Terri Schiavo

Ah, nostalgia. Nothing conjures up 2005 better than “Terri Schiavo.” And those two magic words have just transported you back five years.

I wouldn’t have thought the Far Right would want to bring back the Terri Schiavo fiasco, since that was their most embarrassing public relations defeat in recent history. But this is exactly what Marco Rubio is doing.

Florida’s favorite Rightwing Shitburst — and governor wannabe — has been attacking Charlie Crist for not worshipping fetuses devoutly enough. And in a new press release, his campaign dredged up Terri Schiavo:

“Crist also received criticism on the Terri Schiavo debate about where he really stood on a Congressional bill that would have let Terri’s parents take their lawsuit to save her life to federal courts.”

More than any other incident, the Terri Schiavo Show™ put the national spotlight on the Far Right’s chronic severe schizophrenia. Government should be small enough that we can drown it in a bathtub. AND it needs to be big enough to insert itself into millions of Americans’ agonizing personal tragedies.

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Everything you always wanted to know about Reconciliation: Is it a magic wand that will instantly pass every bill the Democrats want? Will it turn Republicans into a horde of screaming foaming maniacs (how could we tell?) who will bring the Senate to a grinding halt?

This article answers a few questions and misconceptions about the Reconciliation process.

Yes, Republicans can offer jillions of amendments to try and paralyze the proceedings. But the total debate time allowed is twenty hours. After 20 hours, “all amendments must be disposed of in a so-called ‘vote-arama.’ So all of those amendments (or motions to waive the amendments) must be voted on in rapid succession.”

Yes, it’ll be a long tedious excruciating process. And that’s all the more reason to get started Yesterday.

How the Initiative Culture Broke America

This article is titled How The Initiative Culture Broke California. But to a lesser extent, these initiatives have crippled the rest of the country as well.

In 1978, Proposition 13 was the beginning of California’s straitjacket. Schools, libraries and local governments were decimated by the public’s new ability to “decline” property tax increases. Who the fuck is gonna vote “Yes, raise my taxes! I wasn’t using that money for anything anyway. Hit me!”

And Proposition 13 was the first law I knew about where a two thirds vote is required to raise taxes. Now it seems to be the norm. Any time a fire department or mass transit district is in jeopardy, it takes less than 34% of the voters saying “No” to kill it.

What ever happened to that simple logical concept of Majority Rule? It must be nice to be on the side that only requires one third of the vote to succeed. Hey, here’s an idea — when Obama is up for re-election in 2012, it’ll require a two thirds vote to get him out of the White House. If 34% of the public votes for Obama, he stays until 2016. Sound like a plan?

Aside from this retarded two thirds vote requirement, the initiative process itself has been hijacked by powerful interest groups. All you have to do is spend a few million dollars to pay those ubiquitous signature gatherers. Then you have to pay again for some expert legal advice, so you know exactly how much deceit and trickery you can pull off without (technically) breaking the law. Then all you have to do is spend ten million dollars, twenty million, whatever it takes (and the price keeps going up) to saturate the airwaves with a few expertly designed soundbites that are guaranteed to push all the right emotional buttons. And then — Presto! The People Have Spoken!

Don’t get me wrong; I’m all in favor of the initiative process. We’ve gotten some good along with the bad. For every economic straitjacket that voters pass, there’s a medical marijuana initiative.

But there are too many abuses that need to be reined in.

Another slippery side of the initiative process is the timing of some of these votes. Karl Rove was an expert at this. During the 2004 election, some of the closest battleground states just happened to have a gay marriage ban on the ballot. Gee, what were the chances of that? An anti-gay marriage initiative guaranteed that every inbred snake-handling dumbfuck would get out there and vote. And while they were in the voting booth, they’d vote for Bush. How conveeenient!

Republicans to Unemployed Workers: “Fuck You”

In addition to the 290 bills that are already stalled by Senate Republicans, there’s a brand new one. The House has passed a bill to extend unemployment benefits which are scheduled to expire this weekend.

The Senate kept stalling, dithering, preening, and — oops, oh look, it’s the weekend already! Thank God It’s Friday! Fuck those parasites. Tell ‘em to go out and get a job!

The unemployment benefits are part of a larger bill that also includes highway funding and loans for small businesses. Democrats kept trying, yesterday and this morning, to pass the bill, but the Party of Fuck No kept saying Fuck No.

The main culprit was Senator Jim Bunning (R—Cocksucker). Bunning blocked every attempt to pass the bill, pretending to be concerned about the budget deficit. Where was he when we were throwing trillions of dollars at the Iraqi invasion and the War on Drugs?

You remember the old joke about the kid who kills both of his parents and then asks the court for mercy because he’s an orphan. Here’s Marie Antoinette “Jim” Bunning’s version: After hours and hours of throwing up every possible roadblock to this bill, he complained that all of this delaying and dithering had made him late to a basketball game.

Wouldn’t it be a shame if a stray basketball came flying into the stands and smashed into Jim Bunning’s nose.

