Koch Industries: Spend Billions Financing the Teabaggers, Then Beg for Government Handouts

Gotta hand it to those Koch Brothers, aka the Kochtopus. They’ve spent bazillions out of their own pockets to get the inbreds all riled up against Death Panels and Obamacare. They’ve spent so much money, they’re now trying to get some of it back — from the exact same health care law that they spent billions trying to defeat.

The word “Irony” comes to mind, only that’s too many syllables for the useful idiots who keep enabling the Kochtopus.

One feature of the dreaded Obamacare is the Early Retiree Reinsurance Program — a $5 billion program that helps employers maintain coverage for early retirees who aren’t yet eligible for Medicare. And one of the applicants for this socialist giveaway is — as you’ve guessed — Koch Industries. Two-faced son of a cocksucker.

The Koch Brothers aren’t quite as well known as Dick Armey, FreedomWorks, Americans For Prosperity or what’s-his-name from West Virginia who murdered all those coal miners a few months ago. But this family is possibly the single biggest bankroller of extreme rightwing causes, from the 1960s to the present.

From the John Birch Society, fifty years ago, to today’s Astroturf teabaggers — you can follow the money back to the Koch Family.

How do we cut that serpent’s head off?

When they came for Staten Island, I did nothing. Then when they came for me…

In a world full of tinfoil hats and wacky urban legends, this one stands out.

Hordes of Mexican police officers are on their way to Staten Island, to protect Mexican nationals living there. Here’s a link to the original article. It’s from AmericanFreePress.net — “America’s last real newspaper.” ooookay.

We already know that Denver’s bike-share program is an international plot to turn Denver into a nest of swarthy globalists. And the bumper sticker that says “Co-Exist” is a clever scheme by Muslim terrorists to destroy America from within.

And now Staten Island is about to be conquered by Mexico. We live in interesting times.

Taliban Employee of the Quarter: Newt Gingrich

With Dumbya out of office for over a year and a half, and Obama traveling around the world “apologizing for America,” radical Muslims were starting to have trouble finding new recruits. What ever were al Qaeda and the Taliban going to do?

Fortunately, America’s own infestation of rightwing hatefucks has come to the rescue. The orchestrated campaign against the Park 51 Islamic Community Center — if you speak Inbred, that’s the “Mosque At Ground Zero!!!” — is being broadcast into jillions of homes around the world.

Newt Gingrich says this mosque is part of a sinister plot to bring Sharia to the United States. Equally retarded statements have been shat out by Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh and other rightwing demagogues. Not to mention that mysterious fire in Murfreesboro, TN where a mosque was going to be built.

The leadership of al Qaeda and the Taliban are jumping for joy. A Taliban operative told Newsweek:

“By preventing this mosque from being built, America is doing us a big favor. It’s providing us with more recruits, donations, and popular support…The more mosques you stop, the more jihadis we will get.”

Nice going, rightwads.

Microsoft: “Our products bite, but we file a mean lawsuit”

If I owned a business, my top priority would be making a product that somebody somewhere might actually want to buy. But what do I know?

Since everybody hates Microsoft’s products and “services” — would anybody actually choose Windows if it weren’t already pre-installed on billions of computers? — Paul Allen has decided that suing Google, Apple and Facebook (among others) will be more lucrative. Can’t build a better mousetrap, sue the person who can.

And speaking of giant bloated useless has-beens, how about those Democrats. This article sums up their dilemma:

“Forget mosques and immigration and health care reform — they may split the country and bedevil Democrats politically, but it's the economy that's really to blame for all of it. The good news is, there are steps the government can take to improve the situation. The bad news is they're not gonna. And that's why Democrats are suffering.”

Yup, that’s about it.

A “People’s Tax Cut”

Not only is this a populist idea that could bring the Democrats back to life — it’s already a soundbite. For a party that’s long on ideas and short on ways to communicate those same ideas to John Q. Public, this could be a Godsend.

The People’s Tax Cut would mean making the Bush tax cuts permanent for everybody EXCEPT the richest three percent of the population.

