really the possible extradition to the US. We've been troubled by the sort of rhetoric that has come out of various commentators and principally Republican politicians — Sarah Palin and the like — saying Mr. Assange should be executed, assassinated. Certainly if Sarah Palin or any of those other politicians come to Australia, for whatever purpose, then we can initiate a private prosecution, and that's what we intend to do.”

Sarah, Bill, Mike — Australia is supposed to be really nice this time of year. Wanna get away?

Put another wingnut on the barbie.

Jack LaLanne

America’s most important health and fitness icon died today at age 96.

In 2006 Jack LaLanna said “I can't afford to die. It would wreck my image.”

He’s probably most famous for his TV fitness program from the 1950s through the ‘70s, and for some highly publicized achievements: doing 1,000 pushups in 23 minutes, and swimming across San Francisco Bay while towing a boat.

In the 1930s and ‘40s he brought weight-lifting and other strength-training routines — which were generally dismissed as some sort of weird cult activity at the time — into the mainstream. Some of his bodyweight-only exercises were the most brutal of all.

For example, no matter how much you can lift — betcha can’t do this.

Jack LaLanne was still doing Jack LaLanne pushups when he was ninety.

America needs him now more than ever.

R.I.P.

Bath Salts: Assassin of Youth

Uh oh, America is facing another drug menace. Marijuana, heroin, crack, meth — Move over and make way for bath salts.

Apparently it’s become trendy to get high by ingesting bath salts. The high is supposed to be comparable to methamphetamine: hallucinations, paranoia, rapid heartbeat and thoughts of suicide.

All right! Well, I was planning on just having a nice boring evening watching a NetFlix movie. But hell with that. Gimme some bath salts.

Obviously, it’s not very bright to ingest bath salts, or dozens of other items found in most kitchens and bathrooms. But the last thing we need is another phony “moral” “law and order” crusade to distract the public and feed the Prison Industrial Complex.

This country has always had a huge Puritanical holier-than-thou element who would just love to find another “problem” to get all self-righteous about.

Don’t forget now: 99% of all heroin addicts started off on bath salts.

Keith Olbermann Leaves MSNBC

Well this sucks. At least we know what every rightwing blogger will be raving and cheering about today. If you’re a Far Right knuckledragger, Keith Olbermann is a bigger villain than Osama bin Laden and Karl Marx put together.

I hardly ever watch MSNBC or any other political station. After a day of ranting and spewing at the computer, I just want mind candy when I turn on the TV. When I’ve seen Keith Olbermann, it’s usually on a YouTube video at somebody else’s blog. He gives a powerful, very moving speech.

Anyone who can piss off so many conservatives has to be doing something right.

R.I.P. (Figuratively!)

House Republicans Fiddle While America Burns

Two days ago a bunch of us townspeople got together and passed a few meaningless feelgood resolutions. Of course we knew it was just an empty gesture, but we had a good time. We voted 245 to 189 to tell the House of Representatives to quit jacking each other off and get to work already.

Did we tell ‘em off good, or what. OK, so it didn’t accomplish anything. Make-believe is fun. Smoke and mirrors, illusions — our “elected” “representatives” do it all the time, so why shouldn’t the rest of us?

Unlike the overpaid underworked corporate prostitutes in the linked article, we didn’t get paid for our symbolic gestures. And unlike the aforementioned prostitutes, we hadn’t just gotten hired to a new job based on a promise that we would go to work immediately to fix the economy, create new jobs and put America back to work.

Exactly how many jobs did House Republicans create during Wednesday’s masturbation frenzy?

Congress Lectures Hu Jintao on Human Rights Abuses

It’s about time! I think it was magnanimous of us to even allow this bloodthirsty tyrant to come here and visit the Land of the Free. As General Westmoreland so wisely said: “Orientals don’t place the same high value on human life that we do in the West.”

Ain’t that the truth. And just to prove his point, we invaded Southeast Asia and killed over a million civilians.