Even though this bill has already been passed by the House, a few House Republicans managed to express their contempt for people who work for a living. Rep. Dean Heller (R—Shitbucket) said that too many unemployment benefits might be creating a nation of hobos.

Hopefully the voters of Nevada will turn Dean Heller into a hobo this November.

Diagnosis for U.S. Senate: Severe Constipation

The House of Representatives has passed two hundred and ninety bills (that's 290!!!) which are now stalled in the Senate. Is this what “Majority Rule” is supposed to mean???

How’s this “bipartisanship” working out for us???

Some of the blocked legislation includes bills for:

Health care reform;

Climate change;

Food safety;

Job security for wounded veterans;

Vision care for children;

Improving absentee ballot voting;

Improving cyber-security;

and the Wall Street Reform and Consumer Protection Act.

Had enough yet?

A constipated person doesn’t function very well. Sometimes a laxative is necessary. Exceptionally severe cases (such as this one) might call for a super powerful explosive laxative. The Infamous Forty-One Republican senators — and a few “moderate” Democrats — are the decaying putrifying fecal matter that’s causing this dangerous blockage. The Body Politic is infected, infested, swollen; and needs to be unclogged. Now.

We need to do whatever it takes — reconciliation, executive orders — to get that shit out of the way ASAP.

If this severe problem doesn’t get taken care of NOW, the United States of America could end up having a Mr. Creosote episode. And we wouldn’t want that now, would we?

Insurance Mafia Punishes Wayward Congressman

At least they didn’t break his legs. YET.

Rep. Anh Cao (R—Louisiana) was the only Republican in the House to vote for the Democratic health care reform bill. Cao’s district is heavily Democratic; he was William Jefferson’s replacement. His constituents told him to vote Yes on health care reform; Vinnie and Luigi told him to vote No. What to do.

Since his treasonous Yes vote, Cao’s political bribes, er, “campaign contributions,” have dropped by 40 percent. You happy now, Commie? That’ll teach you to snub the HMOsa Nostra. Watch your back.

And just how wealthy is the Insurance Mafia? They’re sooo well-off — one of their “companies” paid more than a million dollars a year to 39 of its highest ranking thugs.

Yes, that would be WellPoint, which owns Anthem Blue Cross. Million-dollar bonuses, mansions, yachts, luxury company “retreats” — What was the secret of their success? All they had to do was drop coverage for tens of thousands of sick people. Ah, the rewards of hard work.

Henry Waxman said: “Corporate executives at WellPoint are thriving, but its policyholders are paying the price.”

If you have a loved one who died from lack of medical care — thank a Republican.

John Boehner: “It’s Too Long!” “It’s Too Short!”

Now get your mind out of the gutter. Boehner was talking about the health care reform bill.

Last October John Boehner said: “All you need to know is there are 1,990 pages. That should tell you everything.”

Now that the White House has come up with a much shorter, streamlined version, Boehner is crying that:

“The White House’s ‘plan’ consists of an 11-page outline, which has not been scored by the Congressional Budget Office or posted online as legislative text. So they want to reorganize one-sixth of the United States’ economy with a document shorter than a comic book.”

Or they could “reorganize one sixth of the United States’ economy” with a 1,990-page document. Make up your mind, Asshole.

Basically, whatever Obama does, he should’ve done the opposite. If Obama tries to compromise by doing the opposite, he should’ve stuck to his first plan. OK???

Boehner uses this type of “reasoning” frequently.

On February 8th, he said: “If the President intends to present any kind of legislative proposal at this discussion, will he make it available to members of Congress and the American people at least 72 hours beforehand?”

Obama has done exactly that. Boehner’s grateful response was:

“A productive bipartisan discussion should begin with a clean sheet of paper.”

[sigh]

Headline of the Day: America Bulldozes Itself to Avoid Chinese Creditors.

Joseph Andrew Stack — HERO???

We already have gangs of low-IQ inbreds that are calling Joseph Stack a hero. Fortunately, nobody in Congress is that sick or that stupid. Right???

Oh. Congressman Steve King (R—Sickfuck) said:

“I think if we’d abolished the IRS back when I first advocated it, he wouldn’t have a target for his airplane. And I’m still for abolishing the IRS, I’ve been for it for thirty years…I can tell you I’ve been audited by the IRS and I’ve had the sense of ‘why is the IRS in my kitchen.’ Why do they have their thumb in the middle of my back.”

It’s bad enough that assholes like this are saying Stack is a hero; or if nothing else, referring to him as a “tax protestor” instead of a murderer or terrorist. But even aside from that, how do these dickwads think we’d pay for wars and prisons if we didn't have that hated IRS?

And more rightwing idiots keep oozing out of the woodwork: Virginia State Delegate Bob Marshall has the wackiest sickest interpretation yet of the Bible. He was at a press conference, speaking out against funding for Planned Parenthood. His reasoning: God punishes women who have had abortions by giving them disabled children.

Also, his reason (using the term loosely) for being against health care reform: Obamacare is trying to take your soul.