This article — based on a column by Robert Reich — says:

“Letting the Bush-era tax cuts for the wealthiest 3 percent of Americans expire should be a political no-brainer for Democrats. But Republicans, once again, have proved more adept at framing tax policy. Democrats should beat them at their own game by proposing a ‘People's Tax Cut’ and then let Republicans explain why they’re against it.”

Here’s a link to the Robert Reich column.

In addition to keeping the Bush tax cuts for the bottom 97%, Reich also proposes abolishing payroll taxes on the first $20,000 of a person’s income, AND applying the payroll tax to incomes over $250,000.

I think it’s great. The plan itself is excellent, and it gives the Democrats a few powerful slogans that reach right out, grab the listener by the collar and scream “Listen!”

What say you?

The Teabagger’s Guide to Washington, D.C.

If you love America — and hate that Kenyan Commie who stole the White House — then you are probably on your way to Washington, D.C. this Saturday to lick the feet of Glenn Beck. (And any other kinky things you want to do with Him are nobody’s business but yours. “Not that there’s anything wrong with it.”)

First: Thank you for your service to the ‘baggers, birthers and other Decent Americans who want to take our country back. To 1951.

Second: Washington, D.C. is a scary, dangerous place. It’s full of furriners, Negroes, homosexuals, liberals, faceless government bureaucrats and immigrants. Swarthy immigrants, most of whom are from the Middle East or [cue scary soundtrack] Africa.

OOOOHHH!!!

Fortunately, Bruce Majors, your fellow teabirther, has written a guide. This will help YOU as you navigate your way through this den of iniquity.

Now, even though Washington D.C. is full of creepy crawly liberals, welfare recipients, queers and bureaucrats, you’ll PROBABLY be safe if you follow these simple guidelines:

Homosexuals probably won’t attack you or buttfuck you in front of your wife and children — IF you don’t make any eye contact, talk in a deep voice or take the wrong subway by mistake.

If you should find yourself talking to one of those swarthy African or Arab immigrants — most of them are cab drivers (what else?) — do not engage in idle conversation. If you try to guess what country this person is from, and guess the wrong country, well, just remember, most of those primitive savages are very high-strung and are carrying either a switchblade or a suicide bomb. Just keep your head down, don’t look around, and keep every muscle tensed (quietly!) until you’ve safely reached your destination.

But hey, don’t look so serious. There’ll be a contest for the best George Washington and Thomas Jefferson look-alikes. And whoever can yell out selected out-of-context quotes from the Constitution the loudest will win — well, you’ve gotta be here. Come on now, just four days from now. Or if you’re a veteran (not bloody likely), that’s three and a wakeup.

Another Online Scam: Tubely.com

First off, full disclosure. I fell for this scam. DUH! With all the jillions of posts I’ve written about inbred dumbfucks and bone-stupid gullible voters, it turns out I’m just like them. So, today’s Gullible Dumbfuck award goes to: Me.

Anyway: I got a Friend request yesterday from (supposedly) a fellow blogger. The Invitation page looked just like Facebook and LinkedIn, so I assumed Tubely.com was legit and went ahead and clicked on Accept, filled in the information fields, etc. Fortunately I didn’t click on any of the downloads or “free” offers.

After I filled in all the requested information and was officially a “member,” I Googled Tubely. (Nothing like locking the barn door after the horse has been stolen.) It gets a green light from McAfee, so presumably there aren’t any viruses or Trojans involved. But they do send out e-mails — in your name — to people in your e-mail address book.

Needless to say, if you get a Friend request or any sort of “Special Offer!” from Tom Harper, it’s not from me.

And the father-fellating mother-cunnilingifying douchebags in charge of Tubely: fuck off and die!

Factory Farming = Food Poisoning

Even if nobody gives a flying fuck about the putrid sick living conditions of factory farm animals — how can they eat the poisoned “food” that comes out of those hellholes?

Animals are crammed into cages where they barely have room to move, they’re wallowing in each other’s shit and piss, and their “food” consists partly of shit and the flesh of diseased animals. They’re injected with huge amounts of antibiotics and growth hormones; plus they get more of these same drugs from the feces that’s in their “food.” MMMM, eggs over easy, anyone? How about a little Steak Tartare?