Anyway, our lawmakers got a chance to badger Hu Jintao on China’s disgraceful treatment of its citizens. You won’t believe this, but — twenty-five percent of all prisoners in the world are incarcerated in China!!! This is an outrage!

And in China, tens of thousands of people die every year because they don’t have access to medical treatment. What kind of government would just sit by and allow this to happen? Here, now, in the 21st century! Tell that backward country to get the fuck out of the Stone Age already!

Throughout its history, China has expanded its boundaries by conquering other people, stealing their land and enslaving them. And these barbaric practices have laid the groundwork for China’s current human rights abuses. You wouldn’t believe the religious persecution and bigotry in China today.

Why can’t the Chinese be more like us?

“Obama to Sell America to China”

Or to be exact, that’s: “Obama wants to see America as a weakened, impotent power, incapable of doing anything without international assistance.” Well, whadyya expect from a Fascist Muslim born in Kenya?

Another day, another shit-spewing teabagger. Just when you think the bar can’t possibly be set any lower — down it goes. And today the already-subterranean bar has been lowered again by Judson Phillips, founder of the Tea Party Nation.

He said this in an article titled “Obama to Sell America to China.” This is the same dickwad who recently said that only property owners should be allowed to vote. Wealthy White Christian property owners, that is. (Even if he didn’t say that, you know that’s what he meant.)

According to Judson Phillips, Obama not only wants to weaken the United States, but Obama and Chinese President Hu Jintao “are doing their best to make that vision come true.”

He also said the reason Hu Jintao is visiting Chicago is that Chicago is Obama’s re-election headquarters; and meeting in Chicago will make it easier for Obama to persuade the Chinese government to help finance his re-election. Or, in the Grand Wizard’s own words:

“Hu is bypassing other cities with larger Chinese populations in favor of Chicago. What does Chicago have that could be so interesting to Hu? The party of treason has never been shy about taking foreign cash, even though it's illegal. In 2008, Obama even received campaign contributions from Gaza (i.e. Hamas). So where does a corrupt, unpopular President from the party of treason go for re-election cash? China, of course. There is no doubt China will send millions in cash to the Obama reelection campaign.”

In some cases, people only insult themselves when they spit out their twisted hate speech. Their own rhetoric ridicules and insults them so mercilessly, there’s no need for anyone else to even bother calling them names.

Nevertheless, Judson Phillips is a sickfuck inbred son-of-a-bitch whose mother should have gotten an abortion.

“A Tale of Two Moralities”

That’s the title of a recent Paul Krugman column. I have to take issue with this column. There isn’t anything I disagree with. But it’s way oversimplified; it leaves out too much.

He’s talking about the great political divide that’s tearing the country in two. The Left believes it’s “morally superior” for “the affluent to help the less fortunate.”

And the Right “believes that people have a right to keep what they earn, and that taxing them to support others, no matter how needy, amounts to theft.”

And this is why his column is too simplified. The people on the “Right” he’s talking about are Libertarians. They make up a tiny portion of the Right Wing. He doesn’t mention anything about “Christian” snakehandlers and Salem witch-hunters who want to take America back to the 1700s. Or the warmongering rednecks who want the U.S. to invade and occupy dozens of “backward” countries because we know what’s best for them. (And because We WANT the natural resources that God mistakenly put under their soil instead of ours.)

Of course, Republicans and conservatives all pretend they’re Libertarian. Judging by their political slogans, you’d think they really do want “the government off our backs,” and believe in “self-reliance,” “personal responsibility” and “the right to be left alone.” Those soundbites are a lot more appealing than “I hate queers, minorities and everybody who doesn’t go to my church” or “we oughtta just bomb all them third world countries back to Kingdom Come.”