But on the bright side:

Coming soon to Pay-Per-View — the No Holds Barred Cage Fight of the Year!!!

Bob “God Will Punish You With a Retard” Marshall vs. Sarah Palin.

Dick Cheney Wanted War With Russia

During the 2008 conflict between Russia and Georgia, Dick Cheney was secretly pushing for a military conflict between the United States and Russia.

This information comes from a book by Ronald Asmus: A Little War That Shook The World: Georgia, Russia and the Future of the West.

In August of 2008, Georgia invaded Abkhazia and South Ossetia. They’re both former provinces of Georgia; most of the inhabitants of these former provinces are ethnically Russian. Russia sent in troops to drive out the Georgian invaders. There was no “right” or “wrong” involved. That part of the world has ethnic hatreds that go back centuries, and tough-as-nails people who won’t take shit from anybody, and who will avenge any perceived “wrong” no matter how long it takes.

But the American press — including that “liberal media” — saw the whole thing as poor little helpless Georgia being invaded by Big Bad Russia.

According to Asmus’ book:

“The sheer scale of the Russian attack did lead several senior White House staffers to push for at least some consideration of limited military options to stem the Russian advance. The menu of options under discussion foresaw the possibility of bombardment and sealing of the Roki Tunnel as well as other surgical strikes to reduce Russian military pressure on the Georgian government.”

Cheney was the most vocal of the chickenhawks. Fortunately he was overruled by Bush and National Security Advisor Steve Hadley.

Was there ever a bloody brutal war that Dick Cheney DIDN’T long for? This sheltered trustfunded chickenhawk must sit in his secret cubbyhole and masturbate endlessly to images of American soldiers getting butchered, maimed and killed.

There’s only one cure for this pitiful chickenhawk: Make him go through the most brutal military training imaginable. I don’t give a fuck how many heart attacks he’s had or how old he is. Make him run obstacle courses until he collapses, and then make him run and crawl and climb some more. Make him do pushups and pull-ups ‘til his arms fall off. Rinse and repeat.

And just today, Colin Powell told Dick Cheney to shut his maggot-infested face, leave with his tail tucked between his legs, and fuck off and DIE (in so many words).

Alexander Haig

Alexander Haig — an integral part of the Nixon, Ford and Reagan administrations — has died at the age of 85. He died as a result of complications from an infection.

He was a four star general before he joined the Nixon Administration. He ran for president in 1988.

Right after Reagan’s assassination attempt in 1981, Haig (then Secretary of State) went on the air to announce: “As of now, I am in control here in the White House, pending the return of the vice president.”

During the Watergate scandal, Haig tried to explain that famous 18-minute gap in one of Nixon’s tape recordings as the work of “some sort of sinister force.”

Even though his political views were way to the right (for his time — today’s Republicans would probably hate him for being too liberal), he always seemed to have a certain decency and likeability. For one thing, he played a large role in abolishing the draft and switching to an all-volunteer force.

And I remember reading somewhere, around 1980 or ‘81, that his two favorite TV shows were Saturday Night Live and Fridays (an SNL wannabe starring Michael Richards and Larry David; Michael Richards was already doing “Kramer” ten years before Seinfeld started.)

R.I.P.

Obama: “If You Want Something Done Right, Do It Yourself!”

After a year of paralysis, President Obama has finally realized that the hired help just isn’t working out. Senate Republicans have been sitting there all year with their arms crossed and their lower lips thrust out, stamping their feet and screaming “NO” in unison. And the Democrats have spent a year doing their hilarious imitation of a deer caught in the headlights. Except it isn’t funny any more.

When you have a dumb cashier who can’t figure out how to operate the cash register, the store owner eventually has to come over and work the cash register himself. And this is what Obama is finally doing.

He’s putting together his own health care reform legislation. It’ll be a comprehensive bill, designed to bridge the differences between the bills in the House and Senate. And this bill is being written in a way that it can be attached to a budget bill and avoid a filibuster. Just 51 votes — not 60 — is all it’ll take to pass it. Reconciliation! Yay!

Now — Can we find fifty-one Senate Democrats with the spines and cojones to vote Yes? Whatever amount of armtwisting and blackmailing is required: Do It!!

The president’s proposed bill is expected to be posted online this Monday.

Support Our Troops — Give Them Cancer

Yes, our government sure does “support” our troops. We send them off to war with faulty equipment, not enough manpower and no battle plan; not to mention that there was NO valid reason for the Iraqi invasion to begin with.

The ones who don’t get killed or maimed in battle can still be electrocuted in the bathroom. Or they can get cancer from their drinking water.

In 1984, scientists found extremely high levels of benzene — a carcinogen — in the drinking water at Camp Lejeune. For a long time there’s been a high rate of cancer among Marine personnel and their families.

The tests in 1984 showed benzene at 380 parts per billion. The “acceptable” level is FIVE parts per billion. In 1992 another contractor tested the water again, and for some mysterious reason, the previous 380 parts per billion had shrunk down to only 38 parts per billion. WOW!!! Kids, don’t try this at home.