Food poisoning epidemics are getting more and more common. What the fuck did you expect? This latest rerun is the same old same old. FDA and USDA inspectors are asleep at the switch (and/or understaffed and/or being paid off) while another factory farm spews out contaminated filth and millions of people eat it. The names change but it’s the same tired plot. This time it’s Quality Egg, Wright County Egg and Hillandale Farms.

Why do people keep buying that shit? Just don’t patronize those cocksuckers. Buy local.

Nothing is guaranteed of course, but you’re a lot less likely to get poisoned if you buy your food from local growers and farmers. Sure it costs a bit more, but you’re helping the local economy and helping yourself with a better diet.

Factory farms wouldn’t survive without millions of people buying the diseased sewage they call “food.”

Human Intelligence: a Progress Report

The original inhabitants of Easter Island — the entire population — died off after they had cut down the last tree. Lesson learned. Right? Surely we’ve gotten smarter since then.

Fast forward to 2010. In Russia, a 225-acre seed bank is about to be paved over and replaced with luxury homes. The Pavlovsk Agricultural Station grows thousands of varieties of fruits, berries and grains. Ninety percent of these plants are not found anywhere else in the world.

The head of Pavlovsk Agricultural Station said: “If we lose those lands ... many kinds of plants will become extinct forever.”

The director of Biodiversity International said:

“The fruit and berry varieties that have been stored and studied at Pavlovsk since it was founded have a vital role to play in the future of Russian and global agriculture. Russia is currently being ravaged by the hottest summer on record. That is just a taste of changes to come, and crop diversity will be a vital weapon in the fight to produce enough food in future.”

So, what’s your verdict? Are we getting smarter?

Americans: Dumb and Dumber

OK, let’s say you’ve carefully, delicately explained to your child that there’s no such thing as Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy. The kid seems to understand perfectly, without being too traumatized or anything, and you’re thinking “Whew! I’m glad we got this out of the way.”

And then two years later the same child is jumping up and down with hysterical glee, yelling “Oh boy, I can’t wait to see what Santa brought me!!!”

Well, it seems millions of American grownups (chronologically anyway) are suffering from this exact syndrome, whatever you’d call it. A few years after it was clearly established and reiterated again and again that Saddam Hussein had NO connection whatsoever with bin Laden, al Qaeda or 9/11, a LARGER percentage of Americans actually believed that Iraq was involved with the 9/11 attacks.

And now, there’s been an INCREASE in the number of Americans who think President Barack Obama is a Muslim. [sigh] When a person is “slow,” you can put this person in special classes, try to shield him/her from challenging or dangerous situations, etc. What do you do when an entire country is dumber than a post?

Obama’s defensive reaction — announcing that he prays daily — isn’t going to help. The hardcore haters won’t believe him anyway, and these defensive reactions are just going to encourage more venomous attacks from the Right. (As if those dickwads needed any encouragement.)

Now, maybe Obama could solidify his Christian reputation by visiting the Creation Museum in Kentucky. He’ll have to keep a straight face though. Any smirking or sarcastic comments, and the security guards will give you the heave ho.

Now, this last section is ONLY for conservative readers. pssssst — Wanna see some hot, hot, hot pictures? Click Here.

Newest Code Word for Leftwing America-Haters: “CO-EXIST"

Oh, those anti-American terrorist-appeasers are a clever lot. Those pussies don’t have the balls to come out and say they hate America and everything she stands for. No, they have to hide behind a bunch of innocent-sounding code words while they quietly destroy America from within.

Their newest evil scheme: a bumper sticker that spells out the word Coexist. Yes, you noticed it too — the word isn’t spelled out in letters; it’s spelled with a bunch of Pagan new age symbols of OTHER religions!

On no you don’t, you globalist commie one-world bastards!

Fortunately, a Florida teabagger has warned Americans of the dangers of this seemingly innocent bumper sticker. Allen West, running for Congress in Florida’s 22nd District, said:

“As I was driving up here today, I saw that bumper sticker that absolutely incenses me. It’s not the Obama bumper sticker. But it’s the bumper sticker that says, ‘Co-exist.’ And it has all the little religious symbols on it. And the reason why I get upset, and every time I see one of those bumper stickers, I look at the person inside that is driving. Because that person represents something that would give away our country. Would give away who we are, our rights and freedoms and liberties because they are afraid to stand up and confront that which is the antithesis, anathema of who we are. The liberties that we want to enjoy.”