But unfortunately those last two categories make up the vast majority of today’s Republican Party. They all screamed “Freedom died today!” when Obama signed the health care reform bill last Spring. But these same freedom-loving individualists were stone silent when we invaded Iraq under false pretenses, and when Dumbya established massive domestic spying programs and eliminated Habeas Corpus. When our government spends trillions of dollars on wars and the Prison Industrial Complex, the Right mysteriously forgets about their “right to keep what they earn.”

And I disagree with his description of liberals. I can’t speak for anybody else, but the reason I’m in favor of a public safety net (or “the nanny state” as wingtards like to call it) has nothing to do with whether it’s a “moral” issue or “the right thing to do.” I believe in having a safety net because it works. It’s better for the whole country. As the saying goes, “When everybody wins, we all win.” (Or whatever the exact wording is.)

When millions of Americans are unemployed, destitute, homeless, sick and not having access to health care — the entire country gets pulled down. I would assume that the rest of the industrialized world has become “socialistic” for practical, pragmatic reasons; not because of “morality” or “right and wrong.”

When a huge percentage of a country’s population is poor, scared shitless and pissed off — it means the system is NOT Working. Tunisia, anyone?

So that’s my quarrel with Paul Krugman’s column. The Left favors a safety net (“robbing Peter to pay Paul,” whatever you want to call it) because it makes the entire country a better place; not because it’s “moral” or “the right thing to do.”

And the Right is sure as hell NOT made up of freedom-loving individualists who just want the government to leave us alone.

North Korea: Nuclear Aggression Could Cause Internal Collapse

According to a South Korean official, North Korea could cause its own collapse if it keeps squandering money and natural resources on nuclear weapons and other military programs.

Chun Yung-woo, South Korea’s chief national security advisor, said:

“I think they will come to the point where they can no longer sustain the burden of military expenditures. They are already suffering from misery ... I think they will be worse off. I think their obsession with their military capabilities, especially weapons of mass destruction like nuclear weapons, chemical weapons ... that would be a short-cut to their demise.”

Well, that doesn’t sound too good now, does it. Pretty chilling scenario.

But isn’t there a certain other country that’s facing the same danger? You know, spending trillions of dollars on weapons while everything else collapses? A huge gap between the Powers That Be and the rest of the population?

Struggling Americans Worse Off Than Ever

Hat Tip to Port Book & News, Port Angeles, WA for displaying this horrifying story on their daily chalkboard today:

“According to a report released Monday by the U.S. Department of Labor, skyrocketing consumer prices coupled with stagnant wages have forced many Americans to work a fourth shift in another dimension in order to make ends meet.

The extra-dimensional shift, which occurs on a time axis at right angles to that of normal reality, allows American workers to supplement their incomes, while still maintaining the morning, afternoon, and overnight shifts they need in order to stave off bankruptcy.

The maximum 24 hours of possible work time offered by our plane of existence is simply not enough to provide a living wage in the current economic climate.”

…from the Onion.

And don’t forget to catch the Onion News Network, premiering this Friday on IFC.

January 15th: Global Day of Protest to Defend WikiLeaks, Free Speech

The online protest group “Anonymous” has announced that Saturday, January 15th will be a day of global protest to defend WikiLeaks and free speech. In one of their videos they say, “Stand up and fight. Every city, everywhere.”

Here is the group’s website.

I know that WikiLeaks — and the cyber attacks carried out by groups like “Anonymous” — are controversial. Imperfect. But they’re the inevitable reaction against decades of corporate/government secrecy and unaccountability.

And what kind of person wants to crack down on WikiLeaks — and similar organizations — and prosecute Julian Assange? The kind of person who secretly arranges for two asylum-seekers to be rendered to Egypt to be tortured. That kind.

Teabaggers: “Racism? Bigotry? Moi???”

Them liberals are playing the race card again. They keep spreading these vicious rumors, saying us teabaggers hate queers and swarthy minorities.