Soon afterward, a subsequent report made no mention whatsoever of any benzene in the water supply. Problem solved. Oh wait, not it wasn’t. In 2007, tests showed that the benzene level had risen to 3,490 parts per billion.

But these contractors and their cover-uppers all have purdy yellow “Support Our Troops” magnets on their vehicles. So it’s cool.

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And the latest shitburst from the “Christian” Right: Getting raped is kind of like having your car stolen.

The Kansas legislature has proposed a law barring health insurance companies from covering elective abortions. Companies could still cover abortion, but only if the policyholder pays extra for a “special” plan. And if a woman wants an abortion because she’s been raped, her insurance carrier could cover her abortion ONLY if she’s filled out a police report.

Kansas Representative Steve Brunk said: “You’d have to have a report that someone stole your car. This is kind of the same thing.”

All righty then…

Even aside from the retarded spewings of Steve “Who needs a edumucation, I don’t got one” Brunk: The entire reason conservatives are against health care reform is that they DON’T want government bureaucrats meddling in the insurance industry. Wasn’t that it? Or did I misunderstand something? Something about Free Enterprise, the Free Market; the Private Sector will always do a better job than a bunch of faceless bureaucrats who can’t get fired. Wasn’t that the drill???

And now all of a sudden these same people WANT government meddlers to come barging and bumbling into the insurance industry. For a group that’s so single-minded and determined, these people sure change their minds an awful lot.

The Mount Vernon Statement

Don’t these rightwing dickwads have anything else to do? They’re already rewriting the Bible to get rid of all that whiny liberal bias. No, Jesus wasn’t some long-haired hippie with delicate facial features, and no he didn’t drive the moneylenders from the temple. He had short hair, steely eyes, wore a Brooks Brothers suit and had regular business conferences with the aforementioned financial consultants.

And now — the Mount Vernon Statement. Come on now, click on the link. It’s futile to resist. If it doesn’t destroy you it’ll make you stronger. You won’t know whether to laugh, cry, swear at the top of your lungs, hit the computer — or all of the above.

Basically, the Mount Vernon Statement says America is being attacked from within by godless liberals who want to destroy our values, and our Founding Fathers are spinning in their graves.

Judging by the wording of the document and who signed it, they should have just called it Son of Project For A New American Century.

Signers include Grover Norquist, Tony Perkins (of Family Research Council infamy) and Edwin Meese. Who even knew Edwin Meese was still alive? If you’re under 45 you’re probably thinking “Who??!?!?!?”

He was Ronald Reagan’s attorney general. He shared Reagan’s schizophrenic political viewpoint — massive crackdowns on drugs, dirty magazines and other victimless crimes, and “limited government.”

One of his most famous quotes was: “You don't have many suspects who are innocent of a crime. That's contradictory. If a person is innocent of a crime, then he is not a suspect.”

He also — remember now, schizophrenics don’t know they’re schizophrenic — complained repeatedly about being “tried and convicted by the press” (he was up to his eyeballs in the Iran-Contra scandal).

Here’s a link to the Mount Vernon Statement itself and everyone who signed it.

Evan Bayh Leaving — So F#$%&# What?

Aside from being a “centrist” Democrat, the retirement of Evan Bayh won’t be much of a loss. Like the saying goes, “character counts.” Or as a California Republican wannabe governor (Dan Lungren) said, “character is what you do when nobody’s looking.” In his case, people looked, and he got trounced by Gray Davis in the 1998 election.

Using “character” as a yardstick, Evan Bayh is an asshole. Period.

In 2005 he had an e-mail filter that blocked not only spam, but online petitions, mass e-mailings from constituents, and other little annoyances that wasted his valuable time. He eventually relented, but only after a massive campaign by Downsize DC, a Libertarian organization.

I haven’t gone to their website for over a year. Like most people, I’m a Libertarian when the opposing party is in power. I took part in a lot of their e-mail campaigns during the Dumbya years.

As far as I’m concerned, Evan Bayh’s political actions and speeches are vastly outweighed by his obvious contempt for his constituents.

The only reference I could find on the Downsize DC website was here. I did a post about it at the time.

If Evan Bayh’s senate seat goes to a Republican, it’ll be like that joke everyone was telling after Ronald Reagan was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s: “How could they tell?”

Utah: Stupid Is As Stupid Does

State Senator Chris Buttars (R—Dumbfuck) has come up with a brilliant plan for the state of Utah to save money. That there edumucation ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. Let’s eliminate the 12th grade.

Next stop: Libraries. Who needs ‘em???

Chris Buttars explained his reasoning with:

“When I was done gone wit my pappy and are cousins and them there might coulda been done and had me a big ol’ — uhh, where was I?”

Previous quotes from Chris Buttars include:

“Homosexuality will always be a sexual perversion. And you say that around here now and everybody goes nuts. But I don't care. They're mean. They want to talk about being nice. They're the meanest buggers I have ever seen.”

And here is a 44-second YouTube of Buttars’ infamous “Black Baby” quote.

Here is a Google Search link to some other Chris Buttars trivia. Knock yourself out.