Them swarthy furrin son-of-a-bitches! Run ‘em off the road!

And that’s not all. Allen West also warned us that Islam is “a very vile and very vicious enemy that we have allowed to come in this country because we ride around with bumper stickers that say co-exist.”

And:

“We already have a 5th column that is already infiltrating into our colleges, into our universities, into our high schools, into our religious aspect, our cultural aspect, our financial, our political systems in this country. And that enemy represents something called Islam and Islam is a totalitarian theocratic political ideology, it is not a religion. It has not been a religion since 622 AD, and we need to have individuals that stand up and say that.”

Ah, the old Fifth Column. Be Very Afraid.

John Bolton Has Eight Days to Fall and Break His Hip

Iran is already the meanest, most terrifying country in the history of the world. And they’re about to get even worse.

John Bolton — yes he’s a chickenhawk; you had to ask? — gave Israel the dire warning yesterday, basically telling them “a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.”

On August 21st, Iran’s Bushehr nuclear facility will be brought online. And just in case you’re not paranoid enough — the Russians helped Iran build the Bushehr reactor. What??? We have to be scared shitless of Islamofascist terrorists AND communists??? We must be very very afraid at all times. Never EVER stop looking over your shoulder!

Sometime after August 21st, when nuclear fuel has been loaded into the Bushehr plant, it’ll be too late. Come on, you cowardly Israelis, what are you waiting for?!?!?!? Iran will destroy the world if you don’t Act NOW.

Bolton said:

“Once that uranium, once those fuel rods are very close to the reactor, certainly once they're in the reactor, attacking it means a release of radiation, no question about it. So if Israel is going to do anything against Bushehr it has to move in the next eight days.”

Old chickenhawk warmongers never die. They just keep on spouting and shit-spewing.

How to Think Like an Inbred Redneck

Let’s just pretend for a minute: Your parents are first cousins, you flunked out of school in first grade because finger-painting was too complicated, and your favorite hobby is pulling the wings off of flies. And now, one of your fellow retards has asked you and a hundred of your closest friends for your opinion:

Who are the worst Americans in history?

Finally, the Inbred Community can get their message out!

If you hate comminists, libruls and swarthy minorities, you’ll agree that the three Worst Americans Ever (in this order) are:

Jimmy Carter, Barack Obama and Franklin D. Roosevelt.

The survey question was sent out by John Hawkins of Right Wing News. He wrote:

“Out of all the gangsters, serial killers, mass murderers, incompetent & crooked politicians, spies, traitors, and ultra left-wing kooks in all of American history — have you ever wondered who the worst of the worst was? Well, we here at RWN wondered about that, too, and that's why we decided to email more than a hundred bloggers to get their opinions.”

The list of Worst Americans also includes Lyndon Johnson and Ted Kennedy (tied for 7th place). Jane Fonda, Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi are in a three-way tie for 13th place.

Anyway the entire list is shown at the linked article (the first link). Read ‘em and weep; or gag, or whatever.

Conservatives: If Your House Catches Fire, Call the Heritage Foundation

Or the U.S. Chamber of Commerce. Or your local Republican headquarters. After all, those lazy government firefighters are part of a [eww] union. And we all know that unions have ruined America and are the biggest stumbling block to an economic recovery.

Of course there isn’t a lick of truth to any of that, since union membership is a tiny fraction of what it was during the prosperous 1950s and ‘60s. But this bullshit keeps getting spewed out every day by rightwing demagogues, and millions of inbreds keep faithfully repeating it, without even knowing what they’re saying.

Teachers’ and firefighters’ unions are currently the favorite punching bags of the Far Right. It’s clear why the Right doesn’t like teachers or their unions. After all, people who are educated aren’t the ones who sit around listening to Fox News and talk radio going “DUH. Yeah!!!”

But firefighters? Do these rightfucks think their OWN houses couldn’t burn? Or maybe if a rightwad’s house catches fire and the firefighters are risking their lives to save the rightwad’s home (and his life), he’ll be getting right up in their faces, saying “So, tell me about that nice fat pension of yours, you overpaid bureaucrat.”