Rightwing presidential wannabe Tim Pawlenty (R—Bigot) is vowing to reinstate Don’t Ask Don’t Tell if he gets elected. Here is part of a conversation between Pawlenty and Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association (talk about birds of a feather):

Snakehandler: “We just saw the ban on homosexual service in the military repealed, overturned. Conservatives will be working over the next couple of years to see that that ban is reinstated. If you become president in 2012, will you work to reinstate the prohibition on open homosexual service in the military? Would you sign such a prohibition if it got to your desk?”

Fringe Candidate: “Bryan, I have been a public and repeat supporter of maintaining Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. There’s a lot of reasons for that, but if you look at how the combat commanders and the combat units feel about it, the results of those kinds of surveys were different than the ones that were mostly reported in the newspaper and that is something I think we need to pay attention to. But I have been a public supporter of maintaining Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell and I would support reinstating it as well.”

Aha! I get it now. Military personnel are actually scared shitless — Petrified! — at the thought of having homosexuals serving in the military, and that damn liberal media is covering this up. They just made up a bunch of phony survey results.

In other news, the Tennessee Teabaggers Union wants to whitewash (literally) the state’s history curriculum. They don’t want textbooks to mention anything about that there “Minority Experience,” whatever in tarnation that might could be.

Attorney Hal Rounds, the group’s spokesman (this numbnuts went to law school???) said his teajobs want to get rid of:

“…an awful lot of made-up criticism about, for instance, the founders intruding on the Indians or having slaves or being hypocrites in one way or another.”

[pshaw] What, them liberal flag-burners are trying to say our ancestors stole land from the Indians?? Owned slaves??? Balderdash!

Now, again, what was all that liberal claptrap about teabaggers being a bunch of racists and bigots?

After Arizona Shooting, Republicans Stress Need for Mental Health Services

Straight from the cover of DUUUHHH!!! Magazine — the Tucson Massacre might have been prevented if Jared Loughner had had access to mental health facilities. No, you aren’t hallucinating. Two Republicans have actually said this.

Well HELLLOO and welcome back to Earth after your 30-year coma. Since 1980, Republicans have been systematically dismantling every aspect of America’s safety net, including mental health facilities. Let’s save a few dollars by closing all these mental hospitals and dumping patients onto the street. This will free them from the tyranny of the nanny state, they’ll pull themselves up by their bootstraps, and someday they’ll thank us.

And now, a few Republicans are just horrified that — gasp! — mentally ill people are roaming the streets, and sometimes they get violent. Who knew??!?!?!?

Rep. Mike Rogers (R-Michigan) said:

“What will solve this problem is removing the politics from it and getting after the crux of this problem and that is somebody who needed mental health services and or legal intervention much earlier in his cycle toward violence. What we have to do is intervene earlier in that cycle of violence when they have this kind of mental disability.”

Allen West (R—Florida) said:

“The shooter was a very disturbed individual and it appears there were so many warning signs that he was going to do something horrible. We should be focusing on the mental health crisis in our country, not politics.”

Focusing on mental health?? But how can we invade other countries and keep feeding the Prison Industrial Complex if we have to spend taxpayers' hard-earned money coddling a bunch of parasites who won’t work?

America’s Founding Father is turning in his grave.

Sarah Palin: “Blood Libel”

Sarah “I’ve Got You In My Crosshairs” Palin has apparently never heard the phrase “when you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.”

Ms. Lock ‘n’ Load is just shocked — shocked! — that anyone could possibly think her steady drumbeat of gun metaphors could possibly have led to last Saturday’s massacre. Some of her worshippers have IQs lower than their shoe sizes, a quick temper and are armed to the teeth. And this has absolutely nothing to do with Saturday’s bloodbath, where a Democratic congresswoman who had been in Sarah Palin’s crosshairs — and a dozen other people — got shot.

Nope, no connection. Move along, nothing to see here.

So now the Annie Oakley wannabe is digging herself even deeper with her newest soundbite: Blood Libel.