Rogue Banks: Foreclose First, Ask Questions Later

We’ve all heard these horrifying reports of gung ho cops (usually narcs) who come crashing into somebody’s home, and hold the terrified occupants at gunpoint while they ransack the house and wreck everything. And then they find out they’ve got the wrong address.

And now some Bank of America executives have decided “Cool. I wanna try that too!”

Charlie and Maria Cardoso, of Massachusetts, purchased a retirement home in Florida in 2005. They paid cash for it. They’re still living in Massachusetts, using their Florida house as a rental property in the meantime.

Bank of America officials changed the locks on their Florida house, confiscated some of their possessions, and intimidated their tenant (a single mother with two children) into moving out. They also disconnected the utilities, causing the pipes to freeze.

You guessed it — wrong house. Bank of America got the Cardosos’ house mixed up with a house across the street, ten doors down. DUH!! Do you want those assholes handling YOUR finances?

Mistakes happen, but this wasn’t just simple carelessness. The Bank of America real estate agent discovered the error in plenty of time, and kept warning his “superiors” that they had the wrong house. Didn’t matter.

The “mix-up” started last July. Every time Charlie Cardoso called the bank to ask what the F#$%&!#! problem was, he was told “Oh OK, our mistake. We’ll take care of it, don’t worry.”

After six months of this bullshit, Charlie Cardoso and his son finally drove to Florida to deal with the bank in person. By making this journey, they had to miss the homecoming of the Cardosos’ other son, who was coming home on a two-week leave from Iraq.

The Cardosos have a lawsuit against Bank of America. Soak the bastards.

Capitalism has Never Worked! Every time it’s been tried, it’s failed miserably. Every country that’s ever flirted with this disastrous economic policy — has collapsed!

Coming soon: Get ready for Son of Coalition of the Willing.

A Teabagger AND a 9/11 Truther

A longshot rightwing candidate for governor of Texas has alienated her fellow extremists. Debra “Funky Cold” Medina is a strong believer in the Teabagging philosophy. You know: Spending trillions of dollars on wars, prisons, corporate welfare — GOOD. Spending one billionth of that amount on job creation or the infrastructure — EVIL.

But she combines her teabagging with that wacky America-hating tinfoil-hat-wearing blasphemy that the Reichstag Fire, er, ahem, I mean the 9/11 terrorist attacks, might have been a little more complicated than we were led to believe. The “official story” just might possibly have, uhh, omitted a few things. And she even alluded to this theory on the Glenn Beck Program.

OOOPS!!! This is one of those volatile subjects that you probably shouldn’t mention in front of young children, the elderly, Republicans and other groups that get confused easily.

Needless to say, the Beckerheads had a mass tantrum. That loud rumbling sound you heard was millions of simple-minded Foxsuckers all going “UUGGHH!!!” at the same time.

On his TV show, Glenn Beck asked her: “Then let me be more frank and ask you the question. Do you believe the government was in any way involved with the bringing down of the World Trade Center on 9/11?”

Debra Medina responded: “I don’t have all of the evidence there, Glenn, so I’m not in a place — I have not been out publicly questioning that. I think some very good questions have been raised in that regard, there are some very good arguments and I think the American people have not seen all the evidence there, so I have not taken a position on that.”

Aside from using too many big words, she raised questions — insinuations — that you simply do NOT raise against the President of the United States; unless he’s black, a Democrat, was born in Kenya…

Prior to her appearance on the Glenn Beck Program, Debra Medina seemed to be going places in her campaign to be governor of Texas. She had been gaining ground on Rick Perry and Kay Bailey Hutchison in recent polls. But she went Off Message, thereby causing millions of Texas Teabirthers to get all confused and riled up. And now her political career is toast.

Republicans Just Love That Big Government Stimulus Money

If you haven’t seen this video (about ten minutes long) of Rachel Maddow calling out Republican hypocrites, please check it out — or bookmark it for later.

Below is a list of the Republican lawmakers (some are senators; some are congressional representatives) that she lashes out at. Every one of these shitstained pukebags has two things in common:

1. They all voted No on Obama’s federal stimulus package. And that’s not all. Their “No” votes were colored with the usual rightwing soundbites about “Socialism,” “Welfare” and “Government Tyranny!”

2. Every one of these two-faced douchebags is shown, in Rachel’s newscast, leading a ribbon-cutting ceremony for a local project that was made POSSIBLE by Obama’s stimulus package that they voted against. And they’re shown, standing there taking credit, for this federal funding that “they” brought home to their constituents.

OK, grit your teeth, hold your nose, and read 'em and weep:

Eric Cantor, VA

John McCain, AZ

Mike Johanns, NB

Glenn Thompson, PA

Phil Gingrey, GA

John Linder, GA

John Mica, FL

Frank Wolf, VA

Bill Shuster, PA

Kay Bailey Hutchison, TX

Richard Burr, NC

Kit Bond, MO

Joe Wilson, SC

Bob Bennett, UT

Pat Tiberi, OH

Mary Bono Mack, CA

Lamar Alexander, TN

Mike Castle, DE

John Boehner, OH

James Inhofe, OK

Jack Kingston, GA

John Carter, TX

As despicable and beneath contempt as these tiny-minded sick twisted motherfuckers are, there’s still one species that ranks even further down in the evolutionary ladder: the cerebrally-challenged inbred voters who elected them.