The Senate Republican Policy Committee issued this statement:

“No state bailouts should be contemplated until the wages and pensions of public sector employees are brought into line.”

But by all means let’s keep showering trillions of dollars on failed corporations while their executives continue to pay themselves 7-figure bonuses.

Assholes.

Ted Stevens

I did several scathing expletive-riddled posts about Ted Stevens when he was in the Senate. But he got voted out so that’s all water under the bridge.

My condolences to his family and everyone else who will miss him. He was supposed to be personable and well-liked, even though he was wrong most of the time.

Instead of hammering away at him for being one of the oil industry’s most faithful puppets, we should celebrate his other lesser-known career — Ted Stevens the Techno Rapper.

R.I.P.

Obama’s August Surprise

No, it won’t be a fake terrorist attack or anything like that. It’s all speculation anyway, but the rumor is that Obama is planning an $800 billion Main Street bailout.

If the rumor is true, Obama will be ordering Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac to forgive some of the millions of underwater home mortgages. The Treasury Department denies this. The linked article asks:

“Will Obama really drop this stunning political and economic bombshell so close to November elections, and if he does, who will it help politically?”

In case there’s any truth to this rumor: Would a huge Main Street bailout help the economy? Would it help the Democrats politically? And is it the right thing to do?

What say you?

GOP to Rape Victims: “Stop Whining and Give Birth to That Baby! And What Were You Wearing???”

This isn’t part of the official Republican Party platform, of course. But a lot of extremist Republican candidates have said they want to ban ALL abortions, with NO exceptions for rape victims or when a woman’s life is in danger.

Every time a Republican Spanish Inquisitionist spews out this garbage, the outburst gets a brief mention on a liberal news site, and then falls off the public radar. And now Rachel Maddow has tied all of these Republican bilge-spewings into one screaming red flag.

This is another issue the Democrats could be using, in case they’re actually concerned about the November elections.

Rachel Maddow said:

“The Republican Party is, without actually talking about it, this year nominating a group of candidates for top-of-the-ticket races that are more extreme on the issue of abortion than any other slate of top-of-the-ticket candidates in any other year.”

This extreme no-abortion-ever-under-any-circumstances position is held by three senate candidates who call themselves Libertarian: Sharron Angle, Rand Paul and Ken Buck (Colorado). Rightwing schizophrenia strikes again. Government should be small enough that you can drown it in Grover Norquist’s bathtub, AND simultaneously, huge enough to monitor the personal lives of 300 million Americans and make sure that every pregnancy is carried to term. Why aren’t these schizoid sickfucks confined to a mental facility under heavy sedation, instead of being allowed to run for the U.S. Senate?

Or as Maddow puts it, these three:

“…small government conservatives believe that government should be big enough that it can monitor every pregnancy in the country to ensure that every single woman who becomes pregnant is forced by the government to carry that pregnancy to term. ... This is a position that was beyond the pale even in fringe anti-abortion politics not very many years ago, but apparently those days are over.”

She also says:

“They're not trying to run on this as a national issue. I can understand why. But maybe Democrats should be making this a national issue.”

Earth to the Democrats — anybody out there???

GOP: “The Constitution is SACRED! Well, parts of it anyway.”

If there’s one icon that sums up the Republican Party for the past year and a half, it would be the local doofus — and every neighborhood has one or more — who dresses up like George Washington and shouts “We The People!”

Unfortunately there’s a hollow ring to these shrieks of “We The People!” and their selective quotes from the Constitution. If they’re so gung ho about the Constitution, and their belief that the Founding Fathers meant exactly what they said, then they should worship the entire Constitution and not just certain parts of it.

Of course they have this same selective approach to the Bible too. It’s the Word of God. God spoke and His words were transcribed exactly as He spake them. This is what “Christians” say, but if they actually believed this, their hatred of homosexuals — based on one sentence in the Bible — would be directed equally at people who eat shellfish and covet their neighbors’ wives, and people who worship false idols.

Likewise, while conservatives are dressing up like the Founding Fathers and passing out miniature copies of the Constitution, they’re secretly trying to sabotage the parts of the Constitution they don’t like.