That’s the term she’s using on people who have criticized her constant throw-a-lighted-match-on-a-pile-of-oily-rags rhetoric. “Blood Libel” refers to the Big Lie from the Middle Ages that Jews killed Christian children and used their blood to make matzo for Passover. The mass hatred resulting from the spread of blood libel has been used to justify hundreds of years of anti-Semitism.

Yup, same thing. That’s exactly the danger Sarah Palin is in right now. A New York Democratic consultant said:

“The blood libel is something anti-Semites have historically used in Europe as an excuse to murder Jews. The comparison is stupid. Jews and rational people will find it objectionable. This will forever link her to the events in Tucson. It deepens the hole she’s already dug for herself. … It’s absolutely inappropriate.”

Keep on digging, Asshole.

FINALLY — An Explanation for Mass Bird Deaths

Forget all those newfangled scientific theories. Thousands of birds and other animals have died because: their deaths were God’s punishment for the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.

This comes from Evangelist Cindy Jacobs. The Lord has punished animals all over the world because of America’s Homosexual Agenda. In Cindy Jacobs’ own words:

“According to biblical principles, marriage is between a man and a woman, so we have to say 'what happens when a nation makes a decision that’s against God's principles?' Well, often what happens is that nature itself will begin to talk to us — for instance, violent storms, flooding.”

Huh? But I thought violent storms were caused when rival gods were fighting in the sky.

(The linked article has a YouTube video of Cindy Jacobs’ words of wisdom.)

Last November, Cindy Jacobs told a Latino audience that if they voted for candidates who oppose gay marriage, God would reward them with immigration reform.

OK, my head hurts. That’s all for today.

What Should Happen to Sarah Palin

And not just Sarah Palin. This includes all of these sickfuck demagogues who’ve been stirring up the inbreds with “Don’t retreat, reload!” “second amendment remedies,” “if ballots won’t work, bullets will,” “I came unarmed, this time,” and on and on and on.

What the fuck did these shit-stirring hatewads think would happen? They might as well have given a pack of matches to a 4-year-old and said “go on out and play in the hayloft.” Or given a kid a bucket of water and said “go play over there in that corner where all those sockets and extension cords are.”

Then when the inevitable happens, they could say “Oh! I’m just shocked! Wait, you’re not trying to say I had something to do with that?!?!???”

I’m old enough to remember the Kennedy assassination, and yesterday’s massacre was just like that. Not the same magnitude of course, but it brought out those same horrifying reactions of shock and revulsion; and thinking “How could this happen? What have we turned into?”

Thank God Gabrielle Giffords will probably survive. But six other people were killed. R.I.P.

If Arizona has the death penalty, Jared Loughner, and any accomplices, should be executed. But the blame doesn’t stop there.

I think Sarah Palin — and her fellow inbred-riler-uppers — should go the way of Greg Stillson. “Who???”

In Stephen King’s “The Dead Zone,” Greg Stillson was a sleazy, cutthroat politician who came bursting onto the national political stage from seemingly out of nowhere. (Martin Sheen played him in the movie version.)

He had that invincible combination of charm and bloodthirsty ruthlessness, and he was destined to become the next President of the United States. There was no stopping him; the public was mesmerized by him.

Then, at one of his political rallies, somebody shot at him. The gunman missed, but Greg Stillson’s instant reaction became his undoing. He instinctively picked up a small child standing nearby, and used him as a shield in case any more shots were fired.

The cameras caught it, and the entire country was saturated with pictures of Greg Stillson hiding from a gunman by cowering behind a child. That was the end of his political career, and a disgraced Greg Stillson faded into oblivion.

Just like Greg Stillson, Sarah Palin showed her true colors yesterday with her Facebook page fiasco. Hopefully some of her fans, the less rabid ones anyway, have seen her for what she really is. It’s time for Sarah Palin and her fellow demagogues to fall off the public radar and get relegated to that dreaded "Where Are They Now" category.