America: About to be Punished by the Landlord

The Chinese government is getting more and more irate at their pesky American tenant, and they might be retaliating soon. And the United States might be just about to learn what every renter finds out sooner or later: Don’t piss off the landlord!

China might sell some U.S. bonds and increase their military spending, as punishment to the U.S. for selling weapons to Taiwan.

Luo Yuan, a researcher at the Academy of Military Sciences, said:

“Our retaliation should not be restricted to merely military matters, and we should adopt a strategic package of counter-punches covering politics, military affairs, diplomacy and economics to treat both the symptoms and root cause of this disease. Just like two people rowing a boat, if the United States first throws the strokes into chaos, then so must we. For example, we could sanction them using economic means, such as dumping some U.S. government bonds.”

Aside from aggravating our landlord, selling weapons to Taiwan is the most boneheaded decision our “leaders” could possibly make. What’s the purpose? Is there a shortage of American-made weapons in the world?

Sure, Taiwan will always be talking about gaining independence from China; and China will always talk about reunification with Taiwan. But there’s been less saber-rattling lately, not more. Both countries are prosperous and neither would benefit from going to war.

In the 1990s there were rumors that Taiwan had huge armies of computer hackers who were ready — at a second’s notice — to completely disable China’s communications and weapons systems. I have no idea whether those rumors are or were ever true; and China is technologically light years ahead of where they were fifteen years ago.

In any case, selling weapons to Taiwan was an incredibly stupid move. Or as Rahm Emanuel would say, "fuckin' retarded." It's just more of America’s nineteenth century solutions to twenty-first century problems.

And besides, if we get evicted by the landlord, where will we go?

John Murtha: R.I.P.

John Murtha, Pennsylvania Congressman and former Marine, has died at age 77. He died of complications from gall bladder surgery.

In 1974, John Murtha became the first Vietnam War combat veteran to be elected to Congress. He was a longtime nemesis of the American Chickenhawk — because of being a veteran, and because he was against the Iraqi war which chickenhawks loved with a passion (as long as somebody else did the dirty work).

In 2002 he voted in favor of authorizing George W. Bush to use military force in Iraq. But in November 2005 he voted to bring all troops home immediately from Iraq, saying "The war in Iraq is not going as advertised. It is a flawed policy wrapped in illusion.”

Murtha was a longtime voice for veterans and their needs — another reason the Yellow Ribbon “Support Our Troops” dildos hated him. He actually meant — and lived! — their empty slogans.

Rep. David Obey said: “He understood the misery of war. Every person who serves in the military has lost an advocate and a good friend today.”

Rep. Ed Markey, D-Mass., said that in part because of John Murtha: “America is now on track to removing all combat troops from that country by this summer.”

And President Obama called Murtha “a steadfast advocate for the people of Pennsylvania for nearly 40 years with a ‘tough-as-nails’ reputation.”

Murtha wrote an autobiography in 2004, “From Vietnam to 9/11.” One of his quotes from the book: “Ever since I was a young boy, I had two goals in life — I wanted to be a colonel in the Marine Corps and a member of Congress.”

Nobody is pretending John Murtha was a saint. He’s had his share of scandals during his long career in Congress, including Abscam (1980) and more recent accusations of bringing too many earmarks, too much pork, to his district.

For some unfathomable — and totally irrelevant — reason, John Murtha always reminded me of Will Darnell, the auto-repair garage owner from the movie “Christine” (played by Robert Prosky).

R.I.P.

President Palin

Depending on whether your IQ is above or below your shoe size — and whether or not your parents are first cousins — this post title is either a wet dream or your worst nightmare.

Or, in the words of our wannabe president:

“AAAARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!! It’s happening again!! My Goddamn boobs are itching like a motherfuck, and I’m turning into a werewolf!!”

(What’s YOUR caption for that photo?)

So, is the Teabirther Queen really considering a run for the White House?

“It would be absurd to not consider what it is that I can potentially do to help our country. I won’t close the door that perhaps could be open for me in the future.”

Imagine the decision-making process if Sarah Palin goes to the White House:

“Uh, Honey, do we want to send more troops over there to, uh, Afraqistan?”

“Yo, First Dude, what should I do with this bill, something about Wall Street derid, uh, derog, uhhh…derivatives? Should I sign it? What’s it mean?”

Now, be sure you’re sitting down before you read this shocking headline:

“GOP cool to Obama call for two-party health talks”

No!!! You’re Kidding!!! The party of reactionary knuckledragging boneheads — whose entire mission is to sabotage and derail everything Obama tries to do — DOESN’T want to have a face-to-face meeting with the president to discuss health care reform?