The Second Amendment isn’t in any danger. Every man, woman and child has the God-given right to own an AK-47; and the more the merrier. And if somebody's property rights are threatened by rabid environmentalists, it's time to strap on the ol' George Washington suit and start shrieking "We The People!" and "Lock and Load!"

But behind the scenes, the teabaggers are hoping to abolish certain inconvenient parts of the Constitution. Their attacks on the Fourteenth Amendment have gotten the most publicity. Tell them swarthy Meskins to get the fuck out of our country and take their filthy anchor babies with them.

Other parts of the Constitution are in the Republican crosshairs too, as the linked article points out.

Here’s another article on the same topic, by Robert Shrum. He talks about the Senators — McConnell, Graham and Songbird — who are actually considering repealing the Fourteenth Amendment, and then he says:

“In today’s GOP, the few with loose morals vie to lead the many with loose marbles.”

He also describes the Constitution as being “old and in the way" according to the GOP.

Beware: Another Threat from the Left

Ever since the days of J. Edgar “does this dress make me look fat?” Hoover and Joe McCarthy, patriotic Americans have tirelessly warned us about the perils of Communism and its many disguises. Redistributing Americans’ hard-earned money so a bunch of lazy parasites can lie around all day? Communism!

Civil rights and other phony “social justice” issues? Ditto! And never forget the Communists’ shameless attempts to undermine America’s schools with sex education and the New Math.

Since then, rabid environmentalists have become the main vehicle for destroying Freedom. Solar energy, clean air and clean water legislation are the usual suspects. And now the newest red flag:

Bike-sharing programs. Can’t those globalist socialist freedom-haters just leave us alone?!?!?!?!

Thank God for people like Dan Maes. In his campaign to be the next governor of Colorado, he has exposed the mayor of Denver for his devious master plan of converting Denver into a United Nations community. Commie! Yer busted!

Denver already has 14,000 members in its bike-share program. Dan Maes gave the dire warning:

“This is all very well-disguised, but it will be exposed.” In the same speech, he said he originally thought bike riding and other environmental initiatives were harmless and well-meaning, but now he realizes “that’s exactly the attitude they want you to have.”

Oh my God, this is scary. So in other words, the more innocuous and harmless a group appears to be, the more evil are their underlying motives.

Be very afraid. We’re all surrounded by globalist infiltrators with harmless disguises that we’re not supposed to recognize. We need to take a close hard look at everybody we know, every local “well-meaning” organization, and smoke out those bastards NOW.

John Cornyn vs. John Cornyn

In the same speech, John “More Personalities Than Sybil” Cornyn simultaneously:

1. Ranted against activist judges who legislate from the bench; and

2. Blasted Elena Kagan for NOT wanting unelected judges to overturn the health reform law passed by Congress.

Go back on your meds, Asshole.

Oh well, there’s nothing new about rightwing schizophrenia. These are the same people who think the Constitution is sacred. It means exactly what it says. Period. There’s no need for some pointy-headed elitist judge to “interpret” it for us. It’s clearly written — in stone. Don’t touch it!

Oh, except for that pesky Fourteenth Amendment that allows icky brown people to become American citizens just because their shiftless no-good parents gave birth to them in America. Yes, let’s delete that inconvenient passage — quickly! — and then we’ll go right back to worshiping the Constitution and our Founding Fathers.

Same with the Bible. It’s the word of God. Literally! There’s nothing to “interpret” — it means exactly what it says.

But we need to rewrite the Bible because it’s too liberal.

If the government gave out free psychiatric medicine to everyone who needs it, would we still have any conservatives?

Another Republican Threat

Reason #4,793 to keep the Republicans from re-taking Congress this November.

They’re still blubbering about repealing Obamacare, but the smarter ones (if that isn’t an oxymoron) are grasping that this ain’t gonna happen. Instead, they’re pledging to use the “death by 1,000 cuts” method to kill health care reform. They simply won’t authorize the funding to carry out the new law.

What would George W. Bush have done if Congress had refused to fund his agenda? Or Bill Clinton? Reagan? Nixon? Lyndon Johnson? The word “payback” comes to mind. For any legislator who votes for shit like this, military bases — and any other government projects — in this person’s district could be closed or reduced. Infrastructure funding could dry up. Etc.