Rep. Michael Grimm Supports Obamacare

A Republican congressman has spelled out, with crystal clear logic, exactly why everyone needs access to health care. Here is Rep. Michael Grimm's explanation of why health insurance is so crucial:

“What am I, not supposed to have health care? It's practicality. I'm not going to become a burden for the state because I don't have health care and, God forbid I get into an accident and I can't afford the operation...That can happen to anyone.”

YES. That’s exactly It. Every one of these “Repeal Obamacare” dickwads should read that quotation over and over until they finally grasp —

Oh, wait…huh…this can’t be right. Let me get this straight now: In the above quote, the congressman was saying he wants socialized medicine for himself, but not for the lowly public.

In fact, it turns out that the above-mentioned Michael Grimm (R—Self-Absorbed Cocksucker) campaigned adamantly against socialized medicine and even signed a pledge to repeal Obamacare if he got elected. And now that he’s been elected, he goes into a panic at the thought of not having taxpayer-financed medical coverage for himself.

This flaming douchebag is yet another example — as if we needed another one — that lawmakers are too sheltered, pampered and completely removed from the day-to-day problems that plague the rest of us. Their motto should be: “A nanny state for me (financed by YOUR tax dollars), bootstraps for you.”

And to all the gullible inbreds who voted for this dildo: Fuck You Very Much.

Orange Alert! Grover Norquist is a Muslim Terrorist!

Nah, probably not. But this latest outburst of Extreme Rightwing paranoia is just too twisted for words.

This article sounds more like “Who’s On First” or that Spy vs. Spy comic from Mad Magazine.

Rightwing activist Frank “Guided By Voices” Gaffney claims that some members of the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) are Muslim secret agents. Gaffney told WorldNet Daily (who else?) that the CPAC:

“…is involved in a stealthy effort to bring Shariah to the United States. This is a ticking time bomb for the conservative community. An influence operation is contributing materially to the defeat of our country.”

Gaffney is directing his witch hunt at two high-ranking members of CPAC. One of them is Suhail Khan. Well, [splutter] [sheesh] with a name like that, of COURSE he’s a Muslim terrorist. How the hell did that falafel-guzzling towel-head ever get into this country in the first place?!?!?

And the other suspect is Grover Norquist. Hmmm…the name doesn’t sound like he’s from one of them Ay-rab countries. But wait — Grover Norquist is the one who’s always talking about shrinking the government down to the size of a bathtub and then drowning it. He’s been claiming he wants a smaller government so that productive Americans can keep their hard-earned money instead of giving it away to a bunch of lazy parasites. But apparently, all along [gasp] Everything is suddenly so clear now. That whole “limited government” “self-reliance” thingy was just a ruse.

Their REAL motive is: a bathtub-size government won’t have the resources to spy on Americans and root out those Muslim subversives who would destroy America from within!

Suhail Khan and Grover Norquist: Yer Busted! Off to Gitmo with the both of you!

Rightwing extremists have been turning on each other for generations. No matter how far to the right you are, there’ll always be somebody else who’s further right than you and thinks you’re nothing but a no-good limp-wristed socialist. But Frank Gaffney’s latest tinfoil-hattery is one for the books.

It’s straight out of Bob Dylan’s “John Birch Society Blues.” I don’t remember the exact lyrics, but to paraphrase the last few sentences:

“Now that I’ve found out everyone else around me is a Communist, there’s nothing left to do but start investigating myself…Oh My God!”

Jesus Said: “Kill Those Swarthy Natives! And Steal Their Land!”

The American Family Association strikes again. Two months ago the AFA’s Grand Wizard, Bryan Fischer, called for the extermination of all grizzly bears — as God intended.

And now, the same dickwad is having a tantrum over the “U.N. Declaration on Rights of Indigenous Peoples,” and the fact that Obama has endorsed it. So have the leaders of 145 other countries. (This story came out on December 21st but I just heard about it last night on the Colbert Report.)

It’s a non-binding resolution that states:

“Indigenous peoples have the right to the lands, territories and resources which they have traditionally owned, occupied or otherwise used or acquired,” and nations “shall give legal recognition and protection to these lands, territories and resources.”