This gathering — scheduled for February 25th in case the GOP has the stones for it — would be televised. Imagine the contrasts: Obama speaking in articulate, erudite sentences — using big words and everything — and Republicans answering him with “America!” “Liberty!” “Freedom!” “Big Government!” “Death Panels!”

It would be sort of like putting a slow third grader on one of those televised college quiz shows. Come on, Republicans, it’ll be fun.

Super Bowl XLIV

No, sorry, this post isn’t about the 2010 Super Bowl.

Gotcha!

It’s just a hodgepodge of wacky news stories and personalities from the past few days.

Take this Buttwipe (please!): The nerve of this flaming douchebag — placing a legislative hold on all SEVENTY of Obama’s pending nominations. Richard Shelby (R-Inbred) is clearly the winner of this week’s ________________________ Award. (Sorry, I’m all out of expletives at the moment. Insert your own.)

But that’s not all. Shelby’s reason for his would-be coup d’état — he wants MORE earmarks, more pork, for his district. He wants MORE government spending?!?!

What do these people have to say about it? Isn’t this what they’ve been protesting against for the past year? Too much government, too much spending and — in particular — Earmarks. Pork. Well, where are they now? Did they all suddenly curl up and die? (Ah, Christmas in February.)

Another convicted felon for bigotry: A certain convicted perjurer is horrified — terrified! — at the idea of repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. Oh My God, if homosexuals are allowed to desecrate our armed forces with that — that icky thing they do — what’ll happen next? Military chaplains will be forced, at gunpoint, to perform gay marriage ceremonies. And after that, members of NAMBLA will start enlisting, and they’ll seduce and corrupt our vulnerable young soldiers. OK, we’ve been warned. Thank you Oliver North.

Yes, there’s been still another remake of The Blob — and this is the scariest one yet! Previously, sixty terrified petrified Democratic senators were cowering and quivering in the corner, trying desperately to shrink away from the approaching monster — Forty Republican senators! And now, just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse — there are FORTY-ONE of them!!!! And that quaking little puddle of sixty Democrats has shrunk down to only fifty-nine. And the Blob is moving closer! And now —

(to be continued)

Mark Kirk — “Moderate” Republican

Congressman Mark Kirk has won the Republican nomination to run for Obama’s old Senate seat this November. He’s supposed to be the most “moderate” of the Republican candidates who were running in the Illinois primary.

Well, everything’s relative.

I first heard of Mark Kirk last summer, when he introduced legislation to INCREASE the penalties for marijuana possession. He wants a 25-year minimum sentence for anyone who “distributes” marijuana that has a THC content of 15% or higher. Passing a joint around at a party, giving a joint to a friend — that’s Distributing. Twenty-five years!

I did a post on it at the time.

Twenty-five years for “distributing” marijuana?!?!? This must be part of that “Freedom!” and “Limited Government!” that conservatives are always blubbering about.

This dickwad is a “Moderate???” According to whose logic???

Oh. Nevermind.

Sorry I asked.

It’ll be a sick commentary on the American public (as if we haven’t had enough of that already) if Barack Obama’s Senate seat goes to this putrid sack of shit.

How Obama Can Save His Shattered Presidency — Bomb Iran!!!

This brilliant advice comes from Daniel Pipes, described in this article as a “neoconservative scholar.” They don’t make scholars like they used to.

Our Racist Chickenhawk du jour says:

“Here is an idea for Barack Obama to salvage his tottering administration by taking a step that protects the United States and its allies. He needs a dramatic gesture to change the public perception of him as a light-weight, bumbling ideologue, preferably in an arena where the stakes are high, where he can take charge, and where he can trump expectations. Such an opportunity does exist. Obama can give orders for the U.S. military to destroy Iran’s nuclear-weapon capacity.”

Daniel Pipes’ previous claim to fame was to go after a New York City public school for the heinous crime of teaching Arab culture to students. The school principal finally resigned after Pipes’ longrunning slander campaign against the school.

In addition to being somewhere to the right of the Ku Klux Klan, Daniel Pipes is also a lying sack of shit. Even if Obama followed Pipes’ wacko advice, it wouldn’t improve his standing among the teabirthers.

If Barack Obama invaded Iran, Venezuela, Bolivia, Cuba and France;

AND

Eliminated all federal funding for Social Security, Medicare, jobs training, the infrastructure, all medical research and all environmental protection;

AND

Quadrupled the Pentagon budget:

Millions of rightwing inbreds would still say Obama is a Communist Muslim who was born in Kenya, hates free enterprise and wants the terrorists to win.

Senator Jim DeMint versus Senator Jim DeMint

As much of a contemptible lowlife as Jim DeMint (R-Ku Klux Klan) is, it gets even worse:

There are TWO of him. [forms index fingers into a cross]

[screams]

One of the Jim DeMints has placed a legislative hold on one of Obama’s D.C. Superior Court nominees, Marisa Demeo. Her nomination has been on hold since last March.

Marisa Demeo is a Latina and she’s openly gay. That’s two strikes. And that’s not all. She’s done a lot of legal advocacy work on behalf of Hispanic and gay/lesbian issues. Steeerike THREE!