If Republicans do take back either the House or Senate, Obama will be forced to become a stronger leader. Remember Bill Clinton’s little wail of “I’m still relevant” after Republicans captured the House in 1994. He became a much stronger leader after that. If the unthinkable happens this November, it could be a teachable moment for Obama.

Regarding the Republicans’ slippery little “de-funding” agenda, a Democratic spokesman said:

“Washington Republicans’ agenda is a blast from the past: Shut down the government for selfish political reasons, dismantle Medicare, allow discrimination based on pre-existing conditions and add a trillion bucks to the deficit. This radical plan proves the GOP cares more about politics and insurance company profits than keeping the American people healthy.”

The “Independent” “Self-Reliant” American

Americans are defined — maybe “painted into a corner” would be more accurate — by this archetype. The self-made man. Ayn Rand’s fictional heroes. The cowboy riding off into the sunset.

In the past few generations it’s been practically impossible to live this ideal, unless you live on your own private island where you raise all your own food and have your own personal doctor on the premises at all times.

Not only is this archetype virtually non-existent, but look at how subjective it is. If somebody works hard but can’t afford the health insurance premiums, this person is a no-good parasite, just lying there waiting for a handout. On the other hand, a rancher (to name just one example) can lease thousands of acres from the federal government for pennies an acre — and this person is a rugged self-reliant hard-drivin’ individual who got where he is through his own blood, sweat, tears and hard work. He didn’t get no handouts from the gubmint, and nobody else should either.

This excellent column by Danny Westneat (from last Sunday’s paper) should be required reading for everybody who’s still captivated by these myths about “self-reliance” and “rugged individualism.”

He talks about the “self-made” mystique in general, and Clint Didier — a rightwing Republican who wants to unseat Patty Murray in the Senate this November — in particular. Westneat says:

“Of all stories we tell ourselves, the one about how we're a merit-based nation of lone wolves has got to be the most enduring. The most intoxicating. And the most baloney. Nowhere is the myth as confused with reality as in rock-ribbed Eastern Washington. The place depends utterly on the government and communal resources for its existence, from the New Deal irrigation system still being paid for by taxpayers elsewhere, to farming subsidies and crop price supports. Yet in their own minds, they are mavericks living off the land.”

Clint Didier is a farmer and a former football hero. As Westneat says:

“His personal story is impressive…That's true merit there. At the same time, I'm having a hard time thinking of two more socialistic enterprises than pro football or farming.”

Think about it — the players are unionized, and they’re playing in a stadium financed by taxpayers. Not to mention that in football, like any team sport — you’re not out there on the field winning games all by yourself. You could be the most incredible athlete in the world, but if your teammate drops the ball, you’re fucked.

Washington’s farmers have received $4 billion in federal cash subsidies during the past fifteen years. $273,000 of that went to Clint Didier’s alfalfa farm. Parasite!

Didier’s alfalfa farm, like most farms in the area, is made possible by the Columbia Basin Project, the country’s largest system of dams and irrigation canals. And yes the Columbia Basin Project is financed almost entirely by taxpayers and electricity ratepayers.

And yet the handout-taking tax-sucking Clint Didier is a rugged individualist who wants everyone to stand on their own two feet and stop begging for help from the Nanny State. He says:

“We've got to get rid of this 'protecting the weak.' If we keep the weak alive all the time, it eats up the strong.”

Give ‘em hell, welfare guzzler.

Westneat’s column ends with:

“This myth that we're all self-made men and women is paralyzing us. The real story is that it took extraordinary acts of community-building, on a national and local level, to turn Eastern Washington into a fruit and vegetable basket to the world…Same with the public school systems (which Didier attended). The safety net for the elderly. The national parks. The electric grid. The public-health system. All, like the Columbia Basin Project, are communal in spirit and dramatically raised the quality of life in America. So why do we pretend we didn't do them? Why do we persist in this phony yarn that everyone got where they did solely by hard work and self-reliance? I'll admit the truth isn't as romantic. But it's not the limpest story in the world, either — that we did it together.”