There’s nothing an Inbred Redneck loves better than an evil global conspiracy involving that homo United Nations. Some people make such douchebags of themselves, you can’t even mimic or satirize them. Therefore, in Bryan Fischer’s own words:

“In other words, President Obama wants to give the entire land mass of the United States of America back to the Indians. He wants Indian tribes to be our new overlords…I see no reason why the president, after he leaves office, can’t submit himself to the authority of any Indian tribe he wants to. Perhaps he figures that, as an adopted Crow Indian, he will be the new chief over this revived Indian empire.”

The evidence rests.

If You Travel to Pennsylvania — DON’T Drink the Water!!!!

When you’re about to go traveling to some sort of primitive backward country, you get all these warnings about unsanitary drinking water. The water is full of excrement because of inadequate/non-existent sewage. And/or the water is full of hazardous industrial wastes because of non-existent government oversight.

Travelers are always urged to bring water purification tablets that can be dissolved in the water, which will (hopefully) remove the most hazardous substances. Or drink water only at an upscale hotel or restaurant where all drinking water has (supposedly) been boiled already. Or drink only bottled water.

So, remember these precautions if you plan on visiting one of those third world backwater places like, oh, Afghanistan, Haiti, Nepal, Somalia, Pennsylvania…

There’s been a huge increase in natural gas drilling in the U.S. Almost every state has laws to protect local residents from toxic levels of strontium and barium, which are byproducts of natural gas drilling. Every state, that is, except good old freedom-loving Pennsylvania. Tell them whiny treehuggers to man up and take their strontium and barium. It’ll put hair on their chests.

Those well-intentioned-but-fuzzy-headed liberals probably want a government takeover of the natural gas industry. When Obama’s Fascists came for the natural gas drillers, I did nothing. Then, when they came for me…

Most of Pennsylvania’s natural gas drilling has been in the huge underground rock formation called the Marcellus Shale. And because Pennsylvanians love freedom and hate meddling bureaucrats, the local waterways are dumping grounds for the toxic wastes produced by hydraulic fracturing, aka “fracking.”

During a recent 12-month period, 3.6 million barrels of these waste products were sent to treatment plants that empty into nearby rivers. Mmmmm…Thirsty?

Republican Party Platform from 1956

Several days ago, there were only two letters published in our local paper, and the contrast between them was just too much. You could almost picture the two letter-writers jumping off the page and breaking into a catfight.

One letter was from a local famous/infamous rightwing crackpot doing his best Michele Malkin imitation. The other letter contained excerpts from the Republican Party Platform of 1956:

“The Eisenhower Administration will continue to fight for dynamic and progressive programs which, among other things, will:

Stimulate improved job safety of our workers, through assistance to the States, employees and employers;

Continue and further perfect its programs of assistance to the millions of workers with special employment problems, such as older workers, handicapped workers, members of minority groups, and migratory workers;

Strengthen and improve the Federal-State Employment Service and improve the effectiveness of the unemployment insurance system;

Protect by law, the assets of employee welfare and benefit plans so that workers who are the beneficiaries can be assured of their rightful benefits;

Assure equal pay for equal work regardless of Sex;

Federally-assisted construction, and maintain and continue the vigorous administration of the Federal prevailing minimum wage law for public supply contracts;

Extend the protection of the Federal minimum wage laws to as many more workers as is possible and practicable;

Continue to fight for the elimination of discrimination in employment because of race, creed, color, national origin, ancestry or sex;

Provide assistance to improve the economic conditions of areas faced with persistent and substantial unemployment;

Revise and improve the Taft-Hartley Act so as to protect more effectively the rights of labor unions, management, the individual worker, and the public.

The protection of the right of workers to organize into unions and to bargain collectively is the firm and permanent policy of the Eisenhower Administration.”

Is it just me, or has the Republican Party moved just a tad to the right since the 1950s?