And now, this is where the Other Jim DeMint surfaces. In 2005, Senator Jim DeMint said:

“One of my goals as a Senator is to confirm highly qualified judges by ensuring timely up-or-down votes for all nominees no matter who is President, no matter which party is in the majority. That is my commitment, and I have encouraged Senator Frist to consider all options, including the constitutional option, to end the undemocratic blockade of judicial nominees. Senators were elected to advise and consent, not to grandstand and obstruct.

“I would like to say something to my colleagues across the aisle. There is a reason George W. Bush was elected to serve as President of the United States. It is because the majority of Americans trusted him to nominate judges.”

Jim DeMint was last seen walking up to a movie theater ticket window — by himself — and ordering two tickets.

Frank Luntz: “Protect Wall Street From Those Socialist Bureaucrats!!”

Get ready for the next round of “grass roots” corporate front groups and choreographed “demonstrations” against financial reform.

Frank Luntz is BACK. (Did he ever leave?)

If you remember Newt Gingrich’s Contract On America in the mid-1990s, and last year’s multi-billion dollar Astroturf campaign against health care reform, then you’re familiar with Frank Luntz, whether his name rings a bell or not. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

In the past year we’ve all seen these phony “demonstrations” carried out by HMO lobbyists — and millions of gullible cerebrally-challenged dunces who hang on their every word — marching and waving signs saying “hands off MY health care” and “Your Health, Your Problem,” etc.

They were saying what Frank Luntz told them to say.

And now Frank Luntz is telling his faithful gullible drones how to keep enabling and empowering Wall Street — to their OWN detriment — while convincing these drooling dumbfucks that all of America’s financial problems were created by Obama’s Communist bureaucrats meddling in our Free Enterprise system.

Warning: .pdf file (I hate those fuckin’ things): Here is a link to Frank Luntz’ memo telling all of his sycophants what to say, when to say it, how to think and which orifice to wipe.

Read it and weep. Here’s how you get them slaves to start worshiping their Masters and blame all of their problems on them Yankee “outsiders” who will ruin everything they’ve ever known.

This document isn’t too slow-loading as far as .pdf documents go. Please scroll through it, and get a preview of the Far Right/Oligarch/Wall Street talking points you’ll be seeing and hearing over and over in the next few months. Bet you can’t wait.

Pacific Gas & Electric: “Fuck the Voters”

If you’re somewhere to the left of Dick Cheney and Grover Norquist, this article combines the worst of corporate monopolies, corporate welfare, and the hijacking of the statewide initiative process by corporate interests.

There’s probably a city near you that’s fighting the ongoing battle of public/municipal utilities vs. “the private sector” trying to provide the same service.

Pacific Gas & Electric (PG&E) has a long history of spending quatrabrazilians of dollars throughout California every time a municipal government even thinks about creating a public utility service and thereby no longer needing PG&E’s monopoly “service.” Sometimes they win (money talks) and once in awhile they lose.

And PG&E is about to fix this pesky little problem once and for all.

This June, courtesy of the above-named monopoly, there will be a ballot in California which, if passed, would require a two thirds vote before any local government could change to another utility provider.

What The Fuck is going on here? I thought voting meant, uh, gee, the saying “majority rules” rings a bell.

It was bad enough when these Neanderthal anti-tax fuckwits started getting a two thirds vote requirement in order for communities to get themselves out of a straitjacket. And this two thirds requirement was always about schools, mass transit, libraries, fire departments — in short, anything that actually benefited the public.

There’s never been any two thirds vote required for invading other countries, building more prisons, or sentencing potheads to life in prison.

Enough is enough.

And now PG&E — with the help of the Mafia Supreme Court Ruling legalizing bribery — is trying to use this same undemocratic Fascist tactic to guarantee that no public utility will ever compete with them again.

In addition to being a corporate monopoly — completely unresponsive and unaccountable — PG&E has a disgraceful history of providing Stone Age service at 21st Century prices. Every time California has a winter storm — and this happens in California in the wintertime — PG&E is completely dumbfounded and unprepared. “Rain and wind in January, who knew?!?!?!?! Nobody could have anticipated…”

So when tens of thousands of their captive customers are stranded without power for days, weeks — “But, these storms were unprecedented! There was nothing we could’ve done!”

They’re also famous for massive layoffs at the worst possible time. Several years ago, a judge levied a multi-million dollar fine against PG&E for failure to cut down trees that were near power lines. (This is part of their job requirement.) The company pleaded and groveled and sobbed that they’d have to lay off thousands of their employees if they had to pay that huge painful mean awful fine.

The judge relented and suspended their fine — and a few weeks later PG&E went ahead and laid off thousands of their workers.

That’s the kind of company they are. Any past or present California resident will vouch for that. And now PG&E has millions of dollars to spend — dollars extorted out of their millions of captive customers — to hijack California’s initiative process.

California voters, please don’t let this happen. If this can happen in California, we’re all toast.